Dog Love

I was having a rough day the other day and there I was in bed, crying.

Many women find themselves alone in bed crying at tough times in their lives.

I was pretty lucky, blessed, and fortunate though as my dog, Lily, was laying on the bed with me.  She looked up at me, as if she knew I was hurting and she snuggled toward me so I could hug her.

It was beautiful.

And amazing.

And comforting.

If you do not have pets, then you are prolly thinking "GROSS a dog on your bed??"

If you have pets, then you know EXACTLY what I'm saying and can even relate.

The thing is, I didn't realize how powerful the love from a dog can be until I got Lily.

And as I reflect back, the words from my Mom kinda haunt me right now.

I didn't know what she was talking about the last couple years of her life.  But now I do.

My Mom lost her beloved dog about 2 months after my Dad passed.  She was heartbroken!

I moved her to live with me in a town 5 hours away because she couldn't live by herself anymore.

She talked about getting a collie (the type of dog she has had most of her life, and that's all I recall growing up with), so we researched for shelties and we got her Izzy.

This is Izzy at Christmas

While Izzy is a GREAT (and previous showdog!) she was what we described as "skittish."  She would run away from you when you called her name or tried to reach out to her.  It was actually very frustrating.

Izzy loved Mom very much and my Mom loved her, but in the beginning, Izzy wouldn't get on my Mom's bed.  This went on for a few weeks and finally my Mom said, "I want a new dog."

WHAT?  I was livid!

"How can you want a new dog?" I gasped with shock.

Eventually, Izzy started to jump up on her bed and all was well in the world.

However, I was the human who fed Izzy and so she warmed up to me more.  She would follow me around the house and my Mom noticed.

Mom got jealous.

"Looks like Izzy is your dog now, I want a new dog."

OMG.  

WHAT?!

So, I started to ignore little Izzy so she would show more attention to my Mom and it worked.

Mom would have long hospital stays about 2-3 times a year and every time she would come back home, it would take a while for Izzy to get used to jumping back onto the bed with my Mom.

My Mom would frown and be sad and tell me, "I want a new dog."

My heart would break but I would also get upset at how she always wanted a new dog for some reason!

Well, now I know the reason.

And now I'm heartbroken about it.

I look into Lilly's eyes as she's on the bed with me and I talk to her.  I tell her how much I wish my Mom would have met her and been alive to see Lily and be around her.  Lily is EXTREMELY loving and Mom would have LOVED her.

Here is Lily and I

It breaks my heart that I didn't really HEAR my Mom.  While I love Izzy, she isn't a snuggle dog.  My Mom could have really used Lily.  :(

And Lily would have loved on her, snuggled with her, and been the companion my Mom so desperately needed while I was at work all day long.  Lily would have been her friend.  :(

Lily has been an amazing source of comfort for me.  It truly breaks my heart when I see how helpful Lily is to me, that she could have been helpful to my Mom.

Looking in her eyes, seeing her warmth.  That one blue and one brown eye.

I have told Lily that sometimes, I think my Mom's soul is in her, and that is why she is comforting me.  But then I wonder if Lily was born before or after my Mom's passing (Lily is a foster dog so I'm not 100% sure, but I know it's about around the same time frame).

I wish my Mom would have had Lily.

Izzy copies Lily now (which is pretty cool to see!) and she acts just like her!  So, Izzy now runs to me (instead of away from me), talks to me like Lily does, and even plays more now that Lily is in the house.

Another pic of Izzy after she got shaved!  My Mom never saw Izzy shaved but I think she would have been thrilled!

Izzy does not climb stairs for whatever reason, and so she does not come up the stairs and get on my bed, but I see her watch Izzy tromp up the stairs and I wonder, "Is Izzy jealous?  Does Izzy wish she would have jumped on Mom's bed more?"

I miss my Mom with all my heart.

And, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you, Mom.  I now know what you meant.  I wish I would have got my you a "snuggle" dog or you would have had Lily to snuggle with."

It really breaks my heart.  :(

Dogs are very amazing, comforting animals.