My lovely and wonderful Lily went to doggie heaven on Feb 1st.
A mere 10 days before, Lily was diagnosed with bone cancer, a fast spreading cancer. They told me she had about a month left, which I couldn't fathom, and it was difficult to accept the terminal news. And then the time ended up much shorter. ;( Doing research and also watching Lily closely, she wasn't as active more with each day, and eventually I had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life.
I have to say, deciding to put a beloved pet to sleep is one thing, but deciding that while she's still wagging her tail and loving on you and crawling in bed together and eating normally is horrific. I struggled and struggled and struggled with the decision, but each vet I spoke to told me I was doing the right thing because the bone cancer is so aggressive and excruciatingly painful, that letting her go to heaven is the best thing you can do for them sooner rather than later.
Osteosarcoma (bone cancer) is a brutal and aggressive disease. It usually affects large breeds, and the cancer forms first in one of their limbs before quickly spreading. Lily was limping from her left front leg, and it wasn't getting better on its own. When they x-rayed it Jan 22nd, that's when they saw the cancer. At that point, all the literature says it was probably already in her lungs. And unfortunately, those affected bones can be so brittle that it can snap and fracture, which kept me petrified and nervous every step she took.
Dogs hide their pain very well from us, don't they? But limping didn't mean that's the only time Lily was in pain, someone told me bone cancer is a actually a constant pain.
While my head knew it would be best to let her go sooner so that she doesn't have to endure the aggressive and painful nature of the disease, my heart didn't comprehend that. All my heart knew that it was the absolute hardest decision to say goodbye.
I think it was a blessing that I knew Lily had cancer, because after I learned that, I showered her with love and attention every single minute, whereas otherwise it would have been normal days of love, if that makes sense. Sure there was lots of crying and bawling, which Lily hated to see me upset, and nights were tough wondering if the next day was the last day, but I loved on her with attention every single minute. And she still had a huge appetite and yes she still wagged her tail a lot. As a matter of fact, we still played games, still walked down the street for her to go potty, took car rides to run errands together and I still spooned her in bed on the cold nights. But immersed between those was lots of slower movements and much longer naps.
I was given advice last summer, to take videos of Lily doing everyday normal things while she's still healthy and active, as you'll miss that when they're gone. And sometimes we don't think about taking videos of their routine moments until they are sick. So I'm so thankful for that advice, because I do miss the daily, routine interactions, but luckily I have them on video and I love watching her on them.
I highly recommend Lap of Love, an in-house euthanasia vet company that helps with the transition. Their compassion at home made it easier on me and Lily to be in the comfort of our house.
The in-house vet lovingly, carefully, and touchingly sent Lily to heaven. Lily was very brave, and she went very, very peacefully, with me by her side. I know it's a gift to her from me to end her suffering sooner rather than later, and she needed me to do that for her. I was honored. So difficult, but honored.
Thank you to everyone who always loved Lily and I, and followed alongside us hiking or camping or taking long and beautiful walks together in so many numerous parks, bonding outdoors or just in the yard. Thank you for understanding our love.
It has been just her and I together for many years. She's helped me through so much and our love and bond grew so deeply. We were literally inseparable. She was such a blessing!! 💙
The house is very empty, and no sounds of my best friend fill the air. But, I still talk to her, like she's here, because we had such beautiful, touching routines throughout the day. Taking our meds together, never peeing by ourselves, walking to the mail box together, joyful car rides, she always watched over me when I did yard work, and of course our loving snuggles every night.
Who rescued who? She did.
I love and miss you with all my heart, Lily Girl! And will forever. 💙💙🤍🤍
