If I question someones' actions, it usually means I am second guessing myself and worrying too much. If I don't wonder WHY, I tend to have much clearer days, a stronger mental attitude, and more confidence in myself. Asking yourself WHY someone did something can actually drive you (especially women) insane.
Here are some examples:
I used to question what my bosses were discussing behind closed doors. "What's going? What did I do wrong? WHY is he in there with him? WHY is the door closed?"
It would drive me crazy wondering if I did something unsatisfactory, or if my words from earlier came out so askew they had to discuss it. WHY are the in there? Obviously, I was VERY insecure about myself at this time.
Once I figured out to stop asking WHY, I no longer drove myself crazy with those insecure thoughts about their meetings (and btw, only 1% of the time were the discussions about me).
Another example is when you question why someone just did "that." And it makes it worse when it's about someone you care about.
WHY did they just ask me that question? WHY didn't they think of me and get me a drink when they ordered themselves a drink? WHY did they say it in that tone to me? WHY did they do just that? I need some comfort - WHY don't they say something nice to me right now? WHY did they just say that to that girl (guy)? WHY did they not give me a tighter hug?
WHY.....
Asking WHY to these situations can drive one crazy which will then cause a downward spiral of you becoming more insecure, in addition to second guessing their feelings toward you. When in reality, it's not personal. People don't normally deliberately go around hurting others or deliberately not thinking of you. Hardly anyone means to hurt your feelings. Yes, we wish that wouldn't happen, but it's OUR own questioning that causes the angst and our own impression of how we are taking their actions or non actions that really causes the concern internally that hurts our feelings. Remember - it's our own interpretation that causes our reaction/emotion.
More reminders:
- No matter what has been said to you, you ALWAYS have a choice on how you react to those words.
- "Everything hinges on how you look at things."
- People never become defensive about what you're saying. People become defensive because of why they think you're saying it.
- Don't take others actions' personal.
And to question others actions you barely know, can also cause one to worry unnecessarily. Again, wondering, "WHY aren't they saying hi?" or "WHY are they acting that way toward me?" can lead to needless worry. Most people don't even realize their actions are causing pain to another.
The WHY question can cause a woman to go insane, I swear. lol.
However, sometimes WHY is a good thing, as I found out a few weeks ago.
I was visiting one of my favorite people where she bartended and as I sat there chatting with her, she told another patron, "I just love this woman, she's awesome."
Instead of Mr Barstool saying, "That's awesome to hear," he asked, "Why is that?"
Then she proceeded to explain to him why she thought I was special and that our friendship has helped her out.
As I sat there and blushed, I recognized that most people don't ask WHY in those situations. Usually they just make a comforting gesture of acknowledgment. But asking WHY in this scenario gave her the opportunity to express more, gave me the opportunity to hear details about how she felt about me, and also gave him more information about her initial comment. He gained an insight that normally most people would never hear, all because he asked WHY at that key juncture.
It was truly an enlightening moment for me.
However, be weary of the WHY questions that can cause insecureness, self-questioning, and unconfidence.
Stay far, far away from those WHYs. lol.
