Feeling Special

I have learned over the years (yes, I'm old enough to say that) that you cannot depend on others to make you happy.  YOU are the only person who can make YOU happy.

If you need a significant other to make you happy, then I can guess you aren't very happy, huh?

I have learned this through years of advice by my friends (that I finally) listened to, AND because I finally figured it out on my own.

And what's weird about this, I am one of the lucky ones who is very happy with themselves, with their life, with everyone and everything in it.

Even through trials and tribulations, I learn from them (luckily), and I recognize that they make me stronger.  I don't let unfortunate happenings turn me into a sad, depressed, mean person.  Yes, I still experience the bad, sad, negative feelings, but I am not one to dwell on them forever and instead I move forward when it's time.

What I have recently learned though, is being happy and feeling special, unfortunately, fall into the same category. 

I have wanted to feel special my whole life.  When I want to feel special on certain days, it doesn't always happen.  The disappointment is painful.  It truly pains my heart of the times that *I* think I deserve to feel special.

Yes, I said "deserves."

The thing is, I am a special person.  I truly believe I am special.  And at unexpected times in my life, others have made me feel extremely special and surprised! 

When surprised, that sense of feeling special is exasperated a million times!  Those are the situations and events I have always cherished.

But alas, on occasions that mean a lot to me, I wish others would do special things for me. 

As one of my friends told me recently, "you expect others to do the same for you as you do for them.  Therefore, you are letting your expectations get the best of you."

She has a very valid point.

And then when I expect things and they don't happen, I get super hurt.

What I have to also realize is, that I get treated special all year round.  I really do by my friends and family.  It would be horrible if I was only treated special on special days, right?  I wish I could instill this in my brain!!

Why?

Because. 

Still.  The expectations hurt. 

And I need to get over this.  And I need to treat "special" like "happiness."  I learned before that *I* need to be happy with myself first, otherwise I can't be happy with anyone.  I need to treat "special" the same way, huh?  Is that how I get over this?

I am happy.  I feel special. 

Hmm... is it that easy? 

Nah, I still want to feel special on certain days. 

But... I will try to remember only *I* can truly make myself feel special, just like happiness.

Cross your fingers for me!