Upset I Was a Hoarder

I'm going through my house with a fine-toothed comb.

And now I've decided I'm going to join the chaos and be a part of the neighborhood garage sale coming up in May.

I've done this twice before and each time I told myself I would never do this again. But, because I'm de-cluttering like never before, I still have more things that I can try to sell for pennies. What I don't sell I will donate.

However, as I'm decluttering so thoroughly this time, I'm actually wondering why I'm doing this. Part of me thinks I'm doing this because I don't want to leave someone else with a huge mess to have to deal with. That may seem like a normal thing to think about except there's no one in my life that I would leave these things to.

I'm kinda wondering does this all mean it's like an omen or something, like is something going to happen to me? Am I sort of getting prepared? Yes, I mean for death.

Anyway...

I can say the one thing major thing I've learned from this detailed decluttering is: I'm sick to my stomach about what a hoarder I am. At this point, I could care less what the reasons were, I'm just so sick about how many duplicate items I have in my house!

I mean, I knew my parents were hoaders and so it makes sense I have about 20 pairs of scissors and 20 pairs of nail clippers and things like that that I brought from their house to my house. But it's the other things that I bought myself that's just seriously have me disgusted with myself about.

I have about 20 small bottles of baby powder. I have jeans, sweaters, and pants for work that still have tags on them.

I probably have 30 different colors of brow pencils and eyeshadow. Oh and 30 different types of mascara!

OMG....

I find when I go to shop now that I definitely do not buy as much now as I used to and I am much MUCH more cognizant. Because going through a two-story house and seeing just how many duplicates of $hit I have and how ludicrous it is, that is helping me from spending unnecessary money (finally).

So while the revelation is a good thing, I still hits my heart pretty brutal and my mind is confused that I could buy so many duplicates of things (just because I thought something might run out or the manufacturer might stop making it).

I also have I think about 50 different colored pillow cases, 3 dozen towels that I don't use, and lots of blankets that my parents had for some reason.  I also have literally over 200 magazines.  I already donated a bunch about 8 years ago, but will be making another donation soon to the hospital.

I have so many things I'm donating to the women shelters and animal shelters and hospitals, but it's just so many of those things that just amazes me I have in my house from my parents' house that have KEPT all these years. Really, Melinda?! 
I've been through parts of my house several times and each time I find more things do donate or get rid of (or now get ready for the garage sale). It's like I go through an area and declutter, but when I come back around to it a few weeks or couple of months later, I realize I can downsize even more.

I'm actually going to probably sell half the furniture in my house in the garage sale. There's really no reason for it - I live alone. And I like the idea of SEEING less clutter and things in my house. A friend of mine (MM) turned me on to that and I have really embraced it.

Of course, I know as soon as I donate or sell some things I'm going to need it. That's the way things go right?

I'm proud of myself for not hoarding anymore, and I know that's a positive... just really mortified and ashamed about it.

I do have a fear, though. I'm actually thoroughly enjoying decluttering and going through every inch of my house. At some point, though, that will end and will not be needed anymore, as I wont have anything left to go through.

I am spending quite a bit of time doing this - so after the garage sale I will need to find something else that keeps me busy that will fill my happiness gene.

Hoarder Reasons

I'm not really that much of a hoarder any more, but I used to be.

Don't worry, I'm not even close to needing the inspection police to be called on me NOR to be showcased on the tv show, Hoarders.  lol

But I do tend to over-buy on certain things.

I have a tone of the same hair cream/mousse, a small army of those small bottles of baby powder, a whole drawer filled with the same style socks, a whole row of the same hair clips, several of the same types of slippers, numerous styles of a certain sweater (just dif colors), boatloads of my favorite flavor of tictacs, half dozen boxes of the same chili mix, etc.

I wondered the other day, WHY?  Why am I like this?

It all bowls down to three instances in my life.

When I was a child (yep, a child story), I recall vividly going to the BX (that was the grocery store for people of military families), and my Mom put about 20 boxes of Kraft mac and cheese into the cart.

I asked her in my child, loud, inquisitive voice, "Mom, what are you doing, why are we getting so many?"  And she grabbed my arm and told me to "SHHHHhhhh!"  I embarrassed her.  I didn't realize at the time because of the impending divorce, we would never be able to buy cheap mac and cheese again.  She looked around the aisle at the other wives/mothers and was so embarrassed I asked such a question.

Then in my lower 20s, I had these pair of sandals that I loved.  One of the few pairs of sandals that didn't give me blisters.  And they were cute too!  People I didn't know would literally stop me in stores to talk about my sandals.

Well, after a couple of years the strap broke and I went to buy another pair of the same sandals at the same store.

WHAT?  I had no idea that eventually the brand would stop making them.  I was very naive.  I was also very shocked.  I LOVED those sandals.

And I have yet, to this day, found a pair of sandals that do not give my blisters or fit perfect or look as adorable.

The third effect on my hoarding has to do with kitty litter.

One day while at Sam'sClub (bulk store), they ran out of my normal cat litter and so I grabbed a different that was only available.  It was made by Sam'sClub/Walmart actually, Members Mark.  Well shit (pardon the pun) if it didn't turn out to be THE best cat litter I had ever bought in my life!  You couldn't smell the litter or the cat droppings.  It clumped well and had a decent smell to it, all the while you could not even smell/tell I had a cat in the house.  It was truly the best cat litter I had ever bought and I had tried many dif kinds.

So one day Sam's is out of the litter.  Being the person I am, I go to another Sam's.  They have it; I bought 2.

A few months later, go to that Sam's.  They are out now.  WTF...

You can see where this is going....  THEY DISCONTINUED MAKING IT.

OMG... I called other Sam's stores to see who had any left in stock (none anymore).  I also called and wrote emails to Sam's to beg them to bring it back.  No such luck.

So, those instances have led me to actually be very afraid of things going away, discontinued, no longer available... so it makes me hoard things I adore and/or think I could never live without again. Tough habit to break, actually, lol.