Iyanla provides advice to people in tough, mostly unhappy situations. Whether it be husband and wife, siblings, or parents and their adult kids... any relationship, really, is up for the task for Iyanla to help.
The theme I am seeing is: what happens to us as a child, we bring into our relationships as adults. Until we understand this, we may have a ton of dysfunction and eventual unhappiness and broken relationships.
Let me be clear - in many broken relationships, the people are still together. So, living with unhappiness.
Iyanla brings out of people things that they may have gone through as a child (abandonment, molestation, being the parent when one is a child, parents not caring for their kids emotionally or physically, neglect, jealousy, fear, etc). She brings to light that the reason for the problems in relationships stems directly to those "things" that happen to us (or don't happen to us, like nurturing) in our childhood. And we don't really see that those things from our childhood affect us as adults (and in our relationships with others - loved ones, kids, parents, sisters, whoever).
So, of course it made me reflect on my childhood.
Not because I'm in a bad relationship, but the show makes one reflect so much and so deeply about how we were raised (or not raised). And it makes yourself wonder, if how I was raised has affected my relationships? The answer is, of course, yes.
I watch with fascination and really listen to what Iyanla is teaching the people on her show. It's not pointing out your flaws - it's why we are who we are and what we can do about the new found knowledge!
While I could pick on several things, I'm just going to mention a few big ones I have realized all due to watching the episodes and how Iylana helps the distressed people on the show.
- I now understand why it's been tough for me to forgive: because I never saw my Mom forgive anyone. Especially when I was young I saw this. She didn't speak to one neighbor for over 25 years!
- Of course the obvious one is alcoholism. But it's the affects of seeing my parents drink is what is a new revelation for me.
- Another is verbal abuse. I've written about this before.
- Also, why sex had a skewered meaning for me.
- Being a caretaker for so long for so many people, has affected me in a profound, sometimes bad way with intriguing ramifications. I will write about this soon.
Of course, there are good things I learned, too, from my childhood: being self sufficient, caring, good work ethics, etc.
But it's the those few things above that I have deeply reflected about on my couch on Saturday nights as I cry, and rub my face, trying to figure out all these things that make me the messed up person I see sometimes today.
Don't get me wrong - I admit I have turned into a great, successful woman. And I am grateful to be a work in progress. I still have a ton to learn about life, in life, of life, and for that I am very happy and thankful about!
I will write in detail about some of the above later; go into depth about some of them and why I am torn, confused, yet enlightened.
Maybe by the time I push "publish," I will have even more revelations of my childhood that will help me be a better me today!
This isn't a BAD thing - figuring out why we do some things because of how we were raised provides great understanding for ourselves. Then we can work on making ourselves different. Make different or better choices in life. Maybe even a better me!
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