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Thursday, May 24, 2012

No Regrets


I love this!  I have no regrets.  None; not at all.

Why?

Because I live by the belief that everything in life happens for a reason and makes us stronger for the future; to help ourselves or to help others.

Breakups, or some decisions I've made in the past, or some choices that weren't the best, I'm not proud of.  But they all still make me, ME.

I have lots of things to be thankful for!  And if there are things others may see as "regrets," I don't view them that way.  Instead, I see them as learning experiences; strength; courage to make changes, or to get back up.

Regret is not a word I use.  Do I feel bad sometimes for some of my decisions?  Of course!  But, every decision leads to a better me, so I can be better for those around me.

Monday, May 21, 2012

My Aunt Carol and Uncle Charlie

You never know just how impactful people can be in life.  And how they show up at just the right times, with the best advice.

This is perfectly proven by my Aunt Carol and Uncle Charlie.

My Mom remarried in 1981 to Thomas Bailey and they were married for 25 years until his death.  When they got married, I gained a huge Bailey family!  My Dad had 6 brothers and sisters and I all of a sudden became the second oldest grandchild, and the oldest granddaughter.  :)

I hadn't had family around too much before that.  My Mom's parents had passed when I was young and we didn't keep touch with my real Dad's family or my Mom's sisters' family.  So, all of a sudden I'm 11 years old with a HUGE family.  Grandma Bailey welcomed me into the family with open arms, and I will never forget how I felt loved and welcomed right away.

The Bailey crew treated me well and I loved that I had cousins and aunts and uncles that I saw for holidays and special events.

Little did I know that one Aunt in particular would help me several times throughout important points of my life.  And her husband, is helping me now.  

When I graduated college in 1992, my Mom had back surgery and my Dad had open heart surgery.  They could not travel 5 hours to Texas A&M for my graduation nor come up to maybe celebrate together for a nice dinner.  Ironically, my Aunt Carol and Uncle Charlie lived in College Station and they magically stepped up and held a get-together for me.  It was small, nice, and PERFECT.  My Aunt Carol put it all together for my special day.  I honestly do not know if she was even asked; I think she just decided to do it because she knew it was an important time in my life that deserved a little attention.  

Little did I know this wouldn't be the first, nor the last time she would help me in critical points in my life. 

Altho divorced now, in 2005 I got married in a small but beautiful wedding ceremony in San Antonio, Texas.  I sent out the invitations and for some reason, my Aunt Carol and Uncle Bailey didn't receive one!  Luckily, Aunt Carol called me and I am SO glad she did - I had no idea they didn't receive the invite.

Little did I know that her calling and them coming to the ceremony would soon be a biggest blessing!!

For my special day, I wore a dress that made me feel like a princess!  And I had heard my Dad was dressed to the 9s as well.  As I was getting ready in my bridal room, all the aunts came in to visit me, including my Aunt Carol.  They all told me, "You look SO beautiful!"

I tried not to cry and give them all a big hug in my tight dress I could barely breathe in, lol.  Then Aunt Carol said, "You should really let your Dad see you."  I looked at her confused, as the words didn't make sense.  She continued, "Your Dad looks amazing and so do you.  If you see each other for very first time at the top of the aisle, you will both lose it too much to even walk together!"

So, they went to get my Dad.

Sure enough, as he walked in to the bridal room, he and I both lost it!  I had never seen him look so handsome, and his little girl was getting married.  All his sisters watched us hug and cry.  They shed tears also as they witnessed this amazing, beautiful, special, emotional moment between father and daughter.

My proud Dad and I  :)

My Aunt Carol was SO right.  If I had seen him when we were first to meet up at the top of the aisle, we each wouldn't have been able to handle it.  It was THE single best advice I received about my wedding day, and I am very thankful my Aunt Carol shared that with me.  I now share this amazing advice with others.

Two years later, Aunt Carol would help me again.

In 2007, my Dad passed away.  As I stood in the kitchen, with my Mom sitting beside me as I held her, I made the extremely painful phone calls to his brothers, sisters, and friends to tell them the news.  I called my Uncle Charlie and told him the sad news about his brother.  Although the phone call was shocking, he helped me out by calling a few people, so I wouldn't have to be the only one to call everyone.  While my Dad was sick and not healthy, his passing was still unexpected.

About 30-60 minutes later, my Aunt Carol calls.  "I know you are busy, but I want to tell you that if your Dad had a life insurance policy...." I interrupted, "A small one."  She shared, "Well, the funeral home will pay for the expenses through the life insurance policy.  You wont have to pay anything, and the life insurance company and the funeral home will handle all the paperwork." 

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, and that will also be the avenue that the life insurance company is informed of his passing."

No one had ever passed away that close to me, so I had NO idea this was the case.  I hadn't even thought about how we would pay for the cremation.  Everything was still a shock, because not only did he pass unexpectedly, my Mom and I found him passed away.  So, I wasn't thinking too clear.

I called the funeral home, gave them the info, and all was taken care of; just like my Aunt said. 

She helped me out SO much.

You have to understand that because we live in separate cities, I don't really keep in touch with my Aunt Carol or even see her.  She just seems to pop up with the best advice, at the perfect times, at the most critical points of my life.

I promise you that if I was to have a child, she would call me and tell me something no else had said to me to help me have a smooth delivery.  She's like my Guardian Angel of Life.  Shes slips in and out at the most important parts of my life, and offers advice and knowledge like no other.

And there's more:

When my Mom was in a "rehab facility" (i.e., nursing home), my Aunt called and gave me advice about medicare and medicaid.  My Aunt was now an office manager of a nursing home and knew the ins and outs of the policy/paperwork.

And when my dear Mom passed in August 2011, my best friend in the world and my reason for living, she had been sent to hospice with me by her side.  My Aunt Carol did THE one thing I needed:  She called, asked if I needed anything, knew I wanted to be alone with her, and didn't bother me again.  She recognized to not keep me on the phone, just to quickly offer her assistance if I needed anything, and to not make things worse by forcing her way to come see us.  She recognized my Mom and I would be best together, alone, just the two of us.  But, Aunt Carol still let me know she was there if I needed to talk.

The reason why this sticks out to me, is because several family members were insistent that they come to be with me in hospice with my Mom.   It put me in a VERY awkward position to tell them no.  I needed to be spending quality time with the last hours with my Mom, not on the phone with people who all of a sudden wanted to be there for us. 

As I look back at all the pivotal times in my life that she has helped me, I am amazed and flattered and THANKFUL she is part of the Bailey family, also.  I cannot begin to express without crying how much she has helped me through tough times, happy times, and important points in my life.

Me and Momma

Her husband is now helping me.  I am all alone without Mom, no one else because I am an only child.  My Uncle Charlie follows me on facebook!  He "likes" my funny photos or he comments on my sad posts about the loss of my Mom that still hurts.  I feel like he's watching over me for my Mom and Dad, just by simple little clicks of the "like" button.  He's the only Bailey Aunt or Uncle that does that almost every other day and I can't even begin to express how much the simple gesture means to me that he keeps up with me.

The whole Bailey family is wonderful!  I hate to single anyone out as my cousin Kelly is amazing and my other aunts are truly awesome, it's just that my Aunt Carol and Uncle Charlie seem to take care of me.  They are gifts from God.

Aunt Carol and Uncle Bailey:  THANK YOU!  And, I love you.

Uncle Charlie and Aunt Carol, circa 2007

Friday, May 4, 2012

BoatLift - Video about 9/11

Get your hankeys.  Very moving untold stories of resilience during 9/11.

Tom Hanks narrates the epic story of the 9/11 boatlift that evacuated half a million people from the stricken piers and seawalls of Lower Manhattan.


Thursday, May 3, 2012

Touching Words from Work Friends About Mom

When my Mom passed on August 19th (2011) (the hardest day of my life), my boss sent this email out the next day to let my coworkers know:

"I share with sadness that Melinda's mother passed away last night.  She had been in ICU since early last week, following major hip surgery.  Many of you know that Melinda had been the primary caregiver for her mother over the past few years, and she'd tirelessly dedicated her time and energy to the welfare of her chronically ill mom.  I think her courage through all this has been pretty inspirational, frankly. "

Then a coworker emailed me later that day:

"Sorry to hear about the passing of your mom.  You were a true hero in doing everything that you could to keep your mother happy and to take care of her during the final years.  It is a tough battle doing this by yourself.  Throughout the entire ordeal, you always kept a wonderful balance of work and taking care of your mother.  She is in a better place now, and you can take solace in knowing that you did all you could for her.  You really did.  If there is anything that I can do for you in the days or weeks ahead, let me know."

I miss my Mom SO much!   Mother's Day is around the corner and I think it might kill me.  :(

My Mom, 5 years ago when she was healthy.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Bug Man

My Mom did not leave the house, except when I drove her to her doc appts.  We would occasionally go to Walmart, because they had a scooter she could use.  She was embarrassed she had to wear an oxygen line and have an oxygen bottle with her at all times, and she was too weak to walk.

So, she didn't have many friends.  My neighbor came to visit her, I lived with her, her nurse came once a week (that she adored), and then there's The Bug Man.

My Mom either liked you, or didn't.  If her favorite nurse couldn't come by and a temp came instead, my Mom would be short, snappy, and rude.  She wanted her favorite nurse that made her feel comfortable and loved.  Not someone who just took vitals with no personality or kindness.

Although I never met him, my Mom mentioned The Bug Man to me several times.  Todd visited 4 times a year for 3 years and he took the time to talk to her.  She enjoyed seeing him, even for those few times.  She's a talker if she liked you and because she wasn't around people a lot, I'm sure she talked Todd's ear off!  :)

Todd happened to come by the house for an appt, the same week my Mom passed.  I was home, trying to find my lost way through the empty, lonely house when he rang the door bell.

To see his reaction to the news that my Mom passed, told my heart just how much he cared for her, will miss her, and enjoyed their talks.

8 months later, I leave him a note along with the check and tell him simply, "I miss my Mom so much."

He left me this note, which makes me cry every time I re-read it:

(click photo to enlarge)