After my Dad passed, I sat in the same kitchen I grew up learning how to cook in as a child, with my Mom by my side. We held hands as I made the brutal calls to my Dad's brothers and sisters to tell them their brother, Thomas Bailey, had passed away that morning at the house unexpectedly.
My Dad, Thomas Bailey, and I
I can still recall how difficult those calls were to make, and how excruciating it was to hear their reactions on the other end of the phone. Lots of crying out loud, shock, yelps, etc. Tough giving such horrible news.
I was blessed that one of my Aunt's took over notifying some of the other family members for me. She's been a life saver throughout my life.
The other extremely difficult and similar painful time, was when I had to tell my Mom that her sister had passed away.
It was seriously one of the most difficult things in my life to do.
My Mom had been in a nursing home for rehabilitation and her sister, who lived in another state, but who was her only living relative left (well, besides me), had passed away from a long battle of cancer just the very night before my Mom was going to finally be discharged. She was all excited about coming home! Yet I was in such turmoil. Do I tell her her sister passed away the morning she was leaving the nursing home, wait til we got home, wait a few days?
I was a MESS! How do I tell her this?? What do I do and how do I do it? All the while going through my own emotions of learning my Aunt had just passed.
I talked to a friend of mine who told me her one regret was not telling her kids right away about their Dads passing. They were very angry with her for waiting.
I soaked in that advice and knew I couldn't delay the painful words too long. I decided to tell her as soon as she got home. No timing would be good anyway, right?
I was an emotional wreck. It was possible my Mom would have a set back, amidst all my other worries of telling her the dreadful news about her sister.
As I get my Mom and all her things acquired from her room into the car, she says, "I tried to call Gail. I left her a message, she didn't answer. Can't wait to tell her I'm free!"
I'm just as white as a ghost trying not to talk.
I get her home and my Uncle calls me, "I just got a real long message from your Mom. Guess you haven't told her yet." I struggled speaking, "I will tell her in a minute - only answer if she calls your phone, not Gail's. That will be the sign she knows."
My Uncle really needed to hear from my Mom. So, it was two-fold: needed to tell my Mom right away because she deserved to know and also because my Uncle needed to talk to someone who knew Aunt Gail well. He was grieving deeply.
My Aunt Gail
My Mom got situated and literally it was about 15 minutes she was home..... and
I sat down at the edge of her bed and I said, "Mom, I have to tell you something." She could see the seriousness in my face and hear it in my voice. She immediately guesses with shock and in tears, crying at me, "Are you taking me back?!?! You don't want me!?"
"No, Mom......" and then I shared the horrible news.
Again, it was one of the most painful things I've ever been through. Hearing the news is one thing, but having to tell loved ones is on a whole 'nother level.
My Mom yelp and cried and moaned out loud in shock. "I just called her!"
"I know, Mom. Let's call Uncle Ray now - he needs you. You need him."
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