How My Mother Saw Me

I didn't really understand the depth of love my Mom had for me until after she passed away.  Because I do not have kids of my own, I guessing that is the main reason I didn't really truly understand the extremely deep love a parent has for their child?

I think we see what is right in front of us:  that we are the child of a parent; and that we have a parent.  We don't really see the emotions connected to that.  We see our parents for who they are, our mother or our father.  As we walk through our daily paths of life, we don't really think about how much they love us.  Instead, we run errands or do the dishes - physical things on this earth.

Even if they tried to explain the true deepness of love they have for us, we really wouldn't completely comprehend it.  Yes, we love them beyond words, but in reality, their love for us is a thousand times more.

I'm not exactly sure if I can pinpoint the moment I realized just how important I was to my Mom.  All I know is I realized it too late - after she passed away.  I don't know if it's because the loss I felt for her was so paralyzing and I realized that was because how much I loved her.  But for some reason it hit me after she passed how much she really, truly, and deeply cared for me and loved me.

Honestly, a connection like none other.

As a caretaker of my Mom, I would come home from work and take care of things I needed to do to take care of my Mom.  I wish I would have known how much she loved me and how much she cared for me.  I'm not saying she didn't say it, what I am saying is I didn't understand it.

But I wish I would have known.  I wish I would have felt what I feel now or what I know now, so instead of coming home and being tired with "things to do," I would come rushing in through the door and give her a HUGE, tight hug every single day I came home.  To show acknowledgment of our love for each other.  I was the most important person in her life; and vice versa.  Yet, as I knew that back then, still didn't completely resonate.

I think we just go through the motions of our day and not really understand the depth of the connections of the people around us.  And it's really true that we don't understand that until they're gone.

"When we truly love, it is never lost.  It is only after death that the depth of the bond is truly felt, and our loved one
becomes more a part of us than was possible in life."