Sharing About Sobriety

There are several "initiatives" at my workplace, and one is about Recovery.

They said we can submit our stories for a presentation at the end of the month. "Be a part of the ABC's of Alcohol event while maintaining your anonymity!" 

Ooooh, I want to do that - I want to submit some things about my sobriety!

But I don't even know where to begin.

So, this morning while still lying in bed, I looked up some of my previous blog entries about not drinking anymore.  They are here:

• Inner Turmoil Doing the Right Thing (for Myself)
• Jealous of Drinkers?
• Friendships Are Stronger Since Not Drinking
• 365 Days Ago
• Alcohol to Calm Nerves
• Recovery Process
• Feeling 100%

While it was cool to reminisce, I still don't know what to submit. Not because I don't like to talk, not because I don't like to share, and not because I'm ashamed, it's because I have SO MUCH to say. :)

They are going to share some of the stories we submit intermittently throughout the presentation - hell, I could BE that entire presentation. hahaha.  Vain much, Melinda?  

Seriously, it's really not about being vain but instead I have so much I can talk about: how as a child and teenager I was around alcohol all the time, how wanting to drink was a daily thought throughout most of my life, how I tried to quit drinking many times, how I used alcohol as an excuse for not wanting to feel painful emotions, how I became sober and how sobriety has helped me lead a better/happier life.

But I seriously don't even know where to start.

What I do know is, I should have many, many more blog posts than just the few above about my sobriety.  Heck it's been over 7 years since I finally had my last drink from being a deep drinker - I need to blog more about it!  Oh, but wait, where would I begin?

Here are some photos of me drinking in my 40s:  Can you tell I liked pomegranate martinis?

Not By Myself

I go to restaurants all the time by myself, a simple consequence of living alone.

It's never bothered me to sit alone in a restaurant or at the bar of a restaurant. I share this because a close friend of mine has major anxiety and is so self-conscious about dining alone, she avoids it if at all possible. To me, it is a normal feeling, normal situation.

A few months ago, I went to an IHOP to have a late morning breakfast while my car was being worked on. I love me some IHOP and crave their delicious pancakes.

Several times over the years, I would sometimes see someone else in the restaurant within eyesight that is also eating alone. It crosses my mind - do I have the guts to ask them if I can sit with them or would they like to sit with me? I was never brave enough to approach them. But, as we both would sit there, each other on our phones or just eating alone, it made me think it would be neat if someday that might really happen.

Low and behold, this opportunity came up at that IHOP! I was waiting to be seated when another lady came in the door to eat also. As the hostess began to walk me to my seat, she asked the lady to come too, so she could sit her at the same time. I asked for a booth and the hostess gave me one. Then the lady asked for a booth, too, but none were available, only tables. She kinda looked around in shock, as did I, seeing a whole nother section vacant with plenty of booths, but they didn't have enough servers to open that section.

I looked at the lady and I could tell her booth request was a deal breaker and she turned around and started to walk away. I then nonverbally motioned my hands and offered her to sit down with me at the booth. And, she did!

We sat and talked for almost two straight hours, showing each other photos of our dogs (she just got a puppy pitbull and Lily was a pitbull) and we shared our whole history of where we lived and why - the topic was obvious because I had just moved to the area six months ago.

It was a beautiful two-hour moment, if two hours can be considered a moment.

I fully admit I doubt this experience will give me the strength to ask strangers in the future if I can sit with them or if they would like to leave their table to join me at mine, with a fellow solo-sitting patron. I do need to be careful with the interpretation of these scenarios as it can be taken wrong. To be biased and honest, I only think about this with people my own age or older and by all accounts, has a decent appearance, lol, so don't worry about my safety, please.  

While this may not happen again, it was still a really cool experience. Who knew sitting with a stranger would fulfill a little wish, huh? :)

Are You Paying Attention?

Moving to a new city has led to the obvious: meeting new people. One of my new friends has been surprising me lately, because he seems to remember everything I say. I mean, not just in general, but every detail, with detail. He'll bring things up during conversation that I have said months ago. 

This may seem normal, but we have had the type of conversations that are all over the place. You know when you start a new friendship, you are talking to someone who doesn't know anything about you or your past. What a fun opportunity, right? (especially for me because I love jabbering :) But this can lead to numerous stories about our past and every story we would share reminded us of something else related and then that would lead to more stories, which of course leads down other roads about past experiences. We can easily talk and laugh for hours - so imagine the number of stories and shared experiences that are swapped between us. I admit, I tend to share more than he does, but my point is, it's a lot of stories in just a handful of meetings. 

I share stories from my past - usually funny (hopefully), surprising (attention grabbing) or learning experiences (I have a lot), but also confiding in maybe past events I've experienced that I don't normally tell anyone. 

I often have to ask him, "what do you mean?" when he replies to one of my texts and then he'll remind me his reply was related to something I shared months ago, that I didn't even remember until he reminded me, lol. "Oh, yeah" I'll exclaim, surprised yet again how good of a memory he has.

I mentioned to him the other day how impressed I was with this memory of our talks, and his reply was eye opening - thus the reason for sharing in my blog. And I wish I had heard this years ago:

I always make a point
to pay attention to people I talk to.  

Otherwise,
it's not worth having the conversation.

This seems obvious, but I guarantee you its's not. We don't do this. Sure, we are listening, but are we hearing the person, really hearing them? Are we taking in their words and absorbing their comments? He's listening with intent. A lot of us are distracted by things around us or waiting to pounce with a reply. But not him.  He truly pays attention with the deep intent to hear you, because as he says, otherwise, it's not worth the conversation. 

And because of this deliberate intention to listen, it makes one feel kinda special, honestly, to hear someone bring up things you had said before. My wish is for everyone to experience this, to have a friend or loved one or colleague who listens to you so magically and brings up things you have shared, that it makes you feel valued and important, too.