Weight and Happiness (article)

Hated to read she had trolls and mean people criticizing her weight/looks, but LOVE how she responds!  

Her responses could help a lot of woman/friends who are depressed over their stupid weight.  

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/blogger-had-best-response-body-205500253.html

Here are a few snips of the article:

'Wait so you just decided to RUIN your body?'
Nah, I just stopped torturing myself every day for not fitting an image I was never supposed to be.

'But you look so much healthier to me before.'
That's funny, you looked so much more intelligent to me before you equated health with weight and forgot that mental health is health too.

'You could have stayed the same and loved your body, you didn't need to get fat.'
I could have stayed the same and spiraled back into the eating disorder that almost killed me when I was 15. I could have kept starving myself and obsessively working out for hours everyday but it never would have lead me to self love. No matter how much weight I lost there was always still something to hate. And sure, people don't NEED to gain weight to find their self love, this is just what my body needed to do to match up to my mental freedom. THIS IS MY HAPPY BODY.

'But surely you can't be happy looking like that now, I could never be happy in that body.'
I didn't think I could either, but as it turns out, happiness isn't a size. And I wasted far too many years believing that it was. Now I'm not going to stop letting people know that they deserve happiness exactly as they are. They deserve to live now, not 10 pounds from now. They deserve that mental freedom. So to every person reading this: I hope you get your freedom too, however it might look. I'll be cheering you on every step of the way."

Crabbe, who has long been an advocate for both mental and overall health, said that she wrote the responses to address certain negative comments she received on her photos. She also told BuzzFeed that she was inspired to write the post to highlight how important it is to include mental health in discussions of overall health.

"Most people would see the 'before' me — thinner, more toned — and assume that I was far healthier, when in reality I was utterly obsessed with losing weight and slipping back into an eating disorder that nearly killed me when I was 15," she said. "That level of obsession and self-hatred could never be healthy, no matter how it looks."

Most of all, she said, she wanted to combat the idea that "thin equals happy." While negative comments like the ones she addressed are proof that we still have a ways to go when it comes to fighting body-shaming, it's activists like her who are leading the way for us all.

"She Put On A Lot Of Weight" - A GREAT Article

I really love this article.

"I am much more than someone who has put on weight."

and:

"I will love myself more. I will look at myself the way a friend would. If I would not say it a friend, I will not say it to myself. As we all should."

Even more amazing insights from the article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathy-sebright/she-put-on-a-lot-of-weight_b_7765902.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

What did you Gain? Weight or Other Things?

I really love this blog entry one of my friends shared:

http://myfriendteresablog.com/so-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed/    
(PLEASE take a quick moment to read it)

It reminds me of another from my good friend Rachel along the same lines, where she was worried about the size of her thighs, and then noticed a a homeless man on the streets.  Puts things into perspective.

Sugar Cravings

So, my body and mind are telling me I want to sleep all the time??

Seriously, good info - especially at night:

http://walk.walgreens.com/blog/post/sugar-cravings-go-to-sleep

Looks And Women

My Mom always cared about my opinion and what I thought about her clothes and make-up.  Even when she got older (in her 60s), she still cared about her looks, and my approval or not.

I'd pick her up from the house, be rushed because I was late taking her to one of her many doctor appts.  She'd sit there quiet in the car while I raced down the streets, and finally she couldn't stand it, "Is this blouse okay?" (it was usually one of mine)

I'd glance over, "Looks great, Mom."

I'd try to concentrate back on the road because we were late and there was traffic, and she'd have another question for me, that she asked in a child-like, innocent voice, "and what about my make up?"

I'd glance again and reply, "It looks fine, Mom.  I like it."

Then she'd smile as she turned to gaze out the window.

Then, "Are you sure?  I tried a new eyeshadow."

"Yes, Mom.  Really."  Too worried to tell her the green wasn't the BEST color, or else she'd make me turn around and drive her back home.

My Mom would even wear her wigs to the Emergency Rooms.  Or not want to me to take her to the ER if she hadn't had a bath.  "Mom, you really need to go, who cares about a bath," I'd stress to her.  She would tell me, "Just bathe me tonight after you get off of work, then I'll go in tomorrow."  Most times, that meant she would put me off giving her a bath, and a couple of days would go by and her breathing would get too bad and I would have to call 911 to take her in because I couldn't get her to the car by myself.

She always cared so much what others thought of her.  I finally told her the truth one day, "Mom, no one cares about how you look, we are all too busy worrying how WE look."  The running joke was, "Not everything is about you. "

I really tried to stress to her that people worried more about themselves; and that they prolly didn't even notice her.  But, I do wish I would have looked over at her closely EVERY TIME we went somewhere.  That *I* initiated words of encouragement about her appearance and expressed something good about her appearance - her wig, lipstick, clothes, jeans, foundation.  I now wish I would give her what she yearned for most - comfort from her only daughter that she looked okay.

I seriously meant it that my Mom would wear her wigs to the Emergency Room.  They'd wheel her down the hallway on a gurney for an x-ray of her lungs, and her wig would move sideways and she'd try to fix it, like no one ever noticed. ;)

One time I visited my Grandmother in a nursing community in Georgia.  That particular day, they rounded up all the elderly folks on a bus and shuffled them to a big department store, before it was open to the public.  They served orange juice and a small snack to the group of fine, distinguished, very old, wrinkled men and women.  I was astonished that the only place in the store with helpers was the cosmetics counter!  Here were 80+ year-old women with deep wrinkles, buying wrinkle creams and solutions.  I was mortified at the ladies behind the counter taking my Grandma's money and her friends.

Someone told me once, "It doesn't matter how old a woman gets, they ALWAYS want to look good."  My Mom enjoyed still trying to look her best in a hospital bed away from home, even though it was tough.  I would comb her hair, bring her emery boards for her nails, wash her face a night for her.

I know I cannot go out of the house without mascara and lipstick (I look scary), but I do wonder if one day I wont care.  Thirty years from now (if I'm unlucky/lucky) to be alive, will I still wonder about my haircut and want to put on makeup?

Remember, though, "Everyone is too busy worrying about how they look, rather than how you look."

My Mom was an obese child.  Her nickname was "Toni Toni two by four, can't get through the bathroom door, so she did it on the floor."

She was made fun of her WHOLE childhood and therefore, she was obsessed with her weight as an adult.  If she gained weight from the steroids she had to take for her emphysema, she would literally not want to leave the house.  She was miserable until she got back down to a size 8, and then upset she wasn't her size 4 that she was most her adult life.

It makes sense why I also care a lot about how I look, because that's what I learned from her as a child; what I witnessed obsessively.  I also know so many other women that their happiness is directly dependent on their looks (how they think others see themselves) - whether via attractiveness, clothes, or weight.  Usually, our weight the most.

We YEARN to hear from others if we look okay, new blouse, etc.  Compliments can make or break a girls spirit.  Sad, isn't it? 

My Mom was very lucky in that she didn't look her age.  You would only know she was prolly in her 50s/60s if you saw her real hair color under the wigs.  She used Neutrogena wrinkle cream and she had no crows feet or deep wrinkles at all.  Lucky bitch.  Gosh I miss her with all my heart.  What I wouldn't give to tell her I love the shirt she chose to wear, give her a big long hug, and help her wash her face so she can put on her wrinkle cream.

High School Skinny

I wanted to share my experiences with trying to achieve being High School Skinny (HSS) again.

If you were heavy in high school (or middle school) then I feel for you also because I know kids can be very mean and cruel.  :(  And I also know you can possibly be dramatized the rest of your life because you are consumed with trying to never go back to that very bad emotional time physically.  My Mom was this way - she was affected deeply her entire life because she was chubby as a child.  She was consumed about her weight, even when she was thin.

Then there are the skinny girls who the chubby girls can't figure out how in the world they can remain so skinny with all the crap they eat all dang day, every day!  In High School, most females are super thin.  We wear size zero jeans easily throughout the entire years, maybe growing into a size 1, or 3.  Either way, still HSS. 

We eat gobs and gobs of any type of food and never seem to gain weight.  We are like baby birds - eat all day!  And brag that we eat a lot, even junk food and fast food, with no weight gain.

Come college years, and we are less active and gain the "Freshman Fifteen" as is widely known throughout the campuses.  We gain some weight.  But - we actually look GOOD for our size (finally, we aren't a toothpick like HHS), but us women, tho, feel we look terrible and fat and unattractive.  While this isn't the start of the miserable stage, it's getting close.  And unfortunately, some women start to resort to shameful bad habits of throwing up to try to get back to HSS.  Or, most of us try to exercise.  Exercise seems to help lose a little weight, but we still aren't HSS.  And we start to obsess about it.

At about 30, our metabolism REALLY changes.  This is about the time we really, really gain more weight.  Unimaginable weight.  Sickening, keeping-ourselves-up-every-night worry weight.

This is the time in our lives that we try diet fads, try to work out, try anything to lose weight, only to feel like a failure because we can't keep up the routine.  We are fat.  And we hate it.  We hate ourselves and we are miserable.  We waste thousands and thousands of hours worrying and obsessing about our weight.  We think of our HSS-selves and wonder how to get her back.

We may work out and we may be successful at losing weight, but I am your older voice speaking to you right now:  You will never get back to HSS.  I only know about 2 out of 500 women who are back (or still) at HSS.  They either work out every single day, honestly know how to eat right and are extremely conscientious, have lucky genes, or are starving themselves (and anorexia is NOT pretty NOR HSS).

If you are the 2 in 500, God Bless You.

But if you aren't - and I'm prolly speaking to you - let me tell you right here and now to please stop the endless, wasted hours of wishing you were HSS again.  Enjoy life and be glad you are even alive.  Sure - be upset you are overweight and unhappy - but don't dwell on a fact that will never happen - being HSS again.

Trust me when I tell you it wont happen.  Trust me when I tell you to yes exercise and yes enjoy eating, but also try and learn to be happy with yourself.  Try to stop obsessing that you aren't HSS - it wont happen.  I wasted so many damn freaking time/months/years/ thinking about how thin I want to be like I used to be.

Even if you work out and eat right, you will lose unwanted weight, but you wont be HSS.

When you are close to 40 (like late 30s or so), you will finally, finally realize you wont ever be HSS.  And it's a relief!  It really is!  It's a relief to finally stop obsessing and spending so many stupid hours worrying about something that wont happen.

When you stop obsessing about becoming HSS, you actually become happier.  You aren't fighting with your own thoughts and spending countless hours upset. 

I hope you try and learn from my years of torture (yes, I call it torture) and stop obsessing and worrying about something that just wont happen.

Accept you wont be HSS.

It's okay, I promise.



(---- this timelime is based on my experience.  your timeline may be different, or you may have a had children and this timeline is all messed up.  either way, still not HSS.  sorry.  :(   ---)