I have to tell you, the last thing I wanted to do was listen to a song that would make me cry.
I was already a complete mess, the last thing I wanted to do was hear songs that would make me bawl like a baby.
When my friends prepared my Mom's Celebration of Life at a local restaurant I frequented, I was walking around looking at all the things they had prepared. It was beautiful, and the set up and planning was extremely moving to me. I was impressed and I know my Mom would have been very grateful.
I also walked by the "karaoke" area (I was very familiar with the interface of the music) - and I noticed the songs that were already set up to be played next in line. While I don't remember them all, I remember that the 5 songs were all super sappy songs, and I deleted them right away and instead went through the long list to choose "happier, fun" songs to be played in the background.
For instance, one song listed on the monitor I REALLY knew I didn't want to hear and it was "Winds Beneath my Wings" by Bette Midler. Heck, this song makes me cry every time I heard it when I wasn't grieving, so to hear it this day would have prolly killed me. I deleted it immediately.
A few friends recommended I listen to some songs in the months after my Mom's passing and I never listened to them. I don't WANT to hear songs that make me cry; I cry enough on my own. It's already so brutal, and hearing sad songs makes it worse quite frankly.
I don't know if everyone who loses someone close feels this way, but I learned the hard way I can't handle sappy songs that remind me about losing my Mom.
Granted, even the songs my Mom loved make me cry. She loved Amy Whinehouse, so I can't hear any of those songs. There is one song that makes me SMILE from ear to ear, and that's "Just Fine" by Mary J. Blige. I can remember my Mom dancing by herself so gleefully with happiness when that song came on - she loved that song and it just made her want to dance!
But please don't make me listen to sad songs.
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