A friend of mine used to insert her foot in her mouth all the time. However, what she didn't know was, when she did it to the likes of me over 15 years ago, my low self esteem couldn't handle it.
Sure, she didn't mean to be that way.
Her close friends defended her. "She's just that way, hahaha. It's funny how often she does that."
Huh?
She was hurting me!
So, why should I put up with someone who always spoke with their foot in their mouth? Why should I be friends with someone who hurt me all the time?
Sure, it was really MY reaction and I couldn't control my low self esteem thoughts process. But, it still hurt back then.
It was a huge step for me to stop talking to her. Yep, instead of facing the situation, I simply quit talking to her.
She did live in another city, so I didn't run into her but 5-10 times a year.
Fast forward 5 years or so, and I run into her again. I say my hello's back, but I don't engage in conversation with her. I hear through the grapevine she got a divorce. Then I hear she found a new guy, and they got married.
Fast forward 5 more years and I decide that the people I chose to stop talking to, that I should become mature and at least be friendly instead of standoffish. Let's face it, avoiding people and not talking to someone is a lot harder on us than it is on them.
I see this woman again shortly thereafter and I engage in conversation with her.
WOW, was I impressed!
She not only was NOT talking out of turn, being rude, or inappropriate, she was NICE. She was smart. Listening to what she was doing now in her life, made me WANT to be around her; get to know her more. I know admired her for HER maturity.
I made it a point to tell her the truth. "Hey, I quit talking to you. But, I like you now! A LOT."
She then shared that her abruptness was from being with her ex husband.
Huh?
Really?
Although her new husband is a huge influence on her emotionally - he is extremely smart, caring, gifted, and encourages her - it was more the EX that caused her to be so immune to her crass words and lack of self pity toward her friends. He was a rude, insensitive guy and it rubbed off on her. What's funny about this is - I never saw this side of him - I had no idea he was like that.
Anyway, her true self was never able to shine with him in her life. He held back the woman I now love to talk to and be around.
She is now one of my most admired of all my friends. I truly look up to her and SO enjoy being in her presence.
I'm pissed at her EX for holding back this beautiful, caring woman from us for so many years.
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