Are You Paying Attention?

Moving to a new city has led to the obvious: meeting new people. One of my new friends has been surprising me lately, because he seems to remember everything I say. I mean, not just in general, but every detail, with detail. He'll bring things up during conversation that I have said months ago. 

This may seem normal, but we have had the type of conversations that are all over the place. You know when you start a new friendship, you are talking to someone who doesn't know anything about you or your past. What a fun opportunity, right? (especially for me because I love jabbering :) But this can lead to numerous stories about our past and every story we would share reminded us of something else related and then that would lead to more stories, which of course leads down other roads about past experiences. We can easily talk and laugh for hours - so imagine the number of stories and shared experiences that are swapped between us. I admit, I tend to share more than he does, but my point is, it's a lot of stories in just a handful of meetings. 

I share stories from my past - usually funny (hopefully), surprising (attention grabbing) or learning experiences (I have a lot), but also confiding in maybe past events I've experienced that I don't normally tell anyone. 

I often have to ask him, "what do you mean?" when he replies to one of my texts and then he'll remind me his reply was related to something I shared months ago, that I didn't even remember until he reminded me, lol. "Oh, yeah" I'll exclaim, surprised yet again how good of a memory he has.

I mentioned to him the other day how impressed I was with this memory of our talks, and his reply was eye opening - thus the reason for sharing in my blog. And I wish I had heard this years ago:

I always make a point
to pay attention to people I talk to.  

Otherwise,
it's not worth having the conversation.

This seems obvious, but I guarantee you its's not. We don't do this. Sure, we are listening, but are we hearing the person, really hearing them? Are we taking in their words and absorbing their comments? He's listening with intent. A lot of us are distracted by things around us or waiting to pounce with a reply. But not him.  He truly pays attention with the deep intent to hear you, because as he says, otherwise, it's not worth the conversation. 

And because of this deliberate intention to listen, it makes one feel kinda special, honestly, to hear someone bring up things you had said before. My wish is for everyone to experience this, to have a friend or loved one or colleague who listens to you so magically and brings up things you have shared, that it makes you feel valued and important, too. 

Valuable Quotes About Death

I have run across a few quotes recently that were so impactful to me, I am excited to share them.

I am hopeful these will help others as they deal with the death of loved ones.

I was watching a tv show called "The Therapist" on the Vice channel. It has a therapist on the show (Dr. Siri Sat Nam Singh) and he talks to famous musicians who are in need of help. We get to listen in as he gives them advice; we learn and get help in return, too.

Two things Dr. Singh said on one episode really hit home:

He said it's normal to sometimes not want to stop grieving; it feels like a disservice to let them go.

WOW! How powerful and so true! I think that's one of the main reasons I grieved for so long for my Mom - I felt like that indicated I didn't miss her anymore. But he said it better, "It feels like a disservice to let them go."

And just a few breaths later he shared this about his own Mom, "But I feel my Mother is still serving me."

OMG, that is so wonderful! I don't pine over the loss of my Mom anymore, but this is still a powerful statement and reminder. It seems obvious now as I type it out, but to hear his words was so much more powerful and makes great sense.

The other was a comment I heard as shared to me from a friend of a Mother who's daughter passed away in her late teens from brain cancer. The Mom said, "My daughter felt that she accomplished what she came here to accomplish , and it was time to go back home."

How amazing for such a young person to have this insight, thought, and heart. I was shocked. Amazed. Still am as I type this. Who thinks this way? Very admirable.

Green Book Quote about Writing

I finally was able to watch the movie Green Book.  Not in a movie theater, but luckily on my flight to Miami, FL for work last week.

I really enjoyed the movie - it was well told and the acting and story line were great.

At one point in the movie, one of the characters says something that gave me an aha moment, and I rewound it a few times to write down exactly what I heard (instead of my interpretation), as I truly loved what he said.  And I want to share it and also capture it here in my blog for reference.  It was pretty profound for me for some reason, and also a great reminder.

There are two main characters. I well-polished black man (Dr. Don Shirley) who is a musician being driven across the South to play at certain venues by a rugged New Yorker (Tony Lip).  

Tony's wife begs him to write letters to her while he is traveling, and so he tries.  Sitting at the table above, they have this convo (shortened by me):

Dr. Don Shirley reads out loud part of the letter Tony is writing for his wife: 

Dr. Don Shirley: “As I’m writing this letter, I’m eating potato chips, and I’m starting to get thirsty. I washed my socks and dried them on the TV. I should have brung the iron.” 

[to Tony]

Dr. Don Shirley: You know this is pathetic, right?

Dr. Don Shirley: Tell me what you’re trying to say.

Tony Lip: I don’t know. You know, how I miss her and shit.

Dr. Don Shirley says in a very poignant and sincere voice: Then say that, but do it in a manner that no one else has ever done it before (and without the profanity).

I can't begin to express how those words in bold impacted me. I shared it immediately with a friend who is a writer and I told her the quote on the way home from the airport. 

It has already helped me a little bit to carefully choose better words when I write, or maybe explain something more (or less), or maybe take more time with what exactly I'm trying to say.  

Do it in a manner that no one else has ever done before.

WOW!

And of course this advice can be applied to many aspects of life, not just writing.

Accept Things as They Are Will Help

I really love this quote today:

"In reality most of our emotional problems are nothing more than a failure to accept things as they are – in which case it is patient acceptance, rather than attempting to change externals, that is the solution."

- Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

Are You Worried? Eckhart Tolle Quote

Are you worried? Do you have many "what if" thoughts? The mind projects itself into an imaginary future situation and creates fear. There is no way you can cope with such a situation, because it doesn't exist. It's a mental phantom.

Ask yourself what "problem" you have right now, not next year, tomorrow, or five minutes from now. What is wrong with this moment? 

 --Eckhart Tolle

Quote - Walk and Happiness

"A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world."
        - Paul Dudley White 

Take Care of Yourself to be ble to Take Care of others

"You cannot be useful to yourself, others, or God if you run yourself ragged. In order to serve others, support others, give to others, you must first be able to serve, support, and give to yourself."

 I learned this through a friend of mine.  When my Mom first got sick, I was at my wits end.  And I wasn't doing very well.

One of my dear friends, Sharon, offered some advice.   She saw I wasn't healthy because I was so worried and taking care of my parents.

She said, "In order to take care of your Mom, you must take care of yourself.  Go walking.  Do anything.  Just do something for YOU.  You wont be able to take care of her if you are just running yourself ragged."

One of the best pieces of advice I've received being a caretaker.  Or even just wanting to help others in need. 

Tony Robbins Quotes - Good Ones

Some thoughts stuff from Tony Robbins (I really loves these btw):

Sometimes, not getting what you want can be the most valuable experience of your entire life. ‪

Remember, whatever you consistently think about and focus upon, you move toward.

And most important:

Every moment you live in the past is a moment you waste in the present.

Worry Quotes

Worrying about the unknowns, the fear of the unknowns is a BEAST.  Mostly, worrying about things that may or may not occur in the future can be paralyzing.  And consume you.  And make you not want to live fully in the present because you are worrying about something that may or may NOT happen/occur.

Imperfectly Perfect Quote

Found this anonymous quote in More magazine  and love it:

"When I separate my features, the imperfections of each are all I see.  Taking in the entire self though let the highlights and lowlights become imperfectly perfect."

If I do this right now, I love my whole entire self as is!  I'm not so bad.  :)

Maya

Her words of wisdom were undeniable.

Like these:

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

Thought I'd share:

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

http://www.lifebuzz.com/just-stop/

Hurt Quote

"Hurt is often mistaken for anger. 85% of the time, a person isn't actually mad at you but instead, disappointed..."

Relationships Reminder

Sometimes we need this reminder, so that we enjoy our relationships!  :)

You're in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh, to make memories. Not to constantly be upset, hurting, and crying.

 

 

Obstacles Have a Purpose

I read this the other day and it really resonated with me, so I wanted to share.  On the back page of Self Magazine.  I think it should have been moved up in the magazine, WAY up front.

"When you face adversity, rather than seeing the world as being against you, live as if it's conspiring to make you better.  Each obstacle has a purpose - this one to make you stronger, that one to make you more patient.  Thank them for teaching you to be creative and to persist, then keep positive until you can see your way not only through the barriers but to all the possibilities beyond."

Great Quote!

If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. – Lao Tzu.

What Versus Why

Quote

"Never let others' opinions change the way you feel about yourself."

My Friends Know the Real Me

These two quotes resonate with me lately:

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I heard recently that someone was talking bad about me.  While I had heard before this woman was extremely jealous of me (for NO reason -  she has self esteem issues and doesn't like any single female to even say hello to her man), but I found out recently she was saying really crappy, untrue things about me.

Jealousy is a very sad, mean emotion that I wish didn't existed.  While I have the Green Monster living in me, also (I hate that little green monster), I have not been on the other end of a female that is jealous of me to the point of being vindictive.  And because of that, she talks bad of me.  Making things up, saying really unfortunate things about my character.  All because she's unsure of herself and her relationship.

I am very happy with my b/f and never even look at anyone else.  So, I'm actually very confused by her.

So, for someone to talk ill of me because they have issues with themselves is very disconcerting.

I try to take the high road when I can (it's a much better view!), so I just hope the way I have lived my life, and the way I treat my friends makes her words invalid; because they know the real me.

No Regrets

I love this!  I have no regrets.  None; not at all.

Why?

Because I live by the belief that everything in life happens for a reason and makes us stronger for the future; to help ourselves or to help others.

Breakups, or some decisions I've made in the past, or some choices that weren't the best, I'm not proud of.  But they all still make me, ME.

I have lots of things to be thankful for!  And if there are things others may see as "regrets," I don't view them that way.  Instead, I see them as learning experiences; strength; courage to make changes, or to get back up.

Regret is not a word I use.  Do I feel bad sometimes for some of my decisions?  Of course!  But, every decision leads to a better me, so I can be better for those around me.