Traumatic Event

For those who know me, know how much Lily (my rescue dog) means to me and is my entire world and my best friend. With no blood family left and because I live alone, she encompasses my entire heart and soul. I want to state up front that she is alive, so that as you begin to read below it doesn't scare you.

While Lily and I were walking in our neighborhood on Fri evening on August 14th around 8pm, she got attacked by 2 dogs. I was SCREAMING my head off and yelling and trying to get them off of her. I just knew they were killing her ;( It was awful and she was soooo scared. A neighbor came to help and he and I were both trying to get them off of her. Lily was able to finally get away from their grasp, but they chased her down and attacked her again. That neighbor ran up to the second attack area and kicked the dogs away from Lily. Lily then raced home, still being chased. But the female got tired and stopped and then another guy (a cable guy working on the street) was able to get the male away from Lily at my doorstep. I was screaming and yelling and crying the entire time. I thought they killed her during the first attack, the second attack, and in my front yard ;(

I raced to take her to the ER vet. I wasn't able to go in with her (due to COVID) and I had no idea if she would survive or not, it was so brutal. But she did! She had surgery and after 6 harrowing hours, I picked her up at 3am. She had many open wounds, and the vet was able to combine some together and so in the end there were 7 big areas he explored and then stitched up - they ranged anywhere from 3 to 8 inches inches long - around her neck, and the outside and inside of both back legs. :( Her back legs were the worst, with some muscle damage.

She had several ports to help drainage/ infection. She had pain the most in her back legs. I was to keep her not moving around as much as possible for 2 weeks (stitches stayed in for 2 weeks and she was to wear the Cone of Shame the entire time). I felt horrible she was in so much pain the first weekend! Really was breaking my heart. ;(. And I couldn't get out of my head the attack, either. I burst into tears every time I thought about the attack, which I know my crying upsets Lily so I needed to be stronger.

She is okay, tho! And it could have been a ton worse!! She could have died (been murdered) right there during the attacks, or had much, much worse injuries. They could have clipped organs or veins. And they just barely missed her left eye when one of the dogs clamped down on her face in the middle of the attack - she has a puncture wound near her left eye.

What I witnessed, it's truly a miracle she survived and I'm so thankful! We are still reeling from the trauma of the two dogs that attacked Lily, as it's a very slow, emotional, rough, tough process, with bursts of tears, anxiety, and nightmares, but her and I are together!

It's very surreal to be thankful after a traumatic event, but it could have been SO MUCH worse! She has rebounded very well (~50 stitches), and we were watched over for sure!

What I found out later: A cable guy accidentally didn't latch a gate to the backyard securely, and for whatever reason, two dogs (Blue Heelers) ran across the street at us and attacked Lily. We were walking very happy and not making any noise. Lily is very shy and doesn't even bark. No one understands. The female just had babies, but we were nowhere near their house and not making any noise. They do have aggressive dogs next door to them, but not sure that has anything to do with this. The vet shared that when there is more than one dog, they can act like a pack and attack for unprovoked reasons.

The cable guy kept apologizing as I was pulling out of the driveway with Lily to the ER, but I didn't understand why at the time. He was going to write a report of what happened, btw, to his company (but I haven't heard anything from them yet). The owners were not home at the time.

I am SO thankful that that neighbor helped Lily and I! He didn't have to jump in - as he could have got hurt himself. He said, though, that he can't stop thinking about the attack, either. It was just so brutal. And for him, he did not know what was going on at first when he heard my screams and saw the dogs across the street... didn't know if I was being attacked or a child or what, as Lily and I got pulled between a garage door and a car and he wasn't sure what he was about to see as he ran up to help. He told me recently that every time he walks out of his house he thinks of us. The attack didn't just affect Lily and I as you can see.

The mayor of my city lives next door to me and talked to witnesses and owners right after the event (I called him hysterical on the way to the ER vet). His wife put bandages on my hands and knees while I waited during Lily's surgeries (I had fallen hard during the attack and was bruised and scraped up, and got several deep rope burns from the leash, but the dogs did not bite me). And I told the Mayor the entire story.

Animal control came out the Monday after - and provided the owners photos of Lily's stiches around half her neck (which you can see in the photo below) and back legs. I heard they might not have had any idea how bad Lily got hurt by their dogs.

Lily's medical bills are near $2,200 now. I have not heard from the dogs' owners (no apology or anything). And I also have therapy costs - I am getting much needed therapy every two weeks.

Everyone told me Lily would recover, and that dogs are very resilient - and they were right! It was a rough couple of weeks, but she's doing so much better! :) She was wagging her tail after her naps, gave me kisses, had a great appetite - all within just a few days after the surgery. I was so relieved! Yes, her legs still hurt and need to heal, but yet she walked around the backyard days after, it's truly amazing. But mentally, we are both freaked out.

I took her to the vet a few days later and he was happy with her healing and progress. She even wagged her tail happily as she walked briskly (too briskly imo) back to the car, lol! The vet was worried more about me, than her, he told me. I have PTSD. Some days are worse than others, but it's def a traumatic event for her and I. 

A friend of mine told me this will bring Lily and I closer, and I couldn't even imagine such a thing as we already are, but she was right! Lily can tell I'm taking care of her when I clean her wounds twice a day and ensure she's comfortable. I even took her stitches out myself - and she didn't squirm - like she knew I was trying to help.

She seemed confused/sad as to why we weren't going for car rides and on walks like usual that first week after. I honestly didn't know if we could go on walks again. It's very unfortunate, as walking is one of my coping activities, and Lily got used to going and really looked forward to it every day (sometimes twice a day).

I could tell she really wanted to walk, as she stood at the door to the garage - staring at it, lol. I finally decided to take her to the pool area - which is not near our house - but she could at least walk and sniff around. Two weeks later we ventured to a park that I knew didn't have a lot of dogs. She seemed so happy! I was for sure relieved and also grateful to be outdoors walking, even if it was for only 10-15 minutes (she couldn't walk too long at first).

Lily and I would always go to a park Sat and Sun mornings, and we tried to get that started again after about two weeks. I was PETRIFIED! We shortened several walks due to dogs not on leashes at parks the first few weeks.

I bought an air horn after a recommendation from a fried, and I carry that and a stick with us every time. We are both very skittish, including any sudden noises. She squats down scared immediately (she never did this before), and I get scared as hell.

My life will never be the same. I even contemplated moving. And worse, I don't know if I could ever get a dog again, which breaks my heart because they can be beautiful, loving creatures, and are also a key part of my well-being.

I knew within 3 days of the attack that I needed help... and I looked for counseling by the end of the week. I am very proud of myself for doing that! I never did that in the past - so was very proud of myself. AND - the counseling is helping! I am getting great advice.

I still yet cannot drive down the street of where the attacked happened and FOR SURE can't walk that way. I was able to finally walk Lily around my own block, even though I checked over my shoulder the ENTIRE time, but it was a huge first step! I had been driving her to a park about 10 minutes away to walk, as walking was apart huge part of our routine. 

I believe everything happens for a reason, and I'm not angry about this. And while it's been a very rough time for her and I, it could have been MUCH worse, it could have been a child, it could have been stronger dogs that attacked her and killed her, it could have been a smaller dog that got attacked and killed, etc. Yes, I get mad at those dogs when I care for her wounds or think of the attack, but Lily survived and is recovering really well! 

We were both watched over that day - thank you, Lord!

A blessing, really. <3

I welcome any thoughts and prayers for Lily and I :)

My Dear Friend Loyce

I had been having this feeling, a sense, tugging at me. Specifically about how my friend Loyce was doing.

Loyce is my childhood best friend. She is also the only person from my high school who I kept in touch with all these years. I have known her longer than any other friend.

I called her Mom, Mom, and she called my parents, Mom and Dad.  We would visit each others' homes like they were our own all through high school.

We were so close that at one point my parents sat me down and asked if we were "together" and if we were, that it would be okay. Back in the late 1980s, that was unheard of to be accepting of that, and I admire they wanted to talk to me about it, but no, we did not have that type of relationship. Loyce and I were best friends and more like the sister I never had. 

Why did they even ask me that? I had been buying things for her, little gifts or needs and when I bought something for myself, I would buy her something similar.  My family did not have a lot of money when I was growing up, and her family had even less money (way less). And as I would figure out later in life - I had started my routine early in life of buying things for loved ones as a way to show my love (this would turn into a very bad trait from my 20s to my mid 40s when I spent WAY too much on boyfriends buying their love, in lieu of "buying for loved ones" - which is for another blog discussion some day).

As teenagers, her and I had numerous, very funny but could-have-been-scary situations that we found ourselves in. Yes, some might have involved alcohol, one a tractor, a few about boys, but otherwise many great car rides and laughter in my little white Toyota Corolla for many years, riding around happy and free, invincible teenagers.

Her laugh was amazing and contagious. Her smile unforgettable! I never saw her get upset, I only remember miles of smile, laughter, and happiness. She held her head high when her brother was found murdered under a bridge (it was ruled a suicide but it was impossible to hold a shotgun that way, and the family knew it was murder), when her sister moved away, and when eventually her Mom passed. Her Mom also was pretty and had a beautiful smile and a great personality!

When I was in college, Loyce contacted me and shared she was a Mom! She shared an unbelievable story. She was having terrible pains one morning and thought maybe it was real bad constipation. But the pain got so bad, she went to the ER. Turns out she was in labor!  Very skinny girls or big girls eventually stop having their period and she hadn't had hers in years. Plus, she thought she could not get pregnant, but she did! Her and her long-time boyfriend were very happy! She also shared that when she was in the hospital, the other mothers there would talk about things such as waddling or a discoloration under the belly, etc - and she would exclaim, I had those, too! It was all making sense.  

Years later, eventually her daughter would give her two grand-babies. I was so happy Loyce had a loving family around her - the love her Mom had for her was very obvious and beautiful, and I was happy she had that as well. Loyce was a loving woman with a heart of gold. 

Here she is with her daughter, Shanice:

We used to write letters (remember those?) as I would eventually leave the hard, poor streets of San Antonio to go to college in College Station, Texas, then move to San Marcus, Texas for my job, then Jacksonville, FL for a promotion, and then finally to the Fort Worth area. She would add stickers all over the cards and letters, and always send photos along! Her style of keeping in touch was so cute!

Here is my FAVE photo of her that she sent me, when she worked at QVC. She is SO beautiful, right?:

Eventually, we turned to email and no more stickers, dang it, but we were able to keep in touch easier. And then of course FaceBook allowed us to see each other on the computer screen, as I didn't go to back San Antonio for any long enough stays to visit, I'm afraid.

Back to this tugging feeling. I am one of those people that when someone passes away, I can sometimes sense it in my soul and heart. I can't explain it at all. It's never a premonition, more of after someone passes away who is close to me, I can sense it. I feel a different sort of way. It's not even a feeling, just an overwhelm-ness, 

Unfortunately, this sense recently was about my childhood Loyce, and the feeling was true: she had passed away.

I don't venture on Facebook that much anymore, but last night decided to get online to see if she was okay. Instead, I discovered she had passed away on her 51st birthday, just last month.

I cried out loud, uncontrollably crying. I knew in my heart she had passed and it hurt so badly. I missed telling her one more time that I loved her.

Two years ago, Loyce went through a traumatic experience. Both of her legs had to be amputated due to diabetes. I cried and cried and was so distraught hearing that. Yet, in all her photos and messages, she was always upbeat, positive, happy, constantly smiling, and I never saw one single complaint! And she didn't shy away from going out with friends for special occasion (like her birthday - her friends showered her every year on her birthday!).

On Loyce's 50th birthday with her daughter, Shanice.

I know she is smiling in Heaven with our Moms! She is no longer suffering and in pain. And I can only imagine she hated to be taken care of her, and now she is in God's hands being free and smiling.

RIP Loyce. You will be missed beyond words. 

Making Memories with Friends

I had some realizations late last year.

I've shared before that when I spend time with friends, instead of just dinner, I want us to do things that creates memories for both of us (view link about this here).

In March, Oct, and Nov (of 2019), I filled my bucket list with a few things that I've thought about doing for some time. Those particular things I could have easily done on my own, but I thought it would be more special to share the experiences with a friend, so both of us have the memories.

Like overnight with animals at Fossil Rim - what a treat that trip was! (view link)

I also finally attended, The Promise, that I REALLY loved and recommend! It's been on my bucket list as well, and I knew my friend Tina would probably enjoy the live story, because she is close to God, also. (view link to see more photos)

And in the Spring I swam with otters finally! (well, sort of, but I still checked that off on my list : ) (view link)

For whatever reason, there's so many things nowadays that kids get to do, see, or go to that weren't around when we were little. One such thing is a pumpkin patch. However I was finally able to attend one at the end of October! And I invited my friends Dana and Ann. (view link about the day).

I also went to the Dallas Arboretum with my great friend Julie back in 2018 for Christmas!

Additionally, I've been walking every two months or so at really cool walking spots with my friend Erin. She shared with me the other day that she would never have done any of those things unless I asked her to go. And the first walk we went on, I surprised her and took her to the two oldest cemeteries in Fort Worth, because I remembered she loves cemeteries. We walked and talked for over 4 hours at the two cemeteries, reading tombstones, talking about what we read or about the different setups of the departed, and it was a really cool memory.

What I think is really wonderful, is me making memories is also making memories for my friends. I feel like it's an amazing gift I'm able to share with them. It didn't hit me until late last year what was actually happening, and I think it's pretty dang awesome. I'm actually crying right now because it's not necessarily a purpose in life, but this is definitely an impact on other people's lives.

To know that I'm taking Erin to places she never would have gone, spending a few dollars for Dana and Ann to go see a pumpkin patch (AND neither had ever been to the Dallas Arboretum), taking Tina to The Promise (which she probably never would have done), lifts my spirits. Spending time with Leslie at Fossil Rim on an the overnight trip was very memorable, also.

Heck, even my bucket list item for myself - to do an outdoor photo shoot cake smash - was sort of like making memories for my friends as well, right? They all enjoyed the photos and seemed to really love what I did. It was like we experienced it together.

This might sound weird and confusing, maybe a little vain, but I swear my heart is in the right place (especially because I didn't realize I was doing this), but it hit me that I like helping making memories for my friends, that they otherwise may not have ever done. Instead of doing all those things by myself, I'm spending time with dear friends and giving them an experience they simply may not have done.

Now, I don't make plans to accomplish this, it just started happening.

I do think it's a tad bizarre I completed so many of my bucket-list items in such a short period of time (just in the last 12 months), almost like I'm getting ready to die or something, lol. I'm not scared of dying, as I've had a beautiful life, but sure seems fishy lol.

I am actually glad I'm single right now. I think helping many of my friends have these experiences that they may not have done in their lives otherwise, is a beautiful thing. To be a part of this brings my heart much joy!

RIP Karen Atwell

My colleague and friend, Karen Atwell, passed away at the very young age of 53 on March 16th.

While she was in the hospital with phenomena, my heart was scared for her. You know, that instinct we sometimes feel. I reached out to her to show my love, but didn't get a response.

Since her passing, I have thought of her a lot.  I also come across things that remind me of her often.  

We first met when I traveled to Tampa for work and stopped by an office there.  We immediately connected as we both loved and missed our Moms dearly - almost paralyzing for each of us back then.  We could relate and we had an immediate bond because of that understanding that is tough to describe - it can only be felt.

She was a great friend.  She had a huge heart.  She had a beautiful soul. She laughed a lot and her laugh was memorable!  I just loved her laugh.  She was so caring to everyone and her loss has hit many of us in ways that's difficult to describe. She made an impact and was a truly awesome person.

Her and I spent many nights drinking after work for about a year, and we became really close spending all that time together.  After that year, she went back to Tampa, but we kept in touch.  She sent me an adult coloring book of all-Paris things as a gift during a very-long-stint of stress at work.  When she came to Fort Worth in June of 2018, she blocked off an entire day just to spend with me and we spent the day going to the Botanical Gardens. We walked and talked and laughed and caught up. 

She was hysterical and fun and a great woman.  Too young to leave her family and friends, for sure.

I love and miss you, Karen.

Photo Gallery of My 50th Birthday Adult Cake Smash Photoshoot

Excited to share some of the photos of my 50th Birthday Adult Cake Smash Photoshoot!!

To read about all the amazing, cool details, click here!