Not Just An Ordinary Trip to the Store

I'm a firm believer in several things, including these two items:  Everything happens for a reason and sometimes I like my patience to be tested to see how I'll react.

Both of the beliefs came up today.

I posted this on my social media account just in June, let me just copy/paste it here:

I actually look forward to long lines, stuck in traffic, having situations happen that alter my plans for the day. Why? Because I like to see how positive I react to them lately! :) I like NOT getting upset or frustrated over stuff I can't control. I like being tested to see how far I've come to not get frustrated and ticked off over things that used to piss me off. I like being the one who smiles at the cashier and thanks them working, when everyone else in line is upset. I like realizing I'm okay with the crappy driver in front of me, and not let it ruin my day. I like that I don't overreact over bad customers at stores, or crappy people on the phone. It definitely makes for a less stressful day when I am less stressed. 

Today, this was tested.  I sneezed on the way to work.  So what, right?  I was then held up driving into the parking garage because some guy sat there for 5 minutes trying to get in.  He eventually backed up, but almost hit me, as I honked my horn to let him know I was still behind him waiting for his action, but not to where he'd hit me trying to get out of the way lol.

As I got out of my car in the parking garage, I noticed snot was on the front of my shirt from that cute sneeze earlier.  REALLY?  I have dinner plans tonight and was hopeful I could get it off with water. 

Walking directly to the bathroom, sure the snot came off (whew) but the napkin I used in the bathroom left little white specks on the top of my left boob on my shirt.  Will this be a great dinner conversation with Dr. Belfi?

I then saw a contentious email at work as I started to go through my inbox, but did not yet reply yet (leadership rule 101 - wait to reply when upset).

I then tried to activate a new phone I received.  I called Sprint three frustrating times with no successful activation.   I was finally told I need to go to a Sprint store.  Because I have dinner plans, I couldn't wait to go after work.  Further, I was instructed to call Dr. Belfi to let her know I was at her place to escort me to the dining room, so I needed my phone to be working before this 5pm dinner.

So, I hastily, with frustration, grabbed my purse, old phone, new phone, stained shirt, and went to the Sprint store.  I hit every light.  Well, of course!  I even had to wait at one point for some big truck to lower his load before he could move out of the way for us to pass.

At this point, I'm laughing as all these hiccups keep coming at me, but inside I am PISSED I'm having to go the Sprint store and take off from work to try and get my phone activated/working.

I had already told myself, "Well, at least there's a Chic Fil A nearby and I can grab that before heading back to work."

I also prepared and told myself to smile when I walked into the Sprint store.  Don't be mad, Melinda, just be nice.  Even though I'm pissed doesn't mean I need to take it out on the innocent guy trying to work today.  I even said a little prayer to God, asking for calmness (and for my phone to get fixed easily).

As I walked in all nice and calm, I smiled and explained my issues. He did some magic and the phone was activated in 5 minutes!  I could not believe it!  If I could have hugged the stranger, I would have!  But in this #metoo atmosphere, I just gave a happy handshake.

I was ecstatic!

I then drove to Chic Fil A.  As I'm trying to drive to the line for the drive thru, I see a guy in the middle of the VERY large parking lot with a cane.  He looked around, walked a little, stopped, and then looked around again, and then slowly walked past the back of my car.

I played with my newly, finally activated phone, made a nail apt, sent a test text to a coworker, ordered my food, paid, grabbed my food and started to drive from Chic Fil A.  And there was the blind man still.  He maybe got 10 feet from where I saw him before.  And he was still kinda looking, then walking a bit, then turning, then walking a bit then stopping.

As I watched this from my now-stopped my car, I thought about how I could help and what I could do.  Could I walk with him, direct him in a certain direction?  He was obviously lost and confused, and being blind was not helping.

I drove up next to him, asked him where he was trying to go.  "Wells Fargo, next to Chic Fil A," he said very matter of factly.

I turned around in my car seat and sure enough - there was Wells Fargo about half a mile away.  I thought about "our" options for only a few seconds, then told him, "Why don't you get in the car, I'll drive you over."

He found my car with his hands and used it as a guide til he reach all the way around my car to the passenger side door and got in.  He was very thankful for the ride and I asked him jokingly but kinda serious, "You're not a murderer are you?"  Realizing the question would have had bad timing if he was, lol, since he was now already in the car.

He had a backpack on, was an older black gentlemen in his mid 50s, dressed casually.  As he shortened his cane, he thanked me again for the help. 

I then drove him to Wells Fargo.  I asked him where he was coming from, "my house on Carroll street," he replies.  Oh dear, even though that's only a block or two away, how would he get home if he got lost coming here? 

I asked, "Are you gong to be able to make it home okay?"

"Oh yes, I walked here and back just last week."

I pulled in front of Wells Fargo and parked, told him we were there.  He asked, "are we right in front of Wells Fargo?" trying to get his barring.

"Oh, I'm going to help you in," I respond.

I walked to his side of the car, I grabbed his hand that wasn't holding the cane - "is this okay?" I asked.  He said, "It's easier if you lead me with my hand on your shoulder."

Ah, yes, I can envision people walking together like this, helping a blind friend.

I then walked him through the doors and described every turn or door or step and I lead him to the counter.

I then told him to have a good day and he thanked me again.

I knew as I was driving away that I was not meant to go to the Sprint store, I was meant to help this man find his way.

Everything happens for a reason.

Jealous of Drinkers?

I went to On The Border Tuesday night.

And it was a very different visit for me.

You see, this was one of several On The Borders (OTB) that I used to go to when I was drinking.  I'm talking down 4 large margaritas at a time type drinking, over dinner.  I haven't been to OTB but one other time in the last 14 months since I stopped drinking.

I still sat in the bar area - when one goes solo it's less comfortable to sit in the bar area because there are a ton of TVs to watch while you're sitting by your lonesome, lol.

As I sat there in my booth eating chips and salsa, waiting for my enchiladas, I was watching others in the bar area.  I am very perceptive anyway, so it wasn't out of the norm for me to pay attention.

What I noticed was how many people were at the bar who knew each other.  They would smile and raise their margaritas to each other from across the way, or raise their draft beer mug to say their hellos.  Further, every new person or couple that walked in to sit down already knew the bartenders.  "Hey, how you been?!"  And catch up real quick, while the bartender started to pour their "usual."

I think it was happy hour - and I figure they were routine drinkers that go in about that time.  

I used to be one of these people.  Not a "happy hour" person, but one who routinely went to certain restaurants to drink while eating at the bar, and so I would know all the bartenders and waitresses, too.  They became my friends.  Not acquaintances you'd see at your favorite restaurants.  I mean the type of friends you see so often you eventually swap cell numbers or add them on Facebook type of friends.  Yes, that was how often I'd go - the bartenders became my friends.

So, how did I feel this night?  Was I uncomfortable, or what?

One of the fears of sobriety is that you no longer have fun.  And I can tell you I used to have that fear as well and no it's not even remotely true at all lol.  And I have found that us sober people actually have more meaningful laughs - when we laugh it's not a reactionary type of laugh because one is drinking, it's a deep-down, feel it in your tummy type of laugh.  Difficult to describe.

Anyway, first off I had no desire to order a margarita at all.  That is pretty huge for me, since I used to drink here often and abundantly.  

Secondly, as I recall now from my previous sober visit to OTB in the summer, the food wasn't as good as I remembered, lol.  I guess alcohol kinda enhances the taste or something?  I used to only have a few nibbles of rice left on my empty plate while I ordered my 3rd/4th margarita.  These last two visits I barely finished my first of two enchiladas.  (alcohol really does make you more hungry, lol).

Thirldy, I wasn't jealous of the friendships or wished I was sitting at the bar among all the "friends."  You see, my bartender friends are still my friends!  They just aren't at this restaurant.  I still go to other restaurants, sit at the bar, and gab with my bartender friends.  We have just as much fun as the drinkers I saw Tuesday night, except of course I'm not spending as much money, remember every convo, and aren't drinking and driving.  There's those cool things :)

So, no I wasn't uncomfy at all, or wished I was drinking, or even jealous they were drinking.  My thoughts were on how I wished I'd of gone with my instinct to go to a different Mexican restaurant lol because of the taste of the food.  Oh, and taking fun photos for my social media accounts:

My enchiladas were smiling at me!

Thrifty... Yet Not

I found it intriguing when I debated on buying two six-packs of Diet Pepsi last night or not.

I really struggled with the decision - at this store that was convenient on my way home, the 6-pack was about $4.35.  At Walmart or Target, they sell for as low as $2.50 or $3.00.  The idea to spend almost twice a much caused my head to spin!  Do I really want to pay that much for that difference?

I had several things going against me:  I only had one can left of Diet Pepsi at home, and I wasn't going to be near neither a Walmart or a Target anytime in the next few days or even a week prolly.

So, do I fork over the almost $2.50 each for these two non-necessities or do I just buy one and hope I get to a Walmart or Target soon, or do I be defiant in not spending almost half of what I normally do and not get them at all??

It's amazing to me I struggled with the pain to spend an extra $3.70 for two six-packs of my favorite soda, when I had just left Ross Dress for Less and spent $40 without batting an eye, lol.

But I am frugal with some things.  I never use an ATM except at my bank - don't want to be charged those unnecessary fees!  I will use paper towels over and over until they look like a dirty shirt.  I go to Dollar Tree and make out like a bandit - full cart and only spend $20!  Yet, I will also eat at a high-end steak place (Ruth's Chris is my fave) or buy 10 packages of my favorite socks (just in case they stop making them).

So, what did I do?  I struggled standing at the checkout line trying to decide... and then I finally just gave in.... and bought both six-packs  :(  They got me...and my money.

A Park with Sights Makes Me Happiest

One thing I figured out on Saturday was:  just going to a park isn't what I love.  It has to be pretty!  It has to have pretty things for me to see and feel!

Oh, and I could use water to help my happiness thermometer.  Or I need walking trails with dirt and rocks, if there is no water around.  And blue skies help, too.

But if it's a paved walking path with no beautiful water in sight, I'm not really enjoying things.  I can do a paved path if it has hills, like the one I go to that used to be a golf course.  Then it's a great work out!

But to be walking on large boring flat sidewalk with no sights to look at it, is just not for me.

I want to see water.  Seeing a lake or stream or river simply takes my breathe away.  Makes me stop in my tracks to envy and awe all the blue colors.  Makes my heart race with happiness.  I smile to myself as I hear the water streaming around rocks or splashing against a shoreline.

Even if no water, as long as there are hills and/or pretty flowers and/or dirt and rocky trail, I am happy.

But a longed paved sidewalk with no view and no hills, is just not for me.  I try not to complain or be negative, so this isn't really me complaining, it's more to share I figured out what makes me heart happiest!

Even as I reflect about searching for walking/hiking trails, if I see no water on the google map near the park, I don't investigate it's location and quickly move on to the next potential spot.

I loathed going to a park when it was cloudy two weekends ago, but I still ended up enjoying it to my surprise because the dirt trail was rugged with climbing hills and a lake in the distant.  It's more beautiful with crystal clear skies, of course, but the dirt, rocks, hills and water made for a great walking day.  See:

But this...Nope, not for me:

This?  Yes:

Cowboy Santa

I volunteered in December at Cowboy Santa!  Located near the stockyards in Fort Worth, Cowboy Santa is amazing.

In the photo below, you can see the long line of families waiting for gifts from Santa... It was shocking to see.

I helped hand out free presents to families in need.  It was heart warming to help, and yet also heart breaking to see all the families in need.  But SO thankful this volunteer establishment is helping so many kids have a great Christmas every year!!

Entrepreneur at ANY Age

Entrepreneur at ANY age. 

How about 82?

And how about for safety and saving lives.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/first-time-ces-entrepreneur-age-234500150.html

You go, Carol!

Happiness is an Inside Job

As cliché as it sounds, Happiness really is an inside job.

A few times over the last 12 months I have heard that some people think they are affecting my happiness.  Or, they think I'm looking for happiness in them.  But it confuses me because only I can provide happiness to myself, no one else.

The key, of course, is inner peace. 

Finding inner peace leads to happiness. 

Sure, some things can make us feel happier, but usually external things lead to only temporary happiness.  It's internal peace that leads to the true source of happiness.

Obviously, this isn't easy to find inner peace or even live by it on a daily basis.  But what I do know is, happiness is an inside job.

So, if you are looking for happiness in others, try looking instead in the mirror.  Dig deep within yourself, instead.  Peace provides happiness.

Everyone Handles Depression Differently

I find it so intriguing how people differ how they handle depression.

One of my friends recently went through an unexpected break up.  She was posting on Facebook that she needed to get out of the house and be around friends.  I think she even went to Seattle for New Years, and has reached out and literally "announced" she needs to be around friends and do more with people because she's depressed.

I find it so strange, lol.

Another friend of mine goes through depression during the holidays and he seems to always reach out to me when he's depressed.  "I'm sure you aren't doing well either, but know you aren't alone."

Fascinating!

The reason with I am intrigued, fascinated and find these things strange is because when I am depressed my brain acts exactly opposite.  I don't reach out to anyone and those type of thoughts don't even cross my mind.  Not even a glancing blow!

After my friends find out I had been depressed, they tell me, "Um, you know you can call me when you are depressed."

And I look at them like they are crazy, because my mind is chemically not configured to even consider reaching out when I'm depressed.

Seriously.  Nothing like the even remotely crosses my mind.  I don't reach out to people and tell them, "hey, I'm depressed."  

I try to tell my friends that my brain seriously doesn't even consider any such options.  I just keep to myself until the depression finally lifts.  I can't control any of it, honestly.  I have found reading uplifting words of encouragement helps me, but otherwise, depression kind of controls any thinking process of what I should or could be doing differently than just being... well... depressed.

I have been clinically depressed at times and luckily they are few and far between, but any type of depression I go through just doesn't lead to me reaching out.

I don't like to be depressed because I don't think about anyone.  I mean, I don't think of my own needs either, but I also don't think of my friends.  And friends who could use some pick-me-up or a vote of confidence or maybe a surprise gift or memory.

I was pretty badly depressed in September due to an accident I had, and I was pretty upset with myself after the depression lifted.  You see, I didn't reach out to any friends for their birthdays like I would normally do, I didn't reach out to them during tough days (like a deathversary), and just wasn't there for them like I normally am unexpectedly for my friends when I'm non-depressed.

I was so disappointed in myself.  I mean, most things I do for my friends are thoughtful and unexpected things, but it still made me mad at myself.  The depression got in my way to be there for them! 

But, the fact of the matter is when I am depressed my brain doesn't think straight.  And I don't think of anyone - not friends, not myself, no one.  

So, to see how others act so "outgoing" or "self-less" when they are depressed is intriguing to me, lol.

(note:  and yes, I have tried anti-depressants.  The ones I tried didn't work but I also don't want to be dependent on any drug, anyway.)

Name Calling

For some reason (that I am thankful for), I don't name call anyone.

I have been in several relationships where the guy was acting like an asshole (or was an asshole), but I never called him that.

I may have thought it, but I never told anyone to their face or via text or anything.  I have been prodded and provoked and still don't stoop to that level.  And when people do it to me, I lose all respect for them.

I am not sure why I don't name call, but again, I'm very thankful for it!

I think name calling is rude and a below-the-belt immature thing to do.  It's an insult and abusive.

I want even say the words asshole or bitch about anyone I am talking about, even if I feel that way.  I just don't name call in any shape or form.

My gut is telling me I don't name call because I did it a few times in my past (prolly arguing with a b/f while drinking in my 20s) and saw sheer anger rise from their bodies when I called them a rude name.  But I really don't remember exactly why I don't name call anyone.

I wish others were like this.  When I see or hear name calling, obviously it bothers me because it's a trait I stand by.