Down Before Up

While I don't finish reading many books, I do start them, lol.  And some of the most highly recommended have all started out very similar from the different authors:

They were at the depths of depression... yet, not even any further down to go - they were at the last depths, barely even surviving or living, or wanting to live.  For years, usually not getting out of bed or in some halfway house full of despair and loss for life.

Then all of a sudden something happened to them and their thoughts.  And those "new" and inspiring thoughts turned their lives around, and now the lives of others as they write about their new found way of thinking.  Passing it on to others via word of mouth at first, then public speaking, then to the books I tried to read.

Both stories started out the same, even though the result was also the same ("inner peace" is what I will call it).  And while each concept to get to inner peace was remarkably different, the point is they started out for a very long time at the depths of despair and then somehow climbed out with calmness and peacefulness, reaching through the cobwebs of depression to bring them on this new path of thought. 

I felt this way recently.  While not quite super depressed like I have been in the past (clinically depressed), I was having a miserable time a couple of weeks ago.  Laying in bed crying and unhappy.  I know part of the reason is due to being pre-menopausal, it was still almost paralyzing.

And then, I read a few things from my phone that kinda changed my thinking.  And while I can't recall exactly what I read (some articles about recovery, tho), it made me think differently.  And then I all of a sudden decided to climb out of bed and go do what I love to do.  And not let outside influences affect my great life, and go and enjoy the great life I have.

My depths were not as deep as the authors obviously, but I too noticed a HUGE difference after that "down to up."  I was more talkative to strangers, laughed more, funnier on Facebook, making jokes with people I didn't know, being more friendly.

I really LIKED that person in me.

Usually she only comes out at the poker table, where I feel like I'm "in my element" (comfy), but this time I was in Vegas having fun and joking and making others smile (which in turn made me smile of course).  I was talking and laughing and smiling more to the dealers and waiters.  I don't know where this person was before - I haven't really seen her in many years.  Don't even remember what she looked like honestly.  But, I loved the way she FELT!

Because I don't get out much I don't get to see this side of me/her, I've noticed I need to "remember" I can actually laugh and smile.  Sometimes even force a smile at work when I'm tired - because just last week I was all personality.  I can still be that person even when tired, right?  While not an extrovert naturally, it is in me.

I hope she isn't going away.  I really liked that about me/her and had so much fun!  And those around me were smiling and laughing, too!  It made me so happy!