Stress And Others

I noticed when I am stressed and overwhelmed I take it out on the ones I care about most. I also notice I want to hear from the ones I care about while I'm going through tough times and when I don't, my mind wanders into deep dark areas that I wish would never come up from the muddy waters... all because I "feel" lonely. My heart feels like if I was to hear from them, some of the sadness would go away; just hearing their voices calms me, distracts me, and makes me feel loved and less lonely.

I really, truly hate taking out my frustrations on the ones I care about. But when I am stressed and overwhelmed, I can't handle a lot of the questions that normally-wouldn't-irritate me and I in return get snappy. :( I don't mean to be snappy, though. I'm just mentally tasked and overwhelmed and my mind can't rationalize what is going on and it breaks down into child-like responses of frustration. :(

Besides a lot of questions, I also cannot take comments about things that need to be done. I immediately go into a defense mode and no positive thoughts can break through for some reason. Common sense goes right out the window and I can't think clear and rationalize that maybe the person is just talking AT me, not really saying negative things that I am not seeing what they truly are - just statements, not complaining of my lack of action. Usually they are just stating things that have come to their mind that need to be done; it's no reflection of me.

Then there's the contact aspect. When I am depressed, stressed, and overwhelmed, I admit wholeheartedly I want to hear more from the close male friends that may be in my life at the time. I really can't handle the lack of contact during the tough times - my mind literally spirals out of control and I feel so helpless and think negative thoughts that can sometimes consume me. :( I don't like to reach out when I am depressed or upset; but I wish so hard in my brain for the ones I care about to contact me, and yet they don't. They don't realize a simple phone call or text would mean the world and help me through the rough times. What upsets me even more is this happens even after I break down and explain I enjoy hearing from them and it helps me b/c I'm having a rough time. Isn't that obvious that it means I want/need to hear from them? I guess not. There have been a few times I even broke down and went WAY out of my comfort zone and actually ASKED for them to contact me more... which still led to NOT an increase in contact.

I wouldn't get upset at all at them or my mind wouldn't spiral out of control if I wasn't stressed or overwhelmed, though. I am fully aware of that. I wish I could control my thoughts better during the rough times; I really, really do. But I seem to really lose a good grasp of any leadership principle when I am stressed and overwhelmed and I get very fragile and weak. My mind has a mind of it's own, lol.

I am very happy for my few close girlfriends that I can call at any time or call/text me to see how I am doing. I also appreciate my online friends who keep in touch. Although I am venting above, still doesn't mean I do realize I do still have some great friends out there and I am very appreciative of you! I just I could handle my emotions and thoughts better during rough times...