This was me.
When I was in my teens, any correspondence with my Real Dad upset my Mom badly - to the point she would leave work crying. I made a conscious decision to stop talking to him until I left the house. I just couldn't put my Mom through that anymore.
Life would go by with very few cards or calls between us even after I left the house, but a quarter of a centruy later (when I was 35 years old), we finally reconnected and we saw each other for the first time in 25 years. Then, we talked or emailed or sent cards much more frequently.
All through those 25 years, though, my heart wondered if he missed me, thought about me, loved me, talked about me? Even after we reconnected, I still didn't truly know how he felt about me. Sure, he told me he loved me a lot, and just by the sound of his voice I could feel how much he loved me when he said the words (it was actually truly magical), but I didn't really know the truth depth of that love.
Now, though, I know.
His wife, Henna, was telling me again just last night that he talked about me all the time, almost every single day. He expressed to her all the time how much he loved me and missed me. My Dad passed away 4 years ago, and she brings up almost every time we talk just how much he expressed all the time how much loved and missed me. I think it's important to her to make sure I know.
It makes me cry to know this now. After 25 years wondering if he thought of me or missed me (his only child), turns out he did. I just didn't know it; I had no idea.
It doesn't take away the pain, but it sure means the world to me to know this now.
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