Popcorn Hospital

Mom is in the hospital. After calling 911, 8 hours of ER, 4 days in ICU, breathing issues and heart tests/results (leaky valve, blockage and afibulation), she was moved out of ICU. You'd think that'd be cause for happiness, but the small room she was moved too turned out to be a growing place of new issues. Blood thinners, blood transfusion, low blood pressure, black stools, a scheduled colonoscopy tomorrow - all within 5 additional days.

Ten days later, I'm scared as hell. What will the 40 minute procedure show? Will she stop having internal bleeding and can come home? I am not doing well - not being strong for her. I am disappointed in myself. :(

She and I will get through this, together, though.

In the mean time, check out these lovely hospital photos:

Before you can get into ICU....

And here is the sink "behind you."


The hospital volunteers make popcorn almost every afternoon (and becomes my staple of choice).


The hospital staff said I can't take pics in the hospital, so don't share this photo with anyone (they got mad at me for taking the photo), but look at all those IVs! Poor Mom. :(

It's His Loss

I wasn't sure what to title this blog article, but instead of focusing on MY loss, I realize now it's HIS loss.

The amazingly handsome and sexy Channing Tatum was married this month (July 2009) . He married his leading lady co star from Step Up (yeah, I don't like her much).

Every movie he is in.... I go see. :) I'm the same way with James Marsden. :)

To mourn their union, errr, mourn HIS loss, here are some pics of the sexy man himself:





Oohhhh... such a sad day... :(

Bread and Butter

Your mate doesn't live by bread alone; he or she needs to be "buttered up" from time to time. - Zig Ziglar

2009 Movies

See 2008 Movies.

I'll update this as the year goes on...

Avatar (okay, I saw it in 2010) - I really liked it!
It's Complicated - Really liked it!
Up in the Air - liked it!
Surrogates - I liked it.
GI Joe - very disappointed. The only good thing about it was I went with a friend of mine to see it, so I wasn't alone for the two hours. LOL
The Ugly Truth - it was okay
Bridal Wars - liked it
Mall Cop - saw it on a plane, did NOT like it.
He's Just Not that Into You - saw on a place, liked it.
Duplicity - okay.
State of Play - liked it.
Fighting - liked it.
Up in 3D - eh, okay.
Terminator 4 - liked it!
The Hangover - liked it.
Transformers 2 - liked it!
Public enemies - didn't like it.
Ice Age 3D - liked it.

Happiness

All the happiness you ever find lies in you.

Five Things That Waste Your Energy

In order to create that which we most want in our life, we need ENERGY! Sounds obvious, but for many it's a surprising new fact. The first rule of any decent conservation plan is to stop wasting energy. There are many energy-drains that we become oblivious to as we live our life on a day-to-day basis. Here are some energy wasters and how to combat them, so that you can free up your energy and use it to build your dreams.

1. Needless worry.
   Worry over every little thing in your life is one of the most efficient energy drains there is. It's sole purpose appears to be to fill our mind with constant concern over the most mundane things. In that way, we seem to give ourselves a good excuse for not working on what is really important to us.
   
   How to Stop the Leak: Unless you are in immediate physical danger, identify what's worrying you. If you can not control or influence the outcome, let it go. There is a less than 1% chance that the thing you are afraid of will even happen. Stay tuned in to the probabilities and take some long slow deep breaths. Then, focus on what's really important to you!
   
   
2. Doing for the sake of doing.
   We live in an action-oriented culture. If we're not doing, we are made to feel guilty. There is little value placed on thinking or planning. We fill up our lives with activity, purposeful or not, just to prove we are doers, as if that alone gives us our value. This is especially true if you are a person who goes inside to process information. The apparent lack of activity on your part is considered to be laziness by those who process information by talking aloud or doing.
   
   How to Stop the Leak: Don't just look at your to-do list. Look at why the item is on your list. Is there true value in it? What would happen if it never got done? Does anyone (including you) really care about this item? Review your list and eliminate the items which you can't even remember why you put them on the list. Then, start focusing your energy by asking the question: What is the most important thing to do RIGHT NOW? Even without paper in front of us, most of us know what that is. Taking care of the most important thing first recaptures energy as we enjoy the completion and feel energized to do the next most important thing. Incompletions are big energy wasters!
   
   
3. Anything broken that needs to be fixed.
   At any given time, most of us have a list of things around the house that need fixing or just some attention. Burnt out light bulbs, leaky faucets, anything that must be done 'just so' to make it work, these are just some samples to give you the idea. If it needs your attention, give it!! If you don't, you will spend more energy trying to remember to call the plumber than in actually getting the plumber to your house!
   
   How to Stop the Leak: As Nike says, "Just do it!". The worry about trying to remember to get it done and the annoyance caused by the broken item are serious energy drains.
   
   
4. Trying to be Perfect.
   When we focus on being perfect, we consume a lot of valuable energy on a fruitless mission. While we can certainly work on becoming our best self, it's important to note that our best self isn't perfect. It's just the best we can be today and a striving to be even better tomorrow. Perfection is unattainable. That's a simple truth. So spending a lot of energy on getting it 'exactly' right will burn up valuable energy and put us on a hamster wheel of wasted energy.
   
   How to Stop the Leak: Recognize and accept that perfection is not a goal to go after. It is much better (and healthier) to focus on becoming your best self. This will release a lot of energy and self-judgment, which drains even more energy.
   
   
5. Friends who Take, Take, Take your Energy.
   I don't know anyone who doesn't have at least one friend like this. Bottom line, it's all about them. It is a waste of time to try to have a dialogue because all they really want is someone to listen to their monologue. Worse, these people seldom want to talk about the good things in their life (apparently, there never is anything good!). You get off the phone, feeling exhausted and you barely said two words. Or, all you got to say was to agree to do whatever they needed.
   
   How to Stop the Leak: Wish this friend well and let them go! Be less accessible to them when they call. Set expectations at the beginning of the call: "Gee, I only have about 10 minutes before I have to xxx." Then be firm about keeping to that 10 minutes. If they don't start calling you less, then I'd say to invest in a caller ID system so you can see who is on the phone. If you don't feel you have the energy to talk to this 'friend', then don't. You can call them back later when you are feeling stronger. This doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who is committed to own self care.

Most-Requested Column

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the I’ve ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more :

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful , beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Let ME Out

I need some pampering. Not just my nails done, but maybe a new, awesome massage. I need to do some things for me. I love to go out to dinner - I need to do that more but it's slim pickings where I live to go out to eat for dinner as there aren't many friends that live near me. I am also not one to ask for help for anything and even asking someone to go to dinner makes me feel like I am intruding on their time.

I have been super depressed for just over two weeks.
When will it subside?
When will it end?

I have had episodes of depression in my life before, but this one is brutal. I haven't smiled in so long. I want to get out of this funk.

What will be the trigger?
When will it occur?

The good thing is I am getting a lot done at work and I am sleeping. But, I am sad for some reason.

I need to put the ME back in Melinda. Giving 110% to every aspect of my life but myself is taking it's toll. I'm taking steps, but I still don't feel up to par.

I feel so alone.

I can't wait for this to go away. I am ready!

Backyard Trees

My Mom and I have finally figured out that I do not have time to work on the lawn anymore - I am just too short on time but don't want to get another citation from the lovely owner's association.

So, we hired a couple of kids in the neighborhood who do this for other neighbors as well and we feel quite proud allowing them to make a little extra money. However, I only mowed the backyard once or twice in ONE year so by the time I finally gave in to the kids asking if I wanted my backyard to be mowed, it was WAY overdue. WAY.

Here, see for yourself:




Pretty damn funny to me!!! I told my Mom -well, you wanted some trees in the backyard. LOL! Of course, I wondered how the dog was handling the weeds and tall grass and thought she was prolly having trouble going to the bathroom with such interference. hehe. Anyway, some fertilizer and one cut so far has led to a great looking backyard. :)

Airport Female Bathrooms

They are not made for women. We drag our luggage, walk to a stall, and the door opens INword. Yes, IN! That means I have to try and drag my suitcase and my rolling laptop bag inside the bathroom with me as they barely fit past the door for me to close it. I can pull it in, but then the door can't close. I'm stuck between the door, toilet, and luggage. WTF.

Every time this happens I want to bitch and moan. I have finally decided to just leave my suitcases outside the door. I can no longer frustrate myself by arm wrestling with my luggage and fighting to close the door, while trying to get them inside the stall because it's simply physically impossible. Argh!

More Good Advice!

From my friend Shayla:

"If you want to change the way you feel about people, you have to change the way you treat them" - Anne Lamont

Stop-Loss on Worries

From klockdoc on the AZB forums:

Here is a saying that makes a lot of sense to me.

Put a "STOP-LOSS" order on your worries. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth--and refuse to give it any more.

From Dale Carnegie

You can only worry about things to a certain point. They are either going to happen...or not. Make your plans for the worse case scenario, then accept the results. Worrying never makes it easier to accept...just prolongs the anxiety.

Very Interesting....

I read this today, wanted to share:

Happiness is easy..we just have to decide to be.

Lip Liner

I was out of the country for work in a warm climate so I didn't wear lip liner the whole week and just kept all my make up simple.

I am back now and have continued to not wear lip liner and after 4 days (the weekend and two days at work), I've decided I do not like it. Starting tomorrow - lip liner will be used again. :)

I Can Choose My Response!

No matter what has been said to you, you ALWAYS have a choice on how you react to those words.

And I suppose non-verbal responses, too... i.e., like NO communication. lol

Funny Weight Quotes

I read this today... LMAO!

• The best way to lose weight is to eat everything you don't like.
  
  
• Dieting is the triumph of mind over platter.
  
  
• The best way of losing weight - don't talk about it. Keep your mouth shut.

From Tyndale House Publishers

Click It or Ticket

The national Click it or Ticket seat belt enforcement mobilization is from May 18 – 31.

Although seat belt use is required in any company vehicle, it is just as important to also buckle up in your personal vehicle when you’re off the clock.

In 2007, nearly 30,000 people in passenger vehicles were killed in traffic crashes nationwide; half of those killed were not buckled up.

Seat belts are the simplest way to reduce deaths and serious injuries.

In 2007 alone, seat belts saved an estimated 15,147 lives, yet one in five Americans still fail to buckle up regularly.

Below are numbers of people killed in traffic crashes in five states last year: ( LA – 985 | MS – 884 | NM – 413 | OK – 754 | TX – 3,363 )

The risks of a fatal crash are highest for nighttime drivers and passengers and young adults.

Nationally in 2007, 4,540 young men and women ages 16-20 were killed in motor vehicle crashes, and 61 percent were not buckled up at the time of the fatal crash.

In addition, nearly two-thirds of all those killed in fatal crashes at night were not buckled up.

On- and off-the-job motor vehicle crashes cost U.S. employers nearly $60 billion annually.

Costs from motor vehicle crashes totaled more than $200 billion nationwide.

Be a good example to your friends, family, and co-workers. Buckle up every time you get into a vehicle. Click It or Ticket — day and night.

This has heped me in the past...

Insanity = doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

Bone Marrow

I just signed up to register to be a participant to donate a swab for possible bone marrow donation.

I went to this http://www.dkmsamericas.org/ and filled out the form.

Their return email said:

Thank you for taking the first step toward saving someone's life.

We want you to know that your willingness to become a bone marrow donor will give hope to patients around the world in need of a transplant.

Soon, you will receive a donor kit packet in the mail, which contains a copy of your registration form, which needs to be verified and signed by you , a packet of buccal (cheek) swabs and a set of instructions. Once we receive your signed registration form back we will process your registration.

If you have any questions, please contact DKMS at 1.866.340.DKMS (3567) or by e-mail at info@dkmsamericas.org

Thank you again for your support in our mission to save lives.

I can't wait to get the swab and send it back. It'd be awesome if I was a match to someone!!

Gossip

You may or may not know this, but one of the websites I frequent is People.com.

They have been recently posting stories about people I've never even heard of. Turns out, most of them are on Gossip Girl. I haven't watched one episode, don't even know which channel it's on, and I wont even google it to even provide ya a link in this blog (that's how uninterested I am in it). But many of the actors and actresses sure get A LOT of press coverage. Who changed their hair, who got married, who's fighting with who, who made up, who's kissing who, etc. The show must have a lot of characters on it, because there sure is a lot of stories about so many people that are on the show.

Oh well; I don't mind I don't know anything about the show. :)

Excellent Worry Realization!

Worrying doesn't solve problems; it causes them.

More Reminders

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.

Did You Notice That Move?

I go to the movies as often as I can. Every time I am home for a weekend, I go usually to the first showing Saturday morning. I go at that time cuz it's cheap (only $5!) and that is when the fewest other movie goers go. Since I go by myself, it makes it so much easier. :)

The ONLY downfall to going at this time is the cheese of the nachos I buy at the snack stand is not super hot. :( I guess it's because the movie theater just opened, the cheese isn't real warm quite yet.

I have noticed that I get distracted slightly when people come back from the bathroom. However, I never notice they LEFT to go to the bathroom. Why is that??!

CHEE Toes

I was at a meeting for work last week. It was a small room, full of about 15 people or so. I noticed on the first day, one of the guys ate Cheetos in the afternoon, along with his Coke Zero.


However, what I REALLY noticed on the second day of his now regularly-scheduled Cheetos-afternoon was he did not have any napkins! He would lick his fingers and then fiddle with his papers. He did not once wipe them anywhere afterwards!

I watched him closely the third day, surveying his every move - he didn't even wipe is just-licked, previously-orange fingers on his pants. He just let them "air dry."

I am still dismayed and shocked - I'd be going crazy looking for a napkin!

$150 Million Home For Sale

People is reporting that Aaron Spelling's mansion is for sale. What does it include you wonder?

• bowling alley,
  
• wine cellar,
  
• three gift-wrapping rooms,
  
• library,
  
• gym,
  
• screening room,
  
• humidity-controlled silver storage room,
• tennis court,
  
• fountains,
  
• a water fall,
  
• a pool and spa,
  
• a reflecting pool and
  
• 16 car ports.

It's the largest home in Los Angeles County. It's a French chateau-style property that has 56,000 square feet of space and is settled on 5 acres of land.

I, of course, wonder why there are THREE gift wrapping rooms. And what is the difference between a pool and a reflecting pool? What kind of reflection is that? For the soul or an under water-reflection-type thing?

Let the bidding's begin!!

Need a Reminder?

You are in control of your happiness.

Be Yourself

Always be yourself...

People that matter don't mind.
The people that do mind don't matter.

I saw this today. I am not sure why I felt compelled to share this, but it is interesting, isn't it?

Wild Berry Skittles

What is it about Wild Berry Skittles? Oh I know, it's the only Skittles pack that I eat every flavor of!

In 1990, the traditional five flavors found in every Skittles pack met their match. It was in that year that (so far) the best ever flavor combination entered the scene. Its members included: raspberry (blue), wild cherry (red), strawberry (magenta), berry punch (purple), and melon berry (green).

I always prefer the berry flavors of Skittles packet anyway, so putting them all together and losing the lemon-lime flavor is a dream come true! Wild Berry even beats out Tropical Skittles. imo. :)

I'm obviously eating Wild Berry Skittles as I type this!

Curly Sue

So, I mentioned before I was getting a perm. I wanted to report that I really do like it! :)

It is easy to take care of (yay!) and to handle, and it's super soft for some reason. Although it looks a little "wild" at times, I do like it. :)

Here is a pic of it (and me) cheesing for the camera:

We Can Choose Our Response

So why don't we? So why don't we choose the response that will be best for ourselves.; our heart, soul, and mind.

We know what can make us happy, yet we sometimes do nothing about it. What is the reason for that?

Wow, What a Song!

I heard this on the radio on Friday night. I immediately loved the beat, started to move my a$$ in the car, and recognized it right away at the bar the next night. It's probably the song I have downloaded the fastest from MP3Rocket!

It's called "I Hate This Part Right Here" by the Pussycat Dolls. While I admit I haven't listened too closely to the words, the beat is phenomenal and it's very catchy!!

Check it out below- it's the first song on my Play List. Click Play (the thick arrow button below). See for yourself!

Movin Moved, Dammit

WTF? Movin 107.5, one of the best stations in Dallas Fort Worth (hip hop, R and B and dance music) switched to a Spanish station literally overnight. Now I found myself not even finding any good songs at all on the other stations. I miss it dammit!!

Here's an article about the "move"...


'Movin’ right off the radio dial: CBS switches 107.5 FM to Spanish-language format

Fans of pop/R&B station KMVK/107.5 FM "Movin’ 107.5" may have been fiddling with their radio dials about 1 p.m. Tuesday, when the station abruptly cut off Madonna’s Vogue and, after a moment of silence, came back with Juanes’ Gotas de Agua Dolce, the very first song played on Spanish adult-contemporary "Mega 107.5 FM."

The format switch happened so fast that the usually busy (and often inaccurate) radio rumor mill barely had time to get going. Even the Movin’ Web site, www.movin1075fm.com, had quickly changed to reflect the "Mega" flip (It’s now www.mega1075.com). According to yes.com, a Web site that features song logs from radio stations nationwide, Mega’s first hour included songs by Juanes, Aventura and Enrique Iglesias. Some Movin’ artists, such as Shakira, made the transition to the Spanish-language format.

Calls to Dallas executives at CBS Radio, which owns KMVK, were not returned as of late Tuesday afternoon. But a CBS Radio release said that the station will target 25- to 54-year-old Spanish-speaking adults. "The Metroplex is one of the largest Hispanic markets in the United States, making up 24 percent of the city’s total population," the release said. It also said the station will start by playing 10,000 songs in a row.

According to industry site AllAccess.com, all of the Movin’ air staff, including morning host Chris Shine and afternoon personality Gina Lee Fuentez, lost their jobs. The Movin’ format went on the air in October 2006, replacing the smooth-jazz format of the long-running "Oasis."

RIP, Movin' 107.5. Here's a tribute.

Maya Angelou's Best Poem Ever

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one old love she can imagine going back to...
and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN! SHOULD HAVE ....
enough money within her control
to move out and rent a place of her own
even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
something perfect to wear
if the employer or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a past juicy enough
that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
one friend who always makes her laugh...
and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture
not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe
for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB,
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish
in a day... a month... and a year...

CPR Rules for Bystanders

There has been a major change by the American Heart Association’s procedures for CPR for bystanders. The new hands-only CPR which involves rapid, deep presses on the victim’s chest, are all that are needed until help arrives.

Experts hope bystanders will now be more willing to jump in and help if they see someone suddenly collapse.

Bystanders only have to do two things. Call 911 and push hard and fast on the middle of the person’s chest. Hands-only calls for uninterrupted chest presses – 100 a minute – until paramedics take over or and automatic external defibrillator is available to restore a normal heart rhythm.

For an Adult: In such a case when the heart suddenly stops, the victim still has ample air in the lungs and blood, compressions keep blood flowing to the brain, heart and other organs.

For a Child: If a child collapses they are more likely to have breathing problems. In this case mouth-to-mouth breathing should be used combined with compressions.

Special Situations: Adults who suffer from lack of oxygen from a near-drowning, drug overdose, or carbon monoxide poisoning, need mouth-to-mouth to get air into their lungs and bloodstream.

I Know What I Should Do....

I know what I should do, but do I have the strength to do it? I don't think so; it's easier to stay as is.... but I FULLY admit I''m tired of it.

You would think I would have strength, but so many pieces of me don't want to... so it makes it so much tougher.

Curls

I got a perm on Saturday. Was scared to death!

I have been wearing my hair wavy, instead of straightening it like I had been for the last 9 years or so - seems the consensus is the "waves" are preferred.

However, I couldn't get the waves to "stick" for more than one day. How does one solve that? By getting a perm.

I was nervous, but LOVED the way it looked after wards! And my hair is SUPER, SUPER soft for some reason! However, she cut about an inch or so off all around and that is the part I really don't like. :(

I don't know if the perm will solve my concerns, though, because after only two days it just seems bushy on top and less curly. Hmm... what did I do?!?!

Anyone Seen My Patience?

Wow, what has gotten into ME? I have been short on patience lately. I do not know why. I used to snap at people, but for the last few years, I didn't do it that often. I learned to keep my mouth shut, be more respectful, not show my true feelings and not snap out words without thinking first.

But in the last several days I have been very snappy. Frustrated with stupid shit at work, tolerance level for people not understanding me at an all-time low, not enough sleep isn't helping, me not figuring out what is really bothering me is adding to it all I suppose.

While I am taking some things wrong (admittedly), I just usually don't say anything out loud but lately I have actually mumbled my dislike for the words I am reading or the words I *think* I am hearing.

I just don't have time for stupid $hit right now, lol. But, that doesn't mean I have to take it out on others, right? That was the old ME.

I am really, really short on time right now and there is A LOT going on around me (drama, arguments, chaos, many people in the hospital and/or very sick, etc.) but I don't know if that is what is making me so short-tempered with things. I honestly don't know, but I don't like it; it's not like me at all.

I hope it goes away soon!

First Mediation

I took a class last year to get certified in mediation. It was a great class -long days, but I learned a lot not only about mediation but about why most problems occur (communication).

Well, tomorrow will be my first time to mediate! I am a little nervous but also excited about the opportunity to help the parties.

Sometimes no agreement is reached, and mediation is not a comfortable situation for the parties.

I hope I don't screw up my duties.

Update: The two parties settled on an agreement the night before the mediation date so YAY! That's awesome for them! I have already been assigned a new case Feb 18th, will get to test out my training then. ;)

Jealousy - How to Stop It

I found this (cut and pasted below) about How to Stop Jealousy and wanted to share! It's from


Jealousy is when you react negatively towards the possibility of losing what you have to someone else. Unlike envy, it usually involves three people, rather than just two: you, the person who has what you want, and the person who threatens to take it away. It's an unhealthy habit that can make any kind of relationship crumble; if you're a jealous person, you've probably already seen how much damage it can do. But at the core of jealousy are some fears and expectations that are hard to shake, unless you make a conscious effort to cast them away.

Steps

1. Observe what triggers your jealousy. Certain situations will trigger an image or possibility in your mind that you dread. What are the images and possibilities that pop into your head when jealousy strikes?
   
   
   • romantic partner interacting with others (co-worker, ex, friend, etc.) - fear of partner cheating with someone who is "better" than you in some way
   • child seeming to prefer the company of another adult - insecurity about whether you're doing a good job as a parent
   • parent paying attention to their new partner - fear that the parent will not spend any time with you anymore
   • friend spending time with other people - fear that the friend will prefer the other people and will not want to spend time with you anymore
   • someone else getting a promotion that you want - insecurity over unmet expectations
     
     
2. Bite your tongue. When you feel jealousy taking over, don't react in a destructive way. Don't accuse and don't give the silent treatment. If your partner is talking to someone else, leave them be. Do what a completely trusting person would do in your shoes, even if it makes you feel crazy. Jealous behavior can bring any kind of relationship to its knees, so nip it in the bud. Make time to discuss, using nonviolent communication, what made you feel jealous later, when the strong feelings of jealousy have passed, and you're not as likely to overreact.
   
   
3. Recognize that jealousy is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you behave jealously, you don't respond to someone's behavior--you respond to what you believe someone's behavior implies. In other words, you're reacting to a scenario in your mind that you fear, but that hasn't happened yet, and might not happen at all. By playing with another adult, for example, your child isn't doing something inherently wrong. Neither is your partner who calls to offer condolences to their ex whose mother just died. But your negative reaction to what you believe their behavior implies (that someone else is somehow better than or more important than you) will make the person feel defensive and paranoid, because they're being accused of doing something bad. The more defensive and paranoid they get, the more suspicious and jealous you get. It's a vicious cycle that's difficult to reverse.
   
   
4. Build self confidence. Jealousy is usually a by-product of insecurity and low self-esteem. Sometimes it's a deep-rooted fear of abandonment that someone will leave you, or withdraw their love or attention from you because you're "not good enough"--if so, you need to learn that other people's behavior and lives are not a reflection on you. Confident people know that even when they are rejected or ridiculed, it's not always because they failed; sometimes people are just short-sighted. And even if they do fail, it doesn't reduce their worth; it simply means they need to learn something new.
   
   
5. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Some people seem to have it all, but be realistic--does anyone really lead a problem-free life? They might seem to lead a comfortable life (as many wealthy people do) but it's not always a fulfilling life. And even beautiful, successful celebrities have emotional breakdowns, get cheated on, struggle with addictions, get arrested, and lose their fortunes. Make friends with someone who you think has it all--sincerely take an interest in their lives--and you'll eventually discover that they have their hidden struggles. But they don't live their lives constantly worried that someone else will come along and take away everything that gives them joy; their lives aren't characterized by jealousy. Learn from them.
   
   
6. Stop feeling entitled to all of a person's time. If you get jealous when you see someone you care about interacting with or spending time with someone other than you, then you need to consider "How much of this person's time do I really want?" It's understandable if you want to spend a certain amount of quality time with your partner, child, parent, or friend. If they're not spending any time with you, then your concerns are valid. But if they spend a good deal of time with you but you never feel like it's enough, and deep down you'd prefer it if you were together all the time, then it's not healthy. Find other activities, and other people to do them with, to fill your time.
   
   
7. Trust. If you get jealous easily, you've probably had your trust broken. Most of the time, the trust was broken in the past, and you inadvertently project your fear of being hurt again onto someone else. The question you need to ask yourself is whether this person (the person who you worry will hurt you) has ever done anything to break your trust in the past. If the answer is no, then it's important to give them credit for that, and not treat him or her like a criminal. If the person has broken your trust in the past, then it's time to forgive, or else jealousy will ruin the relationship. Period.
   
   
8. Be positive. Ultimately, jealousy is a fear-based behavior. You're spending a lot of time worrying about something bad that hasn't happened yet, and might not happen at all. In doing so, you're increasing the likelihood of bad things happening by fostering suspicion and distrust. Try to focus on the positive, instead. Be thankful for what you have. And remember that if someone is going to hurt you, there's nothing you can do to stop it anyway. No amount of nagging, monitoring, accusation, snooping, or guarding will prevent you from being hurt. If you believe in someone, believe in them completely; give them all your trust. The benefit of the doubt is essential for any relationship to work. And if you really don't trust them, if you really feel that the person is weak, deceptive, or otherwise untrustworthy, then don't associate with them. You deserve better.

Tips

• Always examine your jealous thoughts for a sense of entitlement. Whatever it is that someone is getting and you're not (thus sparking jealousy) is something that you feel entitled to; something that you feel is rightfully yours. Instead of trying to convince someone (through jealous behavior) that they should give you what you want, think of ways you can earn it. Focus on being a good person.
  
  
• Don't act upset that someone spends time with someone else, even if you are- focus on having a good time with them instead. The best way to make someone spend even more time away from you is to act jealous- when you're being angry, snarky or sarcastic because someone is infringing on /your/ relationship, you're not only not fun to be around, you're making the person feel that you think you own them.

Warnings

• Overcoming jealousy will take time. Be patient with yourself.
• Jealousy is not always a bad thing. It is a fear-based emotion that can be harmful in excess like all emotions. But it can also be a warning that you are sensing danger, such as the danger of losing something you need or enjoy. Don't dismiss any of your emotions without understanding them first.
• Never let your feelings of jealousy push you to abuse someone, verbally or physically.

Movies, 2008

Here are all the movies I saw at the movie theaters in 2008:

27 Dresses
The Spiderwick Chronicles
The Other Boleyn Girl
10,000 b.C.
Iron Man
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom or the Crystal Skull
Sex and the City: The Movie
Wall-E
Wanted
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Journey to the Center of the Earth (in 3-D)
The Dark Knight
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Tropic Thunder
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Burn After Reading
Eagle Eye
Body of Lies
Saw V
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Bolt
Doubt
Slumdog Millionaire
Four Christmases

My top 3 picks for 2008 of the movies I saw above: Slumdog Millionaire, Eagle Eyes, Body Lies, and Wall-E

Birthdays

Birthdays are so important to those that are having a Birthday. I should remember that when other's Birthdays come up. I used to be good at it, but now I am not. But, I know what it feels like when people don't remember my day, so I need to ensure I remember their day.

I had a GREAT Birthday weekend! And tomorrow my coworkers are taking me to have mexican food for lunch and then for dinner I am going to Ruth's Chris' Steak House! Yummy!!

I have to admit, I don't feel my age, but am scared of saying my new age (starting tomorrow) out loud for the first time in my life.

Hadn't Seen One in Years

I saw a shooting star on Sunday night while I was driving. WOW! Hadn't seen one in years; can't remember the last time I saw one, actually.

Did I make a wish? I don't think so. I was talking on the phone and said, "OMG, I just saw a shooting star" and quickly thought, "I should make a wish..." and then it fell behind some trees.

It truly was beautiful; it was a wonderful surprise; a nice way to end my weekend.

I used to stare at the night's sky when I was young. Back then, less lights around and the sky was so pitch black - you could even see the satellites moving slowly across the blackness, amidst all the stars. Something that will always be a cherished memory.

New Year 2009

It's a new year - survived another! The holidays were blah, but they are over now. I don't make New Year Resolutions - they always get broke. I might make some goals with details how to achieve those goals (which is key in setting goals), but might not. Who knows.

Happy New Year!

Online Poker

Been playing online poker for a week now. A lot of fun! Not only am I playing in lots of cheap tournaments, I also watch my friends play (you can observe tables -pretty neat!). Yea, I'm new to this, lol.I currently in my longest game - been playing for 4 hours! I usually don't last more than 25 minutes, lol.

Some Men Are Pigs

I just went to get water from the water cooler at work and it was empty (yet again). I put my empty cup down loudly and took the empty bottle off. As I rolled the full bottle to the canister holder, a male co worker walks by me..... and just keeps walking.

A female coworker sees me and offers to help and I reply, "I'm too pissed, I can do it" as I lift the heavy sucker waist high and put it on the canister holder.

What is it with some men who refuse to help women? What is it with men like this?!?!? He is known for not treating women "right" so I shouldn't be surprised but damn, I am livid right now!!

So, the 5 gallon water jug is now on the canister, lifted by my bad back.

Christmas Eve, too. WOW - this man shocks me!

Words to Live By - The Four Agreements

Below is something a friend shared with me about a year ago. Last night, another friend reminded me of it and so I looked it up today. This is AWESOME! Read closely; fully absorb:

The Four Agreements

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

It's Rude Not to Spell It Out

Why do people insist on shortening Christmas with an X then adding "mas." I don't even want to spell it out for this blog entry - that how uncouth I think it is!

Christmas is ABOUT Christ. CHRIST should not be removed from Christmas!!

BTW, it's my top pet peeve!

Christmas Candy Reminder

Whatever you do, when you choose the candy to put out for Christmas, don't put in the bowl ANY type that you will eat yourself!

The Snickers Christmas-themed candy is now all gone from the bowl in my office. :(

Not My Good Foods

What is it about other people's good food? If I buy apples, grapes, oranges or carrots, I wont eat them. If I go to work and someone gives me a carrot or piece of an orange, I grab it up like hotcakes!

Just tonight, I grabbed an apple from the big bowl at the hotel (I'm out of town for work) and ate an apple for the first time probably in 3 years.

I can have wilting grapes in the fridge, old carrots, and cold apples in my fridge for weeks. Never to be eaten, to eventually just need to be thrown away.

Yet let me find carrots with ranch dressing on a veggie tray at a group meeting and I'm all over it! Grabbing more than I should and even go back for more.

Weird...

Edited to add: in the morning after I wrote this I had diarrhea... so I guess my body didn't like that apple!!! I guess my body definitely isn't used to good foods, LOL!

My Sweet Experience

My Mom wanted me to buy her some sweet potatoes when I went grocery shopping for us. I walk over, grab what looks like a sweet potato, but it says "Yam" on the sign. I look confused, I look around, I look some more at the funny looking things in front of me.

Sweet Potato

Yam

While I don't like or eat (or ever tasted) sweet potatoes or yams, I'm pretty sure this is a sweet potato.

I ask a very striking, early 30-something, tall black woman, "are these sweet potatoes?" She looks at me like it was my first time in this part of the grocery store. She looks at me, then the things in front of me, as I point to the sign and she replies with no emotion and possibly sympathy for me, "yes, sweet potato."

I pick out several small ones, per Mom's request.

I check out in the "self check out" lane for the first time in many months b/c the other lanes are long, I am tired, and I have less than 20 items or so.

At the point of grabbing the bag of small yams, I choose the "Y" from the menu on the screen for fruits/vegetables to beat them at their own game - they can't fool me anymore! But I don't see Yams listed!! I am now amused with myself and choose "S"... and now no Sweet Potatoes are listed! I am now thoroughly confused but somehow (almost unconsciously) decide to search "P" and many choices of potatoes show up, one of them Sweet Potatoes!

I race home, cuz I am real tired and sick of arguing with Wal Mart pharmacy idiots and also arm wrestling the damn "self" photo printer in the store.

I search for yam photos and sweet potato photos for this blog entry and found this GREAT blog explanation!!

Enjoy: http://eatingbirdfood.wordpress.com/2008/08/22/sweet-potato-vs-yam/

Death hits home in weird ways

A coworker who lives in Florida found out she had cancer. She was doing chemo for several years and was told it was in remission.

She had been emailing me off and on to see how I was doing with the divorce, my Mom being in the hospital, my Dad passing away, etc. all the while going through tough times herself.

Here's an email from April 2008 she sent me:

I didn't want to make you cry. I'm sorry!!! You need a vacation - something fun. I need one too. Even tho we did go 4wheeling in the Everglades a few weeks ago. That was a blast! We rode 22 miles on trails, saw some deer and got swooped by an owl.

Some days I am pretty sore. Just achy. My husband is a trooper for putting up with me. My boss is too! What gets me mad is I am not able to do what I used to do. But everyday I think what a beautiful day and do what I can. Mostly just try to keep my customers happy and my house clean. For the most part they are really great guys = and they always act so
happy to see me. I can't believe I've been here almost 4 years. And we just finished unpacking last week. A lot of stuff went to Goodwill - and there's more to go.

I must go be busy now.
-Peggy

I heard from her again in June, then July. Then September 2nd comes and I get a call from her boss who sends me this email she sent him:

Hello Rusty,
Its time you know that my condition has taken a terrible turn for the worse. I have been advised to get my affairs in order and to call in hospice. Even with all of the treatments, the cancer has suddenly recurred with a vengeance and is shutting down my body. I had one course of chemo option left available but weighing the odds have opted not to go that route.

I have some sick leave which I will use up, then my annual leave. I would like to talk to someone about my retirement and need a point of contact.

My customers are pretty much self sufficient. Steve (husband) will take me to the
office to tidy up and fasten up loose ends. I pretty much have a SOP done for office routine and a contact list that will be essential for my replacement.
I know you've been through this before, and I am counting on you and your secretary to help Steve with the paperwork process. Hes always been really bad with paperwork...

I wanted to tell you this in person, but a drive to Miami is too much for me now.

There is no cure for cancer, treatment only prolongs the agonizing pain that accompanies it.

-Peggy

To hear the news was brutal, to read her words, worse. To read the last sentence, heartbreaking.

A week later, I get a Thank You card from her:

Melinda,
Rusty told me you had nominated me for the Improvement Award. That was REALLY nice of you - I was totally surprised - thank you!

It's great that someone noticed (you) that I'd been trying really hard to increase the numbers. I think I built a bit of camaraderie with quite a few customers. and I hope that that continues on.

On September 9th, we get this email from her boss:

I know with Hurricane Ike apparently headed for Texas somewhere you are extremely busy but I wanted to send an update on Peggy. She is at home still, but extremely swollen because her liver cannot do its function for her body, and hospital people must come to drain the fluids. She is not mobile at present, I do not expect her to return to work, at least not anytime soon. She has about 10 weeks of sick leave/annual leave combined, but I am working on getting her on the leave donor program.

I spoke to her on September 10th - she wasn't very talkative but trying...and she assured me she was on lots of pain medicine.

On September 12th, I came in to work, a year ago that my Dad passed, and read in an email that Peggy had passed earlier that morning.

To say I was shocked is an understatement. One Sept 2nd she told us her doctors told her to get her affairs in order. In less than two weeks, she was gone.

What hit home even worse was when they sent a photo around that would accompany her bio. I have never met Peggy in person. Tell me her death doesn't hit home when you see this photo of her; it makes it more real:




BTW, Peggy had a grandson born on September 23rd. Their first grandchild! Peggy was 50 years old when she passed.

Time Change

Time change occurred last night. The sun is already going down and it's not even 6 o'clock! I hate this time of year... it's already tough for me to get up in the mornings, so when my body slowly gets out of bed in the morning, it feels like it's an hour earlier than all Summer... which makes me more tired. Damn the luck of the cold winter air and less sunlight in the evenings. :(

UGH!