Perspective on Purpose

I've been having a tough time lately.

Back to my old self of feeling like I have no purpose.  Could really care if I live or die, honestly.

Even though I have a lot of cool, different things going on, I still have no desire or care to live.

Don't worry, I'm not getting out the wrist-cutting sharp objects, but I can tell you I'm not scared to die at all if something weird like a car accident happens.  I even envision driving off a bridge, lol.

So, imagine my confusion when I'm talking to a friend who has throat cancer.  As Sophia on the Golden Girls would say, "Picture This:"

• He has no family.  AT ALL (no children or living parents or relatives)
• He literally lives out of his van
• Funds are being raised so he can at least be in a hotel while he gets treatment, but those funds will be used up in a month.  (he needs a clean place and electricity to use his pumps and feeding tube)
• He has no job, and barely gets by, except with the occasional winning of a weekly pool tournament 
• He literally owns only the clothes he's wearing (which don't fit him any more), and he has no valuables or keepsakes.

And here is this man in his late 50s or early 60s telling me he's going to fight.  He's not giving up. 

Even hearing all that, still doesn't give me the desire to look forward to life and living, but for some reason, he has more spirit than I do.  And he has about 99% less things than I do.  And not just physical things, but other "things" - I have good friends, great job, projects I'm working on, trips coming up, etc.

I really have a great life.  People would kill to have this life.  And yet.... I don't care to fight to live lately.