Thankful for 2020

I have a "closed" personal blog and over there I at times at the end of some years wrote what I was thankful for as the year came to a close.

It was really cool to read the memories. So, I am going to do a Thankful for 2020 here:

1. God. First and foremast God has looked out for me more this year than I think He ever has. Well, at least it feels that way. Almost to the last day of 2020 I was telling Him thank you for being there for me (and Lily). It's been a rough year with her, but he has looked over us so many times!
2. Teleworking. I'm so blessed with my job that we get to telework. Being we are in the midst of a pandemic (never thought I'd say that in my life), we could no longer go into the office safely. My work before had not allowed telework, but the pandemic pushed the issue. But, besides being blessed that we get to telework (which at times pains me because so many others are out of jobs), I have found I LOVE teleworking. So many reasons to list, really:
1. More relaxing.
2. No commute (ie can roll out of bed and be at work in 5 minutes).
3. Not getting upset as much with coworkers.
4. Getting to know people better throughout the agency because video calls are now a must. I've seen people in the past year I had never seen before teleworking was mandatory.
5. Self Esteem. There I said it. I don't have to worry about what people think of a little weight gain, or messy hair, or bad eyebrows, or how my clothes fit. There's something to be said about feeling comfortable and having those less worries every single day.
6. Less stress due to not having to drive and deal with traffic or bad drivers.
7. Get to work even when I'm exhausted. Difficult to explain, but when I don't get enough sleep it was tough to go into work. Being in telework status, I can wait to the very last minute to get up to start my work day. 
8. More quality time with Lily. We walk almost every single morning (and in the evenings as well). She gets outside and so do I. One of my top coping mechanisms for sure.
3. Parents. I still remain thankful and grateful that I learned to be so independent from my parents. I'm also referring to handyman things. It's pretty cool to be able to take care and fix of a lot of things around the house due to learning lessons from my parents.
4. AA Friend. My previous therapist late last year told me that the people in AA have their 'own language' and they understand things that non-using friends would understand. I was like, whatever. However, I was blessed to attend several AA meetings with friend and one night I befriended a lady (Cindy) and we went to dinner a few times before the pandemic. And, we have kept in touch since. We recently have met up a few times to walk in parks, which is nice to do with a friend. I text her things I don't express to anyone else, because as a fellow alcoholic, she understands and relates. My therapist was right. And I'm grateful for asking Cindy to go to dinner, even though I didn't know her. We have become great friends and we are there for each other and learn from each other. 
5. Lily's Attack. The evening Lily was attacked by two dogs will be with us forever. You can read it all here if you wish. Although the event was traumatic and brutal, there were a lot of blessings to it, really. 
1. First, I know being in the middle of and witnessing Lily being attacked will help me help someone in the future.
2. If Lily was a smaller dog she would have died.
3. The Blue Healers did not clip any veins or organs, luckily!
4. If the dogs were larger and more aggressive, Lily would not be alive. 
5. Lily was not murdered. I know God was looking out for both of us because had she of died, I wouldn't be sane or doing well at all. 
6. I also am thankful for feeling everything. It's difficult to describe, but in the past, I'd just drink all my emotions and not really feel anything. I was truly thankful to God to feel pain, hurt, guilt, unconditional love, un-closure, anger, depression, nightmares, confusion, PTSD, etc. I know that going through all those emotions is a sign of the right direction for my sobriety. 
6. Mentor. I asked a colleague that I barely knew, but was very impressed with, if he would be my mentor. He said yes! On the second conf call, it was only a week into the pandemic and I was NOT doing well. Very anxious and stressed. I wanted to cancel our call, but told myself to keep the commitment. It turns out he gave me such GREAT advice. My shoulders immediately felt like a weight lifted and what I learned I was able to pass on to others. During the pandemic, we all needed some help, whether we knew it or not. Further, after Lily was attacked by two dogs in August, I again wanted to postpone our planned monthly call. But, turns out he had a traumatic event in his life and he understood deeply what I was going through and understood about my PTSD. He gave me great advice, because of his past experience. It was quite amazing just how perfectly he has fit into my life at just the right time. (See? Lord looking after me.)
7. Coach. I signed up to help a lady get some credits to become a life coach. Honestly, I did it because I thought I could help her. I have a pretty unique life and thought it'd be cool to help her. Well, instead, she has helped me! I would recommend her to everyone - she has been phenomenal, even with listening to me cry a lot (ha). Again, right time, right place for me.
8. Therapist. Yes, I also have a therapist. Within three days of Lily getting attacked by two dogs, I knew I needed help. I was a blubbering mess. I am so proud of myself for reaching out! Turns out she is also helpful for grief and addiction, so we have a lot of great talks ahead of us!
9. Lily Girl. During these telework months, and of course after the attack, I have come to deeply recognize just how much of an impact she has made on my life. I realize now that I would not have made it so well the last 8 years without her. Further, my life revolves around her and I know that I would not be doing so good with my mental capacity without her. The idea to be alone in this house or walking alone in parks, or running errands without her jumping into the car all excited, pains me to even think about. She is truly my life saver.
10. Neighbors. I sure have been blessed with good neighbors. Patricia and Mickey really care about me (and Lily) and it's nice to feel like I'm kinda part of their family. On the other side, my new neighbors are good people and we help each other a lot when we do yard work.
11. Friends. I reached out to many friends when Lily was attacked and I felt so cared for and that they truly loved Lily and I. It was beautiful to feel. 
12. Zero Interest. Because there were a lot of 0% interest offers out there for cars. I took advantage and bought a new car! It was cool to buy a 2020 vehicle and yet my payments went down :) 
13. Disney+. I don't have an internet provider at home so I never have ordered anything that needed the Internet (like Hulu, Netflix, etc). However, I changed cell phone providers in June and it came with a year free of Disney+. Granted, I have seen 80% of the movies already, so I wasn't too impressed or excited. However, I bought a connection to my phone for my tv and can play the movies from Disney+ from my phone on to my tv screen. So, I have watched it more and more lately. Further, I am LOVING that I can watch all the "extras" that come with the movies. Like gag reels, or how they film certain scenes or deleted scenes. I am so intrigued with those things! I dare say I might miss Disney+ when it expires in June.
14. Turning 50. Well, not just because I made it to 50 years old, lol, but because I celebrated with a really cool idea - an outdoor birthday smash phot shoot! I did the photoshoot in the Fall before my birthday so I sat on the exciting concept for MONTHS! It was tough! lol. But come my birthday, I shared these photos on my social media accounts and at work (which they don't normally see this side of me so it was quite a vulnerable thing for me share). I am close with my doctors (gyno, primary, vet, orthodontist, and botox lady) and I was so excited to share the photos with them! I loved every minute of planning the photoshoot, doing the photoshoot, and sharing the photos with so many people afterwards! 
15. Dog Lovers. I can't say enough about all the vets and vet assistants who have helped me in the last few months. The vet and assistant who did Lily's 50 stitches, her normal Vet who is helping us with a mass in Lily's chest, to the ASPCA Poison Control folks, to all the ladies who answered the phone and were able to calm me down and help me through so many of the worrying and over-reacting events that have happened in the last few months. 
16. Walking in Parks. I have walked in a park every single weekend that the weather is nice. I can't begin to express how much it helps me to be outdoors, surrounded by nature and beauty, and loving to be alive. My Instagram account is flooded with nature pics from the walks, lol. During the week I am looking up places for Lily and I go to (or just me if it's too hot or too cold). Her and I even took a mini-vacation to Dinosaur Valley State Park in early August and boy was it needed, memorable, and AMAZING!  We walked IN and along the Paluxy River for hours! It was a great 3 day vacation. GREAT.