Made Fun of as a Child

I think sometimes, only very fleeting I admit, about the times I was made fun of as a child.  I wasn't bullied, but I was made fun of about certain things on my body.

The shape of my nose was one thing.  "Who would ever go out with her, have you seen her nose?"  I overheard a girl say about me in elementary school.

I didn't wear dresses and was a Tomboy and many people thought I was a boy, not a girl.  It didn't bother me too much - I wasn't a frilly little girl anyway.

My hair was another thing.  The neighborhood kids made fun of my hair because I didn't comb it that often during my elementary school years, and it had tangles in it.

As a female, though, it was very detrimental to my self esteem, and caused me to not understand a lot of my decisions growing up, when boys would comment about my chest size.  I used to be a very, very small A - I couldn't even fill a size A teen bra.   

I heard more than I cared to about it, how small chested I was.  I was made fun of.  The "Hope Chest" jokes were their favorite.  But the, "did you hear about the joke where the girls tits falling off?  Oh, I see you already know about that...."  I can remember exactly where I was standing in middle school when I felt sickened to my stomach when some kid told me that.

I was told wading in a pool looking over at my crush (I was a YMCA Camp Counselor) that he didn't like me because I didn't have boobs.

Continuous blow to my self esteem.

Children can be cruel.  But even as adults, a b/f in my lower 20s told me he wished I could move of my tummy to my chest.  I was mortified.  Who says such hurtful things?  I weighed prolly 120 pounds and I didn't even have a tummy back then, lol.  I, of course, realize even in our 20s we are all very immature, but still.  Incomprehensible.

It was already so difficult to find things to wear that looked decent or I felt comfy in because I was so small on top.  And because I became so self conscious, I always, ALWAYS hid myself with big shirts covering any bathing suit I might actually wear.

But, I didn't really think about the cruel words too much, luckily, after my 20s.  My self esteem is through the roof now and even in my mid 40s, I really love how I look (how many woman can say that?). 

But it's amazing that some kids ARE bullied so much they want to harm themselves.  While the hurtful things were tough and affected my self esteem, it's absolutely NOTHING compared to some of the abuse kids do to others.

I actually feel rather lucky.  I can't imagine what some kids go through. 

My abuse was a blip on the path of life.  Some kids are bullied so much they don't want to live.  :(