High School Skinny

I wanted to share my experiences with trying to achieve being High School Skinny (HSS) again.

If you were heavy in high school (or middle school) then I feel for you also because I know kids can be very mean and cruel.  :(  And I also know you can possibly be dramatized the rest of your life because you are consumed with trying to never go back to that very bad emotional time physically.  My Mom was this way - she was affected deeply her entire life because she was chubby as a child.  She was consumed about her weight, even when she was thin.

Then there are the skinny girls who the chubby girls can't figure out how in the world they can remain so skinny with all the crap they eat all dang day, every day!  In High School, most females are super thin.  We wear size zero jeans easily throughout the entire years, maybe growing into a size 1, or 3.  Either way, still HSS. 

We eat gobs and gobs of any type of food and never seem to gain weight.  We are like baby birds - eat all day!  And brag that we eat a lot, even junk food and fast food, with no weight gain.

Come college years, and we are less active and gain the "Freshman Fifteen" as is widely known throughout the campuses.  We gain some weight.  But - we actually look GOOD for our size (finally, we aren't a toothpick like HHS), but us women, tho, feel we look terrible and fat and unattractive.  While this isn't the start of the miserable stage, it's getting close.  And unfortunately, some women start to resort to shameful bad habits of throwing up to try to get back to HSS.  Or, most of us try to exercise.  Exercise seems to help lose a little weight, but we still aren't HSS.  And we start to obsess about it.

At about 30, our metabolism REALLY changes.  This is about the time we really, really gain more weight.  Unimaginable weight.  Sickening, keeping-ourselves-up-every-night worry weight.

This is the time in our lives that we try diet fads, try to work out, try anything to lose weight, only to feel like a failure because we can't keep up the routine.  We are fat.  And we hate it.  We hate ourselves and we are miserable.  We waste thousands and thousands of hours worrying and obsessing about our weight.  We think of our HSS-selves and wonder how to get her back.

We may work out and we may be successful at losing weight, but I am your older voice speaking to you right now:  You will never get back to HSS.  I only know about 2 out of 500 women who are back (or still) at HSS.  They either work out every single day, honestly know how to eat right and are extremely conscientious, have lucky genes, or are starving themselves (and anorexia is NOT pretty NOR HSS).

If you are the 2 in 500, God Bless You.

But if you aren't - and I'm prolly speaking to you - let me tell you right here and now to please stop the endless, wasted hours of wishing you were HSS again.  Enjoy life and be glad you are even alive.  Sure - be upset you are overweight and unhappy - but don't dwell on a fact that will never happen - being HSS again.

Trust me when I tell you it wont happen.  Trust me when I tell you to yes exercise and yes enjoy eating, but also try and learn to be happy with yourself.  Try to stop obsessing that you aren't HSS - it wont happen.  I wasted so many damn freaking time/months/years/ thinking about how thin I want to be like I used to be.

Even if you work out and eat right, you will lose unwanted weight, but you wont be HSS.

When you are close to 40 (like late 30s or so), you will finally, finally realize you wont ever be HSS.  And it's a relief!  It really is!  It's a relief to finally stop obsessing and spending so many stupid hours worrying about something that wont happen.

When you stop obsessing about becoming HSS, you actually become happier.  You aren't fighting with your own thoughts and spending countless hours upset. 

I hope you try and learn from my years of torture (yes, I call it torture) and stop obsessing and worrying about something that just wont happen.

Accept you wont be HSS.

It's okay, I promise.



(---- this timelime is based on my experience.  your timeline may be different, or you may have a had children and this timeline is all messed up.  either way, still not HSS.  sorry.  :(   ---)

Goals Versus Resolutions

Every year so many people list resolutions for the next year. I am of the opinion that resolutions aren't usually successful.  I, instead, feel strongly that Goals are the proper way to go.

Resolutions are generally habits that people will try to do every day, or habits they will try to avoid for as long as they can. Unfortunately, many resolutions are forgotten in just a couple of months (or less). 

While resolution shows a wonderful sense of positive intent, a truly believe a better alternative is to develop new goals for the future.

Even the definition between the two are pretty distinct, imo:

Resolution:

a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

Goal:

the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.

I love goals. I started to enjoy them even more after reading Dare to Win many years ago (by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen).

The key with goals is to make them realistic. I remember one year I had a goal to get Most Improved Player on a tour in the 90s. Boy, I learned my lesson! I had no control over that - someone else decided that "title" (and no, I did not win it, even though I came close).

Goals are important because they give you that something extra to strive for, to look forward to, to plan for, etc.

An important key for goals is to ensure you are specific about how to reach your goals. I don't always do this well, but as an example, if someone says, "my goal is to lose weight," the person will be more successful if they list specifically how to achieve that goal.

Goals are a better plan than resolutions for a few key reasons that I found searching the Internet:

Rigid vs. Fluid:

Resolutions seem to have the same flavor every year, like: “I will go to bed by 10pm.” “I will stop eating junk food.” “I will go to the gym five times a week.” If these are somewhat big changes, it may feel like a huge change with no buildup. Goals, however, can be tackled in steps, beginning with baby steps and increasing in difficulty as you become more accustomed to the change. This makes goals more realistic for lasting change.

Sense of Accomplishment vs. Sense of Failure:

Goals give you a direction to aspire to, but with the baby steps you may be taking toward your goal, you can still feel like you’ve accomplished something and are on the right track. Once you’ve broken a rigid resolution, however, it’s easier to feel like a failure and give up.

The Scope of the Change:

Resolutions are usually a means to a goal, but if you find a resolution too difficult to stick to, it’s usually dropped and forgotten. With goals, if you find a change too difficult to carry out, you can drop that plan, but pick a different new behavior to try that will still lead to the same end result. For example, imagine you want to get in the habit of exercising to be in better shape. You might make a resolution to go to the gym five times a week. But if you find that you just hate the gym, you probably won’t stick to your resolution, and you’ll be no closer to your goal. However, if you make ‘getting more exercise’ the goal, you may drop the gym, but switch to walking through your neighborhood each morning, and still meet your goal.

Now that you've read some of why resolutions could fail and why goals are a more realistic route, here are some tips I found for setting goals:

Think in terms of broad changes rather than specific behaviors.

For instance, resolving to “Develop A Stress Management Practice” gives more room for growth and change than “Do Yoga Every Morning”. While you’ll want to put your broad goals into specific behaviors, deciding to Develop a Stress Management Practice gives you room to experiment, and allows you to change course if you find that Yoga isn’t working for you.

Think in terms of what you’d like to add to your life, rather than what you’d like to take away.

For example, instead of making the goal to “Eat Less Unhealthy Food”, focus on trying to “Eat More Healthy Food”. You may subconsciously feel more deprived if you think of taking something away rather than adding something good, and if you replace unhealthy food in your diet with healthy food, the same goal is accomplished. Also, it’s usually easier to add a behavior than to stop a behavior.

Keep goals in the forefront of your mind. 

Keep them listed in your day-planner, have them as part of your screen saver, or post-it them in prominent places around your house for a while.

Rewards.
Reward yourself with something small for continuing to stick with it, until you make enough progress toward your goals that the progress becomes its own reward.

And remember that change doesn’t come overnight, but as you work toward developing what is important to you, the change will come, and it will be lasting. Remember this, and enjoy building the life you were meant to live!

(excerpts from About.com)

If A Man Wants You - link

This article (If a Man Wants You) was posted on FaceBook by a few friends.  The author says:  This advice was passed along to me from a counselor; it was great to hear so I wanted to share it.

I liked this so much, I'm sharing it, also.  :)  You can check out the entire article (it's not very long), but here are a few lines I like best:

• If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
• If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
• Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
• Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
• The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
• If something bothers you, speak up.
• Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
• You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within
• Never let a man define who you are.
• A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

Birds Frolicking!

These birds were frolicking one day in a little puddle they found.  They were so cute trying to bathe themselves with friends, even with cars driving by.

This intersection was located two blocks from the Heart Hospital that my Mom was in at the time.  I love the outdoors because of my Mom!

People In Our Lives to Become Who We Are Meant to Be

God doesn't give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Forgiveness

I'm learning a lot lately.

One thing I'm learning about is Forgiveness.

I honestly don't think I realized how powerful this word was, what it does, how it helps.

Sometimes I think, "How can I forgive when it hurts so much?"

But what I've recently learned is this:  In the end, we are the ones who suffer most when we choose not to forgive. 

Seriously. 

A lot of time is spent crying over being hurt, huh?  While mourning over hurt is necessary and healing in itself, I've learned that forgiveness helps:

There may well be memories we are unable to put out of our minds, but we choose not to allow them to control our attitudes and behavior in the future, even toward those who may be responsible for those memories.

Forgiveness is not excusing!

Forgiveness is not denying that the one who has caused the hurt is responsible for their actions. There is a place for making allowances for people’s behavior.

I now truly and faithfully believe in this from Mahatma Gandhi: 

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

Forgiving is not easy.  But when it can be accomplished, it really does make us stronger.  WE are taking control.  We aren't letting emotions or others ruin our spirit. 

And forgiveness HAS allowed me to grow.

I have also recently learned to forgive myself.  And it was hard!   In order to forgive oneself, it means you did something wrong.  It means I didn't like who I saw in the mirror and what I did.  I hurt for days, but then I finally forgave myself.  It was hard; difficult; it hurt.

But to forgive others means we can stop obsessing over things.  We can move on.  Take acceptance to what happened and that helps OURSELVES.  Forgiveness, while sometimes difficult to to, allows us to stop consuming ourselves with paralyzing thoughts and raw emotions that drag through our minds endlessly all the time; keep us awake all night, ruin our sleep, deprive us of having a good day.

I am actually liking forgiveness.  For whatever reason, it allows me to move past the hurt faster (which I for one will easily take!).

Wish I would have known about it sooner in life.  I probably did, just didn't realize how powerful it truly was until recently because of some things I have gone through.  Talking about forgiveness has really opened my eyes.