I cry mostly when I drive, and mostly when I'm at home.
I talk to her at home. I cry my little heart out with the pure torture of how much I miss her.
When I'm in a car, I cry looking out over the scenery; my heart aches for how much I miss her, how much I wish she was still here.
One year ago this month she left me.
While I cry for my loss, and while my heart breaks, what this all tells me is that no matter how difficult her loss has been to me, it simply truly shows what a great relationship we had.
I'm a very lucky woman, you see. I mourn the loss of my Mom BECAUSE we had a such a special gift. Our Mom/Daughter relationship was strong, deep, special, loving.
I was able to spend the last 4 years of my Mom's life with her. I moved her to my city, and we bought a house together so I could take care of her ailing body.
She had central air and carpeted floors for the first time in her life. And I had a house filled with love again.
While I do have some regrets (wish I would have spent more time with her, mostly), I know that I am blessed that we had such a wonderful relationship.
I know many people who aren't even HALF this close to their Mom's as I was.
I know I miss her this badly because we were so close. Because I loved her dearly and she loved me more than life itself. That's not all a bad thing, is it?
She wrote her own obituary and stated that I was, "the Love of Her Life." Typing that out makes me cry.... but it shows just how much I meant to her, and how much she meant to me.
Nothing will EVER take that away.
So, don't be sad when I'm sad. Know it just means I was lucky to have such a special bond with an amazing woman and friend, my Mom, Toni Bailey.
3 comments:
It's funny, I was thinking about you yesterday after I left Rusty's, and realizing that I was a jerk. I want you to know that I while I sometimes am frustrated over my situation with my mom, I am thankful that I have her and that we have such a good relationship as well. It pains me to see and know you are hurting, but it also make me more grateful that I still have her. I know how much you love your mom and am grateful that you have allowed me to share in that and be there for you. I love you!
In the past couple of years, Melinda, I've wished I could've met your mom... after reading this blog I now feel I have: by getting to know YOU better! All the wonderful things you write about her are the same kinds of things I feel about the person YOU are. Thanks for helping sustain me... from Ashlea's mom.xo
I wish you could have met her, too! She really was an amazing woman with a heart of gold.
To the other anonymous poster, don't worry about a thing! It's quite common to get frustrated with who we live with, even if they are our Mom's, lol! I know I felt the same way you do - a lot!
Much love to you both for the comments!
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