Living Room Mini Make-Over

My Before and After living room.  From drab to fab.  I'm proud of my little mini make over because I hardly ever do things like this, so I thought I would share.  :)

BEFORE (above) - the missing saddle chair, now seen below:

AFTER (above) new saddle chair.  I think it adds quite nicely.

BEFORE (above) - Blah pictures on the wall, no colors except brown and tan.

After - blue pillows on couch and chair, blue accessories on table next to TV, and a cute blue table next to the couch.  And two new pics with some blue in them!

Close up of the blue accessories, blue pic, and blue pillows on the antique chair. 

BEFORE - kinda drab.  Not ugly, just drab.

AFTER - Much much prettier, imo.  The blue and brown and different shades of each really make the room so much pleasant on the eyes.

BEFORE (above) - Very pretty mantel and pieces on it, but with the blue pieces added (see below,) it really brightens up the area! 

 

AFTER - You can't really tell in the pic (unless you click to enlarge) but the glass vases have blue potpourri in them.  And the VERY pretty small blue bird really stands out.  The blue flowers in the vase are nice, but that can be even better (will do that when I find better flowers).

Selfishness

Being selfish is a tough road to travel on.

Although I am selfish, I would still do anything for my loved ones.  I actually think of them first whenever I decide to do something, or when I'm at the store and see things they may want. 

(hmm... maybe I'm not that selfish after all?)

However, because I'm selfish, this means when someone doesn't think of me in certain situations, it affects me more.  Twisted thing, huh?  A weird catch 22.

But more so, it hurts when a loved is a certain kind of selfish.  I put them first, but yet I don't even rank high on their list.  I don't even cross their mind when (to me) it's obvious I should at certain times.

I admit that no one can know what selfish acts hurt me.  I admit it's my own mind (and heart) deciding what selfish acts hurt the most.  Others may not even be thinking their actions are selfish.

But it hurts when my world revolves around them and yet they barely even think of me and my needs. 

This hurts deep;  deep to the core.

It hurts deep enough to make me cry myself to sleep at night.

I try to rationalize - Do I just give too much?  Are my expectations too high?  What?

If my loved ones don't think of me or put me first, it can bother me, yea. But it's when I see the times it's so obvious I should have been considered or included that hurt the most. Those are the times it hurts my heart. 

I guess because no matter how selfish I am, I would still never do those type of things.

Although my loved ones are selfish, I can relate to their selfish actions because I too am selfish.  I don't judge them or get upset at them.  I understand, because I can be the same way.  Selfish people understand when others do certain daily selfish things. 

But I canNOT relate to hurting others so deeply when they make certain selfish choices. 

I guess we all have our own thermometer.

What level of selfishness can we handle?

I know mine -

• when I personally feel I was neglected, or
• not thought of during certain decisions they made, or 
• when they choose to do something that I should have been included, or 
• not considered when it's so obvious I should have been

...those are my gauges.  

Those are the ones that hurt the most.

Is Your Signifcant Other Affecting Others?

A friend of mine used to insert her foot in her mouth all the time.  However, what she didn't know was, when she did it to the likes of me over 15 years ago, my low self esteem couldn't handle it.

Sure, she didn't mean to be that way.

Her close friends defended her.  "She's just that way, hahaha.  It's funny how often she does that."

Huh?

She was hurting me!

So, why should I put up with someone who always spoke with their foot in their mouth?  Why should I be friends with someone who hurt me all the time?

Sure, it was really MY reaction and I couldn't control my low self esteem thoughts process.  But, it still hurt back then. 

It was a huge step for me to stop talking to her.  Yep, instead of facing the situation, I simply quit talking to her.

She did live in another city, so I didn't run into her but 5-10 times a year.

Fast forward 5 years or so, and I run into her again.  I say my hello's back, but I don't engage in conversation with her.  I hear through the grapevine she got a divorce.  Then I hear she found a new guy, and they got married.

Fast forward 5 more years and I decide that the people I chose to stop talking to, that I should become mature and at least be friendly instead of standoffish.  Let's face it, avoiding people and not talking to someone is a lot harder on us than it is on them.

I see this woman again shortly thereafter and I engage in conversation with her.

WOW, was I impressed!

She not only was NOT talking out of turn, being rude, or inappropriate, she was NICE.  She was smart.  Listening to what she was doing now in her life, made me WANT to be around her; get to know her more.  I know admired her for HER maturity.

I made it a point to tell her the truth.  "Hey, I quit talking to you.  But, I like you now!  A LOT."

She then shared that her abruptness was from being with her ex husband.

Huh?

Really?

Although her new husband is a huge influence on her emotionally - he is extremely smart, caring, gifted, and encourages her - it was more the EX that caused her to be so immune to her crass words and lack of self pity toward her friends.  He was a rude, insensitive guy and it rubbed off on her.  What's funny about this is - I never saw this side of him - I had no idea he was like that. 

Anyway, her true self was never able to shine with him in her life.  He held back the woman I now love to talk to and be around.

She is now one of my most admired of all my friends.  I truly look up to her and SO enjoy being in her presence.

I'm pissed at her EX for holding back this beautiful, caring woman from us for so many years.

Would You Want to be You?

I love Denis Waitley's the Psychology of Winning audio tapes. But I fully admit the first 2-3 disks are my favorite so I hardly listen to the full 6 disks.

So, I found myself walking along my neighborhood last night for exercise and de-stressing (going on week 3, VERY excited for myself!) and was listening to disk 4 and heard a profound thing I don't recall from before.  The first 2-3 disks I could prolly recite to you, but this seemed new to me because I don't get through all 6 disks every year.  And it was fabulous! 

If I can recall well for you, basically, Denis Waitley asks if you were your wife, husband, best friend, daughter, boss, employee, etc., would you like yourself?  For example, would you be happy with you as your boss?

If not, obviously his advice is to change that.

But it got me thinking.  Would I like me as a girlfriend?  Would I like me as a friend?

Looking honestly:

I would really like me as a friend.  I'm supportive, there for my friends, and would do anything for them. They can also confide in me.  Further, I try to have a good time in life and take them with me on the ride!

I would really like me as a coworker.  I work well with others, get projects done, implement tough tasks, meet deadlines, and am considered one of the go-to people in my office.

I would also really like me as an employee.  My boss can count on me and I'm not only productive but a good employee who shows respect and truly cares for my duties and my customers.

That leaves two areas:  daughter and girlfriend.

While I have some great attributes to these relationships (I'm giving and responsible), I shyly and unfortunately admit I could be a better girlfriend and daughter.

I could try harder to be more understanding when I get over-emotional with my guy, and I could try to spend more quality time with my Mom.

I take care of both my b/f and Mom in certain ways, but I could take care of the relationship with them better. 

Are you a good you?  Would you want you to be your wife/husband/girlfriend/boss/friend/employee?

I think this is a very profound question.  I love it!  One that makes you look at yourself honestly. 

So, would you want to be you in your relationship with others?

Why Bad Things Happen

I am a true believer that everything in life that happens to us, is for a very specific reason.  You know the inspiration: "Everything happens for a reason."  I wholeheartedly live by that sentence.  We may not know for many months or years why something so bad could happen to us, but when that one day arrives and we see the true meaning behind it, we become in awe and even smile to ourselves to realize "I made it through that time just for this!"

Learning from all of life's events (good or bad), I feel, is the key to being a stronger person every day.  But I think the other important key is that when negative life events occur, we are then prepared to help others who go through similar events.

Learning from Experiences and Becoming a Stronger Person:

After misfortunes, it takes time to accept what happened and then after the grief and sadness and shock is over, at some point, you realize you are stronger.  It's not that you wake up one day and say "Hey, I feel so much stronger today!"

No, it's not like that.

Instead, you will simply notice when you have a tough day that you are able to get through it okay.  You have the strength to get through it.

We Can Help Others:

I have had some major negative things happen in my life.  I don't go around telling everyone about them for sympathy, nor do I use the misfortunes and sufferings as crutches or excuses. But, I will share my experience if I think it will help others (that's why I'm writing this blog entry, in fact).

The real beauty, yes, I said BEAUTY, about misfortunes and sufferings is after we have been through difficult times, when we see a friend or loved one or even acquaintance who experiences the same misfortune (or very similar), we can relate and share our true sympathies and offer advice because we have already been through it.

• We can relate to the tears and heartbreak. 
• We can try to offer advice, but advice isn't the only thing we can offer. We can offer support - because we both have been through the same thing. 
• You can understand more than anyone how difficult it is for them.
• You are one of the few people who can truly, truly emphasize with them.
• You are proof they will be okay.
• Your connection to their misfortune allows you both to heal together.
• You offer sound advice because you have already been through it.

Don't feel sorry for me if I tell you about a suffering I've had.  I share my past because it's a part of who I am today.  I am a strong woman today because of all that I have been through. And I share my past because I want to help. 

When I tell you I would sleep on the floor in our kitchen as child because in the South the heat and humidity was horrendous and we didn't have air conditioning and the floor was the coolest place in the house against my skin, yet roaches were flying around at night, I'm only sharing with you I have come a long way.

If I mention I found my Dad passed away unexpectedly at the house one early morning, don't feel bad for me.  While I obviously wish he never passed away, a year later my dear friend Heather found her Mom passed away.  I was able to listen with an open heart and understand completely what she went through that long, very sad day because I could relate more than anyone.  I understood how she frantically held her Mom in her arms; the raw emotions of finding a loved one like that; the horrid endless hours it took for the coroner to show up; dealing with the police; ongoing nightmares about that day, etc.  I truly believe that finding my Dad passed away was so I could be there for Heather.

If I mention I am my Mom's caretaker, the ones who genuinely understand how tough it is, I know they have been a caretaker themselves.

They can relate.

And they offer advice.

The tough times my friends Kathy and Sharon went through taking care of their Mom's for years led them to offer inspiring advice that helped me immensely.  Only people who have been caretakers can offer important advice that I admit I never would have thought of on my own, or even contemplated.

Being a caretaker makes one forget themselves.  And I would feel super guilty doing anything for myself!  :(  Sharon convinced me I HAD to to some things for myself. If I didn't take care of me, I wouldn't be able to take care of my Mom.

So, don't let hardships bring you down.  Hardships make you a stronger person and will allow you the ultimate gift - to be there for someone else in the future.

Non Friendship

It's okay not to be friends.

Really, it is.

About 17 years ago, I was dealing with a woman who over reacted about my actions toward her.  She took it extremely personal that I didn't say hi to her one night.  She had done nothing wrong, I just had a bad night and don't run around to ensure I say hi to everyone all the time, esp to acquaintances.

When she confronted me about it on the phone, she hung up on me and would never accept my calls again.  I was livid!  I was hurt and extremely upset that I couldn't explain myself to her.  And most importantly, I was deeply hurt and confused because she no longer liked me.

I discussed this with a good friend of mine and she helped me get through it.  June was kinda my mentor in my 20s and helped me through a lot of mental stress I caused myself. 

In this situation, she helped me see that it's okay that not everyone liked me.  Back then, my self esteem was super low and so it affected me deeply why this woman (who overreacted, ironically) didn't like me anymore.  It took a few talks, but June convinced me I was a great person and if this other woman didn't like me, it was HER loss.  Further, not everyone is going to like us.  And guess what?  That's okay.

Once you accept that, life gets a little easier because you don't take things so personal.

I have a few friends right now that I no longer talk to.  One has sent me crappy, rude emails because he can't accept we aren't friends anymore.  I am happy he isn't in my life.  He is rude, puts business before friendship, and treats "friends" with disrespect, and yet he doesn't even know it.

Do I feel bad we aren't friends and he no longer likes me?  No. I think it's like purging bad karma, to be honest.

My only issue I have is I can't be honest with the WHYs of ending relationships.  I don't have the backbone, heart, strength to explain why I can no longer be around some people.  And I feel guilty for it.  Esp to the people I cared about and who I was good friends with before.

Asking Why

The WHY Word is a complex word for me.

If I question someones' actions, it usually means I am second guessing myself and worrying too much.  If I don't wonder WHY, I tend to have much clearer days, a stronger mental attitude, and more confidence in myself.  Asking yourself WHY someone did something can actually drive you (especially women) insane.

Here are some examples:

I used to question what my bosses were discussing behind closed doors.  "What's going?  What did I do wrong?  WHY is he in there with him?  WHY is the door closed?"

It would drive me crazy wondering if I did something unsatisfactory, or if my words from earlier came out so askew they had to discuss it.  WHY are the in there?  Obviously, I was VERY insecure about myself at this time.

Once I figured out to stop asking WHY, I no longer drove myself crazy with those insecure thoughts about their meetings (and btw, only 1% of the time were the discussions about me).

Another example is when you question why someone just did "that." And it makes it worse when it's about someone you care about.

WHY did they just ask me that question?  WHY didn't they think of me and get me a drink when they ordered themselves a drink?  WHY did they say it in that tone to me?  WHY did they do just that?  I need some comfort - WHY don't they say something nice to me right now?  WHY did they just say that to that girl (guy)?  WHY did they not give me a tighter hug? 

WHY.....

Asking WHY to these situations can drive one crazy which will then cause a downward spiral of you becoming more insecure, in addition to second guessing their feelings toward you.  When in reality, it's not personal.  People don't normally deliberately go around hurting others or deliberately not thinking of you.  Hardly anyone means to hurt your feelings.  Yes, we wish that wouldn't happen, but it's OUR own questioning that causes the angst and our own impression of how we are taking their actions or non actions that really causes the concern internally that hurts our feelings.  Remember - it's our own interpretation that causes our reaction/emotion.

More reminders:

• No matter what has been said to you, you ALWAYS have a choice on how you react to those words.
• "Everything hinges on how you look at things."  
• People never become defensive about what you're saying.  People become defensive because of why they think you're saying it.
  
• Don't take others actions' personal.

Obviously, if they explained more or were unselfish, it would help us care for them even more to feel loved/more confident about the relationship, but that's simply not the case all the time.

And to question others actions you barely know, can also cause one to worry unnecessarily.  Again, wondering, "WHY aren't they saying hi?" or "WHY are they acting that way toward me?" can lead to needless worry. Most people don't even realize their actions are causing pain to another. 

The WHY question can cause a woman to go insane, I swear.  lol.

However, sometimes WHY is a good thing, as I found out a few weeks ago.

I was visiting one of my favorite people where she bartended and as I sat there chatting with her, she told another patron, "I just love this woman, she's awesome."

Instead of Mr Barstool saying, "That's awesome to hear," he asked, "Why is that?"

Then she proceeded to explain to him why she thought I was special and that our friendship has helped her out.

As I sat there and blushed, I recognized that most people don't ask WHY in those situations.  Usually they just make a comforting gesture of acknowledgment.  But asking WHY in this scenario gave her the opportunity to express more, gave me the opportunity to hear details about how she felt about me, and also gave him more information about her initial comment.  He gained an insight that normally most people would never hear, all because he asked WHY at that key juncture.

It was truly an enlightening moment for me.

However, be weary of the WHY questions that can cause insecureness, self-questioning, and unconfidence.

Stay far, far away from those WHYs.  lol.

"I Believe" Intro and I Believe #1

I received one of those crazy chain emails the other day from a sweet friend.  The thing is, this one I read and didn't delete because it was nice and thought provoking.

It is a list called "I BELIEVE FACTS OF LIFE."

I will list each one in separate blog, mostly because there are 24 of them and I can't possibly comment on all of them in one exponential post!

Here is #1:

I Believe... 
That just because two people argue, 
It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.

When I argue with a b/f I completely admit I think we are falling apart.  Well, more fundamentally, I feel like every argument is me pushing them away.  Yes, I usually start the arguments.

Recently, my b/f told me to stop being so insecure about our relationship.  I have really heard his words.  And lately I have had more confidence.

If I argued with my Mom and Dad, I always knew they still loved me, tho. Even with my ex husband, I knew he still loved me after an argument.  With b/f's, though, I get nervous for some reason.  Maybe it's because it's easier to break up than divorce, lol.

I remember when I was in middle school, I thought an argument meant we were broke up.  The first time it happened, the guy had to tell me, "it was just a fight, we are still together."  "Cool," I thought to myself.

I wonder where I got that from!?  Wherever I got it from.... it must be why arguments make me so nervous. 

Feeling Special

I have learned over the years (yes, I'm old enough to say that) that you cannot depend on others to make you happy.  YOU are the only person who can make YOU happy.

If you need a significant other to make you happy, then I can guess you aren't very happy, huh?

I have learned this through years of advice by my friends (that I finally) listened to, AND because I finally figured it out on my own.

And what's weird about this, I am one of the lucky ones who is very happy with themselves, with their life, with everyone and everything in it.

Even through trials and tribulations, I learn from them (luckily), and I recognize that they make me stronger.  I don't let unfortunate happenings turn me into a sad, depressed, mean person.  Yes, I still experience the bad, sad, negative feelings, but I am not one to dwell on them forever and instead I move forward when it's time.

What I have recently learned though, is being happy and feeling special, unfortunately, fall into the same category. 

I have wanted to feel special my whole life.  When I want to feel special on certain days, it doesn't always happen.  The disappointment is painful.  It truly pains my heart of the times that *I* think I deserve to feel special.

Yes, I said "deserves."

The thing is, I am a special person.  I truly believe I am special.  And at unexpected times in my life, others have made me feel extremely special and surprised! 

When surprised, that sense of feeling special is exasperated a million times!  Those are the situations and events I have always cherished.

But alas, on occasions that mean a lot to me, I wish others would do special things for me. 

As one of my friends told me recently, "you expect others to do the same for you as you do for them.  Therefore, you are letting your expectations get the best of you."

She has a very valid point.

And then when I expect things and they don't happen, I get super hurt.

What I have to also realize is, that I get treated special all year round.  I really do by my friends and family.  It would be horrible if I was only treated special on special days, right?  I wish I could instill this in my brain!!

Why?

Because. 

Still.  The expectations hurt. 

And I need to get over this.  And I need to treat "special" like "happiness."  I learned before that *I* need to be happy with myself first, otherwise I can't be happy with anyone.  I need to treat "special" the same way, huh?  Is that how I get over this?

I am happy.  I feel special. 

Hmm... is it that easy? 

Nah, I still want to feel special on certain days. 

But... I will try to remember only *I* can truly make myself feel special, just like happiness.

Cross your fingers for me!

Frazil Ice

Pretty Amazing!!

Don't Take It Personal - Tips

German writer, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, "For many people, one of the most frustrating aspects of life is not being able to understand other people's behavior." If that's true then we'd all be less frustrated if we could understand behavior.

There is a way to do that, as Annette Estes write in her eBook, "From Can't Stand to Understand - How to Handle Difficult People."

Below are 3 of her 7 steps that I severely need as reminders to improve my own sanity when I am getting upset and frustrated by others.  You can read the entire 7 steps here, but the 3 below were the most helpful to me. 

I've bolded the parts that resonate with what I am going through; and need reminders for to remain sane and to keep my mind from running out of control with animosity, frustration, hurt, and stupid, negative thoughts spiraling like an out of control roller coaster.

5. Don't Take Bad Behavior Personally

No one likes to be chewed out, criticized, ignored, or otherwise mistreated. While we shouldn't allow people to treat us badly, we need to understand where people are coming from and realize they're behaving in the way that's most comfortable for them.

If you're the type who likes to talk things out, ad nauseum, and you're dealing with someone who's uncomfortable showing their emotions it can make both of you unhappy. We should set clear boundaries with people about what they may and may not say or do around us. Yet we shouldn't accuse people during conflict. Don't say, "You make me so angry when you won't talk to me." Use "I" messages. Say, "It makes me uncomfortable when you won't open up to me; I feel you're ignoring me and it's hurtful." That takes the pressure off of them and they'll be more open to listening to you and changing their behavior.

Adopt the attitude that if someone has a problem with you it's their problem, not yours, and don't get all bent out of shape about it. Moliere said, "A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation." Good advice.

6. Adapt to Other People's Styles

The way to improve communications with others is to do three things: Understand your own behavioral style, understand the styles of people who are different from you, and adapt your style to theirs. If you treat people the way they like to be treated, they'll warm up to you and treat you better. The real magic begins when both people adapt their communication styles to each other. This formula is great for developing better personal relationships and for team building.

7. Be Non-Judgmental

Oscar Wilde said, "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." When you think about it, it's egotistical to get upset with someone for just being who they are, even when they're not on their best behavior. People generally aren't trying to upset you; they're doing what they feel is best for them, which most of the time is moving toward pleasure or away from pain.

Inspirational Video

A Good Day.  My friend Phil was correct - this is a very good video for when you need a pick-me-up or a reminder to live every day as the Present.

Clip of Comedian Anjelah Johnson

This chick is pretty funny!

Found an Awesome Letter

I was going through some things the other day and found a letter my Dad wrote me.  I took him to see Transformers a few months before his unexpected death; he wrote me this note after we saw the movie together.  I scanned it so I will never forget it.

What Happy Does

I am going through mixed emotions.  My Mom is not doing well and has been in and out of the hospital for 6 weeks now.  At the same time, I have been seeing a new guy.  I feel for him, because right now he is having to deal with an emotional woman who has a lot going on in her life.

But, yesterday I had a "good" day.  After I saw Mom in the hospital, I went to see a movie, and then ran errands, and accomplished some tasks. 

I noticed as I went on about my day that I was happier than normal.  When I am really happy, I talk more to strangers, I am not as "elusive," and I talk back to people talking to me instead of trying to not engage in convo.

I've always been told I have a great personality, I just don't always show it to its full extent sometimes.  I hide it, I guess.  And don't let it shine when I am down or busy or tired or to people I don't know.

I gotta be careful, though.  Like yesterday, my extra smiles, extra talk, and showing my personality can indicate that I *might* be interested in these guys talking to me and that is not my intention.  I'm just so dang happy right now with this new guy and how he is treating me, it kinda glows right through me and comes out through my personality.

Random Act of Kindness

I thought I would share this random act of kindness that I will never forget it. It may seem minor, but it was an amazing gesture of kindness.

I was out for lunch with about 20 coworkers - some visiting from other cities, some from my office. As we walked out of the restaurant, we had to wait for the others to pay for the lunch.

A parking meter police guy was walking around, checking the meters. Well, one of the meters was expired.  As the cop walked toward the expire meter, one of the guys in my group walked up to him and asked if he could put coins in the meter, and the cop said yes.

My coworker didn't know who owned the car, but he put in 50 cents and saved this "unknown" guy from a parking ticket!

I admit I was in complete shock. Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't anyone else in the group think of it? The rest of us stood there watching the cop start to write a ticket, but this coworker walked right up and helped out a stranger.

Because we had to wait so long, eventually the guy who owned the car came out and he was told what happened and he thanked my coworker.

I know it really seems minor, but it was awesome. And, this happened about 2-3 years ago.

Reason, Season, Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,

To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are,

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.  

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire

fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson,

love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other

relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

This poem may help us see why some people leave our lives, but I think it fails to remind us that we. ourselves. may be a reason or season in someone else's life.  If you are no longer in someone's life, there is a reason - maybe you fulfilled them with what they needed at that time and it was time for them to move on.  Don't take it personal.  It just goes both ways - be thankful, don't be hurt.

I Really Don't Think They Care

"You wouldn't worry so much about what people think of you if you knew how little they did."

Saw that quote the other day.  And it reminded me.... I try to tell my a good friend of mine that no one cares what she looks like, everyone is too worried what they themselves look like!

She is consumed with how she looks (what she wears, how her makeup looks, wears wigs sometimes, worries about her skin, etc.) and seems to care what people think way too much imo.

She doesn't listen to me, though, when I tell her everyone cares more about how they look than how she looks!

Documentary About Abuse

Not just any abuse, brutal, unfathomable abuse.  :(  I watched the HBO documentary "Every F---ing Day of My Life" over two months ago and it's still with me.

Here is the synopsis from HBO: (click on the image to enlarge)

The documentary shows no abuse - there is no footage of the abuse.  You only hear from the Mom and sons how the father abused them.  Yet, it's still so riveting; heartbreaking; despicable; tough to hear; brutal.  It makes me sad and depressed to think just how awful they had it for all those years.

Here is someone else's comments from another blog, that explains my thoughts and feelings better than I ever could:

"I recently viewed the documentary Every F---ing Day of My Life and I was beyond appalled. What Wendy and those four beautiful boys had to endure at the hands of that sick, psychotic twist. Quite frankly, I'm surprised she and the children lasted as long as they did without their lives ending at the hands of Aaron. Wendy, if you read this know that your years have not been spent in vain, because despite the horrendous abuse you and your children were subjected to, you did something right---it's clear that you adore your children, they adore you and they adore one another. How you were able to sustain to keep such a powerful love alive is amazing to me. God bless you and your beautiful boys."

Achmed Makes Me Laugh!

I love vids that make me Lough Out Loud! Like this one:

My Favorite Frasier Scene!

This 6 minutes of Frasier makes me laugh out loud!

My Favorite Joke!

(I LOVE this! hehehe)

Men and Women Dating

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward ... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: ... so that means it was... let's see.... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed- even before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a darn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a darn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have ... Oh my, I feel so ..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that ... It's that I ... I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes." (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think
about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours.

In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"


I lost the exact wording to this joke for many years, but came across it finally in the collection at www.usaone.net/jokenet/jokes.asp

One of My Favorite Cartoons

Mistakes

"It is better
to make new mistakes
than it is to
repeat the old ones."

(easier said than done!)

Way Back When...

I love the website Way Back Machine at http://www.archive.org/web/web.php.

It somehow, magically, can pull up websites from the past - and you can see what they look like AND check out the info on the website from back then. I use this "search engine" sometimes when I am looking up info that can no longer be found from a website that is no longer available. You know, the dreaded, "Server no found" when you try to pull up a website sometimes:


Well, type in the name of the "missing" website onto the WayBackMachine website, and it will show you the website anyway! Even if it's been several years.

Ahhh..... the Internet!

Ticked

I got ticked off the other day. I needed it. I was being blind and stupid. Now I have more strength to fight the stupid urge to be pathetic.

I am glad I got upset/mad/ticked. At first the feeling was hurt and upsetness. But now I seem a little numb and not caring and that's what I needed to stop being so blindsided.

About darn time I might add.

I needed this kick in the pants, even though it hurt what I found out. It's okay though - I am stronger than I think. And this was so needed because I was tired of being pathetic. Let's face it, it's embarrassing and forces us to have low self esteem.

Confidence is what I like to feel and I was lacking in that I think. Why does one act pathetic otherwise? I don't like that side of me.

King Kong

My Dad told me I would like King Kong. He kept telling me to watch it. I finally did watch it - after he passed away almost three years ago, I watched his DVD of it on New Year's Eve in his room. He was right - the special effects in that movie are AMAZING! The sound effects were awesome as well!! (I'm starting to see a theme here - good visual special effects accompanied by awesome sounds/noises really entice my liking of a movie).

If you haven't seen the movie, I recommend it. I realize it came out a few years ago, but a friend of mine told me last night he had never seen it (even though it was playing on cable, too). I was shocked!

The river scene with that big fish monster! The T Rex's against King Kong is truly spectacular! I don't like the insect scene, but the special effects of the animals is truly something to witness.

I was very impressed, also, with Naomi Watts. She should be in more movies - btw she was perfect in this movie! Also, Jack Black is funny in this movie and Adrian Brody was awesome in his role!

I will fully admit, though, I have yet to see the ending of King Kong. It was on again this weekend and before the ending I turned the channel. I know KK dies. I know it will make me cry. I know.... I'm weird.

Avoiding Hurt, Hurts

I've been struggling for the last few weeks with honesty.

Why can I not fully tell someone the truth because I'm so afraid to hurt them?

You'd think after all the leadership classes and life experiences that I would know how to word things in a way as to not hurt people. At least not hurt them as bad as I could without thinking about my wording first. Instead, I have been just avoiding situations.

I haven't been telling people the true reason for some things, and I feel bad. You think I could accept not hurting my friends - I mean, who wants to hurt anyone? But lately it has taken it's toll on me. Instead of hurting my friends with words, I have hurt them by NOT telling them reasons for my behavior. It's been a pretty rough time with this lately. I think if this happened once every two years or something, maybe it wouldn't weigh on me so much, but in reality, since last November "this" has started and then it happened again in Jan and full force in May and July.

I still sometimes think maybe I made the right decisions because what I should have told them really would have hurt them. But in reality, I have hurt some of my friends already without even speaking to them the whys of my actions and nonactions.

I lost some friends along the way. All because I don't want to hurt them.

In other situations, I avoid so much wanting to share my true feelings because of embarrassment and not wanting to share the truth, that I continue to not say things.

Over the weekend I expressed all this to a friend and they told me "you are okay and still a good person." But am I really? Some hurtful words are truly pointless to ever say, but other words could help people. Of course other times it's to save face.

Struggles.

Hurt.

Pain.

Reflection.

I wonder if maybe I am thinking a lot more about this lately not only because I have been avoiding hurting my friends, but also because I have witnessed full force people being completely honest about things. Saying it like it is. I mean, the words they are saying are very open and they are being friends by saying things. But I have to admit they aren't just spouting off things AT me.

Other things I have witnessed are people on the internet not afraid to say things; to anyone. It's such a weird thing for me to see - hurtful words in front of everyone. People saying exactly what they think; being rude and crappy. I don't get it. Does anyone not think of how their words affect people. Empathy? Care? Hello?

People have told me 'saying it like it is' helps others and helps me. Well, maybe that's true because lately this is one of the things I have been struggling with. :(

Isn't the Answer Obvious?

There is a headline over at People.com: "Would You Watch a Reality Show About Bristol and Levi?"

Um, not only no, but heck no. Seriously? That's a serious question? OMG....

So, I checked out the results of the poll, and I'm not alone! Out of like 15,000 votes, 27% think they'd be 'fun to watch,' while us other 73% say they are not interesting.

I'm Still Her... :(

I had a rough weekend. Lots going on with me internally. I found out some things about myself that I am not proud of. Without going into specifics, I found out I am the female I never wanted to be anymore. I found out that all my "talk" of not being that person, was really still deep inside me and came out of me this past weekend in an ugly way.

Bottom line - I can't control my emotions still. Even when I KNOW not to say something to someone, even when I KNOW it's not the right time to express how unhappy I am, I still do it... and I did it this past weekend.

Why can I not wait sometimes? Why do I sometimes have no control over expresing my hurt emotions? I sometimes just HAVE to express my disappointment or hurtfulness even when the time is not right. Even when I'm fully aware "Don't say anything right now..." I still sometimes do it.

It was a very tough realization that I am still that person I was in my 20s. Very disappointing.

Invitiation of People in Your Life

John Edwards's daughter, Cate, recently talked about the "situation" that her parents went through. You know, when John had an affair, didn't admit to it, fathered a child, then admitted to it, blah blah.

This blog isn't about John or the affair, it's about an interesting comment his daughter stated that I hadn't considered from that point of view before. As read from People.com, Cate said, "There are the things she (her Mom) taught without words." Like "how to continue to live your life on your own terms when it somehow becomes savaged by people you never invited into it."

For some reason, that statement is very intriguing to me because it's such an different perspective. She isn't blaming the other woman or talking negatively about her in that sentence. Instead she views the woman in a very non judgmental way, as simply someone who was "never invited into it (their life)."

If many of us could consider such a perspective about people in our lives, I think it might help us in some certain situations in regard to our emotions and feelings, thoughts and concerns.

More Writing?

I want to write more over here. It's my therapy. It is an open blog so I can't be too specific all the time regarding my feelings/emotions/hurt about/over certain people, but writing things down is helpful for me to get through things. I love to read through my previous blog entries that contain helpful quotes and sayings - they are great reminders for tough times!!

Anyhow, I hope I do start to write more over here. I need to figure some things out in my head. I've hurt a lot of people this year and been hurt by others. I think I need to do some inward discovery. Or something.

Disappeared

There is this channel on satellite/cable called ID (Investigation Discovery). It is basically a bunch of crime shows: Dateline, 48 Hours, Crimes of Passion, Solved, Hollywood Crime, Extreme Forensics, Unusual Suspects, Child Murderers, etc. Kind of like that show Snapped, but it's a whole channel about not just female criminals, but all kinds and how the crimes are solved and who is caught and/or not caught.

I can literally watch the channel all day long. For some reason, I find it intriguing. It sounds weird and morbid I know, but the stories are heart wrenching and intriguing at the same time.

HOWEVER.... there is one show on ID I will not watch. It's called: "Disappeared." You can gather that the show is about people who disappear. I can't watch that show. I think one of THE most painful ways to lose someone would be is if they disappeared. I realize that if someone passes away from a car crash, murder, disease, etc. etc. is brutal for the family members. But for some reason, I think disappearance would be the most difficult for family members.

So, I cannot fathom even accidentally stopping on the ID channel when that particular show is on. Show me the crimes and murders, but my heart cannot handle the unbearing thought that parents must feel if their child (no matter if 3, 5, 12, 18, or 30 years old) go "missing."

I would be looking my whole life for a sister, brother, Mom, Dad or child if they all of a sudden one day disappeared. I don't have sisters or brothers, or children, but I still know deep in my heart that this would be so difficult to live with. I would look every person in the face everywhere I went, I would look in cars as I drove down the street, check the internet, bother police every day, and do my own searches and searches. Every day it would consume me; every night I would not be able to sleep. For years and years until I die I would be consumed and disturbed about my missing loved one.

You may think I know someone who has had a family member who disappeared or went missing but I have not. It's just one of those fears in life I feel for others.

So, you wont ever find me watching the ID Channel when Disappeared is on. Bring on 48 Hours and Extreme Forensics instead.

To Hell With It

You are going to think I am CRAZY, but I LOVE Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

I love the special effects and the SOUNDS! I can go on and on... :)

I never saw Hellboy, the first one, but when I read that Guillermo del Toro was directing Hellboy II, I couldn't wait for it to come out in the movie theatre! Guillermo directed Pan's Labyrinth. That movie, while not for the faint at heart and NOT about Fairies as you might think, had amazing special effects. Additionally, the sounds the creatures made were so impressive! Therefore, I couldn't wait for Hellboy II, and I was not disappointed.

Guillermo with the cast.

HellBoy II is also funny - it has some great, laugh-out-loud parts to it!

My favorite scenes:

• when Hellboy fights Wink in the Troll Alley. Wink has a personality, and it shows in this scene. And the sound effects when he dies ( sorry for the spoiler ) is smart.
• the entire scene with the Forrest God. The special effects, the like-ness to a human, the reactions to words, the SOUNDS he makes, and in the end he creates life. My only regret is we don't hear more sounds from the Forrest God.
• i also liked when Krauss and Hellboy get into it in the locker room, lol.
• of course I love it in the end when the Golden Army comes back to life. You can hear a choo-choo train sound at one point!
• and finally, hearing the leather flaps of Prince Nuada's outfit while he fights and jumps in the last scene is awesome.

HellBoy II comes on all the time on my cable channels. I get all excited when I see on the guide that it will be coming on later that night! :) I can watch it over and over!!

Dang It...

Got this via email late last week:

:(


We would like to provide you with an important update to the American Airlines AAdvantage® program. Effective July 1, 2010, the Marriott Rewards program will no longer offer AAdvantage miles for stays at Marriott hotels.

All qualifying stays at participating properties completed by June 30, 2010 will be eligible to earn AAdvantage miles. It is also important to note the final date to convert your Marriott Rewards points to AAdvantage miles will be June 30, 2010.

As an AAdvantage member you have access to an extensive network of hotels where you can earn AAdvantage miles, including 60 brands in over 100 countries. For a limited time, visit the AAdvantage® ConnectionsSM Web site for a list of our special hotel offers.

We appreciate your loyalty to American Airlines and the AAdvantage program.

I use the points from Marriott solely for AA miles. Hmm... I don't think I earn enough points a year to get a free room/night from Marriott. I wonder if I will consider a different hotel chain when looking at where to stay if I am planning weekend trips. Hmm.... I will prolly stay at one certain Marriott in Austin due to location, but otherwise, I think my choice will be swayed.

Fortune Cookie

This was on the little piece of paper in my fortune cookie last week:

"A passionate new romance will appear in your life when you least expect it."

Well, duh!

Like they occur when we expect it? lol

April 2010

I don't write too much in this personal blog - I write more in my other blog (my pool blog) but that's okay. Sometimes I want to share things over here and sometimes I am too busy over there, lol.

Anyway, since I hadn't written once this month yet, and the end of the month is nearing, I thought I would submit a little entry.

Here is a great quote I saw the other day:

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." -- Mark Twain

Taxes

I have done my own taxes my whole life. I first started doing them by filling out the forms. Then when some Tax companies got online, I used them and continued to do my taxes online by myself. I even did my taxes myself when I was married and had our first house - it was pretty convenient and I didn't have to pay anyone to do them for me. I love saving money!

Well, last year I noticed that the cute little city that I live in (my mailing address is 'Fort Worth,' but I really live in a small little city in/near/beside Fort Worth) had set up for the AARP to complete and then file our taxes if we lived in this little city. All I had to to was to show up sometime on Mondays before April 15th at the City Hall (which is a super small little building) to meet with the AARP volunteers.

Last year I went because it was the first year I had to deal with things I hadn't done before - claiming my Mom, a new house, and what to do about my Dad's passing and my Mom's taxes. So, I broke down and went to this service because it was free.

They were very cordial and super nice! I wasn't sure if they would even work on my return because I wasn't an AARP-type person yet (lol), but they didn't seem to mind. I think they knew I was there for my Mom, anyway.

Well, I went today again and took advantage of their free, polite, fast service. I love it! I even got lucky and the same guy who did my return last year did my return this year, too. Out of about 8 volunteers, he had just finished working on a return when I walked in and so they sate me with him. He even remembered me - it was so sweet.

I need to write them a thank you letter, that's how excited and thankful I am. I love convenience and people helping me out!

Smile Quotes

I don't want the first post on this page to be so sad, so let me share some smile pics with ya:

Stress And Others

I noticed when I am stressed and overwhelmed I take it out on the ones I care about most. I also notice I want to hear from the ones I care about while I'm going through tough times and when I don't, my mind wanders into deep dark areas that I wish would never come up from the muddy waters... all because I "feel" lonely. My heart feels like if I was to hear from them, some of the sadness would go away; just hearing their voices calms me, distracts me, and makes me feel loved and less lonely.

I really, truly hate taking out my frustrations on the ones I care about. But when I am stressed and overwhelmed, I can't handle a lot of the questions that normally-wouldn't-irritate me and I in return get snappy. :( I don't mean to be snappy, though. I'm just mentally tasked and overwhelmed and my mind can't rationalize what is going on and it breaks down into child-like responses of frustration. :(

Besides a lot of questions, I also cannot take comments about things that need to be done. I immediately go into a defense mode and no positive thoughts can break through for some reason. Common sense goes right out the window and I can't think clear and rationalize that maybe the person is just talking AT me, not really saying negative things that I am not seeing what they truly are - just statements, not complaining of my lack of action. Usually they are just stating things that have come to their mind that need to be done; it's no reflection of me.

Then there's the contact aspect. When I am depressed, stressed, and overwhelmed, I admit wholeheartedly I want to hear more from the close male friends that may be in my life at the time. I really can't handle the lack of contact during the tough times - my mind literally spirals out of control and I feel so helpless and think negative thoughts that can sometimes consume me. :( I don't like to reach out when I am depressed or upset; but I wish so hard in my brain for the ones I care about to contact me, and yet they don't. They don't realize a simple phone call or text would mean the world and help me through the rough times. What upsets me even more is this happens even after I break down and explain I enjoy hearing from them and it helps me b/c I'm having a rough time. Isn't that obvious that it means I want/need to hear from them? I guess not. There have been a few times I even broke down and went WAY out of my comfort zone and actually ASKED for them to contact me more... which still led to NOT an increase in contact.

I wouldn't get upset at all at them or my mind wouldn't spiral out of control if I wasn't stressed or overwhelmed, though. I am fully aware of that. I wish I could control my thoughts better during the rough times; I really, really do. But I seem to really lose a good grasp of any leadership principle when I am stressed and overwhelmed and I get very fragile and weak. My mind has a mind of it's own, lol.

I am very happy for my few close girlfriends that I can call at any time or call/text me to see how I am doing. I also appreciate my online friends who keep in touch. Although I am venting above, still doesn't mean I do realize I do still have some great friends out there and I am very appreciative of you! I just I could handle my emotions and thoughts better during rough times...

The Eyes Have It

I decided after seeing some peeps with cool colored contacts that I would buy a box of grey and a box of green. The colored contacts looked awesome on them! I had green way back when in college, but only for a like a month or something.

I tried on many colors about a year and a half ago so I was excited about my choices.

I wore the grey ones for a week before I went to Vegas for my Birthday in February. I figured I wanted cool looking eyes for my B Day in my favorite city! No one noticed or said anything, though for that week. Hmm. Then I figured I would try the green ones before my Vegas trip. I wore them for about 4 days at a tournament I attended (not played in). No one noticed or said anything. Hmmm...

So, I didn't take either color to Vegas, lol. Now I have two boxes of colored contacts that I'm not sure I will wear again! I wouldn't mind wearing them in general, but I swear they make my eyes tired. I need to see if I can play pool in them - I swear I can see the colored edges at times even though I KNOW that doesn't make sense. One of these days I will try it out during league or something.... dunno.

Still, I think this is all hysterical that I planned for the colored contacts before my trip and then they weren't even noticeable. lol!

Sort by

So, why isn't it obvious if I choose to sort in my electronic folders on windows that I would want it by most recent date? Why does it automatically sort by furthest date when I choose to sort by "date" when adding an attachment to an email or to open a document? I mean, really. REALLY?!

Stronger

I'm trying to be strong with my thoughts; trying not to over think, think too much, worry about crap, all that jazz. I notice the more confident I am, the stronger my thoughts are.

I am trying to shut down spiraling, negative thoughts sooner, beat it at the pass so to speak.

I am somewhat successful right now because I am not depressed. Over the holidays it was pure torture, tho, lol.

I just saw this old phrase the other day and never really THOUGHT what the 4 words said, how impactful they really are, and how helpful they can be:

Don't Worry, Be Happy.

Why is that phrase so profound to me today?? I wish I could brand it on my brain.

Horoscope

Got this via e-mail the other day. Not sure if it's the Horoscope for the day, week, month, year, whatever but it kinda describes me I guess:

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality.... Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional... Can be a bit rebellious.. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out... Eccentric personality.

Then of course this was added at the end of my astrological sign: "11 years of luck if you forward."

Oops!

Hurt

"They didn't mean to hurt me."

Say it again.

"They didn't mean to hurt me."

People don't go through life deliberately hurting other people. If they do hurt me, they probably don't even know it!

I wish I could burn this into my brain for those times my heart aches so badly I can't believe it, or when I want to quickly lash out with a crappy response, or for those times after I get off the phone and just want to cry as I sit there in astonishment.

Reminder from my other blog entry:

People never become defensive about what you're saying.

People become defensive because of why they think you're saying it.

I should think that way, but I know that I can move forward much faster during times of hurt reminding myself that people do not deliberately hurt me, than trying to make my mind rethink years of harden memories.

Repeat After Me:

People do not deliberately hurt others.

Avatar

While I was apprehensive about seeing a 2 hour & 40 minute movie (I mean, who can make your nachos last THAT long?), enough friends said it didn't "feel" like a 3 hour movie so I decided to go check it out.

I decided against the 3D viewing, knowing James Cameron's work, I knew it would still be specatular and using the word "specatular" doesn't even come close to just how amazing it really was.

The special effects and action were AMAZING! I loved the movie. However, the reason the movie was also fabulous was because of the acting by a rising star named Zoe Saldana. She plays Neytiri in the film. She was phenomenal. When she cried with pain, you felt pain. Her voice described perfectly her emotions. It was truly amazing how she well she can act!

What makes her acting even more amazing is when you find out the acting of the "blue people" (as I call them) were done in a bland warehouse with little cameras pointing to their mouths and the actors in bodysuits with no props around them. To realize she showed those rare emotions in such an environment makes one appreciate her acting even more!

Neytiri

Zoe

On the set

Rough Start

I'm not one to complain - anyone who reads my blogs or knows me personally knows that. But I must admit, I had a rough start to the New Year. I hate to admit that! Not in my nature to complain or connect situations with events. So, this past weekend over New Year's was very different for me. Damn holidays, lol.

• Too much negativity going on in my mind
• Too many things I need to do around the house and yet I still haven't done them
• Too many big changes I need to make but don't know if I have the strength to really purge
• Worrying too much about stupid crap
• Crying over things I can control
• Learning who my true friends are is actually hurtful/hurting
• Feeling guilty because I should do even more for my Mom
• Still giving too much to others that do not show me even a smidgen of the same respect

As you can tell - a super rough weekend. :(

Enemy Quote

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Winston Churchill

Pretty harsh quote, but interesting nonetheless.

Repeat!

Looks like I have to do a repeat. I MUST!

From last year, let me state my pet peeve:

It's rude not to spell it out! Why do people insist on shortening Christmas with an X then adding "mas." I don't even want to spell it out for this blog entry - that how uncouth I think it is!

Christmas is ABOUT Christ. CHRIST should not be removed from Christmas!!

Oh, and, Happy Holidays!!! :)

Shipped!

Ahh.... the email titles we love to see!

Dell Order Has Shipped

and:

B&H Photo Order Shipped

Within 7 days of each other, the two email titles above were sent to my little email inbox. I can't wait!!!!