Asking for Help

I despise asking for help.    It's not in my nature.

I was taught by example.  So, I learned that if I asked for help, it meant I was weak.

At work, I finally realized that asking for help is part of being a team player and not micromanaging.

However, in my personal life, I still have major issues with it.

My Mom was the same way.

When people offer to help and they help, I embrace it with such love and joy, because I get so surprised when people want to help unconditionally.

I remember about 4 years ago I had to ask a friend for help.  I needed him to install some "adult living" things in the house for my Mom - stable handle bars, steps for the bathtub, remove wire from the floor and put in the walls, etc.

As I asked for help on the phone, I cried and cried.  The guy on the other end was so confused.  But it literally pained me to have to ask for help.  I will never forget the feelings I had as tears literally rain down my face as I asked for his help,

And right now, I need help.  And I have to ask for it.  And I'm not getting it.

I think it's pretty freaking pathetic I have to ask for this help in the first place.  But I broke down; I asked for help.  All yet, I don't feel like I'm getting the support I need.

I'm on my own.

As usual.

I'm strong, but I still need help.

Strong heart, but weak in some areas.

Human.

And humans need help, too.