I grieved for my Mom for about 5 years. In the middle of that, I had two bad relationships. What that caused me was depression on-going that I could not get out of, for all those years.
And while I *thought* I was okay at home (because I was always going out all the time), at work I was not. In other words, I became a hermit at work. Grieving in my office, depressed from the loss of my Mom, being hungover from going out, or trying to handle these broken relationships.
At work, I kept to myself. I stopped smiling at coworkers, wouldn't attend meetings, wouldn't even lift my head to make eye contact if I passed someone in the hallway. I kept to myself in my own little shell in my office. I was depressed, unengaging, not happy at all. It showed in meetings that I barely attended and as I walked past people - it was like I became the ghost.
I became the person no one wanted to be around. Heck, I don't blame them! I was such a tough person to be around. I was just so dang sad and unhappy.
Although away from work I felt happy around my friends and going out a lot, let's face it, I wasn't happy there either. Alcohol made me think I was having fun and being happy, but I still woke up depressed.
However, the damage has been done at work. I have been told people are afraid to be on teams with me (but then after they are, they see I'm actually really cool), people don't say hi to me (but I now say hi first and make eye contact), I am not approachable like I used to be (but I'm a ton better), and I am not thought of for leadership opportunities because of how distant and distracted I was for those 5 years (they are seeing me different now that the "old" Melinda is back).
I truly believe my Mom would have wanted me to grieve for so long. That's the woman she was. However, she would be so very upset with me to let it affect my job. She hated anytime I had to even leave work early for an appointment (she never wanted me to "get in trouble") so I know to hear all this would break her heart thinking she was somehow to blame.
The good news is I am not grieving nor distant like I was for those 5 "missing" years. I have been doing SO much better these last two years. I still have some anxiety about group functions, but I am trying to take baby steps. I actually need to go to those functions here in the office so people can see I'm the "old" Melinda or that I'm not as reclusive as I used to me, and I'm more approachable.
I wish I knew then what I know now - I should have gone to grief counseling and got some help about the first year. Although I still went through two bad relationships I tried to handle on my own in those 5 years, too, the counseling could have helped me along the way.
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