Some Choices are no Accident

When I was given the worst news of my life, that my Mom was not going to live much longer, and she would need to be moved to hospice, I was sitting there alone having to fill out paperwork and make decisions that at the time were a blur.

The lady that met with me was SUPER nice and supportive as she could be to a stranger.

She asked me, "Where do you want to move your Mom?"

"What?"  I asked her through tears, and a running nose, and a shy, confused voice.

I was not really understanding the question.

She said that there were two hospice locations.  Once was right next door to the hospital, the other was in downtown Fort Worth.

I said, "The one next door please," because I figured it would be easier on my Mom (even though she wasn't conscious), and because this way my neighbors could visit her easily, also.

Then she shares, "Well, just so you know all the rooms are filled there, but there may be an opening by tomorrow."

Huh?

I thought about it and said, "Well, then we will have to move her to the one downtown.  Can you give me the address and directions please?"

I didn't want my mom to stay any longer in this cold, lonely hospital than she had to.

The nice lady told me it would be a few hours before transportation came and picked up my Mom to take her to the hospice location downtown.

I spent time with Mom and eventually they came to get her.  I ran home quickly to get some things and then arrived ahead of Mom at the location.  I wanted to be there waiting on her and didn't want her to be alone one single minute.  Even though, again, she wasn't even awake and could not longer talk to me or even communicate in any way with me, I still didn't want her to arrive alone to this new place. 

I arrived at the place about 4pm, and sat with my Mom, talked to her, held her hand, cried my little heart out for hours.  About 9:45pm, Mom took her last breath.  It was the hardest thing to witness, but it was BEAUTIFUL because I was there by her side.

I was the love of her life.  And that was her wish - for her to be pain-free in hospice with me by her side.

I left the place in a blur. 

Of course I took off from work for a few days and only came in finally because I couldn't stand to be in the house alone anymore.

I got to my desk, started to lazily check email.  Within minutes, I started to daydream.  I looked out my window and just stared toward the window, not really looking at anything.

Then something caught my eye.

OH MY GOD.

I can see from my desk, right out my window, the building where my Mom was resting peaceful when she passed!

You might think this is morbid, but it is not.  It's the last place my Mom and I were together.  Just her and I.  Peaceful.  Beautiful.

I actually drive by this building a lot I would find out in the next two years.  Every time I go to the movies, I drive by it.  Every time I go get my nails done, I drive by it.

It is on my way to this little area called Montgomery Plaza and I go there for different things at least once a month or more.

Every time I drive by, I blow my Mom a kiss.  Every time.

Every time I drive by, I tear up.  Every time.

On my birthday just last month I happened to drive by the building that day and it made me smile and cry, because I miss her so much (esp on special occasions).

I am now thankful that other place was full.  I would never in a million years would have know beforehand that this building was visible from my office.  But I am thankful.  And blessed.

I LOVE YOU, MOM!!