And it was a very different visit for me.
You see, this was one of several On The Borders (OTB) that I used to go to when I was drinking. I'm talking down 4 large margaritas at a time type drinking, over dinner. I haven't been to OTB but one other time in the last 14 months since I stopped drinking.
I still sat in the bar area - when one goes solo it's less comfortable to sit in the bar area because there are a ton of TVs to watch while you're sitting by your lonesome, lol.
As I sat there in my booth eating chips and salsa, waiting for my enchiladas, I was watching others in the bar area. I am very perceptive anyway, so it wasn't out of the norm for me to pay attention.
What I noticed was how many people were at the bar who knew each other. They would smile and raise their margaritas to each other from across the way, or raise their draft beer mug to say their hellos. Further, every new person or couple that walked in to sit down already knew the bartenders. "Hey, how you been?!" And catch up real quick, while the bartender started to pour their "usual."
I think it was happy hour - and I figure they were routine drinkers that go in about that time.
I used to be one of these people. Not a "happy hour" person, but one who routinely went to certain restaurants to drink while eating at the bar, and so I would know all the bartenders and waitresses, too. They became my friends. Not acquaintances you'd see at your favorite restaurants. I mean the type of friends you see so often you eventually swap cell numbers or add them on Facebook type of friends. Yes, that was how often I'd go - the bartenders became my friends.
So, how did I feel this night? Was I uncomfortable, or what?
One of the fears of sobriety is that you no longer have fun. And I can tell you I used to have that fear as well and no it's not even remotely true at all lol. And I have found that us sober people actually have more meaningful laughs - when we laugh it's not a reactionary type of laugh because one is drinking, it's a deep-down, feel it in your tummy type of laugh. Difficult to describe.
Anyway, first off I had no desire to order a margarita at all. That is pretty huge for me, since I used to drink here often and abundantly.
Secondly, as I recall now from my previous sober visit to OTB in the summer, the food wasn't as good as I remembered, lol. I guess alcohol kinda enhances the taste or something? I used to only have a few nibbles of rice left on my empty plate while I ordered my 3rd/4th margarita. These last two visits I barely finished my first of two enchiladas. (alcohol really does make you more hungry, lol).
Thirldy, I wasn't jealous of the friendships or wished I was sitting at the bar among all the "friends." You see, my bartender friends are still my friends! They just aren't at this restaurant. I still go to other restaurants, sit at the bar, and gab with my bartender friends. We have just as much fun as the drinkers I saw Tuesday night, except of course I'm not spending as much money, remember every convo, and aren't drinking and driving. There's those cool things :)
So, no I wasn't uncomfy at all, or wished I was drinking, or even jealous they were drinking. My thoughts were on how I wished I'd of gone with my instinct to go to a different Mexican restaurant lol because of the taste of the food. Oh, and taking fun photos for my social media accounts:
My enchiladas were smiling at me!
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