Dealing with Coworkers

I seem to have an issue with how to deal with coworkers who treat others badly or when they are doing things that may not be best for others.  I kinda want to save the world! and make things right.  However, my way of thinking isn't the best solution.  Hell, to be honest, it's not even a solution!

I admit it, I am wrong in the way I think.  I think a part of me wants to run to the head boss (who is a friend of mine) and share things could be better and why and share my disappointment about the person for how they are acting.

But I don't see it as a helpful conversation, I more so see it as kinda complaining about them.  Further, if I can use a child's vernacular, I think maybe I kinda want to "Get them in trouble."

I wonder why that is?  I mean, I don't really want to get anyone in trouble.  But I do want change and for some reason I feel running to the bosses will change a person.  It all comes down to their personality and we all know we can't change personalities, lol.

This leads me to my leadership experience of the week.

About 25 years ago I was at work and this coworker messed up his project badly.  I went to my supervisor and vented about him.  His response was spot-on and something I wish I would have remembered this week dealing with some things at my current job. (decided to jot this down in my blog to hopefully help me remember this :)

His response was, "Did his error directly affect you?"

"uh, no, no it didn't."  in my best Donkey voice from Shrek.

Hmm, damn, it didn't!  lol

It doesn't take away that I was still miffed of his error (as he should have known better from my point of you), but my supervisor was correct.  His lack of proficiency did not directly affect me and my job, so why go and bitch about it or be upset about it or vent to my coworkers about it?

If I was to propel myself 15 years into the future, I would maybe remember the AWESOME book "The Question Behind the Question" (QBQ) that has helped me interact so much more positively with coworkers I don't really like.  (that topic is for another blog post, lol, but I HIGHLY recommend that very short and powerful book.  Only tool that actually ever helped me deal with coworkers that get on my nerves.  Highly recommend it.)

So, let's get to this week.

This week there was a conference and the guy running it was his usual abrasive, condescending self.  He was very loud, sometimes rude to others, and he also interrupted all the speakers so he could add his opinion.  Now, this is his normal personality around work, but I am disappointed and upset he acted that way at the conference.

I found myself complaining about him and upset with his actions, due to all the complaints I heard about him this week.  I hadn't even set one foot into the conference, yet here I was judging him based on all the bad things I heard.

I felt bad today that I was bad mouthing him, instead of thanking the people who helped put the event together.  Focus on the positives, not the negatives, Melinda!  Ugh, disappointed in myself, honestly.

Then I asked my boss for some advice.

More gems for my leadership toolbox:

He said that even if we do go complain, we are complaining about people's feelings of how they were treated.  We can't be a champion for everyone. If they are upset, then they need to say something.  What I CAN control is to offer a suggestion to have an anonymous feedback mechanism about the conference so people can be honest in that avenue if they wish.

Further, my boss told me even if I/we do go complain, is it going to change this guy?  Is he all of a sudden after 50+ years going to change his personality with a simple sit down talk from his boss about how he acted at a conference?  Heck, do we even know if his boss would even talk to him anyway?  My boss was right.  Complaining to anyone wont change the guy.

The third thing he said was we need to share things that we can build on in the future about the conference or what was learned in it (from the attendees).  IE, something else we can control.

I think I need to remind myself of two things:  Does this directly affect me?  And, go back and read QBQ or look at my notes from the book.

Hopefully this blog post will be a great reminder to me when I am upset over things I think I can control.

Retirement On the Horizon

I went to a financial advisor the other day.  My very first time going to one.

With the idea that I am eligible to retire just 9 years away, it was time to see if I can/should retire.

What I found out was I can retire when I'm eligible  Yay!  And not only that, if I do retire when I'm eligible, I will be fine financially.

It was quite comforting to get confirmation that I don't have to keep working past that eligibility age if I don't want to.  And that leads me to my thoughts today.  Just because I can retire, should I?

I have decided two things:  If I still love coming to work, I will prolly not retire.  If I do decide to retire, I need to make sure of my plans of what to do next.

In other words, I can't see myself just traveling the countryside the rest of my life.  Sure, I can do that for the first year maybe, but after that I will want to do something that gives me purpose, like I have found several times in my life (and currently have with my job).

I am thinking I would like to continue to help with end-of life-care services somehow.  That would mean a career change, or maybe volunteering.  Either way, I feel like I am not done helping others.  And lately I have helped a few friends recently with the loss of a loved one and can tell that's where my heart lays right now of how to help others.

I wonder when I read back on this entry in 9 years where I will be with my thoughts about my retirement plans and options?  Sounds exciting already where I will be!

:)

Young then Old

Back about 1984, I attended a chili cook off with my parents.  It was in the country with big oaks trees all around and lots of tents that held cooks of the want-to-be-winners.  I was a frail, young, teenage girl about 14 I think.  I don't recall exactly how I looked this day, but I doubt I was wearing makeup, wasn't wearing cute clothes, probably barely even combed my dirty blonde hair haha.

My parents were hanging out with another couple, who had a daughter who was about 18 or 19 I would guess.  She was GORGEOUS.  She had green eyes, dark hair, and was wearing something country but sexy that showed her figure.  She had her makeup perfect, her hair done nicely, and she was simply stunning.

And I wasn't the only one who noticed.  I witnessed a TON of guys hit on her.  A ton.  They were coming up to her and hitting on her like crazy.  As a little teenage girl, I was mesmerized by what was going on, but also confused.

I mentioned a couple of times to my parents that she was getting all the attention.  I can remember whining about it lol.  As I reflect back, I was envious of the attention she was getting.  And I was very confused why I wasn't also getting attention?  I was a girl, also, why wasn't anyone trying to talk to me?  I was standing right next her most of the day, as we walked along the dirt paths checking out the tents, yet I was invisible to all the guys who came up to her trying to talk to her.

What my parents shared with me and tried to explain was it was her age why she was getting so much attention and in time I would go through the same thing.  It didn't make sense to me at the time.  Like, not AT ALL.

Obviously now it does.  She was older and grew into her own body.  I was still undeveloped and just a kid.  She was almost an adult already.  So, the guys were giving her all this attention and hitting on her.  She took it well, just laughed and smiled and said thank you all day long.  She really was a beauty with those green eyes and very pretty.

What has happened now is something I knew would happen eventually..... I am at the other end of the spectrum!  Instead of too young, I'm now too old!

So, I'm at the age again where no one notices me again.  It's a funny thing in life, to go through this.  I mean, we ALL go through this.  But it is interesting nonetheless.  I'm not complaining, as I have internal beauty and a great heart.  Plus, there was 30+ years of in-between the too-young and too-old where people would try to talk to me.  And more importantly, I'm happier at this age than any other age!

The ship has passed, tho.  I better start showing my personality more now, LOL!