Moods and Talking to Others

I am the typical person who, when not in a good mood, wont go out of their way to speak to anyone either I don't know or don't like.

When I'm in a happy or good mood, I will actually LOOK at the unknown person in the elevator at work and if I (for example) like the lady's shirt or dress, I will say something.  Or, if I'm in a decent mood I will actually look up and say hi or good morning /first/ as someone walks into the elevator.

Flash back the last 4-5 years and I would barely even lift my head up to make eye contact or definitely wouldn't smile or initiate a convo.  Because I was so miserable, I didn't want to engage with anyone.  Just with most signals of depression, I just wanted to be left alone.

I run a sports tour and I had to step out of my depression comfort zone and smile to the players and be nice to everyone, even though inside I would rather crawl under the table and not talk to anyone.  But, I had a job to do and was in charge of about 100 people and couldn't just walk around like an unfriendly, non-smiling zombie while trying to run the business.

Now that I'm in an exceptionally good mood lately, I notice I am even talking to people at work I don't really like.  Yikes!  lol.

The last 4-5 years I just kept my head down while walking down the hall, now I want to say hello or good morning first.  And even to the people I always avoided, I crack a smile to and say my friendlies.

While I know I should have always been that way anyway, it's super tough to get out of bed to come to work, much less speak to people that annoy us.  And I actually do feel bad I was a miserable self of a person to be around for so long.  I should have seeked counseling, actually.  Wasn't really fair to my friends and coworkers to be around someone who looked like they hated life and living.

I am so thankful right now for finally being in a happy spot in my life.  A few of my friends have noticed it (or read here in my blog) and are so genuinely happy for me to see me out of my gloom state that I was in for so long.

No one can control grief.  No one can be forced out of depression.  Just one day you wake up and the sun is brighter than it had been in a long time.  And you finally want to get out of bed.  Want to talk to people.  Want to do things that are good for your soul and mind.

Until that sun rises high for us, we just slink away from everyone.

So, it's nice to finally feel "alive" again.  Missed the old me!