One of my friends recently went through an unexpected break up. She was posting on Facebook that she needed to get out of the house and be around friends. I think she even went to Seattle for New Years, and has reached out and literally "announced" she needs to be around friends and do more with people because she's depressed.
I find it so strange, lol.
Another friend of mine goes through depression during the holidays and he seems to always reach out to me when he's depressed. "I'm sure you aren't doing well either, but know you aren't alone."
Fascinating!
The reason with I am intrigued, fascinated and find these things strange is because when I am depressed my brain acts exactly opposite. I don't reach out to anyone and those type of thoughts don't even cross my mind. Not even a glancing blow!
After my friends find out I had been depressed, they tell me, "Um, you know you can call me when you are depressed."
And I look at them like they are crazy, because my mind is chemically not configured to even consider reaching out when I'm depressed.
Seriously. Nothing like the even remotely crosses my mind. I don't reach out to people and tell them, "hey, I'm depressed."
I try to tell my friends that my brain seriously doesn't even consider any such options. I just keep to myself until the depression finally lifts. I can't control any of it, honestly. I have found reading uplifting words of encouragement helps me, but otherwise, depression kind of controls any thinking process of what I should or could be doing differently than just being... well... depressed.
I have been clinically depressed at times and luckily they are few and far between, but any type of depression I go through just doesn't lead to me reaching out.
I don't like to be depressed because I don't think about anyone. I mean, I don't think of my own needs either, but I also don't think of my friends. And friends who could use some pick-me-up or a vote of confidence or maybe a surprise gift or memory.
I was pretty badly depressed in September due to an accident I had, and I was pretty upset with myself after the depression lifted. You see, I didn't reach out to any friends for their birthdays like I would normally do, I didn't reach out to them during tough days (like a deathversary), and just wasn't there for them like I normally am unexpectedly for my friends when I'm non-depressed.
I was so disappointed in myself. I mean, most things I do for my friends are thoughtful and unexpected things, but it still made me mad at myself. The depression got in my way to be there for them!
But, the fact of the matter is when I am depressed my brain doesn't think straight. And I don't think of anyone - not friends, not myself, no one.
So, to see how others act so "outgoing" or "self-less" when they are depressed is intriguing to me, lol.
(note: and yes, I have tried anti-depressants. The ones I tried didn't work but I also don't want to be dependent on any drug, anyway.)
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