Learning from all of life's events (good or bad), I feel, is the key to being a stronger person every day. But I think the other important key is that when negative life events occur, we are then prepared to help others who go through similar events.
Learning from Experiences and Becoming a Stronger Person:
After misfortunes, it takes time to accept what happened and then after the grief and sadness and shock is over, at some point, you realize you are stronger. It's not that you wake up one day and say "Hey, I feel so much stronger today!"
No, it's not like that.
Instead, you will simply notice when you have a tough day that you are able to get through it okay. You have the strength to get through it.
We Can Help Others:
I have had some major negative things happen in my life. I don't go around telling everyone about them for sympathy, nor do I use the misfortunes and sufferings as crutches or excuses. But, I will share my experience if I think it will help others (that's why I'm writing this blog entry, in fact).
The real beauty, yes, I said BEAUTY, about misfortunes and sufferings is after we have been through difficult times, when we see a friend or loved one or even acquaintance who experiences the same misfortune (or very similar), we can relate and share our true sympathies and offer advice because we have already been through it.
- We can relate to the tears and heartbreak.
- We can try to offer advice, but advice isn't the only thing we can offer. We can offer support - because we both have been through the same thing.
- You can understand more than anyone how difficult it is for them.
- You are one of the few people who can truly, truly emphasize with them.
- You are proof they will be okay.
- Your connection to their misfortune allows you both to heal together.
- You offer sound advice because you have already been through it.
Don't feel sorry for me if I tell you about a suffering I've had. I share my past because it's a part of who I am today. I am a strong woman today because of all that I have been through. And I share my past because I want to help.
When I tell you I would sleep on the floor in our kitchen as child because in the South the heat and humidity was horrendous and we didn't have air conditioning and the floor was the coolest place in the house against my skin, yet roaches were flying around at night, I'm only sharing with you I have come a long way.
If I mention I found my Dad passed away unexpectedly at the house one early morning, don't feel bad for me. While I obviously wish he never passed away, a year later my dear friend Heather found her Mom passed away. I was able to listen with an open heart and understand completely what she went through that long, very sad day because I could relate more than anyone. I understood how she frantically held her Mom in her arms; the raw emotions of finding a loved one like that; the horrid endless hours it took for the coroner to show up; dealing with the police; ongoing nightmares about that day, etc. I truly believe that finding my Dad passed away was so I could be there for Heather.
If I mention I am my Mom's caretaker, the ones who genuinely understand how tough it is, I know they have been a caretaker themselves.
They can relate.
And they offer advice.
The tough times my friends Kathy and Sharon went through taking care of their Mom's for years led them to offer inspiring advice that helped me immensely. Only people who have been caretakers can offer important advice that I admit I never would have thought of on my own, or even contemplated.
Being a caretaker makes one forget themselves. And I would feel super guilty doing anything for myself! :( Sharon convinced me I HAD to to some things for myself. If I didn't take care of me, I wouldn't be able to take care of my Mom.
So, don't let hardships bring you down. Hardships make you a stronger person and will allow you the ultimate gift - to be there for someone else in the future.
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