My Mom and Real Dad got divorced when I was seven years old. While I saw my Dad literally only a couple of times from seven to eleven years old, I really didn't know him or see him again for 25 years.
We saw each other again when I was 35 years old. By this time, in all honesty, he was a stranger to me. But I suppose in his mind I was the same person he knew and loved 25-30 years ago - sure I was an adult, but still his child that he loved dearly.
But again - I didn't know the man or remember him from when I was a baby or child. But he knew me, of course, and had all these loving memories from when I was born up to seven years old.
We ended up becoming very close again and spoke often; I was very blessed he was back in my life and he felt the same about me being back in his life.
My Dad shared with me one time that he saw affection often growing up by his parents. He described how he would see them in the kitchen and his Dad would come up behind his Mom while doing dishes and he would wrap his arms around her and hug her from behind. So, my Dad was naturally an affectionate person because he was raised in that kind of environment and witnessed it as he grew up. Therefore, throughout his life, he showed affection to people he cared about (me, his wives, close friends and their children, etc).
But when we met up for the first time in 25 years, he's his normal self, showing me affection (hugs and holding my hands or arm around me) because he cares about me and loves me. Yet I didn't reciprocate because I didn't really know him. Plus, and maybe more so, I didn't grow up in a super affectionate household. I mean, my parents and I showed affection towards each other, but it wasn't as he described.
Some people are just more affectionate and others just simply aren't. This is directly related to how someone is brought up. For instance, one of my girlfriends came from a large family with lots of nieces and nephews and babies, so there was a lot of hugging and showing affection among the family.
But you look at me, someone who's an only child, with no babies or children around (cousins, nieces, and nephews etc) and I don't show my affection as easily. I mean, for sure I was affectionate with my parents and boyfriends, don't think I'm a cold slab of a woman. I'm just not really a touchy person to people I don't know or don't feel love towards.
So when my friend would maybe put her arm around my waist or her hand on my knee, it made me feel a little funny because I didn't grow up that way. But she did grow up that way - so in her view of things, that was normal to touch other humans she cared for.
As difficult it is for me to admit this, I actually talked with my Dad about this. I explained that him showing me so much affection actually made me feel uncomfortable. I'm sure it hurt his feelings, but when someone is hugging you a lot that you don't know it makes you feel uncomfortable, right? And while he felt he knew me and he was trying to probably turn back the clock and also make up for lost time and was so happy I was back in his life, in my eyes he was a stranger trying to always put his arms around me.
I still love him with all my might and he still loved me. Luckily my admission didn't hurt our relationship, and he said he completely understood. Whew. But I didn't want to avoid him because I felt uneasy, so I decided to admit my uneasiness with him.
And of course as we grew closer, I felt more and more comfortable around him because our love deepened so quickly; it was just in the beginning it was awkward for me.
But people just don't show love the same way.
And that's okay.
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