The Kindest Thing You Can Do is Let Someone Else Be Kind

I’ve learned countless lessons from my friend June, and while one of the biggest was a life changing moment for me, another little tidbit has stuck with me for years.

It’s a small, simple moment that reveals so much about human connection.

(And shows what a a wonderful person June was.)

I was with June downtown one day when a woman asked us if we needed directions. I knew June was familiar with the area, but for some reason she politely told the woman she didn't know the way. The woman then happily gave June a detailed set of directions.

As we walked away, I asked June why she pretended not to know where we were going.

June’s answer was simple and profound: “People like to help others. It makes them feel good.”

I can still picture the scene perfectly:

June listened intently, nodding and smiling, and the woman genuinely happy to be helping, as she pointed to the direction down around the corner where we needed go. When she finished, June thanked her with a huge, grateful smile - and even a hug! They both walked away a little happier.

In that small interaction, June taught me that sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is let someone else be kind.

It’s a beautiful reminder that connection and shared joy can be found in the simplest of exchanges.

(Gemini created)

My Dear Friend Loyce

I had been having this feeling, a sense, tugging at me. Specifically about how my friend Loyce was doing.

Loyce is my childhood best friend. She is also the only person from my high school who I kept in touch with all these years. I have known her longer than any other friend.

I called her Mom, Mom, and she called my parents, Mom and Dad.  We would visit each others' homes like they were our own all through high school.

We were so close that at one point my parents sat me down and asked if we were "together" and if we were, that it would be okay. Back in the late 1980s, that was unheard of to be accepting of that, and I admire they wanted to talk to me about it, but no, we did not have that type of relationship. Loyce and I were best friends and more like the sister I never had. 

Why did they even ask me that? I had been buying things for her, little gifts or needs and when I bought something for myself, I would buy her something similar.  My family did not have a lot of money when I was growing up, and her family had even less money (way less). And as I would figure out later in life - I had started my routine early in life of buying things for loved ones as a way to show my love (this would turn into a very bad trait from my 20s to my mid 40s when I spent WAY too much on boyfriends buying their love, in lieu of "buying for loved ones" - which is for another blog discussion some day).

As teenagers, her and I had numerous, very funny but could-have-been-scary situations that we found ourselves in. Yes, some might have involved alcohol, one a tractor, a few about boys, but otherwise many great car rides and laughter in my little white Toyota Corolla for many years, riding around happy and free, invincible teenagers.

Her laugh was amazing and contagious. Her smile unforgettable! I never saw her get upset, I only remember miles of smile, laughter, and happiness. She held her head high when her brother was found murdered under a bridge (it was ruled a suicide but it was impossible to hold a shotgun that way, and the family knew it was murder), when her sister moved away, and when eventually her Mom passed. Her Mom also was pretty and had a beautiful smile and a great personality!

When I was in college, Loyce contacted me and shared she was a Mom! She shared an unbelievable story. She was having terrible pains one morning and thought maybe it was real bad constipation. But the pain got so bad, she went to the ER. Turns out she was in labor!  Very skinny girls or big girls eventually stop having their period and she hadn't had hers in years. Plus, she thought she could not get pregnant, but she did! Her and her long-time boyfriend were very happy! She also shared that when she was in the hospital, the other mothers there would talk about things such as waddling or a discoloration under the belly, etc - and she would exclaim, I had those, too! It was all making sense.  

Years later, eventually her daughter would give her two grand-babies. I was so happy Loyce had a loving family around her - the love her Mom had for her was very obvious and beautiful, and I was happy she had that as well. Loyce was a loving woman with a heart of gold. 

Here she is with her daughter, Shanice:

We used to write letters (remember those?) as I would eventually leave the hard, poor streets of San Antonio to go to college in College Station, Texas, then move to San Marcus, Texas for my job, then Jacksonville, FL for a promotion, and then finally to the Fort Worth area. She would add stickers all over the cards and letters, and always send photos along! Her style of keeping in touch was so cute!

Here is my FAVE photo of her that she sent me, when she worked at QVC. She is SO beautiful, right?:

Eventually, we turned to email and no more stickers, dang it, but we were able to keep in touch easier. And then of course FaceBook allowed us to see each other on the computer screen, as I didn't go to back San Antonio for any long enough stays to visit, I'm afraid.

Back to this tugging feeling. I am one of those people that when someone passes away, I can sometimes sense it in my soul and heart. I can't explain it at all. It's never a premonition, more of after someone passes away who is close to me, I can sense it. I feel a different sort of way. It's not even a feeling, just an overwhelm-ness, 

Unfortunately, this sense recently was about my childhood Loyce, and the feeling was true: she had passed away.

I don't venture on Facebook that much anymore, but last night decided to get online to see if she was okay. Instead, I discovered she had passed away on her 51st birthday, just last month.

I cried out loud, uncontrollably crying. I knew in my heart she had passed and it hurt so badly. I missed telling her one more time that I loved her.

Two years ago, Loyce went through a traumatic experience. Both of her legs had to be amputated due to diabetes. I cried and cried and was so distraught hearing that. Yet, in all her photos and messages, she was always upbeat, positive, happy, constantly smiling, and I never saw one single complaint! And she didn't shy away from going out with friends for special occasion (like her birthday - her friends showered her every year on her birthday!).

On Loyce's 50th birthday with her daughter, Shanice.

I know she is smiling in Heaven with our Moms! She is no longer suffering and in pain. And I can only imagine she hated to be taken care of her, and now she is in God's hands being free and smiling.

RIP Loyce. You will be missed beyond words. 

Making Memories with Friends

I had some realizations late last year.

I've shared before that when I spend time with friends, instead of just dinner, I want us to do things that creates memories for both of us (view link about this here).

In March, Oct, and Nov (of 2019), I filled my bucket list with a few things that I've thought about doing for some time. Those particular things I could have easily done on my own, but I thought it would be more special to share the experiences with a friend, so both of us have the memories.

Like overnight with animals at Fossil Rim - what a treat that trip was! (view link)

I also finally attended, The Promise, that I REALLY loved and recommend! It's been on my bucket list as well, and I knew my friend Tina would probably enjoy the live story, because she is close to God, also. (view link to see more photos)

And in the Spring I swam with otters finally! (well, sort of, but I still checked that off on my list : ) (view link)

For whatever reason, there's so many things nowadays that kids get to do, see, or go to that weren't around when we were little. One such thing is a pumpkin patch. However I was finally able to attend one at the end of October! And I invited my friends Dana and Ann. (view link about the day).

I also went to the Dallas Arboretum with my great friend Julie back in 2018 for Christmas!

Additionally, I've been walking every two months or so at really cool walking spots with my friend Erin. She shared with me the other day that she would never have done any of those things unless I asked her to go. And the first walk we went on, I surprised her and took her to the two oldest cemeteries in Fort Worth, because I remembered she loves cemeteries. We walked and talked for over 4 hours at the two cemeteries, reading tombstones, talking about what we read or about the different setups of the departed, and it was a really cool memory.

What I think is really wonderful, is me making memories is also making memories for my friends. I feel like it's an amazing gift I'm able to share with them. It didn't hit me until late last year what was actually happening, and I think it's pretty dang awesome. I'm actually crying right now because it's not necessarily a purpose in life, but this is definitely an impact on other people's lives.

To know that I'm taking Erin to places she never would have gone, spending a few dollars for Dana and Ann to go see a pumpkin patch (AND neither had ever been to the Dallas Arboretum), taking Tina to The Promise (which she probably never would have done), lifts my spirits. Spending time with Leslie at Fossil Rim on an the overnight trip was very memorable, also.

Heck, even my bucket list item for myself - to do an outdoor photo shoot cake smash - was sort of like making memories for my friends as well, right? They all enjoyed the photos and seemed to really love what I did. It was like we experienced it together.

This might sound weird and confusing, maybe a little vain, but I swear my heart is in the right place (especially because I didn't realize I was doing this), but it hit me that I like helping making memories for my friends, that they otherwise may not have ever done. Instead of doing all those things by myself, I'm spending time with dear friends and giving them an experience they simply may not have done.

Now, I don't make plans to accomplish this, it just started happening.

I do think it's a tad bizarre I completed so many of my bucket-list items in such a short period of time (just in the last 12 months), almost like I'm getting ready to die or something, lol. I'm not scared of dying, as I've had a beautiful life, but sure seems fishy lol.

I am actually glad I'm single right now. I think helping many of my friends have these experiences that they may not have done in their lives otherwise, is a beautiful thing. To be a part of this brings my heart much joy!

RIP Karen Atwell

My colleague and friend, Karen Atwell, passed away at the very young age of 53 on March 16th.

While she was in the hospital with phenomena, my heart was scared for her. You know, that instinct we sometimes feel. I reached out to her to show my love, but didn't get a response.

Since her passing, I have thought of her a lot.  I also come across things that remind me of her often.  

We first met when I traveled to Tampa for work and stopped by an office there.  We immediately connected as we both loved and missed our Moms dearly - almost paralyzing for each of us back then.  We could relate and we had an immediate bond because of that understanding that is tough to describe - it can only be felt.

She was a great friend.  She had a huge heart.  She had a beautiful soul. She laughed a lot and her laugh was memorable!  I just loved her laugh.  She was so caring to everyone and her loss has hit many of us in ways that's difficult to describe. She made an impact and was a truly awesome person.

Her and I spent many nights drinking after work for about a year, and we became really close spending all that time together.  After that year, she went back to Tampa, but we kept in touch.  She sent me an adult coloring book of all-Paris things as a gift during a very-long-stint of stress at work.  When she came to Fort Worth in June of 2018, she blocked off an entire day just to spend with me and we spent the day going to the Botanical Gardens. We walked and talked and laughed and caught up. 

She was hysterical and fun and a great woman.  Too young to leave her family and friends, for sure.

I love and miss you, Karen.

Pumkin Patch Like No Other (with Charlie Brown and friends!)

There's so many things nowadays that kids get to do, see, or go to that weren't around when I was little. One such thing is a pumpkin patch. However, I was finally able to attend one at the end of October!

The catch was it was at the Dallas Arboretum... which is a most stunning visual place even without pumpkins. It has a million flowers and plants and it's gorgeous every day of the year, and quite a days worth of beauty.

As I looked at the dates to go, I realized that there was only one weekend left of the pumpkin patch at the Dallas Arboretum... where there it "highlights the nationally acclaimed Pumpkin Village featuring pumpkin houses and creative displays utilizing more than 90,000 pumpkins, gouds and squash. This year with the theme, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."

I immediately thought about my friend Dana who lives an hour north of the Dallas Arboretum and I live an hour south. We like to get together once or twice a year, so this was perfect! However.... I also thought about our friend Ann who lives near Dana. 

Ann LOVES the Fall. And I mean loves the fall. After the Fall is over, she talks about how she can't wait for Fall to return, hahaha.

So I reached out to both of them and told them that I would treat them to the Dallas Arboretum pumpkin patch! We figured out we could all go on the very last Sunday of the event and the three of us spent a cool and relaxing 6-hour day of walking around the Dallas Arboretum together, catching up and making memories! We got super lucky that the weather was fantastic on this Sunday! Cold front came through a day before and there was a crisp coolness in the air with beautiful blue skies, not a cloud to be seen. It was perfect!

I have never seen so many pumpkins!

To me, the coolest thing about this memory was that Dana and Ann had never been to the Dallas Arboretum. I was so excited for them to get to finally see it!

It was a such a great day with great friends.

The Promise

Words can't even begin to describe how amazing and awe-inspiring The Promise is! 

This was on my bucket list, and it did not disappoint!

What is The Promise?

Let me share what they state on their website:

The Promise is a one-of-a-kind musical production performed annually at the Texas Amphitheater in Glen Rose, Texas. It combines a 150-person cast and crew, live animals, historically accurate costumes, and breathtaking lights, sound and special effects, all of which tell the story of the life of Jesus Christ in modern family-friendly fashion. Patrons have called it a “life-changing experience,” “an outstanding performance” and a “very inspirational” presentation for modern family audiences.

Since its start in 1989, The Promise remains the largest permanent outdoor amphitheater in the State of Texas. It seats more than 3,200 patrons and is the only outdoor venue with a 45,000-gallon moat and rain curtain. Seen from miles around, the Texas Amphitheater features 40 foot high walls and arches that tower above a 4,000 sq. ft. tri-level stage.

I was impressed, my soul was deeply touched, it was very moving, and it will stay with me FOREVER. 150-person cast, live animals, historical costumes and amazing talent. I highly recommend it!! Added bonus was my friend Tina joined me for this amazing memory-maker.  I am truly blessed!  

We sat just a few rows from the stage. We didn't even care the temperature dropped into the 40s as the night progressed - we were too enchanted and enthralled!

Here are some photos of the magical and amazing night.  Click on any image to enlarge.

When Others Remember my Mom

One of the things that I believe I'm scared of the most is my Mom being forgotten. If you truly think about it, I might be the last person who will be the one who will keep her memory alive.

That's why it truly, deeply, hard-core means the world to me when my Mom is thought of by others.

On her deathversary, August 21st of this year, I was a MESS.  I thought I would be okay, and I was not.

And here comes Betsy to ease some of my pain!

I wrote about Betsy before, who came into my life on my birthday two years ago, which is another tough day without my Mom. She is the high school friend of my Mom and kinda now the spokesperson for the group to me.

On August 21st, I received an email from her that said:

"Just thought you’d like to see what some of your mom’s classmates look like now!

Nikki Downs Hathaway has a home on the shore of Lake Ontario at Chaumont. A bunch of us gathered there last Thursday afternoon.  Everyone brought something for the picnic and we had a beautiful summer day to visit her there. "

Of course, I don't really know what they looked like in high school, but it's still cool to see a group of my Mom's friends. And to receive the email on her deathversary, was again very momentous for me!  Check them out below!

A week or so later, my friend Courtney sent me this:

Most people don't even know my Mom's first name, (she has always been simply "Mom" to all my friends) so for Courtney to remember her first name meant the world to me. 

I literally burst into tears.

And... Mom is not only saying hi to me through my dreams and seeing cardinals, but through my friends, too!

Another reason this touches me is because it's obvious Courtney truly recognizes how much my Mom means to me.  That is immeasurable.

Good Friends, Different Levels in Life

I think you all know that I love learning new things. And when something amazing catches my ears, I like to share it via my blog so we can smile together.

I heard this from a therapist the other day. I actually thought she was going to say something else and she completely surprised me. 

I divulged to my therapist (that's what we do with them, right? lol) that I was afraid a friend of mine would not understand that I have some stress and anxiety about an event coming up. The therapist tried to tell me that's it's okay that my life has changed and this is something that I just don't feel comfortable doing anymore. The therapist told me, "We have to live in our own truth."  You would think that statement (we have to live in our own truth) was the epiphany moment. 

It wasn't.  Sure, it was also powerful (right?!), but so was something more.

When I expressed I didn't think my friend would understand my emotions, the therapist responded... "Then she's not on the same level as you."

Thought for sure she was going to say, "then she's not a good friend because she doesn't understand."  Instead she threw me completely off! And I loved what she said. And she is 100 percent correct: sometimes we just aren't on the same level.

Some friends will make judgment of our decisions and may be hurt and or upset at us. But if we realize they're just not at the same level as we are right now, then hopefully deep down we understand their feelings. 

But her choice of words was impactful to me. Friends can be great friends, and throughout life, especially as we all experience different things and or mature at a different rate and/or experience learning experiences at different times in our lives or whatever - that's okay, right? Yes! And this understanding will help our relationship with them.

I really loved it!  

Don't you all love learning with me too??

Minute of My Thoughts - Caring

I shared yesterday this Minute with Maxwell leadership tip about Caring. Watch the short minute video clip here.

It doesn't just resonate with leadership, but also for me right now about my personal life. "Caring" is probably that "thing" that rears it's head sometimes directly related to my childhood.

I think what I wish for most is for someone who not only cares about me, but also shows me they care. And also remembers me on certain days.

Heck, maybe all females are like this? Heck, maybe all humans want this. But with no family left who might have been that person for me, and no friends who do this, it just makes the desire even stronger, I guess.

I don't dwell on it or let it get me down (I have too many blessings I'm grateful for!). It's simply just a fact I live with.

Not the end of the world, either. Plus, I know many of my friends care about me and think of me, but they have their own lives to live; and that's how it should be!

I learned recently not to get hurt over those things. Otherwise, I will just lose more friends. So, instead, I just don't take it personal or let the hurt get too strong.

I did look at Lily last weekend and start sobbing.... my heart was full of such deep love!.... knowing and feeling she unconditionally loves me and shows me she cares about me all the time. She really rescued me! She's been truly the most amazing blessing for me. I cry with her sometimes because I can feel how close we are and that we love each other.

I think this "caring thing" is more of just a beautiful wish that someday a guy might be in my life and show me they care, tell me they think of me, and reach out to me on certain days (good or tough).

And I'm okay with that.

I have been blessed to even know what this feels like - several ex boyfriends had been like this in the beginning of our relationship.

Minute with Melinda

Otter Love

I have a bucket list.

There are really only two things on that bucket list.

When I was in middle school, one of the substitute teachers said we should write goals. So I wrote down three goals. One was to save $25 a month and the other was to see the aurora borealis, ie the northern lights. I don't remember what the third one was, lol.

So, imagine my surprise when I graduated college and got my first paycheck - I set up an automatic transfer of $25 into a savings account! Item number one already accomplished!

Of course throughout the years I've increased that amount (and also increased the number of savings accounts money goes to, lol), so I have far exceeded that initial goal.

The second one, to see the northern lights, I have not done yet. I hope someday to maybe take an Alaskan cruise in honor of my Mom, and at the same time fill one of her bucket list items (to see whales) and also mine (to see the aurora borealis). How cool would that be?

I would say the other thing I added to my bucket in the last 5 years or so was to swim with otters.

I found a place in Oklahoma that you could do that, but I was never able to get there. Last year I found a spot in Galveston, Texas, but didn't get there either. And then one day in January I saw an ad on Facebook that they had an "otter experience" at an aquarium-type place - that was literally about 10 miles from my house.

While the aquarium-type place was literally in a mall, I was still excited.

However, there was no swimming. there was no holding the otter in my arms like I imagined, etc. I was disappointed in the "experience," and I still some day hope to actually somehow swim with otters, but my great friend Janet and I did get to hang out in a large caged-in area with an otter for about an hour! We watched it play with rocks, it roll colored rocks on my boots, and it played with its friend, Ernie.

xxxx

I had imagined there would be more otters and more interactive, but it turns out this was a rescue otter and he wasn't yet acclimated for humans to even pick him up. But it was still cool to know I completed an item I had been thinking about for years from my bucket list. And the otter really took a liking to me, like he knew just how important our meeting was!

Here is a video of him rolling a rock on my boots!

If I was to ever be able to come back as an animal, it would be an otter. They get to swim all day, are very curious, are very smart, they're very loving to their families, and they seem to have fun all day long! And I see myself as enjoying that kind of life. Who wouldn't want to float on their backs and swim all day long with loved ones?

It's actually very weird to fulfill a bucket list item, I guess because it was on there for so long, so therefore it meant the world to me! And I was lucky that my friend Janet was able to join me and share the memory.

There are other things in the last few years I have wanted to do/experience (maybe yearned to do). So, I have added them to my bucket list.  (smile)

Lunch with an Angel

I had lunch with an Angel Monday.

Seriously!

I wrote about this Angel back in May. She was the lady who happened to be in the hallway in hospice literally right after Dave passed away, who helped me with her comforting and understanding hugs and words.

I had wanted for months to try and get together with her so I could find out more about her and be around someone who was so inspiring. Although it took us three tries to finally find a good time/date, we met up Monday.

The "lunch" ended up being a four hour amazing talk! It was truly incredible to catch up with her and to also be able to tell her in person how deeply she impacted me not just that day, but in the months since. We got to know each other and share! It was so beautiful.

At one point, she asked about Dave and also how I was doing since he passed. I started to cry, as no one has asked about Dave in so long nor asked how I have been doing because I lost one of my best friends.

Her spirit and perspective about life and living was powerful for me to hear. And she agrees with my one of my purposes in life (ironically similar to hers) to help others cope with death or prepare for death.

She has such great wisdom, a lot of experience to share, and a way of looking at things that is truly encouraging and enlightening. We are to meet up again in a few months and I already can't wait!

I wrote about her heaven experience and the consequence of her impact on me at this link. I highly recommend a few minutes to read what happened to her.

Short Term Care-Giving Idea

I took care of my Mom for 5 years, I "took care" (ie. led and ran) the Omega Billiards Tour for 6 years, and then I took care of my best friend Dave for two more years after that. Heck, I could throw in a couple of ex boyfriends in my 20s and 30s because I kinda took care of them, too, lol.

But, after Dave passed away last year, a couple of friends asked me, "So who are you taking care of now?" It kind of threw me off. I didn't know that's what I was suppose to do next was to take care of someone right away. Really?

I mean, yeah, sure, I take care of people sometimes when it's needed, but I don't see that as my duty in life. I don't understand why others think if I stop taking care of someone, that means it's time for me to now take care of someone new for the next few years.

Quite honestly, what I'm trying to do now is to take care of myself. I don't normally do that. I don't normally look after myself, because I'm taking care of others and I put myself on the backburner. So,

So, I guess the answer is the next person is: ME.

I mentioned the other day I wanted to start back having dinner with a girlfriend once a month, but you know there's other things I want to do with friends. It isn't just "dinner," it's spending time with them, maybe doing things they love or doing something for them or with them that doesn't always revolve around just eating out, but doing bonding things, more memorable things.

The reason I bring this up is I have decided that doing small acts of kindness would be better for my well-being. Taking care of someone for years is overwhelming, stressful, upsetting, depressing, and sometimes harmful to myself. Therefore, doing small acts of kindness for my friends (or strangers) is still helping others (my purpose in life), but on a much smaller scale so I'm not overburdened and overwhelmed.

And, I'll be able to help more people doing things this way! Further, I'll also be more effective. Caregiving for years takes a tole on my body, mind, and mental status. I can be more effective and have more energy for short-term help as opposed to years of help.

Here are some examples just from the Fall of 2018 where I have already started this:

A friend of mine likes cemeteries. She was literally on my list for about a year to surprise her and take her to the two oldest cemeteries in Fort Worth. I thought it would be thoughtful to do this with her because she really loves cemeteries.  We went to them one beautiful Saturday in October and spent nearly 5 hours just walking through them, catching up, and also of course reading tombstones and finding out about history.

Around that same time, I reached out to my friend Julie C to do something together. We ended up going to dinner and then to the Dallas Arboretum to see the 12 Days of Christmas. We are already planning to do other non-traditional "just dinner" things this upcoming year! But when I called Julie about doing something together, her response surprised me. She told me she was a little jealous I was going to dinner with other friends and wondered when she would get to do something with me.

You know, I hadn't thought before that people wanted to spend time with me, I simply wanted to spend time with them. I discovered this with my nail girl as well. I have been going to her for ten years and we are good friends. We were talking the other day about her next appointment and I discovered that she adds an extra 15 minutes to my appointment time so we have extra time to talk and catch up! I had no idea! Every one else gets a mere 45 minutes, but I get a full hour because she wants to spend more time with me. ME! I was tickled and surprised.

Another thing I did last year that was new and different was I reached out to a friend back in the Spring of 2018 and told her I'd like to do a photoshoot with her family (she and her husband have two small children). Photoshoots are tricky and you never really know if or how many photos will come out good or not. And being this would be my first true photoshoot, I was nervous but still excited to do this for them (and crossed my fingers some would turn out great).  Our schedules and/or weather on the weekends didn't work out and we actually didn't meet until October (crazy, I know). To make matters worse, the park I chose that morning turned out to be closed and I had to stressfully find another park very last minute that would hopefully still be good for a photoshoot. Luckily, I got about 50 really great photos out of the 800 I took! Whew!

In early December she sent me a message...she showed me her family Christmas card - I seriously started to immediately bawl. She used photos from the photoshoot for her card! I was so moved that something I helped with made such an impact. And, it turns out the delay in finding the perfect weather weekend was actually meant to be because she was able to use them for her Christmas card:

I have kinda always done sweet and thoughtful things for others, but now I want expand that and do things WITH others.  Making memories brings happiness, more than material things.  And this will be a form of short-term caregiving.

As I said before, caregiving takes a major toll on me, so, instead of taking care of someone for years at a time, this will be better for my well-being and soul.  I get to show friends I care by doing things with them, and still be able to fulfill my purpose in life:  helping others.

2019 Goals?

I am staunchly stubborn about new year resolutions (read more about this from me back in 2011).  I think having goals are better.  Personally, I have been more successful with goals than resolutions my entire life.

However, I haven't really had any personal goals lately.  With my pool journey, I had goals galore!  But not really away from the pool table.

I think the last personal goal I had (not related to pool) was in 2017:  to walk in a new park at least once a month.  I completed that!  And it was one of my most favorites goals I've had in a long while.  I wanted to do that again in 2018, but life got in the way.

I had a goal (maybe that same year in 2017) to eat out once a month with a female friend.  I started that year off well, but life got in the way of that goal, also, and only had a few dinners the rest of the year.  I have already started that again in late 2018, though, and actually want to make this a LIFE goal - not just for a year or certain years.  I actually have a list of friends I want to go to dinner with.  They have no idea they are even on this list of mine, tucked on an app in my phone (but more about this list later).

So, what would be my goals this year?  I think the same, really.  Walk in a park once a month and go to dinner or meet with a girlfriend once a month.  Those two things make me very happy so why stop them, right?

Further, there are many things I do that aren't necessarily written-down goals, but things already in my head I want to work on.  The two main ones for 2018 were:  declutter my house and be an even more productive employee.

I excelled at both actually in 2018, and I can already see I am still doing both of those "unwritten goals" as I slip into 2019.

I actually really LOVE decluttering.  I have a 2 story house and I am trying to go through every inch of it to declutter and organize.  I am shocked how long it's taking me, but I do take my time on weekends and it is a lot of things I am going through.  And I find I go through things every few months again and downsize even more and more each time.  You have to understand it's not all my things - about a quarter of it is from my parents house.  When I moved my Mom up here ten years ago, 75% of what was in her house of 35 years was moved into the house I'm in now, so there are a plethora of all sorts of things still to really scrutinize and organize, lol.  I'm loving working on not being a some-what hoarder anymore, too!  Going through the house with a fine-toothed comb makes one realize just how much of things I buy that I need to STOP buying just because I think the manufacturer will stop making a certain type of shampoo or lipstick (even though those two have happened and many other things I miss and can no longer buy).  But, that's no reason to over-buy anymore.  Oh, and I have a ton of things to donate and am super excited about that, as well.

As for work, I got the highest rating I have ever received in my review in Oct.  I have always been a great employee.  Very dependable and conscientious.  But I wanted to up that even more.  Being sober for two years has allowed for me to come into work with a clearer mind and ready to be more productive.  I still got my job done all those years with hangovers, but I could have been more productive, but I just didn't have the energy.   Now I'm excelling even more at my job.  I can tell my bosses depend on me and are grateful for that in one of their employees.  It makes me feel pretty amazing.  I've always loved my job, and I love it even more now because I'm so much more productive and happy.  My job definitely gives me such great purpose in life!

I guess the one new goal would be to blog more in my personal blog.  I have so many topics (I keep a list for that, too), just haven't figured out how to find the time to write more.  I can't get the internet at home still, so, staying late at work is so far my only solution, and that time is also dedicated to my pool blog, as well.  But, I want to try and post at least twice a month here this year.  Well, I'd like to post more than that, but I should start off do-able :)

Welcome to 2019!

Being Prepared, As Much As We Can Be

I wrote back in early March that my friend was dying.  At the time no one had any idea when his time to head to Heaven would come, but it is more imminent now.

He is on Hospice.  Not IN hospice.  But hospice is now coming to his apartment and trying to help him out with meds and checking in on him.

He is falling more.  His memory is real bad.  His eyesight and hearing are going.  He still drives (although that may not be the case soon) - he even went to a movie last night.  We talk every day.  Talking to him and seeing him, one would not even remotely think he's so sick.

But the Hospice nurse told me he has about a month. Dave thinks maybe a month or two left.  Several people who have knowledge of brain cancer say when the time comes, it will be a very fast process.

I became his Medical Power of Attorney today.  We signed the papers in front of a notary and his friend Wes is the alternate.

Dave still acts like Dave, just slower and a bit confused.  He is ready to try experimental drugs on his brain cancer.  As he told me today, "Of course I want to try - cancer has killed too many people."

We wont know til next week if that option is even an option.

I have no worries at the moment.  I feel he is in God's hands.  And those ON Earth have prepared to help him.  He even got baptized last Sunday.  He has been attending church with Wes and Wes'  family.

To know the end is near is not something I can comprehend for him, though.  I can't begin to imagine what he's gong through - to know and be aware you are dying, how does one handle that??  I'd personally want to spend my last days somehow fishing while drunk or drugged up - doing something outdoors yet trying to alter my mind so I didn't think about what was about to happen to me.

I admire Dave's strength.  He's become my best friend over the last two years.  He's been so strong for so long.

One of my friends, Courtney told me, "I am very sorry to hear this about Dave. But you know what....Dave got to experience something a lot of people may never experience.  He had an angel on Earth looking out for him......you are truly wonderful for everything that you do for people. Your heart is very beautiful."

Her words made me cry.  Deeply.  But, I am just blessed to even be in a position to be able to help Dave.  That's how I look at it.

What started out as simply raising money for him, has led to where we are today:  I'm his voice for when he can't speak; I'm his advocate; I'm his friend.  Everything happens for a reason and I sure do love that this has worked out for Dave to have help/support from Wes, me, nurses, doctors, etc.   

As weird as it sounds, I feel experienced and ready.  I did this for my Dad, for my Mom, and now Dave.  I know for a fact had I not been there for my parents and been through all that comes with death, I wouldn't be ready for what is about to come and for the decisions I'm about to have to make for Dave.

But, I am prepared.  Dave is prepared.  God is ready, too.