I have been recently baffled by the claws that come out when a female uses common, everyday words to a male, when that male has a significant other.
A friend of mine calls ALL her friends (guys or girls) "Honey" when she texts them or comments on their posts on FB. When she uses that verb, she's just being friendly and nice. She has a HUGE heart and she's indicating her care for another person when she uses the word. It does NOT mean she wants to be with the person.... AT ALL. She's just really nice.
She texted a male friend about an event coming up with their work. She said something like, "Hey Honey, are you bringing that table to event on Tuesday?" She meant no disrespect and was only trying to find the answer for her boss.
Later that night, she received an answer: "My wife doesn't appreciate you calling me Honey so please don't text me again. Yes, I'm bringing the table."
My friend was taken aback because she meant no harm or disrespect, she was just being herself, honestly.
I tried to explain that using that word to a married man whether intentional or not is not well received by some females.
I suppose if I think about all this, because I myself am greener than most people, I would also prolly get upset if a pretty female called my husband or boyfriend "honey." Especially if I didn't know the female or they weren't friends with me. So, I can relate.
Move forward 2 years later.
One of my married friends lost his Dad and THEN his brother, only a week apart!
Since I had just lost my Mom, I was deeply affected by the thought of losing two loved ones.
Everyone on FB was commenting on his post and I said from my heart something like, "I am so sorry for your loss, Honey. My heart is breaking for you."
I felt devastated for him.
Then a few days later I get a note on FB: "I Would Appreciate It If You Would Not Refer To My Husband As Honey."
I was like, What?? I didn't respond to her, as I knew to just leave it be. Instead, I talked to a few friends of mine about it and left it alone and just didn't post on his page anymore about ANYTHING. Before this occurred, her husband had always been a friend of mine, but after that, he no longer communicated with me about anything. I guess his wife said something to him about my use of the word Honey.
A month later, I saw them in person at an event. I went right up to her and asked if I could talk to her. She asked who I was (she had only seen me online) and I told her who I was and wanted to talk to her in private.
She immediately was rude to me and I told her, "All I wanted to do was apologize. I meant no harm and I had just lost my Mom and felt very sad for your husband that he lost two relatives so close to each other."
"Well, you were out of line."
"Yes and I'm sorry."
After a few more words, I walked away VERY upset as she lashed into me (I can't even remember all that was said because I got so angry so quickly) but she touched a nerve when all I was trying to do was apologize.
I got on FB when I got home and blocked her and deleted him from FB. He is no longer even cordial to me and has to ignore me.
All because of the word HONEY.
Even though I really can relate. All because of the word Honey.
1 comment:
"Honey," "Dearie," "Sweetie," "Sugar" and other various terms of endearment are, indeed, loaded words. Certainly, no hetro guys call other guys "Honey," but they might call women by that term. I say this because women can get by using the term with either sex. The trouble is, I feel it should be reserved for one's own, personal loved ones. Using it on others waters down its effect. In fact, I know for sure that some women -- many in the service industry -- dislike being called "Honey." I, myself, am guilty of misusing these terms of endearment. I was horrified at myself when on one occasion I actually called my ex-wife "Hon" in front of her current husband. I'm sure them man was infuriated. And I know I should not have done it. And I now find, in my old age, that I call more and more ladies "Hon" or "Honey." I feel I can get away with it because I'm old and not desirable, so what's the hard. But the fact is, such terms carry loads of baggage and it's good practice to use them with only the greatest caution. I'm so glad you wrote about this because I will now try to put the brakes on this kind of speech.
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