That Time I Said No

There are things we may reflect on in our past that make us wonder sometimes, how would my life be different if....?  

Because I am am alcoholic, I presume I have an addictive personality.  Whether that is incorrect thinking or not, I can tell by the way I shop, sometimes hoard, my routines, etc that I personally think I do have somewhat of an addictive personality.

Flash back 30+ years ago, sitting in class in middle school.

The boy I had a crush on sat behind me in an afternoon class.  I don't remember what the class was, but it was held in the typing classroom and so we all had a typewriter on our desk.

One day, he gets my attention and asks me if I want to try something.  I turned around without making eye contact, shy, giggling, and blushing that he was even talking to me.  He stuck out his tongue slowly and I saw a thin pink sliver of something on his tongue.  I told him, "no," and quickly turned away because my social skills towards a crush had not yet developed into smoothness lol.

I said "no" even though I did not know what it was, even though it looked like candy, and even though I had a crush on him.

I truly believe that the ramifications had I said "yes" to my crush would have propelled me on a different path in life.  Especially since I have an addictive personality.

I have yet to do drugs.  And I think had I tried that pink strip of acid (I would find out years later that's what it prolly was), I wouldn't be sitting here even typing these words out.  I may not even be alive, truth be told.