Are You Paying Attention?

Moving to a new city has led to the obvious: meeting new people. One of my new friends has been surprising me lately, because he seems to remember everything I say. I mean, not just in general, but every detail, with detail. He'll bring things up during conversation that I have said months ago. 

This may seem normal, but we have had the type of conversations that are all over the place. You know when you start a new friendship, you are talking to someone who doesn't know anything about you or your past. What a fun opportunity, right? (especially for me because I love jabbering :) But this can lead to numerous stories about our past and every story we would share reminded us of something else related and then that would lead to more stories, which of course leads down other roads about past experiences. We can easily talk and laugh for hours - so imagine the number of stories and shared experiences that are swapped between us. I admit, I tend to share more than he does, but my point is, it's a lot of stories in just a handful of meetings. 

I share stories from my past - usually funny (hopefully), surprising (attention grabbing) or learning experiences (I have a lot), but also confiding in maybe past events I've experienced that I don't normally tell anyone. 

I often have to ask him, "what do you mean?" when he replies to one of my texts and then he'll remind me his reply was related to something I shared months ago, that I didn't even remember until he reminded me, lol. "Oh, yeah" I'll exclaim, surprised yet again how good of a memory he has.

I mentioned to him the other day how impressed I was with this memory of our talks, and his reply was eye opening - thus the reason for sharing in my blog. And I wish I had heard this years ago:

I always make a point
to pay attention to people I talk to.  

Otherwise,
it's not worth having the conversation.

This seems obvious, but I guarantee you its's not. We don't do this. Sure, we are listening, but are we hearing the person, really hearing them? Are we taking in their words and absorbing their comments? He's listening with intent. A lot of us are distracted by things around us or waiting to pounce with a reply. But not him.  He truly pays attention with the deep intent to hear you, because as he says, otherwise, it's not worth the conversation. 

And because of this deliberate intention to listen, it makes one feel kinda special, honestly, to hear someone bring up things you had said before. My wish is for everyone to experience this, to have a friend or loved one or colleague who listens to you so magically and brings up things you have shared, that it makes you feel valued and important, too.