2019 Goals?

I am staunchly stubborn about new year resolutions (read more about this from me back in 2011).  I think having goals are better.  Personally, I have been more successful with goals than resolutions my entire life.

However, I haven't really had any personal goals lately.  With my pool journey, I had goals galore!  But not really away from the pool table.

I think the last personal goal I had (not related to pool) was in 2017:  to walk in a new park at least once a month.  I completed that!  And it was one of my most favorites goals I've had in a long while.  I wanted to do that again in 2018, but life got in the way.

I had a goal (maybe that same year in 2017) to eat out once a month with a female friend.  I started that year off well, but life got in the way of that goal, also, and only had a few dinners the rest of the year.  I have already started that again in late 2018, though, and actually want to make this a LIFE goal - not just for a year or certain years.  I actually have a list of friends I want to go to dinner with.  They have no idea they are even on this list of mine, tucked on an app in my phone (but more about this list later).

So, what would be my goals this year?  I think the same, really.  Walk in a park once a month and go to dinner or meet with a girlfriend once a month.  Those two things make me very happy so why stop them, right?

Further, there are many things I do that aren't necessarily written-down goals, but things already in my head I want to work on.  The two main ones for 2018 were:  declutter my house and be an even more productive employee.

I excelled at both actually in 2018, and I can already see I am still doing both of those "unwritten goals" as I slip into 2019.

I actually really LOVE decluttering.  I have a 2 story house and I am trying to go through every inch of it to declutter and organize.  I am shocked how long it's taking me, but I do take my time on weekends and it is a lot of things I am going through.  And I find I go through things every few months again and downsize even more and more each time.  You have to understand it's not all my things - about a quarter of it is from my parents house.  When I moved my Mom up here ten years ago, 75% of what was in her house of 35 years was moved into the house I'm in now, so there are a plethora of all sorts of things still to really scrutinize and organize, lol.  I'm loving working on not being a some-what hoarder anymore, too!  Going through the house with a fine-toothed comb makes one realize just how much of things I buy that I need to STOP buying just because I think the manufacturer will stop making a certain type of shampoo or lipstick (even though those two have happened and many other things I miss and can no longer buy).  But, that's no reason to over-buy anymore.  Oh, and I have a ton of things to donate and am super excited about that, as well.

As for work, I got the highest rating I have ever received in my review in Oct.  I have always been a great employee.  Very dependable and conscientious.  But I wanted to up that even more.  Being sober for two years has allowed for me to come into work with a clearer mind and ready to be more productive.  I still got my job done all those years with hangovers, but I could have been more productive, but I just didn't have the energy.   Now I'm excelling even more at my job.  I can tell my bosses depend on me and are grateful for that in one of their employees.  It makes me feel pretty amazing.  I've always loved my job, and I love it even more now because I'm so much more productive and happy.  My job definitely gives me such great purpose in life!

I guess the one new goal would be to blog more in my personal blog.  I have so many topics (I keep a list for that, too), just haven't figured out how to find the time to write more.  I can't get the internet at home still, so, staying late at work is so far my only solution, and that time is also dedicated to my pool blog, as well.  But, I want to try and post at least twice a month here this year.  Well, I'd like to post more than that, but I should start off do-able :)

Welcome to 2019!

That's It?

I was talking to a friend of mine back in early March, and I had mentioned that since I started and now run the Omega Billiards Tour, that it kind of saved me: It gave me a sense of purpose.  Whereas the last 4 years I didn't really have a purpose or felt like I had one.  When I took care of my Mom the last 4 years of her life, I had MAJOR purpose.  After she passed, I didn't have any purpose anymore.

When you don't have a purpose in life, you walk aimlessly on earth.  You have no direction and therefore no spark of life, no desire to live, and no need to live. 

It wasn't something easy to share with him because it kind of exposed just what a deep and dark time I had been going through the last 4-5 years.

It's funny because when I said that I was pretty proud of myself (pumps fits on chest) because I really had come such a long way.

And after I told him proudly the Omega Tour gave me purpose, he looked at me and said, “that's it?”

It's really weird to be excited about something so important (esp such as this) and then someone kind of downplays it.

You see, I was barely surviving.  I didn’t even feel like living at times.  So to me, having a purpose again in life was a good thing.  Yet, in his eyes, “that's really all you're doing?  That's really all you're doing that's giving you purpose?"

Um, YES.  That was huge for me to be living again!  To FEEL like living again.   And running the Tour gave me that feeling after such a long time of being depressed and grieving.

After that exchange I got to thinking... he's right!  I should be doing more.  I should be helping more.  Being more productive; more helpful; being there for others; doing more for others; doing more for me.

So I thought of all these ideas of things that I've always wanted to do, things that were in the cobwebs of the back of my mind…. but didn't have the desire or commitment or even the energy to do them when I took my “hiatus from living.”  They were pushed back into the depths of my virtual “maybe to-do” list of things that maybe I thought I wanted to do.

I think that a lot of times we just go through life and don't think about what we want or what we want to do.

And I think that when we are grieving and extremely depressed (or clinically depressed), the last thing we feel like doing or have the energy to do is the things on our virtual, internal to-do-list.

And after taking 4-5 years from truly living, when you start to live again, you start to see things in a different light/way.

And while I'm still struggling to survive on some days still, I do want to give back to others and do more.

What are some of these things on my list?

Here's a short little list of things I’m been passionate about and recently started since "that's it?" :

• Giving pool lessons (already started) 
• Taking on a more active role in the Coalition of Quality of End of Life Care (I’m a board member)
• Donating more (already started)
• Being involved in the volunteer program at my work building (looking into it just this week)
• Get back into mediation (already started) 

Down the road:

• Public Speaking for End-of-Life-Care 
• Take some self-help classes

It’s crazy how a simple comment from someone can make such a profound effect on one’s life.

Goals Versus Resolutions

Every year so many people list resolutions for the next year. I am of the opinion that resolutions aren't usually successful.  I, instead, feel strongly that Goals are the proper way to go.

Resolutions are generally habits that people will try to do every day, or habits they will try to avoid for as long as they can. Unfortunately, many resolutions are forgotten in just a couple of months (or less). 

While resolution shows a wonderful sense of positive intent, a truly believe a better alternative is to develop new goals for the future.

Even the definition between the two are pretty distinct, imo:

Resolution:

a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

Goal:

the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.

I love goals. I started to enjoy them even more after reading Dare to Win many years ago (by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen).

The key with goals is to make them realistic. I remember one year I had a goal to get Most Improved Player on a tour in the 90s. Boy, I learned my lesson! I had no control over that - someone else decided that "title" (and no, I did not win it, even though I came close).

Goals are important because they give you that something extra to strive for, to look forward to, to plan for, etc.

An important key for goals is to ensure you are specific about how to reach your goals. I don't always do this well, but as an example, if someone says, "my goal is to lose weight," the person will be more successful if they list specifically how to achieve that goal.

Goals are a better plan than resolutions for a few key reasons that I found searching the Internet:

Rigid vs. Fluid:

Resolutions seem to have the same flavor every year, like: “I will go to bed by 10pm.” “I will stop eating junk food.” “I will go to the gym five times a week.” If these are somewhat big changes, it may feel like a huge change with no buildup. Goals, however, can be tackled in steps, beginning with baby steps and increasing in difficulty as you become more accustomed to the change. This makes goals more realistic for lasting change.

Sense of Accomplishment vs. Sense of Failure:

Goals give you a direction to aspire to, but with the baby steps you may be taking toward your goal, you can still feel like you’ve accomplished something and are on the right track. Once you’ve broken a rigid resolution, however, it’s easier to feel like a failure and give up.

The Scope of the Change:

Resolutions are usually a means to a goal, but if you find a resolution too difficult to stick to, it’s usually dropped and forgotten. With goals, if you find a change too difficult to carry out, you can drop that plan, but pick a different new behavior to try that will still lead to the same end result. For example, imagine you want to get in the habit of exercising to be in better shape. You might make a resolution to go to the gym five times a week. But if you find that you just hate the gym, you probably won’t stick to your resolution, and you’ll be no closer to your goal. However, if you make ‘getting more exercise’ the goal, you may drop the gym, but switch to walking through your neighborhood each morning, and still meet your goal.

Now that you've read some of why resolutions could fail and why goals are a more realistic route, here are some tips I found for setting goals:

Think in terms of broad changes rather than specific behaviors.

For instance, resolving to “Develop A Stress Management Practice” gives more room for growth and change than “Do Yoga Every Morning”. While you’ll want to put your broad goals into specific behaviors, deciding to Develop a Stress Management Practice gives you room to experiment, and allows you to change course if you find that Yoga isn’t working for you.

Think in terms of what you’d like to add to your life, rather than what you’d like to take away.

For example, instead of making the goal to “Eat Less Unhealthy Food”, focus on trying to “Eat More Healthy Food”. You may subconsciously feel more deprived if you think of taking something away rather than adding something good, and if you replace unhealthy food in your diet with healthy food, the same goal is accomplished. Also, it’s usually easier to add a behavior than to stop a behavior.

Keep goals in the forefront of your mind. 

Keep them listed in your day-planner, have them as part of your screen saver, or post-it them in prominent places around your house for a while.

Rewards.
Reward yourself with something small for continuing to stick with it, until you make enough progress toward your goals that the progress becomes its own reward.

And remember that change doesn’t come overnight, but as you work toward developing what is important to you, the change will come, and it will be lasting. Remember this, and enjoy building the life you were meant to live!

(excerpts from About.com)