Upset I Was a Hoarder

I'm going through my house with a fine-toothed comb.

And now I've decided I'm going to join the chaos and be a part of the neighborhood garage sale coming up in May.

I've done this twice before and each time I told myself I would never do this again. But, because I'm de-cluttering like never before, I still have more things that I can try to sell for pennies. What I don't sell I will donate.

However, as I'm decluttering so thoroughly this time, I'm actually wondering why I'm doing this. Part of me thinks I'm doing this because I don't want to leave someone else with a huge mess to have to deal with. That may seem like a normal thing to think about except there's no one in my life that I would leave these things to.

I'm kinda wondering does this all mean it's like an omen or something, like is something going to happen to me? Am I sort of getting prepared? Yes, I mean for death.

Anyway...

I can say the one thing major thing I've learned from this detailed decluttering is: I'm sick to my stomach about what a hoarder I am. At this point, I could care less what the reasons were, I'm just so sick about how many duplicate items I have in my house!

I mean, I knew my parents were hoaders and so it makes sense I have about 20 pairs of scissors and 20 pairs of nail clippers and things like that that I brought from their house to my house. But it's the other things that I bought myself that's just seriously have me disgusted with myself about.

I have about 20 small bottles of baby powder. I have jeans, sweaters, and pants for work that still have tags on them.

I probably have 30 different colors of brow pencils and eyeshadow. Oh and 30 different types of mascara!

OMG....

I find when I go to shop now that I definitely do not buy as much now as I used to and I am much MUCH more cognizant. Because going through a two-story house and seeing just how many duplicates of $hit I have and how ludicrous it is, that is helping me from spending unnecessary money (finally).

So while the revelation is a good thing, I still hits my heart pretty brutal and my mind is confused that I could buy so many duplicates of things (just because I thought something might run out or the manufacturer might stop making it).

I also have I think about 50 different colored pillow cases, 3 dozen towels that I don't use, and lots of blankets that my parents had for some reason.  I also have literally over 200 magazines.  I already donated a bunch about 8 years ago, but will be making another donation soon to the hospital.

I have so many things I'm donating to the women shelters and animal shelters and hospitals, but it's just so many of those things that just amazes me I have in my house from my parents' house that have KEPT all these years. Really, Melinda?! 
I've been through parts of my house several times and each time I find more things do donate or get rid of (or now get ready for the garage sale). It's like I go through an area and declutter, but when I come back around to it a few weeks or couple of months later, I realize I can downsize even more.

I'm actually going to probably sell half the furniture in my house in the garage sale. There's really no reason for it - I live alone. And I like the idea of SEEING less clutter and things in my house. A friend of mine (MM) turned me on to that and I have really embraced it.

Of course, I know as soon as I donate or sell some things I'm going to need it. That's the way things go right?

I'm proud of myself for not hoarding anymore, and I know that's a positive... just really mortified and ashamed about it.

I do have a fear, though. I'm actually thoroughly enjoying decluttering and going through every inch of my house. At some point, though, that will end and will not be needed anymore, as I wont have anything left to go through.

I am spending quite a bit of time doing this - so after the garage sale I will need to find something else that keeps me busy that will fill my happiness gene.