My Pie Was Missing

P.I.E. is well known in the leadership world.

It's not just your Performance or how well you do your job that can help you get a promotion, but if the selecting officials recognize your name (Exposure), or have heard of the projects you are involved with, that is better for you in the long run.  And let's not forget about your Image; if you are looked upon as a good person, personable, friendly, and they have heard that - it's great for a promotion.  Employees love People Persons (people that get along well with others).

P.I.E. = Performance, Image, Exposure

And here's how it breakdowns:

Surprised??  Performance is only 10% of a promotion.  Only ten!  Exposure and Image are more important.

Taken these words from another blog:

"Although Harvey Coleman's book Empowering Yourself, The Organizational Game Revealed was published way back in 1996, its implications still resonate true today. If all you do is perform your job well then you’ll get some form of pay raise or bonus, which for some people is perfectly okay. To get a promotion you’ll need to perform well, cultivate a positive image, and proactively gain exposure to a broad array of the right stakeholders."

Briefly stated, Coleman asserts that career success is based on the 3 key elements of Performance, Image and Exposure (a.k.a. PIE):

1. Performance: this is about the day-to-day work you’re tasked with and the quality of the results you deliver.
2. Image: this is what other people think of you. Your personal brand. Do you maintain a positive attitude? Do you lead with solutions to issues, or are you the person that solely offers roadblocks when others suggest changes or alternatives?
3. Exposure: Who knows about you and what you do? Does your boss know what you do? Does their boss know you and what you do? Do others inside and outside your organization know anything about you?

I was taught this in my leadership classes over 12 years ago.  I lived and breathed it, hearing the advice from the leaders around me.  Then, a couple of my positive bosses moved on, and a negative was left behind.  He was from another mold, and it really brought me down.

But, something worse happened that I didn't see with my own eyes, for over a year or more.

I am saddened to write this, but I no longer lived and breathed Pie.  While I was still a great worker, a team player, the go-to person, the manager/friend people could depend on, I also lost part of my personality.

And part of our personality is the best part of PIE.

You see, I lost my best friend, my Mom, in August 2011.  She considered me the "love of her life."  I cared for her for 4 years, but the last year was the worst.  I was with her in and out of hospitals for over 3 years, with the last being the longest stays and the worst times. 

While I still did my job very well, and was dependable and got all my work completed, I wasn't the same happy person as I used to be.

And then when my Mom passed, I literally grieved for an entire year. 

If you don't know what that really entails, let me try to explain. 

I became a hermit.  I didn't want to talk to anyone.  I didn't "feel" happy.  I didn't smile.  I mourned; grieved; for a year.

What this also means is, I was detached.  And I was ok with that (at the time).  I didn't want to be around anyone at work WHILE at work.  I would literally be on the same conf call as my coworkers who would gather in a room together, while I sat in my office and listened on a separate phone.  I admit I also did this so I could concentrate.  In a room full of people, they would sometimes chat while the conf call was going on and I couldn't hear the convo on the phone.  However, it was a good excuse to sit alone in my office and not be around anyone.

Since I didn't want to smile, since I wasn't happy, I didn't want to be around anyone.  Why would I want to be around anyone?

So, I fully admit the last three years at work have been kinda a blur.  I was for sure disengaged and disassociated.

So, my PIE went out the window.  I was not present and no one saw me anymore.  And so my image went from "happy Melinda" to "where is Melinda?" Further, my exposure was literally nil.

And, I can tell it's hurt me a little.

Just last month someone visited our office and wanted to talk to me later in the week.  I thought the topic would be work-related.  Instead, he wondered what was going on with me.  "What's going on?  Where is the Melinda I used to know?"  I was stunned.  He had only seen me in the hall for 10 minutes and I tried SO hard to smile and act happy.  I guess the facade wasn't masked.

He basically could tell I wasn't happy.

I wasn't.

And that something was causing me to be distracted and withdrawn.

He tried to tell me I should be happy.  I should smile again; I "could" smile again.  He was the third person in span of three weeks who said sorta the same thing to me.

I can tell my personality changed with my Mom's death, or maybe it was just the grieving process?  I was just so sad and disengaged, and no longer myself.

I am finally trying VERY hard now to be happier and be the "old Melinda."  The one who would ask a coworker in the hall how their day was going.  Or actually look up into their eyes to say good morning.  I'm TRYING.

However, something else is going on at the same time that I was grieving and missing my PIE.  Someone at my work is working PIE to it's fullest.  Am I jealous?  Sure.  But, I also see they are overworking it and it's really not "networking."  And as in anything in the world, no one likes an asskisser that is favored.

But, they became friends with one of my bosses that used to depend on me and "like" me.  I don't think they now dislike me, but because I made myself distant because I was detached, I wasn't around enough for them to even consider me for things. I honestly didn't feel respected anymore; and that is very important to me.

The one boss I could count on moved on and got a promotion.  He was our only advocate in the office for many of us.  Further, he respected us no matter what.  And, he was the best leader we ever had.  We all miss his guidance, leadership and the way he treated us and handled issues.

I don't want to say my detachment hurt my over-all career, but I think it has a little bit.  My Mom would be SO VERY disappointed and upset.  I think she would think it would be her fault, because she was sick and I had to take care of her.  But I CHOSE to take care of her because I love her, with all my heart.  She was my everything and I was HER everything. 

If my career suffers because I grieved because I loved someone, I am okay with that.  I can live with doing the right thing for my Mom in the last years of her life. 

I honestly don't think my career suffered, because I wasn't bidding out at the time anyway, and so I truly believe I am okay.  But I DO think it hurt me from being more involved in some "Exposure" projects.  Only because this coworker is involved in a "big" team project I wish I was involved in.  One that has PIE written all over it!

I don't dislike this person b/c they are using PIE, I dislike them because I kinda feel like they took away the friendship I had with my boss.  While this person was going to lunch everyday with them, I hid in my office not wanting to be around anyone.  In a way, it's my own fault.

However, I don't like to be around negative people, or people who bring me down, or make me feel bad about myself.  This person and my old boss made me feel like that.  Their negativity and gossiping about others is something I didn't want to be a part of during my quiet hour (lunch). 

But, the bottom line is Exposure is extremely important to getting jobs/promotions.  And Image is very important, also.

That's why I keep my personal life private, and my work life separate.  They see a female playing pool and they don't see a responsible woman competing and testing her leadership skills.  Instead they see a person going to smokey bars, around alcohol, and wasting my time.  What I see is a person who has become a better person through the lessons of competition and mental toughness, and running very large organizations with over 300+ members that involve pool for over 10 years.

Bottom line is PIE is important and mine was missing for a while.  I plan to get it back.  :)

I love you Mom.  You were worth it and everything happens for a reason and I am still a great employee, coworker, and teammate.