Dealing with Coworkers

I seem to have an issue with how to deal with coworkers who treat others badly or when they are doing things that may not be best for others.  I kinda want to save the world! and make things right.  However, my way of thinking isn't the best solution.  Hell, to be honest, it's not even a solution!

I admit it, I am wrong in the way I think.  I think a part of me wants to run to the head boss (who is a friend of mine) and share things could be better and why and share my disappointment about the person for how they are acting.

But I don't see it as a helpful conversation, I more so see it as kinda complaining about them.  Further, if I can use a child's vernacular, I think maybe I kinda want to "Get them in trouble."

I wonder why that is?  I mean, I don't really want to get anyone in trouble.  But I do want change and for some reason I feel running to the bosses will change a person.  It all comes down to their personality and we all know we can't change personalities, lol.

This leads me to my leadership experience of the week.

About 25 years ago I was at work and this coworker messed up his project badly.  I went to my supervisor and vented about him.  His response was spot-on and something I wish I would have remembered this week dealing with some things at my current job. (decided to jot this down in my blog to hopefully help me remember this :)

His response was, "Did his error directly affect you?"

"uh, no, no it didn't."  in my best Donkey voice from Shrek.

Hmm, damn, it didn't!  lol

It doesn't take away that I was still miffed of his error (as he should have known better from my point of you), but my supervisor was correct.  His lack of proficiency did not directly affect me and my job, so why go and bitch about it or be upset about it or vent to my coworkers about it?

If I was to propel myself 15 years into the future, I would maybe remember the AWESOME book "The Question Behind the Question" (QBQ) that has helped me interact so much more positively with coworkers I don't really like.  (that topic is for another blog post, lol, but I HIGHLY recommend that very short and powerful book.  Only tool that actually ever helped me deal with coworkers that get on my nerves.  Highly recommend it.)

So, let's get to this week.

This week there was a conference and the guy running it was his usual abrasive, condescending self.  He was very loud, sometimes rude to others, and he also interrupted all the speakers so he could add his opinion.  Now, this is his normal personality around work, but I am disappointed and upset he acted that way at the conference.

I found myself complaining about him and upset with his actions, due to all the complaints I heard about him this week.  I hadn't even set one foot into the conference, yet here I was judging him based on all the bad things I heard.

I felt bad today that I was bad mouthing him, instead of thanking the people who helped put the event together.  Focus on the positives, not the negatives, Melinda!  Ugh, disappointed in myself, honestly.

Then I asked my boss for some advice.

More gems for my leadership toolbox:

He said that even if we do go complain, we are complaining about people's feelings of how they were treated.  We can't be a champion for everyone. If they are upset, then they need to say something.  What I CAN control is to offer a suggestion to have an anonymous feedback mechanism about the conference so people can be honest in that avenue if they wish.

Further, my boss told me even if I/we do go complain, is it going to change this guy?  Is he all of a sudden after 50+ years going to change his personality with a simple sit down talk from his boss about how he acted at a conference?  Heck, do we even know if his boss would even talk to him anyway?  My boss was right.  Complaining to anyone wont change the guy.

The third thing he said was we need to share things that we can build on in the future about the conference or what was learned in it (from the attendees).  IE, something else we can control.

I think I need to remind myself of two things:  Does this directly affect me?  And, go back and read QBQ or look at my notes from the book.

Hopefully this blog post will be a great reminder to me when I am upset over things I think I can control.