I Actually Multi-Task Very Well, Believe It Or Not

I get a text from Brian during lunch reminding me to submit something for him online.  I save the text, knowing I may forget.

I get back to my office.

I re-open up my work email, start to reply to Jane H.

It reminds me I need to call Todd in Tampa, FL about a form that needs to be filled out for a new project.

While I'm on the phone, I remember I need to call Allen in Jackson, KY about something for my boss.

While on hold, I grab an envelope, because I remembered I need to mail something.

I leave the unaddressed envelope on my desk as a reminder to address it, stamp it, and mail it later.

That reminds me I need to ask my friend Juan about a mutual friend.

I get off the phone and email something to the Tampa office immediately about the new project we just spoke about.

I then remember I wanted to post something funny on FaceBook (FB) about my dentist.

I open up FB real quick, and read a link about a funny chicken (I swear!).

I forget I wanted to post about my dentist.  But I re-post the link about the chicken!

I close FB, get back to my work email.

See something that reminds me I need to check my phone for the text message.

I turn on my phone and see the battery is dying.  I grab the cord and plug it in.

But then I go back to my work email and I forget to check my text messages on my phone.

I then recall I need to call my dentist.

OH, and post about it on FB.  THAT's why I got on FB!

I go to open up FB, but see an email in my personal email that I forgot to forward to a business owner.

I forward the email.

That reminds me again I need to talk to Juan.

I forget to open FB again.
 
I then open my drawer to try and find my dentists' phone #.

I can't find any receipt so I can't find his #, but see a memo from work I wanted to work on today.

I pick up the memo and lay it on my desk as a reminder.

I then realize, OH - I have my dentists' # in my phone.

I go to my phone that's on the charger, see the text from Brian as a reminder to submit the online form for him.

I forget to get my dentists' # !

BUT, it reminds me to text Brian about his drivers license.

I then see some new emails in my work inbox and check them diligently.

I then look down and see the memo on my desk.

I pick up the memo and underneath it was the blank envelope.

I put the memo down and address the envelope (I'm making some progress here).

I reopen my drawer for a stamp, see my checkbook, it reminds me I still need to call THE DANG DENTIST!

OMG...

AND put up the funny comment about my dentist on FB (that's no longer funny to me).

I reach for my phone to call my dentist, see the text from Brian.

Finally submit the online form for him.

I move the envelope to the edge of my desk so I remember to mail it when I leave today.

I pick up the memo, it reminds me to call Allen in Jackson.

I put the memo back down, call Allen, but have to leave a voicemail for him, which reminds me - I still need to CALL THE DANG DENTIST!
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Fifteen minutes in the life of Melinda (lmao)

Asking Questions

I realized the other day that when I ask a loved one a question, it's really a reflection of ME, not them.  While they may react to the questions badly, in reality, I'm asking the questions because of my own concerns or inner demons or anxiety.

What I'm asking they may think to be a dumb, stupid, nagging question but in reality, I'm asking because of issues with myself.  Not the person the question is directed to.

Too bad we can't get that message across.

Of course, I just figured it out so that's okay they don't understand I ask questions because I'm having difficulties. 

However, pretty enlightening moment for me!

Asking for Help

I despise asking for help.    It's not in my nature.

I was taught by example.  So, I learned that if I asked for help, it meant I was weak.

At work, I finally realized that asking for help is part of being a team player and not micromanaging.

However, in my personal life, I still have major issues with it.

My Mom was the same way.

When people offer to help and they help, I embrace it with such love and joy, because I get so surprised when people want to help unconditionally.

I remember about 4 years ago I had to ask a friend for help.  I needed him to install some "adult living" things in the house for my Mom - stable handle bars, steps for the bathtub, remove wire from the floor and put in the walls, etc.

As I asked for help on the phone, I cried and cried.  The guy on the other end was so confused.  But it literally pained me to have to ask for help.  I will never forget the feelings I had as tears literally rain down my face as I asked for his help,

And right now, I need help.  And I have to ask for it.  And I'm not getting it.

I think it's pretty freaking pathetic I have to ask for this help in the first place.  But I broke down; I asked for help.  All yet, I don't feel like I'm getting the support I need.

I'm on my own.

As usual.

I'm strong, but I still need help.

Strong heart, but weak in some areas.

Human.

And humans need help, too.

New Awesome Celeb House

I am not ashamed to admit I follow celebs a little.  So, when media outlets link to their new homes, I take a gander at the photos to see what million$ of dollar$ can buy.

Most are very nice, and big, but this is the first one I REALLY truly like!  It's simple and beautiful.  Not complex, and very open.  I love this potential new home of Brittany Spears:

http://realestalker.blogspot.com/2012/10/britney-spears-finally-buys-again.html

Click on the photos to enlarge:

Clever, Smart Commerical

I really love smart and ingenious advertising.

Here is one I just saw the other day via this commercial below.

Are We There Yet?

How clever!!  Although it's normally what kids ask, in reality, it should be what companies ask.

"Are we there yet?" is a question that's been asked millions of times, of countless road trips. And it's a question that we, at Mercedes-Benz, ask of ourselves every day. We continually strive to make things better, safer and more exhilarating.

;      

Behind Every Recipe is a Story: Bailey's Famous Salad

The Bailey side of my family would make gobs of food when we all got together.

Grandma Bailey would always let me eat as many of her DELICIOUS sugar cookies as I wanted, as long as I had enough room for dinner, too.

I loved my Grandma with all my heart - she accepted me into her family like I was a blood granddaughter.

I was a kid - so I could eat A LOT of those cookies!

The one side dish my Aunt Faye made every time the Bailey's got together I HAD to get the recipe for when I got near my late teens, so I could make it at home.

I loved the famous Bailey salad and still to this day make it for all the big holiday meals (and sometimes just by itself for dinner).

I got better preparing it than my Dad!   Sorry, Dad! :)

Here is the recipe:

Enjoy!

1) Use one of the larger bowls you have, to help mix and also hold the large salad.  You can easily feed 4 people.

2) Three different lettuces together - the lettuce is never cut, but torn apart by hand:

• Romaine, 
• Iceberg, 
• Leaf,

3) 1 teaspoon garlic powder
4) 1 teaspoon fresh ground pepper
5) Cooked REAL bacon (usually a whole package)
6) 1 tablespoon canola oil
7) 1 1/2 tablespoon red-wine vinegar

Life Through My Eyes

The other day I was talking to a good friend of mine about life.

You see, people think I've had a tough life.  And I have.  But, if you see the view from my eyes, you will see it's not a depressing life I've had.

Sure, I've had a lot of sad/bad/unfortunate things happen in my life, but it's the way I view these things that I feel make me a non-bitter survivor.

I don't wish for people to feel sad for me when they hear that as a child I used to sleep on the kitchen floor because it was the coolest spot in the house.  The cold tiled floor was awesome in the summer as a child.  And I didn't mind the large roaches flying above me in the middle of the night.  I had a house to live in, and a cold floor!

I don't wish anyone to ever find a loved one passed away, but I did.  I visited my parents one weekend a little different:  normally I drive down from Dallas to San Antonio on a Friday but this weekend I planned a few months in advance to fly down a day early so I could get an extra day with them.  The very first night, my Dad passed away in his sleep.  My Mom and I found him in his room.

Don't feel bad this happened, because from my point of view, it was a miracle I was there with my Mom!  I am an only child and we were together during one of the most traumatic times of our loves.  She wasn't alone.  It truly was a miracle I was there a day early.

Further, I view everything as a learning experience.  And a few months later, a good friend from Florida found her Mom passed away.  No one else could relate to her emotions and feelings or the process of dealing with a deceased person who they found.  I was able to empathize completely with what she was going through.

When my Mom passed away after a tough five years of health problems, don't feel sorry for my that I lost my best friend.  Don't feel sorry for me that I had to make the decision to take her off the breathing machine, or that I had to put her in hospice.  She gave me a gift and told me her wishes; those wishes were specific.  I was her voice, when she couldn't speak.

How is this a bad thing?

She wanted me by her side when she passed, too, and I will never forget I gave her her last wish by being there alone with her in hospice.  It was an excruciating experience, but I would never have it any other way.  We were together!

Sure, I grieved deeply and was numb and depressed and kept isolated for two full years (and more), but I did that because I loved my Mom and missed her with all my might.  Because we had a great, close, loving relationship, is the reason I mourned so much. 

From my eyes - that's a blessing, too!

It's all perspective.

I could tell you even more heartbreaking stories of things I had to endure growing up and in my life.  But, you might see them as bad things that happened to me.

I just don't see bad things that happened to me, though. They are just things that happened.

I view what I went through as learning experiences; living life; growing from them.

And from eyes, I am not bitter, angry, mad, nor feel sorry for myself.

Whether to help others with what I've been through, or to see things from a different perspective, growing and learning is what life is all about (IMHO).

That's what I see from where I'm standing.

Well Adjusted Celebrity Teenager

This 16 year daughter of Alex Baldwin impressed me!

http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/goddess/alec-baldwin-daughter-ireland-dismisses-thoughtless-little-pig-145650188.html?_esi=1

Gift from My Mom

You would think the best gift my Mom gave me was life.  But in reality, it was about death.

Parents and loved ones need to do this:  Discuss what you want!

My Mom's greatest gift to me was she told me her wishes.  She told me what she wanted, for the time when she wouldn't be able to speak for herself.

Knowing if one wants to be buried or cremated is just a smidgen of the wishes of our loved ones.

More importantly, HOW do they want to pass away?  Do they have a DNR  (Do Not Resuscitate)?  A Living Will?  Who has Medical Power of Attorney?  Do they want to be kept alive as long as possible on breathing machines?  Or let go in more peaceful ways?

These may seem like all busy-work type of discussions that are uncomfortable, but from my experience what is MORE important than ANY piece of paper is the KNOWLEDGE of what your loved one wants for their care; for the times they cannot speak for themselves.

Although my Mom wanted to be cremated, more importantly, I also knew HOW she wanted to pass away:  specifically, if possible, peacefully in Hospice.

She told me she did not want to be hooked up to machines in a hospital room, left to die.  And, I knew if the question was ever asked, that yes, take her off life support.

She did not want to be a vegetable, she wanted to die peacefully.  And she wanted to be pain-free.  And she wanted me by her side.

One of my coworkers stood at the bed of his dying Father.  His other siblings and his Mom were all there.  Everyone was upset.  Crying.  Then, the family turned on each other.

The family had to decide what to do with their dying relative.  His organs were failing and the doctors needed to know their wishes.  Some wanted to keep Dad alive and have the doctors do all they could to keep his ailing body alive for a few more days.  Others wanted the suffering to end.

But...

What did DAD want?

It caused a lot of emotional scarring that to this day have not been healed; some of the family members do not speak to each other because of that day 6 years ago.

In the end, their loved one passed away from organ failure 24 hours later.  But in the meantime, the family did not agree what to do and did not know their Dad's wishes.

For 4 years, my neighbor (David, a Chaplin) visited my Mom every stint she had in the hospital.  That's probably over 50 times.  As a Chaplin, he visits families and patients ALL day long.  However, Mom was always sent to another hospital (not his) because of her insurance.  So, David would visit us as our friend.  And he would have to travel from his hospital to hers, to come see her all the time.

The VERY first time he came to visit us in the hospital about 4 years ago, Mom and I were leery.  Would he talk about God the entire time?  Would he overstay his welcome?  What would he say and would we feel comfortable or uncomfortable?

He came in and while my Mom slept he asked me, "do you know your Mom's wishes?"

I looked up at him, "Yes I do."

"Good," he replied.  "That's the single most heartache I see is when the family does not know what to do or what decisions to make for their loved ones.  Good for her for taking care of you." 

David is a strong proponent of Advanced Care Plans, as I am.  He has invited me to speak at hospital functions and I have easily joined him, sharing my Mom and I's story of her GIFT to me.

He also writes articles and gives presentations all the time on this topic and he shares the story of my Mom and I.  I feel like our story is helping others through the wonderful work David does for patients and their loved ones. 

Trust me when I tell you I wanted my Mom to live longer than she did.  But when my own Mom started to have "complications" (as the doctors would call it), I didn't know they really meant "she is dying."

For the last five years of my Mom's life, she had advanced emphysema.  On commercials, they call it COPD.  Same thing: can't breathe.

Emphysema meant she had to wear tubes 24 hours a day that flowed oxygen into her nose. And even tho she was on oxygen, she was still constantly "out of breath."  She would struggle to breath and be gasping for air after any routine thing like going pee or walking to the kitchen.  This meant she became extremely weak and fragile.  This meant she knew that the disease would kill her some day and every day she laid in her bed and thought about death and when that time would come, and HOW it would happen.

I was scared to hug her too tight because she was so frail, but boy would I give anything to be able to hug her today.

She HATED to wear that oxygen hose and avoided going out in public because she was so ashamed.

Her nightstand was stacked with all sorts of medicines - her breathing meds for the 4xday treatments, her steroids that she DESPISED, her allergy pills, and of course her anxiety pills (b/c lack of breathing and gasping causes severe anxiety).

And, when you have lung problems, it effects the heart.  So, she had numerous heart pills, too.

She would eventually have a few heart procedures and even had to have a pacemaker "installed" to help her too-rapid heart rate. 

Rapid heart rates cause you to breathe faster, which is difficult for emphysema patients.  It's a very vicious cycle. 

She would go into and out of the hospital due to complications from breathing and heart problems for 5 years - almost 5-10 times a year.  I called 911 so often, I recognized the guys who would come to rescue her to the ER.

I spent so much time at the hospital with Mom, it became routine, but extremely tough.  And every time she was able to come back home, we were so happy!  Her and I lived together and I was her caretaker, and our home was a safe haven for us both.  As an only child, this was a very beautiful gift I could give to her.

On August 16, 2011, a Tuesday, Mom slipped at our home in the kitchen.  That night the x-ray in the ER confirmed my worst fear - she broke her hip.  I stayed with Mom all night, as she slept with pain meds.

Wednesday she had a successful surgery to fix her hip.  They moved her to ICU right after the surgery.  She didn't wake up that much anymore and would barely open her eyes when I tried to talk to her.  But, she mumbled a lot that she loved me when I told her I loved her.

Thursday I spent the entire day again with her in ICU as the nurses gave her drugs to work on her liver or heart or breathing or her urine.

That Thursday night, I asked the doctor on duty when Mom would be moved to a regular room and out of ICU.  I was anxious for her physical therapy to start.  The doctor looked at me funny and said softly, "You're Mom may not make it through the night."

Wait.  WHAT?

You see, no one told me how bad my Mom was.  The docs and nurses were in and out several times a day trying to get certain organs working properly again, but she always responded well to treatment.  What I didn't know was Mom was actually dying; her organs were failing.  The treatments were only temporary fixes.

Her heart doctor said the break of her hip bone probably caused a clot to get loose in her body and they did not know that right away and it caused all the complications.

I cried and wept to the doctor and I finally said, "I need to invoke her DNR." 

Mom's body would be in shambles if she had a heart attack and they tried to revive her, so I painfully invoked her DNR.  But, it's something my Mom and I talked about, so I knew I had to do it.

Here is something I want to be VERY clear about.

Not ONE person asked me for her paperwork.  Not one person even asked me if there were other family members.  I stood there and they took my word for everything.  While I am glad they believed me what my Mom's wishes were, they did not ask for her Living Will or if I was her Medical Power of Attorney.

The head nurse would not let me stay overnight in ICU and I was LIVID.  I shouted to her in the ICU, "if anything happens to my Mom overnight when I am not here, this is on YOUR hands!"

To not let me be with my Mom the potentially last night of her life after being told she may not survive the night was HEART WRENCHING and almost, literally, unbearable for me.

I drove home that night in a daze.  Only ten minutes away, I told God that I knew he would not let my Mom pass away over night.  That he would not take her away from me without me by her side, and her alone.

The very next morning, I immediately came to see my Mom.  I had not received a call overnight and knew God would let us be together again.

As soon as I got there, I tried to talk to Mom but she was even more unawake. 

The doctor on shift pulled me aside in a separate room.  My neighbor had JUST shown up (David, the Chaplin) to visit us.  My Mom's favorite home health nurse (Mikey) also came by at that time. She stayed with Mom (who had been unconscious and non-responsive for over 12 hours) while David and I went to another cold, dark, lonely room with the doctor and a different head nurse.

The doctor told me my Mom was dying.  He said they did all they could, but she was not going to live much longer.  He then told me I had two choices.  They could try to keep her body alive for a few days with medicines and keep her comfortable, or, they could stop all the work and she be sent to Hospice (also pain free).

David sat next to me and cried.  I grabbed a tissue and as hard as I could, I mustered the words out of my mouth, "Take her off the breathing machine now." I spoke defiantly.  "My Mom would not want to be here like this, hooked up to all these machines. Take her off now."

I have no regrets.  I have no guilt.  I gave my mom what SHE wanted.  And that in return gave me peace with my decision.  What she gave me, was truly a GIFT.

I cannot begin to express how I had no anguish over what to tell the doctors.  It was extremely difficult to SAY, because I knew that meant my Mom was going to die soon, but I also knew my Mom's wishes.  And I needed to speak for her.  I was her advocate til the end. 

As I sat in Hospice with my Mom for the next 6 very long, quiet hours, I watched her and talked to her and held her hand.  Almost 11 hours after the doctor talked to me, Mom passed away peacefully with no pain, in Hospice, with me by her side.

It's very difficult for me to share this story because of the tough memories, but I WANT to share it so hopefully others will talk to their family members to tell them what their wishes are.  

Make this part of life/death "easier" by expressing your wishes.  PLEASE.

Give this gift to your children and/or significant other and/or brothers and sisters.

Computer Generated Video of Hudson River Plane Landing

Fascinating computer generated black box video of Hudson River plane landing! 

I admit, it made me cry at the end to know how many lives were saved and what could have potentially happened; the Captain is a true hero!  The video is impressive.

US Airways Flight 1549 Full Cockpit Recording:

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=tE_5eiYn0D0#t=109

Is Heaven Real?

This is awesome.  And very reassuring.  My Mom was very scared of death and what happened to her afterwards.  This makes me feel at peace, knowing that when you die, you feel at peace and feel immense love.

I HIGHLY recommend this video!

Dr. Mary C. Neal shares an account of her heavenly journey after drowning in a kayak accident.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

My Relationship with My Mom

As often as you read my sad comments on Facebook and in this blog about the loss of my Mom, what you don't see are the numerous times I cry throughout the day.

I cry mostly when I drive, and mostly when I'm at home.

I talk to her at home.  I cry my little heart out with the pure torture of how much I miss her.

When I'm in a car, I cry looking out over the scenery; my heart aches for how much I miss her, how much I wish she was still here.

One year ago this month she left me.

While I cry for my loss, and while my heart breaks, what this all tells me is that no matter how difficult her loss has been to me, it simply truly shows what a great relationship we had.

I'm a very lucky woman, you see.  I mourn the loss of my Mom BECAUSE we had a such a special gift.  Our Mom/Daughter relationship was strong, deep, special, loving.

I was able to spend the last 4 years of my Mom's life with her.  I moved her to my city, and we bought a house together so I could take care of her ailing body.

She had central air and carpeted floors for the first time in her life.  And I had a house filled with love again.

While I do have some regrets (wish I would have spent more time with her, mostly), I know that I am blessed that we had such a wonderful relationship.

I know many people who aren't even HALF this close to their Mom's as I was.

I know I miss her this badly because we were so close.  Because I loved her dearly and she loved me more than life itself.  That's not all a bad thing, is it?

She wrote her own obituary and stated that I was, "the Love of Her Life."  Typing that out makes me cry.... but it shows just how much I meant to her, and how much she meant to me.

Nothing will EVER take that away.

So, don't be sad when I'm sad.  Know it just means I was lucky to have such a special bond with an amazing woman and friend, my Mom, Toni Bailey.

One of My Favorite Quotes!

Behind every recipe is a story: Tacos

Back in the mid 1990s, I was VERY picky with food.  I still ate like a child, and would not try a lot of different types of food in fear of my taste buds having another rejection, lol.

One day, I go to my dear friend June's house, and she had just made some tacos for her and her husband.  I think I stopped by to drop something off or pick something up, as dinner plans had not been made with her.  But, ironically, I was STARVING.  Omg, I was SO hungry, I actually almost had to try the tacos.  Even though I was SO very picky.

I was nervous, as it seemed there were quite a few "things" in the seasoning of the taco meat that scared me (the unknowns!).  Because I could SEE there wasn't just meat, I was timid and nervous.  But I was too hungry not to try it.

I took a bite.

And could not believe how so delicious it was!

I ate the whole thing!  I was ecstatic!

"What is in your tacos?"  I exclaimed with excitement.

"It's a secret,"  she replied laughing.

She watched me devour another taco, expressing how SO good they were.

She finally got up, went to the cupboard and grabbed a few things.

"Here is my secret," she reveals.

McCormick Taco mix (original, not mild, not spicy).  BUT!  Then she adds Fajita seasonings and Lemon Pepper - which is what makes it so dang tasty!

I make them to this day, and it takes less than 10 minutes prep time!

Cook hamburger meat, add taco seasoning and water.  Come to a bowl.  Then add a lot of fajita seasoning and a lot of lemon pepper.  I would say half to a full teaspoon of each.  Taste as you go along after half a teaspoon, to see if you should add more or not.

While it cooks for 5 minutes, I heat up the stand-alone corn tortillas, shred the lettuce and copped the tomatoes, while setting out sour cream and finely shredded sharp cheddar cheese.

YUM!

This is Who I Am

/emotional vent on/

No one likes me for who I am.  I don't blame them.  I don't even like me anymore, realizing some things about myself.

The realizations of who you really are are sometimes unbearable.  Unfortunate, ugly mirror of my emotional instability.

Sucks.

I may be alone the rest of my life because I'm this way.  I would rather be loved and appreciated than neglected, tho.  But, who wants to love someone who is too needy, too jealous, and yearns too much for attention?

/emotional vent off/

Dedicated to My Mom

I heard this song on the radio the other day from Celine Dion while I was driving.  Started bawling my eyes out.  :-(  If ANY song encapsulates how much respect and love I have for my Mom, this is it:

"Because You Loved Me"

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Video Clip: Interesting Approach to Tsunami Survival

This is a very cool documentary about a "new" concept about tsunami survival, if you happen to have time to watch this video.  I found it very interesting.

Here is the synopsis:


The March 2011 tsunami in Japan caused death and devastation on a shocking scale. In one town, however, survival rates were unusually high and hundreds were saved thanks to a different approach to tsunami survival called Tendenko.

Tendenko prioritizes individual action and self-preservation - and yet such thinking is anathema to Japanese culture.

As communities begin to rebuild their lives, this film explores one family's remarkable story of survival and looks at what lessons can be learned from the disaster.

Could Tendenko offer a better solution for the future of both Japan and other tsunami-prone regions?

http://www.aljazeera.com/programmes/witness/2011/11/20111114121620284203.html

My Life Changing Moment

I have been asked before if there is a person or incident that I feel had a huge impact in my life.  I am very lucky to be able to give you a resounding YES!

June Hager Walter, a well-known pool player in Texas from the 80s and 90s, took me under her wing in the mid 90s, when I was in my mid 20s.  We went to tournaments together and became good friends, but more importantly, she helped improve my self image, self esteem, and confidence.

It's difficult for me to explain the true depth of how much she truly helped me, but I will try.  Because I went through an extremely valuable learning experience with her that was transforming for my life (and happiness), I share this story.  Not only because it helped me, but because I hope it will somehow help others.

I wasn't the type of person anyone wanted to be around in my mid 20s.  I would describe myself as a very moody and a sometimes irrational person that was difficult to be friends with.  But June helped me overcome some very strong emotional obstacles.

Basically, I used to take everything wrong, see the worst in things, assume the worst, was paranoid, had very low self esteem, you name it.  I didn't like myself… at all.

• I misconstrued comments made to me all the time, and then overreacted.
• I would take actions personal, then cry about it and be depressed.
• I would hear comments from friends, take it wrong, then wouldn't speak to them because I was so upset and angry for the way I "felt" they treated me.

Quite honestly, it's a horrible way to live and I was miserable!

And I know I was no fun to be around.

I would constantly be mad at my b/f for stupid reasons and I would always seem to be upset with my friends for no reason.  I used to ridicule my boyfriend in front of people because I would take his actions wrong; I used to give my friends or coworkers the silent treatment because I was so hurt by what I "thought" they said.  I don't know how I kept the friends I did and why they put up with me!

Besides my external overreactions that people witnessed (yelling, nagging, the silent treatment, arguments, pouting, etc.) I would also go through a series of deeply disturbing internal overreactions as well.  Maybe for days replaying a situation over and over in my head or over-analyzing a comment or event made by a friend or loved one.  I could cry in a corner for hours alone in my apartment or remain depressed for days on end.

I was a very confused, unhappy, hurt young woman in my mid 20s.

Luckily, tho, June helped me.  She literally made me who I am today - someone who is happy, confident, and actually likes themselves!  And, dare I say that people enjoy people around me now!

I joke all the time that she kinda created a monster, lol, because I REALLY do like myself.

But, I'm extremely grateful.  Had she not helped me, back some 17 years ago, I would have been unhappy for the last 17 years.  And that would have sucked to be so unhappy and miserable for so long!  Further, I have some truly wonderful and helpful friends, and if I was still the way I was, I would have lost A LOT of precious opportunities to be friends with amazing people.

It's extremely difficult for me to describe exactly how and why I took things wrong.  But let me try to explain it with an example.

This situation happened to a friend of mine, that I witnessed, which describes EXACTLY the way I used to be:

A friend of mine, Cash, was upset at our friend David because David played a little joke on him.  Cash was pouting and disengaged from his friends, sitting across the pool room by himself, very upset about the joke David had played on him.  Cash was very upset and mad.  I went and sat next to him, to see if he was okay.  David came over tried to talk to Cash.  He tried to get Cash to look at him and talk to him, but Cash wanted nothing to do with David, so he kept looking away and wouldn't even respond to David at all, as he pouted and was hurt and angry.

One of my long strands of hair fell on Cash's arm, but he didn't see that happen nor could he feel it.  David happened to see it, and as he up picked my blond hair to drop it to the floor, he said, "Oh, you have a piece of hair here."

Cash quickly and angrily turned to David and snapped loudly, "I know I'm losing my hair!!!!"

David was shocked and stunned!

David abruptly walked away.

I, on the other hand, immediately told Cash, "Cash, Cash, my hair fell on your arm.  David saw it and tried to get it off, that's all."

Cash calmed down right away.

I ONLY explained what happened to Cash because I was the EXACT same way!  And I knew he only overreacted like that because he didn't know the full story of what happened.  He presumed the guy was being a jerk, just as I would have.

I knew the way to calm him down was to explain what happened.

I ALWAYS took things wrong, also.  This was a prime example of how I would have reacted as well.  I would have given a friend the silent treatment as I sat by myself all mad, and then I would have overreacted towards the comment because I presumed something that wasn't.

I always assumed the worse.  No matter if your intentions were genuine or if you didn't even say anything wrong, I just simply viewed things incorrectly/negatively, exactly as Cash had done.

I had many, many numerous days and weeks of being miserable because I had no idea I simply misunderstood someones actions or comments.  I just sat around hurt and mad.  Insecure and vulnerable.

Before June helped me, I took things wrong for the first 25 years of my life, and I really had no other concept to lean on.  

All my life I labeled these inappropriate and overreactions as "being sensitive."  In reality, though, there was nothing sensitive about how I took things.  I just simply overreacted and had no idea that what people said could be innocent, or even complimentary sometimes!  I had no idea my view of things was so skewed.

To make matters worse, if I got mad at what I "perceived," I would then be mad at the person who said it to me.  So many innocent comments from friends led to the silent treatment.  I got hurt and mad at my friends, loved ones, and coworkers A LOT.  :(

The reason why (I finally figured out) was because my parents were like this, too.  They took everyone's comments wrong, also, all the time, so I was raised in that negative, paranoia, pessimistic, low self-esteem environment.

When June and I became friends, we eventually talked almost every day for a few years.  She was about 15 years my senior and a real gem to be around.  I, on the other hand, was a real handful back then in my 20s, yet she stuck by me.

One weekend in 1995, after getting mad yet again at June and another friend during a weekend pool tournament trip, June pulled me aside as she dropped me off at my apartment and simply stated, “I really like you, but if you don’t stop taking everything wrong, I can’t be around you anymore.”  

WHAT?

I immediately got mad and started to cry.  

The tears raced down my face as I yelled at her and tried to explain I had been trying to not think so negatively and be so reactive for SO many years to no avail.  I was so deeply hurt she called me out like that, even though I knew in my brain it was true, but my fragile low self-esteem heart couldn't believe she was saying all this!

She tried her darnedest to explain to me that I had a lot going for me and that people really did like me; jealous of me, in fact.  But, I didn’t understand.  I had such low self esteem and was so unhappy, I couldn't see the forest through the trees. 

"Why would anyone like me and why would they be jealous of me?" I yelled back at her, still crying. 

June explained, “you have a good job, you went to college, you live on your own, you have a great boyfriend, etc.” 

I looked at her stunned.  Huh?  

Then she added, "We all like you and you are a great woman, but you get too upset all the time.   I want you to like yourself."

"Well, I don't!" I said matter-of-factly like a little kid, and still crying.

She shared with me,  "Don't be like me. I don't want you to wait til your 40 to finally like yourself."

The words kinda made sense to me at the moment, but it was still a very shocking discussion.  But, I will never, ever forget what she said.  How she said it.  Never.

I fell into a deep depression after that talk, for almost a month, as I reflected about my life and emotions and why I acted the way I did, and what June said to me.

However, that frank discussion (which wasn't easy for her to bring up to me because I was so volatile) also opened the flood gates so I could finally learn to like myself, and to be a better friend who didn't take everything wrong all the time.

June continued to help me after that initial talk - she told me to call her every time I got upset after someone said something to me.  

"Really?"  I asked.  "You would do that with me?"

"Of course, I like you," she replied with a smile.

So, I would call her up every time I got upset at someones' comment.  We did this for MONTHS!

“So and so said this” I would call, super upset, usually in tears.

She would evaluate the comment and reply, “that sounds like a compliment to me,” or "I think you took that wrong, I think they meant this instead, which is a good thing."

"Really?"  I would ask surprised.

I simply never saw another side to the comments that I took wrong.

She really opened my eyes to the fact just how much I was taking words and actions wrong, and that what most people said was really, truly NOT a bad thing.  I was just raised to expect and assume the worst.

And sometimes when I would call her upset and angry, sometimes others' comments justified my emotions.  “That did seem rude what they said, I would be upset, also,” she would empathize.

So, I was able to see the differences and also sometimes validate my feelings.  But more so, I saw a different side to comments - and actually, a more common sense side to things.

When you are raised in a certain environment, whether you are aware of not, you react to situations how you saw your parents react.  I only knew to assume the worst.  And further, I was taught through my parents' actions to give the silent treatment when mad at someone.  :(  I knew no other way until June shared the other side of things.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents!  I'm not judging them or labeling them, just explaining where this side of me came from.  I was still a very, very happy child!

For many, many months June and I spoke in depth about my reaction and emotions to comments that upset me – she gave me the opportunity to see so many things in a completely different light.

She believed in me.  

She HELPED me.

Because I figured out I was like this from my parents, I even started to help my Mom with similar situations.  It was very therapeutic for the both of us.

Further, I also recognized (after June helped me) that explanations were the key to deciphering my emotions.  Eventually, I started to ask my friends what they meant or why they said what they did.  Most of the time, it was because my interpretation of the event was wrong.

The woman you see before you now has liked herself since 1995.  Sure, I was a very, very happy child and enjoyed being a kid and then loved the college life.  But after college, for some reason I became very dysfunctional with myself and with my friends.

But, for the last 17 years, I am one of the few women in the world who genuinely and actually likes themselves.

June did that.

I am so blessed she was in my life at that time.

Don't get me wrong, I still take some things wrong even today (I'm only human, after all), but I was one million times worse, and extremely difficult to be around.

And I still go over situations and comments that hurt me, with a few friends, to get their take on things.  Am I overreacting?  Why am I feeling this way?  SHOULD I feel this way?  Talking things out with people is very helpful.

And of course, leadership classes and courses have helped me along the way, also. 

My all-time favorite is this nugget, that I wrote about before.

Although the leadership classes were helpful, I admit the content made more sense to me because June helped me back in 1995.

June helped me get a head start on living life, when in reality I was NOT living life and instead very miserable in my own demise.

I am beyond words to thank June for helping me.  She literally turned my life around.  She was an angel in disguise.  And will never, EVER, forget what she did for me.

Importance of Preparedness for Kids

This article is pretty cool.  Shows the importance of explaining weather AND emergency preparedness to kids and WHY it's so important.  Too valuable not to share.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/08/23/AR2010082304139.html?referrer=emailarticle

Bitterness

Sometimes when you're deeply hurt by people's actions, you never..... ever forget.  Even if not intentional. 

And since it had to do with my Mom, it's even worse. 

For all the numerous times I've done things for so many people to help them out.... makes the pain even worse.  My Mom was the most gentle person in the world who loved animals. 

The lack of respect my Mom received from friends and a lot of coworkers will always bother me. 

And please don't judge me for venting. 

I'm just still very hurt. 

And every time someone mentions donations for the passing of a parent, it just makes the flood of disappoint flow right back in.

Maybe one day I will get over this.  I hope I do, because it still deeply hurts.

Walking Away is Difficult

Saw this quote the other day, so of course it reminded of me something and I wanted to share:

Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own.  — Unknown

I can't begin to tell you how tough it has been for me to walk away from "unhealthy" relationships.  I would rather suffer in misery than take that step to finally do what I REALLY SHOULD do:  Walk away.

Why do we do that?  Why do we stay? 

I think simply it's because it's easier to stay.  It's easier to put up with an unhappy relationship, than actually leaving it.

While it may sound profoundly stupid to stay in an unhappy relationship, we do have history with that person.  We are still comfortable with them.  And we still care for them, even if we are unhappy.  And, it IS easier to stay together.  I don't want be the person who finally decides to break up, but I also don't want to be the person that was left behind.

Most of my breakups were because they broke up with me.  While each break up was necessary, and needed, it still hurt.

And who wants to go through pain and suffering?  It's easier to stay and be miserable than heartbroken, right?

The few times I broke it off, one being my marriage, I was beyond unhappy.  I was beyond just "leaving things as is."  I finally decided to move on; it was the right thing to do.

But there are other relationships I should have ended many years or months before.  For some odd, stupid reason I stayed WAY too long.

I actually REALLY envy the women who can leave when they should.  I envy the woman who walks away from a man because she knows he's cheating on her; because she knows he's not good for her; because he isn't responsible, etc.

I found myself in many relationships I never should have been in to begin with.

I'm not the type of person who views things long term.  I live in the present; in the moment.  So what if the guy I like is not productive or lives in another city, or whatever.  I didn't mind.  I was happy living the life I knew best - just having fun. 

Of course, that means making really bad choices, lol.  I don't regret a thing or a choice, but I could have saved myself A LOT of tears and months of unbearable heartache from guys treating me bad if I just would have left sooner, when my brain told me I should end the nonsense.

I have a friend who wrote down all the qualities she wanted in a man.  Writing down these things are so important, if that's truly the person you want to find.  She found him, too.  She is happier than I've ever seen her.

I'm not saying if you describe your ideal man he will magically ride up on his horse with his prince charming outfit on, but I AM saying that when you meet guys, if he doesn't have certain important qualities on your list, then you don't need to invest a lot of time in him; because that's not the type of guy you are looking for.

Still, be like my other friend and walk away (the sooner the better) if you have been unhappy in your relationship.  You know in your head what you need to do; it's your heart that gets in the way.  The time will come when you make that decision.  And you will glad very grateful when you do.  Life is short; you will find a good relationship(s)! 

My Friends Know the Real Me

These two quotes resonate with me lately:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I heard recently that someone was talking bad about me.  While I had heard before this woman was extremely jealous of me (for NO reason -  she has self esteem issues and doesn't like any single female to even say hello to her man), but I found out recently she was saying really crappy, untrue things about me.

Jealousy is a very sad, mean emotion that I wish didn't existed.  While I have the Green Monster living in me, also (I hate that little green monster), I have not been on the other end of a female that is jealous of me to the point of being vindictive.  And because of that, she talks bad of me.  Making things up, saying really unfortunate things about my character.  All because she's unsure of herself and her relationship.

I am very happy with my b/f and never even look at anyone else.  So, I'm actually very confused by her.

So, for someone to talk ill of me because they have issues with themselves is very disconcerting.

I try to take the high road when I can (it's a much better view!), so I just hope the way I have lived my life, and the way I treat my friends makes her words invalid; because they know the real me.

Hidden Litter Box

My neighbors back in San Antonio made this AWESOME kitty litter box hideaway!

It looks like a regular cabinet/table thingy, with a large door.

But what is hiding inside the stained "cabinet" is a litter box!  There is a clever hole on the side that the cat can walk through and then safely walk into the litter box.

The small walk-in for the cat is hidden on the side, so it isn't easily seen by people visiting your home.  And because the litter box is inside this "cabinet" it helps control the smell too.  Plus, we all know how cats like their privacy when doing their business!

The big door is for a good purpose - so you can easily take out the kitty litter box to clean it!

I have two of these.  I love them; extremely versatile.

 

Behind every recipe is a story: Mom's Spaghetti

My Mom had this great recipe for spaghetti!  She would make it once a month or so all my teenage years, and I would devour it in several sittings (it was enough for several meals).

We never had store bought spaghetti and even to this day, I cannot eat spaghetti at a restaurant, because it's not "Mom's Spaghetti."

My Mom knew what I did and did not like and most spaghetti sauces have huge chunks of onions in it, and I do NOT like onions.  If I take a bite of something and can feel an onion on my tongue, I spit it out, and push my plate away. YUCK!

I always visited my parents a couple of weekends a month while I was in college.  This one particular weekend, my Mom asked me what I wanted to eat and of course I said, "Mom's Spaghetti."

During the late afternoon on Saturday, I come flying through the kitchen to go into the backyard and I stop dead in my tracks.

"Mom, what are you doing!?!"  I say with a raised, upset voice.

"You KNOW I don't like onions!"

There they were, 2-3 big round onions sitting on the carving board.

"Melinda," she shares, "I've been putting onions in the spaghetti all these years, Honey."

I look at her dumbfounded.

"What?" I now say in a whispering, deflated, disappointed voice.

She continues, "I put them in the blender and the onion purees and you can't see it or feel it in your mouth. I've been doing it for years."

"You have?"

"Yes, and you never noticed, so you better eat dinner," she demanded.

I ate dinner that night (carefully at first) and it was still VERY tasty and Mom was right, I could not tell there were onions in it.

Years later, I get her spaghetti recipe from her because I'm craving the awesome taste of it.  I go to the grocery store and on the list for the spaghetti is "Two Medium Yellow Onions."

"Two medium yellow onions," I repeat in my head.

I am in the fresh vegetables area and I walk up to the onions.  I see there are white kinds and yellow kinds.

Medium?

WTH would be a "medium?"

Being as I HATE onions, I have never bought an onion before in my life.  Medium?  I tried my best to pick two medium yellow onions and went on my way with the rest of the recipe ingredients down the list.

I got home and made the spaghetti, putting the onions in the blender with the cans of whole tomatoes. Blending for a LONG time to ensure the onions aren't even visible, lol.

Turns out, now I buy even MORE onions for Mom's Spaghetti.  :)  Little did I know that's what gives the sauce it's sweet taste!   Two mediums will no longer suffice. :)

Mom's Spaghetti Recipe:

1 pound of hamburger

2 each-6oz can of Hunts tomato paste and sauce

2 can Hunts whole, peeled tomatoes (28oz)

2 yellow medium onions (blend in blender with whole tomatoes)

4 pinches of sweet basil and oregano

2 leaves of bay (not turkish)

4 pinches italian seasoning

3 pinches of (fine,ground)

4 pinches of minced garlic

1 cup of red win

Turn Around Don't Drown - It could save your life!

I really wish this was a law in every sate:

Proposed PA Law Aims to Curb Flood Barricade By-Passers:
http://www.accuweather.com/en/weather-news/proposed-pa-law-aims-to-curb-f/65268

TURN AROUND DON'T DROWN people!!

Friendships are to be valued.

I can't begin to express that the ONLY reason I am surviving the loss of my Mom is because of friendships.



WikiPedia expresses this well:  The value of friendship is often the result of friends who consistently demonstrate:

• The tendency to desire what is best for the other
• Sympathy and empathy
• Honesty, even in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth
• Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
• Enjoyment of each other's company
• Trust in one another
• Positive reciprocity — equal give-and-take between the two parties
• The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement

If something happens to me....

If something happens to me, don't feel sorry for me.  Because I will be very happy.... because I will be with my Mom!  :)

Burial at Sea

One of my coworkers passed away in Oct 2010.  This is a moving video of his burial at sea:



Burial at Sea aboard the USS PAUL HAMILTON (DDG-60) on April 18, 2012 just south of Oahu, Hawaii.

Robert Luke was a very good man.  He was the person who always stepped up to help others in need.  I will never forget what a selfless man he was towards others.  I can only imagine what his family has been through, as his death was unexpected.  It definitely was a shock to his other family - his coworkers. 

From Broadside Blog:  "This video was made public just before Memorial Day by his widow. It is the fitting last voyage of AGC (SW/AW) Robert Luke – we all knew him simply as Luke. The ceremony was conducted with pride by the crew of USS PAUL HAMILTON (DDG 60) just south of Oahu.
If you have never witnessed a burial at sea, this is a good example of how it should be done.
Rest in peace, Luke. "

No Regrets

I love this!  I have no regrets.  None; not at all.

Why?

Because I live by the belief that everything in life happens for a reason and makes us stronger for the future; to help ourselves or to help others.

Breakups, or some decisions I've made in the past, or some choices that weren't the best, I'm not proud of.  But they all still make me, ME.

I have lots of things to be thankful for!  And if there are things others may see as "regrets," I don't view them that way.  Instead, I see them as learning experiences; strength; courage to make changes, or to get back up.

Regret is not a word I use.  Do I feel bad sometimes for some of my decisions?  Of course!  But, every decision leads to a better me, so I can be better for those around me.

Reminders Because I'm Hurting from "Friends"

My Aunt Carol and Uncle Charlie

You never know just how impactful people can be in life.  And how they show up at just the right times, with the best advice.

This is perfectly proven by my Aunt Carol and Uncle Charlie.

My Mom remarried in 1981 to Thomas Bailey and they were married for 25 years until his death.  When they got married, I gained a huge Bailey family!  My Dad had 6 brothers and sisters and I all of a sudden became the second oldest grandchild, and the oldest granddaughter.  :)

I hadn't had family around too much before that.  My Mom's parents had passed when I was young and we didn't keep touch with my real Dad's family or my Mom's sisters' family.  So, all of a sudden I'm 11 years old with a HUGE family.  Grandma Bailey welcomed me into the family with open arms, and I will never forget how I felt loved and welcomed right away.

The Bailey crew treated me well and I loved that I had cousins and aunts and uncles that I saw for holidays and special events.

Little did I know that one Aunt in particular would help me several times throughout important points of my life.  And her husband, is helping me now.  

When I graduated college in 1992, my Mom had back surgery and my Dad had open heart surgery.  They could not travel 5 hours to Texas A&M for my graduation nor come up to maybe celebrate together for a nice dinner.  Ironically, my Aunt Carol and Uncle Charlie lived in College Station and they magically stepped up and held a get-together for me.  It was small, nice, and PERFECT.  My Aunt Carol put it all together for my special day.  I honestly do not know if she was even asked; I think she just decided to do it because she knew it was an important time in my life that deserved a little attention.  

Little did I know this wouldn't be the first, nor the last time she would help me in critical points in my life. 

Altho divorced now, in 2005 I got married in a small but beautiful wedding ceremony in San Antonio, Texas.  I sent out the invitations and for some reason, my Aunt Carol and Uncle Bailey didn't receive one!  Luckily, Aunt Carol called me and I am SO glad she did - I had no idea they didn't receive the invite.

Little did I know that her calling and them coming to the ceremony would soon be a biggest blessing!!

For my special day, I wore a dress that made me feel like a princess!  And I had heard my Dad was dressed to the 9s as well.  As I was getting ready in my bridal room, all the aunts came in to visit me, including my Aunt Carol.  They all told me, "You look SO beautiful!"

I tried not to cry and give them all a big hug in my tight dress I could barely breathe in, lol.  Then Aunt Carol said, "You should really let your Dad see you."  I looked at her confused, as the words didn't make sense.  She continued, "Your Dad looks amazing and so do you.  If you see each other for very first time at the top of the aisle, you will both lose it too much to even walk together!"

So, they went to get my Dad.

Sure enough, as he walked in to the bridal room, he and I both lost it!  I had never seen him look so handsome, and his little girl was getting married.  All his sisters watched us hug and cry.  They shed tears also as they witnessed this amazing, beautiful, special, emotional moment between father and daughter.

My proud Dad and I  :)

My Aunt Carol was SO right.  If I had seen him when we were first to meet up at the top of the aisle, we each wouldn't have been able to handle it.  It was THE single best advice I received about my wedding day, and I am very thankful my Aunt Carol shared that with me.  I now share this amazing advice with others.

Two years later, Aunt Carol would help me again.

In 2007, my Dad passed away.  As I stood in the kitchen, with my Mom sitting beside me as I held her, I made the extremely painful phone calls to his brothers, sisters, and friends to tell them the news.  I called my Uncle Charlie and told him the sad news about his brother.  Although the phone call was shocking, he helped me out by calling a few people, so I wouldn't have to be the only one to call everyone.  While my Dad was sick and not healthy, his passing was still unexpected.

About 30-60 minutes later, my Aunt Carol calls.  "I know you are busy, but I want to tell you that if your Dad had a life insurance policy...." I interrupted, "A small one."  She shared, "Well, the funeral home will pay for the expenses through the life insurance policy.  You wont have to pay anything, and the life insurance company and the funeral home will handle all the paperwork." 

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, and that will also be the avenue that the life insurance company is informed of his passing."

No one had ever passed away that close to me, so I had NO idea this was the case.  I hadn't even thought about how we would pay for the cremation.  Everything was still a shock, because not only did he pass unexpectedly, my Mom and I found him passed away.  So, I wasn't thinking too clear.

I called the funeral home, gave them the info, and all was taken care of; just like my Aunt said. 

She helped me out SO much.

You have to understand that because we live in separate cities, I don't really keep in touch with my Aunt Carol or even see her.  She just seems to pop up with the best advice, at the perfect times, at the most critical points of my life.

I promise you that if I was to have a child, she would call me and tell me something no else had said to me to help me have a smooth delivery.  She's like my Guardian Angel of Life.  Shes slips in and out at the most important parts of my life, and offers advice and knowledge like no other.

And there's more:

When my Mom was in a "rehab facility" (i.e., nursing home), my Aunt called and gave me advice about medicare and medicaid.  My Aunt was now an office manager of a nursing home and knew the ins and outs of the policy/paperwork.

And when my dear Mom passed in August 2011, my best friend in the world and my reason for living, she had been sent to hospice with me by her side.  My Aunt Carol did THE one thing I needed:  She called, asked if I needed anything, knew I wanted to be alone with her, and didn't bother me again.  She recognized to not keep me on the phone, just to quickly offer her assistance if I needed anything, and to not make things worse by forcing her way to come see us.  She recognized my Mom and I would be best together, alone, just the two of us.  But, Aunt Carol still let me know she was there if I needed to talk.

The reason why this sticks out to me, is because several family members were insistent that they come to be with me in hospice with my Mom.   It put me in a VERY awkward position to tell them no.  I needed to be spending quality time with the last hours with my Mom, not on the phone with people who all of a sudden wanted to be there for us. 

As I look back at all the pivotal times in my life that she has helped me, I am amazed and flattered and THANKFUL she is part of the Bailey family, also.  I cannot begin to express without crying how much she has helped me through tough times, happy times, and important points in my life.

Me and Momma

Her husband is now helping me.  I am all alone without Mom, no one else because I am an only child.  My Uncle Charlie follows me on facebook!  He "likes" my funny photos or he comments on my sad posts about the loss of my Mom that still hurts.  I feel like he's watching over me for my Mom and Dad, just by simple little clicks of the "like" button.  He's the only Bailey Aunt or Uncle that does that almost every other day and I can't even begin to express how much the simple gesture means to me that he keeps up with me.

The whole Bailey family is wonderful!  I hate to single anyone out as my cousin Kelly is amazing and my other aunts are truly awesome, it's just that my Aunt Carol and Uncle Charlie seem to take care of me.  They are gifts from God.

Aunt Carol and Uncle Bailey:  THANK YOU!  And, I love you.

Uncle Charlie and Aunt Carol, circa 2007

BoatLift - Video about 9/11

Get your hankeys.  Very moving untold stories of resilience during 9/11.

Tom Hanks narrates the epic story of the 9/11 boatlift that evacuated half a million people from the stricken piers and seawalls of Lower Manhattan.

Touching Words from Work Friends About Mom

When my Mom passed on August 19th (2011) (the hardest day of my life), my boss sent this email out the next day to let my coworkers know:

"I share with sadness that Melinda's mother passed away last night.  She had been in ICU since early last week, following major hip surgery.  Many of you know that Melinda had been the primary caregiver for her mother over the past few years, and she'd tirelessly dedicated her time and energy to the welfare of her chronically ill mom.  I think her courage through all this has been pretty inspirational, frankly. "

Then a coworker emailed me later that day:

"Sorry to hear about the passing of your mom.  You were a true hero in doing everything that you could to keep your mother happy and to take care of her during the final years.  It is a tough battle doing this by yourself.  Throughout the entire ordeal, you always kept a wonderful balance of work and taking care of your mother.  She is in a better place now, and you can take solace in knowing that you did all you could for her.  You really did.  If there is anything that I can do for you in the days or weeks ahead, let me know."

I miss my Mom SO much!   Mother's Day is around the corner and I think it might kill me.  :(

My Mom, 5 years ago when she was healthy.

The Bug Man

My Mom did not leave the house, except when I drove her to her doc appts.  We would occasionally go to Walmart, because they had a scooter she could use.  She was embarrassed she had to wear an oxygen line and have an oxygen bottle with her at all times, and she was too weak to walk.

So, she didn't have many friends.  My neighbor came to visit her, I lived with her, her nurse came once a week (that she adored), and then there's The Bug Man.

My Mom either liked you, or didn't.  If her favorite nurse couldn't come by and a temp came instead, my Mom would be short, snappy, and rude.  She wanted her favorite nurse that made her feel comfortable and loved.  Not someone who just took vitals with no personality or kindness.

Although I never met him, my Mom mentioned The Bug Man to me several times.  Todd visited 4 times a year for 3 years and he took the time to talk to her.  She enjoyed seeing him, even for those few times.  She's a talker if she liked you and because she wasn't around people a lot, I'm sure she talked Todd's ear off!  :)

Todd happened to come by the house for an appt, the same week my Mom passed.  I was home, trying to find my lost way through the empty, lonely house when he rang the door bell.

To see his reaction to the news that my Mom passed, told my heart just how much he cared for her, will miss her, and enjoyed their talks.

8 months later, I leave him a note along with the check and tell him simply, "I miss my Mom so much."

He left me this note, which makes me cry every time I re-read it:

(click photo to enlarge)