Valuable Quotes About Death

I have run across a few quotes recently that were so impactful to me, I am excited to share them.

I am hopeful these will help others as they deal with the death of loved ones.

I was watching a tv show called "The Therapist" on the Vice channel. It has a therapist on the show (Dr. Siri Sat Nam Singh) and he talks to famous musicians who are in need of help. We get to listen in as he gives them advice; we learn and get help in return, too.

Two things Dr. Singh said on one episode really hit home:

He said it's normal to sometimes not want to stop grieving; it feels like a disservice to let them go.

WOW! How powerful and so true! I think that's one of the main reasons I grieved for so long for my Mom - I felt like that indicated I didn't miss her anymore. But he said it better, "It feels like a disservice to let them go."

And just a few breaths later he shared this about his own Mom, "But I feel my Mother is still serving me."

OMG, that is so wonderful! I don't pine over the loss of my Mom anymore, but this is still a powerful statement and reminder. It seems obvious now as I type it out, but to hear his words was so much more powerful and makes great sense.

The other was a comment I heard as shared to me from a friend of a Mother who's daughter passed away in her late teens from brain cancer. The Mom said, "My daughter felt that she accomplished what she came here to accomplish , and it was time to go back home."

How amazing for such a young person to have this insight, thought, and heart. I was shocked. Amazed. Still am as I type this. Who thinks this way? Very admirable.

Great Quote/Reminder about Living in the Present

I keep this small, but powerful, daily meditation book handy in my house, and I read it pretty often, "Just For Today."

It's from NA, not AA, but of course the lessons are the same for any addiction. The full title is "Just for Today: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts by Narcotics Anonymous World Services"

I love picking it up and searching for the current date and then absorbing that days' words.

What I want to share today is the helpful words from the page for January 19th.  The title immediately grabbed me and impacted me:

"When we stop living in the here and now, our problems become magnified unreasonably."

It's so true, right?!

I just loved that sentence so much - it is worded (to me personally) in such a very powerful way. I actually have a to-do note to print this quote and put it on my bathroom mirror as a great every morning reminder!

And I'm sharing this several months later because I really need to listen to these words this week, as my mind is racing about future unknowns at work and I'm getting depressed about it. Already helping!

Here is the full page:

Making mountains into molehills, January 19

"When we stop living in the here and now, our problems become magnified unreasonably."
Basic Text, p. 99

Some of us seem to make mountains out of molehills with our problems. Even those of us who've found some measure of serenity have probably blown a problem far out of proportion at some time in our recovery and if we haven't done so yet, we probably will before long!

When we find ourselves obsessed with a complication in our lives, we will do well to sharply remind ourselves of all that is going right. Perhaps we're afraid we won't be able to pay our bills for the month. lnstead of sitting at the calculator, adding our financial liabilities over and over, we can take stock of our efforts to reduce expenses. Following this mini-inventory, we continue with the task at hand and remind ourselves that as long as we are doing the footwork, a loving Higher Power will care for our lives.

Mountain-sized problems happen sometimes, but we don't need to create them. Trust in a loving God of our understanding will put most of our problems in their proper perspective. We no longer need to create chaos to feel excited about our lives. Our recovery gives us countless real-life opportunities for excitement and drama.


Just for today: I will take a realistic look at my problems and see that most of them are minor. I will leave them that way and enjoy my recovery.

High School YearBook Thoughts

As I've mentioned a few times, I am de-cluttering my house. Honestly, decluttering like never before! I'm really enjoying it.

A couple of months ago I came across my yearbooks from high school. I found my name in two of them and there are a few pictures of me - mostly in group photos and also my yearbook photo.

I decided I was going to recycle them - no reason to keep them.

I happened to mention this to a friend at work and she was very surprised. So, I asked her had she kept all her yearbooks (she's only 10 years older), and she exclaimed, "Absolutely! I look through them often."

Wow, was I surprised, as here I was ready to throw mine out the upstairs window like a hawk eyeing it's prey, into the recycle bin.

She couldn't believe I wanted to recycle mine.

I tried to explain I didn't feel the need to keep them.

I mean, there were all these comments from classmates who wrote very nice things about me. Yet, I honestly didn't recognize or remember one person as I read a few of them. Additionally, did they really know me back then? Hell, I didn't even know myself back then. Further, I would rather hear from people that are in my life now or from people that I at least remember lol.

She asked me, "I love going through my yearbooks. You don't go through your yearbooks from highschool?"

"Uh, no."

I can't even remember the last time I opened them up - I'm guessing over twenty years ago, in my 20s.

I was really surprised to hear she reminisced about high school.

But then she shared some insight and it became obvious why:

She was a popular student in high school and also from a small town!  Well, no wonder her high school years where more memorable!  Further, she still keeps in touch with a lot of those people and they are all still friends.

Here's comes Miss Opposite: There were 650 people in my graduating class alone. It was a large high school and while I remember getting along with everyone, I don't recall being one of the "popular" kids (I can't even remember if there were popular kids, lol). I can only remember two names from high school and that's because I'm still friends with them today, lol. Further, the last thing I ever wanted to do was go to any high school reunion. That proves how little interest I had about my high school years.

I just don't really think about that time in my life.

I presume this sentiment is common if high school wasn't memorable?

Affection Towards Others

This may seem obvious, but I'm going to say it anyway: People show love and/or affection with different intensities.

My Mom and Real Dad got divorced when I was seven years old.  While I saw my Dad literally only a couple of times from seven to eleven years old, I really didn't know him or see him again for 25 years.

We saw each other again when I was 35 years old. By this time, in all honesty, he was a stranger to me. But I suppose in his mind I was the same person he knew and loved 25-30 years ago - sure I was an adult, but still his child that he loved dearly.

But again - I didn't know the man or remember him from when I was a baby or child. But he knew me, of course, and had all these loving memories from when I was born up to seven years old.

We ended up becoming very close again and spoke often; I was very blessed he was back in my life and he felt the same about me being back in his life.

My Dad shared with me one time that he saw affection often growing up by his parents. He described how he would see them in the kitchen and his Dad would come up behind his Mom while doing dishes and he would wrap his arms around her and hug her from behind. So, my Dad was naturally an affectionate person because he was raised in that kind of environment and witnessed it as he grew up.  Therefore, throughout his life, he showed affection to people he cared about (me, his wives, close friends and their children, etc).

But when we met up for the first time in 25 years, he's his normal self, showing me affection (hugs and holding my hands or arm around me) because he cares about me and loves me.  Yet I didn't reciprocate because I didn't really know him.  Plus, and maybe more so, I didn't grow up in a super affectionate household. I mean, my parents and I showed affection towards each other, but it wasn't as he described.

Some people are just more affectionate and others just simply aren't. This is directly related to how someone is brought up. For instance, one of my girlfriends came from a large family with lots of nieces and nephews and babies, so there was a lot of hugging and showing affection among the family.

But you look at me, someone who's an only child, with no babies or children around (cousins, nieces, and nephews etc) and I don't show my affection as easily. I mean, for sure I was affectionate with my parents and boyfriends, don't think I'm a cold slab of a woman. I'm just not really a touchy person to people I don't know or don't feel love towards.

So when my friend would maybe put her arm around my waist or her hand on my knee, it made me feel a little funny because I didn't grow up that way. But she did grow up that way - so in her view of things, that was normal to touch other humans she cared for.

As difficult it is for me to admit this, I actually talked with my Dad about this. I explained that him showing me so much affection actually made me feel uncomfortable. I'm sure it hurt his feelings, but when someone is hugging you a lot that you don't know it makes you feel uncomfortable, right? And while he felt he knew me and he was trying to probably turn back the clock and also make up for lost time and was so happy I was back in his life, in my eyes he was a stranger trying to always put his arms around me.

I still love him with all my might and he still loved me. Luckily my admission didn't hurt our relationship, and he said he completely understood. Whew. But I didn't want to avoid him because I felt uneasy, so I decided to admit my uneasiness with him.

And of course as we grew closer, I felt more and more comfortable around him because our love deepened so quickly; it was just in the beginning it was awkward for me.

But people just don't show love the same way.

And that's okay.