Powerful Video Clip About Diversity

I'm in awe how important and powerful this 5 minute vide clip is about how to treat others:

It's an inspirational video about belonging and inclusion from the United States Air Force Academy.

It speaks to what it looks like to champion Diversity under difficult circumstances.

Lt Gen Jay Silveria, Superintendent of the US Air Force Academy, addresses students on the use of racial slurs within dorms for the Prepartory School.  He urges anyone who cannot treat others with dignity and respect to "get out."  Story:http://bit.ly/2ftp3cV

Recovery Process

Loved this quote I read yesterday, so wanted to share.  It's spot on:

"And what's perhaps the most vital fact about alcoholism: understanding that recovery is an ongoing process. "There are many different statistics, but the bottom line is it's extremely common to need multiple quit attempts in order to quit, and also different modalities," De Filippo says. "Some people do well with meetings, some people do well with individual therapy, others do well with rehab, but it's normal for it to take more than one try. It's like anything else — you can't become good at something by just doing it once. It's something you have to keep working on."

Feelings 100%

I was talking to a therapist-type person today and something hit me like a bolt of lightning. 

While I comprehend that drinking masks our problems or issues temporarily, it is still a go-to reason to drink and helps with not thinking about our issues, even for a little bit.

It just not dawned on me, though, that this past year sober I have dealt with all my issues myself.  Ie, without alcohol.  And quite honestly, that's tough.

While I have had a really good year, there has been a few REALLY bad times and I am experiencing all of those feelings 100%.... without blurring the feelings (even temporarily) with alcohol.

Not drinking is an exceptional thing for me, but it also means these rough patches are actually hitting me harder than usual because I'm not replacing/masking/hiding them with drinking.  Instead, I'm feeling every emotion and thought and heartache very true and raw, without any disturbance (drinking).

I need to stop being so rough on myself when I get depressed.  I'm dealing with it without any mind altering effects.  And, quite honestly that's tough.  And new for me.

But, I'm up for the task!

I'm just glad I had this enlightening moment today about this.  I think it will help me during the holidays - a really rough part of every year for me.

365 Days Ago

Today is a pretty badass day.

When woke up this morning, it's been exactly one year since I had alcohol.

I can't even express all the benefits that this choice has garnered me!

But let me state some ofof t most impactful benefits:

My memory has improved significantly, my productivity at work has soared, I'm sleeping better, I'm saving money like crazy, I have more meaningful, memorable and ever-present conversations with my dear friends, I have more energy (that's why I've been walking in so many parks this past year) and I'm overall so much happier.

People have told me often this past year I look very happy (happier than they've seen me in a long time), and now you know the reason why - because I made this important decision 365 days ago.

Pretty freaking proud of myself!!

Grief Affected My Job

I don't have any regrets in life.  But I do have some learning experiences that I wish I knew sooner.

I grieved for my Mom for about 5 years.  In the middle of that, I had two bad relationships.  What that caused me was depression on-going that I could not get out of, for all those years.

And while I *thought* I was okay at home (because I was always going out all the time), at work I was not.  In other words, I became a hermit at work.  Grieving in my office, depressed from the loss of my Mom, being hungover from going out, or trying to handle these broken relationships.

At work, I kept to myself.  I stopped smiling at coworkers, wouldn't attend meetings, wouldn't even lift my head to make eye contact if I passed someone in the hallway.  I kept to myself in my own little shell in my office. I was depressed, unengaging, not happy at all.  It showed in meetings that I barely attended and as I walked past people - it was like I became the ghost.

I became the person no one wanted to be around.  Heck, I don't blame them!  I was such a tough person to be around.  I was just so dang sad and unhappy.

Although away from work I felt happy around my friends and going out a lot, let's face it, I wasn't happy there either.  Alcohol made me think I was having fun and being happy, but I still woke up depressed.

However, the damage has been done at work.  I have been told people are afraid to be on teams with me (but then after they are, they see I'm actually really cool), people don't say hi to me (but I now say hi first and make eye contact), I am not approachable like I used to be (but I'm a ton better), and I am not thought of for leadership opportunities because of how distant and distracted I was for those 5 years (they are seeing me different now that the "old" Melinda is back).

I truly believe my Mom would have wanted me to grieve for so long.  That's the woman she was.  However, she would be so very upset with me to let it affect my job.  She hated anytime I had to even leave work early for an appointment (she never wanted me to "get in trouble") so I know to hear all this would break her heart thinking she was somehow to blame.

The good news is I am not grieving nor distant like I was for those 5 "missing" years.  I have been doing SO much better these last two years.  I still have some anxiety about group functions, but I am trying to take baby steps.  I actually need to go to those functions here in the office so people can see I'm the "old" Melinda or that I'm not as reclusive as I used to me, and I'm more approachable.

I wish I knew then what I know now - I should have gone to grief counseling and got some help about the first year.  Although I still went through two bad relationships I tried to handle on my own in those 5 years, too, the counseling could have helped me along the way.

Gratitude - an Antidepressant

I heard the other day from a doctor that gratitude is more effective than antidepressants. 

And obviously, no side effects from gratitude, lol.

But seriously, gratitude is a great thing and if we can incorporate it every single day, it can even help our depression.  Sure, if may not bring us out of the throws of a deep depression, but it's still extremely beneficial.  And not harmful, right?  So why not try it?

I also heard on Super Soul Sunday that we should not just see a flower and think, "oh, how pretty" and then continue walking past it. 

But really look at the flower and it's beauty.  Immerse yourself in the feelings of gratitude of how pretty the flower is and all it's intricacies.  Feeling and appreciating the gratitude of why it looks so beautiful and be thankful you even came across it.

For instance, nice yellow flower in the pic, right?  But look how pretty it REALLY is.  How the middle part (called a "pistil") is larger than most and notice how so many layers of petals it has.  What a beauty, right?  Otherwise, we might walk by and just think, "oh, hey, a yellow flower."

Gratitude.  

Retiring Helps With Purpose

Again with this "purpose" talk.

Tough to comprehend in my heart that something I loved and felt like "purpose," I will no longer be doing after next month.  However, we know when we know it's time to move on.

Plus, I heard the other day about someone retiring.  And sure enough, I related it to ending my volunteer job, running the Omega Billiards Tour.

The person happened to be an entertainer (the famous Tina Turner!), and she retired from Tours and singing.  She was fine with her decision and it was time to not do that any more, even though she was famous for it and VERY good at it.  At some point in our lives, we do need to retire.  It makes the most sense to retire from work, but it can also be from something we are good at and used to enjoy doing.  "Retiring" doesn't have to be only at the end of our career.  It can also be for something like this - something in the middle of our lives.

Time to move on.  No longer happy doing it.

I bet Tina Turner isn't sitting in her large house in Australia wondering about her purpose in life anymore.  Her purpose was amazing and impactful!  And just because she no longer sings or tours doesn't mean she didn't have purpose.  She just retired from it.

Retiring.  That's what I'm doing.  How can one be upset or disturbed by that decision? 

Not me anymore!  Yep, I no longer am with this great realization!

Spring Mountain Ranch State Park

Another beautiful day in Nevada! There are such beautiful State Parks all around, every state. Love getting out and hiking and venturing in the outdoors! Enjoyed the trip with my great friend, Robin!  Spring Mountain Ranch State Park, Nevada. Oct 19, 2017

Loyd Park at Joe Pool Lake

Oct 28, 2017 visit to Loyd Park at Joe Pool Lake

What Was My Mom Thinking (photo)

I like to use photos as bookmarks.  I ordered a new book a couple of months ago for my trip to Paris and needed a photo to keep my place.  I went to my stack of photos in a box in upstairs, grabbed about 20 pics and chose this one to be my newest bookmark!

It's my Mom sitting on the gravel along the Frio River about 10-12 years ago.  This was last trip we would take together to the Frio River in Concan, Texas.  One of my Mom's favorite places in the world (besides wrapped in my arms in a hug, right?)

As I look at this photo I took of her, I wonder, what is she thinking about?

My guesses are:

• I sure do miss the River.  Wish I could come here more often.
• Why do my arms juggle so much now?  I wish they were firmer.
• The sun feels fantastic on my skin - I need a darker tan.  Sure do miss sitting out in the sun.
• Can't wait to go tubing like those people down there.
• Sure wish the river was higher - I just love when it flows easily through the crevices and curves.  
• I just love being here.

Frio River Trip May 2015!

OMG, I went to my childhood weekend home in May 2015 and had SUCH a beautiful, amazing time by myself enjoying the scenrey, checking out all the places my Mom and I used to go.

I:

• fished
• saw SO many beautiful deer!
• cooked on the grill
• slept in a cabin
• went tubing!
• checked out all the places my Mom and I used to go
• took a ton of photos!
• walked along the land she used to own and reminisced
• drove down so many roads her and I used to travel on to check out the wildlife
• went swimming
• sat in the Frio River :)

One of the reasons why the trip to the Hill Country was so special to me that weekend was because it was FOR me. I went by myself and although I wasn't sure how that would go, I had my thoughts and memories and was able to visit every single nook and special place my Mom and I had been to for all those years growing up with her in Concan, Texas.

It was so peaceful, quite, very therapeutic, cathartic, and an amazing trip for me in such a beautiful, memorable place! I saw A LOT of deer (which my Mom LOVED), went tubing like her and I used to, fished, had a camp fire, got a lot of sun, visited awesome places that were very memorable for her and I, walked a lot; it was all GREAT. And every moment and second was filled with the love I have for her in the place she loved BEST in this world.

And here is a pic of her and I about 10 years ago. The girl who dropped me off for the floating trip on the Sunday afternoon took this pic for me, and I wanted it to be close to the original, and it was a mere few feet from where I stood with my Mom 10 years ago!