Happiness Is a Journey, Not a Destination

Even though I live like this already, doesn't hurt to share and/or be reminded:

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we're frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We'll certainly be happy when they're out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you're off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you're born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Introvert

My boyfriend is an introvert.  I need to remember the above points!  It will help our relationship (and he'll prolly not get as snippy with me when I do # 7, esp). 

Random Acts of Kindess

I'll never forget this random act of kindness I witnessed.  It may seem minor, but it was an amazing gesture of kindness.

I was out for lunch with about 20 coworkers - some visiting from other cities, some from my office- and we went to eat at a nearby restaurant within walking distance. We had to wait for everyone to pay their tab, so about half of us walked out of the restaurant, and were standing outside.

A parking meter police guy was walking around, checking the meters. One of the meters was expired, and one of the guys in my group walked over, asked the policeman if he could put coins in the meter, and the cop said yes.

My coworker didn't know who owned the car, but he put in 50 cents and saved the guy from a parking ticket!

I admit I was in complete shock. Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't anyone else in the group think of it? The rest of us stood there watching the cop start to write a ticket, but this coworker walked right up and helped out a stranger.

Because we had to wait so long, eventually the guy who owns the car came out and he was told what happened and he thanked my coworker.

I know it really seems minor, but it was awesome. And, this happened about 5-7 years ago!

After I shared this story on a forum, a friend shared his story.  It was so moving, I HAVE to share it!

(if you are friends with me, you might know him.  His initials are M.V.N.)

When I was young… maybe 8 or 9 years old, I lived in Winona, MN.  We were pretty poor and often we'd go shopping at the local Salvation Army store. They had all manner of items from toys to clothing… well, mostly clothing… and for less than 5 dollars, you could pretty much buy anything in the store. In fact, one dollar would go a long way. I remember having a bunch of change in my pocket, maybe 60 cents at the most and feeling pretty good about my prospects.

When you're young, you watch a lot of people. In fact, children are naturally very curious… and on this particular day, I happened to be watching the lady at the cash register. I saw a very old man walk up with a black, silk scarf and ask the lady at the register how much it was, commenting that it was for his wife. The lady at the register replied to him that it was 5 cents. At this, the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a very old and very worn wallet… and pulled out a single penny. This was all he had… and I was struck by how poor he was at that moment. I almost offered to buy the scarf for him, but the lady at the register kindly told him that the penny was enough. He gave her the penny and he left with his scarf.

Now I was young, so I don't remember the situation perfectly, but I do know that this moment in time affected me greatly. I witnessed two great things in a single moment… a man who loved his wife so greatly that he spent his last penny on a scarf for her and the lady at the register showing great kindness by recognizing that selling him the scarf for a single penny was the right thing to do.

To this day, I keep this moment in my mind and always try to love unconditionally and always try to show kindness to others.

Fear Quote

Another quote that resonated with me today. Thought I'd share:

“That's the thing about fear. Death will kill you once, but fear kills you over and over and over, if you let it.” 

~ Marcus Allen, born on this day in 1960

They hate me because they ain't me

Received these words of advice from a friend the other day.  I need to remember this, to keep me sane, so I'm going to put it in my blog (because I do often re-read my posts as reminders from my self-help section).

‎"They hate me because they ain't me" 

Think that way and you or anybody can walk away with a smile~ :D

When we get insecure over stupid people or stupid/hurtful things people do, helpful reminders are... well, helpful.

ONLY IN TEXAS

Received this from a friend.  Loved it!  So, I'm sharing.  :)

This is a must read for all Texans, used-to-be Texans, adopted Texans or wanna-be Texans:

Just Texas
Pep, Texas
Smiley, Texas
Paradise, Texas
Rainbow, Texas
Sweet Home, Texas
Comfort, Texas
Friendship, Texas

Love the sun?
Sun City, Texas
Sunrise, Texas
Sunset, Texas
Sundown, Texas
Sunray, Texas
Sunny Side, Texas

Want something to eat?
Bacon, Texas
Noodle, Texas
Oatmeal, Texas
Turkey, Texas
Trout, Texas
SugarLand, Texas
Salty, Texas
Rice, Texas
Pearland, Texas
Orange, Texas
Sweetwater, Texas

Why travel to other cities?  Texas has them all!
Detroit, Texas
Cleveland, Texas
Colorado City, Texas
Denver City, Texas
Klondike, Texas
Pittsburg, Texas
Newark, Texas
Nevada, Texas
Memphis, Texas
Miami, Texas
Boston, Texas
Santa Fe, Texas
Tennessee Colony, Texas
Reno, Texas
Pasadena, Texas
Columbus, Texas

Feel like traveling outside the country?
Athens, Texas
Canadian, Texas
China, Texas
Dublin, Texas
Egypt, Texas
Ireland, Texas
Italy, Texas
Turkey, Texas
London, Texas
New London, Texas
Paris, Texas
Palestine, Texas

No need to travel to Washington DC
Whitehouse, Texas

We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth, Texas

We have a city named after our state:
Texas City, Texas

Exhausted?
Energy, Texas
Cold Blanket, Texas
Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?
Santa Anna, Texas
Goliad, Texas
Alamo, Texas
Gun Barrel City, Texas
Robert Lee, Texas

Need Office Supplies?
Staples, Texas

Want to go into outer space?
Venus, Texas
Mars, Texas

You guessed it. It's on the state line.
Texline, Texas

For the kids...
Kermit, Texas
Elmo, Texas
Nemo, Texas
Tarzan, Texas
Winnie, Texas
Sylvester, Texas

Other city names in Texas, to make you smile......
Frognot, Texas
Bigfoot, Texas
Hogeye, Texas
Cactus, Texas
Notrees, Texas
Best, Texas
Veribest, Texas
Kickapoo, Texas
Dime Box, Texas
Old Dime Box, Texas
Telephone, Texas
Telegraph, Texas
Whiteface, Texas
Twitty, Texas

The Anti-Al Gore City
Kilgore, Texas

And favorites are...
Cut and Shoot, Texas
Gun Barrel City, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas
West, Texas (it's in Central Texas )
Muleshoe, Texas


Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas.

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas;

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas;

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas;

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas;

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas;

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas;

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas;

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas;

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph --you're going 80 and everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas;

If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas;

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas.


Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas:
1. Beaumont to El Paso: 742miles

2. Beaumont to Chicago: 770 miles

3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas

4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos, July 4, 1883.

5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike - 2008!

6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston .

7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .

8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.

9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.

10. The worst natural disaster in US history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .

11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was "Houston," but the Space Center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.

12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .

13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a US rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin (SSW of Houston) in July of 1979.

14. Texas is the only state to enter the US by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the US Flag, and Texas may choose to divide into 5 states.

15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.

16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.

17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.

18. Texas has had six capital cities:  Washington-on-the Brazos, Harrisburg, Galveston, Velasco, West Columbia, and Austin .

19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the US which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington, DC (by 7 feet).

20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington Monument.

21. The name 'Texas' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas.

22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo. An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.

23. The first domed stadium in the US was the Astrodome in Houston.


Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Farlie, Texas:

(1)  Just one God
(2)  Honor yer Ma & Pa
(3)  No telling tales or gossipin'
(4)  Git yourself to Sunday meeting
(5)  Put nothin' before God
(6)  No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(7)  No killin'
(8)  Watch yer mouth
(9)  Don't take what ain't yers
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff


Y'all git all that?
Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.

Dream Tips

Thought I'd share two advices about dreams that people shared with me.

First.

If you are frustrated that you can't remember your dreams in the morning (like most of us), put a notepad near your bed with a pen/pencil.  When I was in 7th grade, our art teacher wanted us to do a painting about one of our dreams and he suggested this technique to remember them.  When you wake up in the middle of the night, quickly write down notes about the dream.  Then when you wake up in the morning (when you were suppose to, not in the middle of the night, lol), the notes will remind you of the dream!

Second.

I wake up A LOT to go pee in the middle of the night.  Once my brain starts to churn, I normally can't go back to sleep.  A co-worker suggested that if I keep in mind the dream I was having, lay back down still thinking of the dream.  That sometimes will help you fall back asleep.  (and whatever you do, never look at a clock!  That will just frustrate you to know what time it is).

Sweet Dreams!

Moving Poem - When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

If you've lost someone especially dear to you, you may not be able to not cry throughout these words.  However, you will gain comfort by the end of the poem; like I did.  It really helps me at times.

This poem is dedicated to my Mom, Toni Bailey.  I love and miss you with all my heart.

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me,

I wish so much you wouldn't cry

The way you did today,

While thinking of the many things,

We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,

Please try to understand,

That an angel came and called my name,

And took me by the hand,

and said my place was ready,

In heaven far above,

And that I'd have to leave behind

All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,

So much left yet to do,

It seemed almost impossible,

That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had

If I could re-live yesterday

Just even for a while,

I'd say good-bye and kiss you

And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,

I might miss come tomorrow,

I thought of you, and when I did,

My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity,

And all I've promised you."

Today your life on earth is past,

But here life starts anew

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,

So trusting and so true.

Though there were times

You did some things

You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,

Don't think we're far apart,

For every time you think of me,

I'm right here, in your heart.

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

From this link:  http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/3Ou46G/www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Here are my favorite top 13 (I need to personally remember) from the list of 30 that is stated in this great article:  30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself.

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
6. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
7. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
8. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
9. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
10. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
11. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
12. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
13. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

BTW, here are the other 17 Things You Need to Stop Doing to Yourself (I've snipped the details but you can check out the link for the fine print (and good advice)):

1. Stop trying to be someone you’re not.
   
2. Stop trying to hold onto the past.
3. Stop being scared to make a mistake.
4. Stop thinking you’re not ready.
5. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work.
6. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.
7. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.
8. Stop trying to make things perfect.
9. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t.
10. Stop blaming others for your troubles.
11. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen.
12. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.
13. Stop trying to compete against everyone else.
14. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.
15. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.
16. Stop holding grudges. 
17. Stop being ungrateful. 

Being Nosey

I am a nosey person.  Always have been.

If someone is texting next to me in the car, I'm curious who they are texting and will prolly ask them who (even tho it's none of my business).  If one of the bosses walks in to my bosses office and they close the door, I wonder what they are talking about?  And is it about me?  If my b/f is on the phone across the room, I wonder who he's talking to.  If someone is using their phone near me, I wonder what they are up to.  If I catch a glimpse, they are usually playing games.

I'm just a nosey person, and I will ask you about it if you are around me.  It's just the way I am.  Always been this way.

And I don't comprehend when others aren't.  It doesn't make sense to me.  How can you not be curious, also?"

Once, I sat in my car in the garage for about 30 minutes to finish a phone convo with a friend who was having problems.  My then-husband peeked his head out to see if I was home and then went back inside.  My friend asked me the next day if he asked me who I was talking to.  I said no.  And they were like, "What??!  How can he not ask or be curious?" 

"I dunno," I replied. "It doesn't make sense to me."

They went on, "I don't get it - it would drive me crazy."

"I know!"

I reflected on my nosiness the other day and as most things that make sense.... I figured out that I am nosey because of my parents.  I don't know why I never connected the two, but it makes so much sense now that I think about it.

My Mom was very nosey.  Now, maybe Moms are suppose to be because they need to check on their children, so maybe this was normal?  But, her actions (I think) helped me become a nosey person.

When I was about 15 or 16, she "found" a letter my real Dad had sent me, which included photos of him and his new wife.  I didn't leave things out and laying around, yet she said the letter was on the bed.  My Mom was so distraught because of the photos, she came home early from work that day, cried her eyes out, and thought I was going to leave her and move to be with him because from the photos she thought it was obvious they had "money."  I told her I wasn't going anywhere and she had nothing to worry about.  I had to ask my real Dad not to contact me again until I went to college because it upset her so much.

Another time, in the Summer after my senior year, I had my Mom mail a letter to a friend who was in college.  She woke me up the next morning in tears, asking me questions that she would only know from reading the letter.  I lied to her and told her what she was asking had not happened.  I then called my friend and asked him if envelope was sealed with tape, and sure enough it was. I had not taped the envelope - I licked it to seal it, so the tape confirmed she had opened and read my letter.

No wonder I'm so dang nosey!

Nosiness sucks, btw, but I've been this way my whole life.  It's who I am.  I mean no ill by asking questions, I'm just a curious beast.

Even the other day, someone posted something on Facebook and I was curious how they knew that bit of info.  It wasn't anything major, it was a minor thing, really, but how did they know when only three other people in the world knew?  I asked my b/f how they knew and he didn't know.  I asked again, he got perturbed.  "I don't know, it's not important, I don't care."

I'm thinking, how can you not even be curious?  My mind is trying to connect the dots.  My mind tries to figure things out.  Him?  He could care less.  He's not nosey, not curious.

So, of course when I saw her I asked her about it so I could get the background.

See?  Nosey bitch!

Please don't penalize me for being this way; it's not personal - it's just who I am; it's part of little 'ole me.  I don't play favorites - I'm curious about every one and every thing.

I don't pride myself on being nosey and I actually despise having this "quality."  But, I must accept that's who I am.  And I hope others accept me, too. 

And try to understand.

Quick Skin Help for Your Entire Life

One of my good friends was a Physicians Assistant (PA) for a Dermatology Office in Florida for several years.  She saw skin on all different body types and ages, all throughout the day, every day of the week.

As you are aware, many of the "snow birds" go to Florida to get away from the winter months, so she had a lot of older clients.  And she noticed something interesting about these particular older clients:  some had really great-looking, cared-for skin all over their bodies, while others had dry, flaky, damaged skin (some even with sores).

Being the curious person my friend is, and always wanting to learn, she asked the clients with great skin all over their bodies why their skin looked so good and what was their secret?

Turns out it wasn't really a secret, it was a regimen!

The older folks who had non-dry, awesome-looking skin (compared to the other clients who's skin was itchy, flaky, dry, and not very pleasantly looking) shared that they routinely put moisturizer on their entire body after each bath or shower.

You may think this would take a long time to do, but if you apply the lotion right after you step out of the shower, while your body is still wet - before you towel dry - the water that's already on your skin helps spread the moisture VERY easily and effortlessly into your skin. 

It takes me less than a minute to fully moisture my entire body with lotion after a shower/bath.

The skin is the biggest organ of the human body and we should take care of the entire surface of it - not just our face or the other exposed body parts.

And if you start NOW to apply moisture after every shower/bath, your skin will not only look better when you age, but it will also not get dry and itch later in life.  The skin starts to itch badly later in life, but if you start to moisturize it now, you and your skin will be happier.  :)

Be the client the Physicians Assistant asks what your secret is.  Don't be the person with dry, itchy, flaky skin going to the doc to seek help.

So, do yourself and your skin a favor and moisture it all the time!  Start now.  I don't care if you are 15, 25, 35, 45, 55, or 65.

Love Bubble

I describe relationships as Love Bubbles.  If you are in a relationship, you can't see in the Love Bubble (LB) and you can't see out of the LB.

It truly is like the relationship is surrounded by an invisible cloak.  The people inside the Love Bubble can't see in and can't see out.  Everyone on the outside and see clearly into the LB (i.e. the relationship).

When my friends are having relationship problems, I can see right through, and clearly through, the Love Bubble of their relationship.  I can see what is going on, why she is hurt or why he isn't happy.  They cannot see what is going on because a LB is kinda cloudy.  Their heart gets in the way of what is really happening.  And they can't see through the LB. 

Of course, a LB means I can't see my own relationship with a clear lens.  I'm sure my friends can see what is going on and what we should work on, but I can't see those things.  Love is already blind :).

It's always amazed me how clear I can see other's issues but I can't see my own.

Others are just as confused.  I will offer advice or my opinion and it seems so obvious to them.  Why didn't they see that?  Well, because you are in a Love bubble! You can't see the relationship clearly.

The other thing a Love Bubble can do is be deceiving.  It may seem like grass is greener on the other side, but then when the relationship ends, sometimes it's not.  Then again, sometimes it's ever greener.

That's why I think it's important to talk things over with either your best bud or maybe even a counselor.  Others can see what is going on if you are having problems or concerns.  They can be very helpful because they can see through the Love Bubble but we are cloudy with judgment because we are in the middle of the LB.

Confidence

Not sure why this is, but my boyfriend gives me the confidence to be myself.  I hadn't dressed up for Halloween in years, never really did anything "fun" style-wise for Christmas, but for some reason, he gives me the confidence to do things like that now.

I also haven't worn dresses in years.  Yet, I now look for dresses all the time now when I go shopping, so I can wear them when we go out.

For Halloween this past October, I found myself thinking about a fun costume.  And then for Christmas I wanted to do something fun/cool/different. 

He just makes me feel comfortable.  Makes me feel secure.  Happy.  I can be fun and funny around him.  Although I was already a very confident woman, I didn't really dress the part, lol.  But for some reason he brings out the fun-confidence, poke-fun-at-myself-confidence, and also it's-okay-to-wear-dresses-again-confidence.

For the last ten years I would never have done any of this.  They say couples complement each other, and I believe that wholeheartedly about my boyfriend.  :)

High School Skinny

I wanted to share my experiences with trying to achieve being High School Skinny (HSS) again.

If you were heavy in high school (or middle school) then I feel for you also because I know kids can be very mean and cruel.  :(  And I also know you can possibly be dramatized the rest of your life because you are consumed with trying to never go back to that very bad emotional time physically.  My Mom was this way - she was affected deeply her entire life because she was chubby as a child.  She was consumed about her weight, even when she was thin.

Then there are the skinny girls who the chubby girls can't figure out how in the world they can remain so skinny with all the crap they eat all dang day, every day!  In High School, most females are super thin.  We wear size zero jeans easily throughout the entire years, maybe growing into a size 1, or 3.  Either way, still HSS. 

We eat gobs and gobs of any type of food and never seem to gain weight.  We are like baby birds - eat all day!  And brag that we eat a lot, even junk food and fast food, with no weight gain.

Come college years, and we are less active and gain the "Freshman Fifteen" as is widely known throughout the campuses.  We gain some weight.  But - we actually look GOOD for our size (finally, we aren't a toothpick like HHS), but us women, tho, feel we look terrible and fat and unattractive.  While this isn't the start of the miserable stage, it's getting close.  And unfortunately, some women start to resort to shameful bad habits of throwing up to try to get back to HSS.  Or, most of us try to exercise.  Exercise seems to help lose a little weight, but we still aren't HSS.  And we start to obsess about it.

At about 30, our metabolism REALLY changes.  This is about the time we really, really gain more weight.  Unimaginable weight.  Sickening, keeping-ourselves-up-every-night worry weight.

This is the time in our lives that we try diet fads, try to work out, try anything to lose weight, only to feel like a failure because we can't keep up the routine.  We are fat.  And we hate it.  We hate ourselves and we are miserable.  We waste thousands and thousands of hours worrying and obsessing about our weight.  We think of our HSS-selves and wonder how to get her back.

We may work out and we may be successful at losing weight, but I am your older voice speaking to you right now:  You will never get back to HSS.  I only know about 2 out of 500 women who are back (or still) at HSS.  They either work out every single day, honestly know how to eat right and are extremely conscientious, have lucky genes, or are starving themselves (and anorexia is NOT pretty NOR HSS).

If you are the 2 in 500, God Bless You.

But if you aren't - and I'm prolly speaking to you - let me tell you right here and now to please stop the endless, wasted hours of wishing you were HSS again.  Enjoy life and be glad you are even alive.  Sure - be upset you are overweight and unhappy - but don't dwell on a fact that will never happen - being HSS again.

Trust me when I tell you it wont happen.  Trust me when I tell you to yes exercise and yes enjoy eating, but also try and learn to be happy with yourself.  Try to stop obsessing that you aren't HSS - it wont happen.  I wasted so many damn freaking time/months/years/ thinking about how thin I want to be like I used to be.

Even if you work out and eat right, you will lose unwanted weight, but you wont be HSS.

When you are close to 40 (like late 30s or so), you will finally, finally realize you wont ever be HSS.  And it's a relief!  It really is!  It's a relief to finally stop obsessing and spending so many stupid hours worrying about something that wont happen.

When you stop obsessing about becoming HSS, you actually become happier.  You aren't fighting with your own thoughts and spending countless hours upset. 

I hope you try and learn from my years of torture (yes, I call it torture) and stop obsessing and worrying about something that just wont happen.

Accept you wont be HSS.

It's okay, I promise.



(---- this timelime is based on my experience.  your timeline may be different, or you may have a had children and this timeline is all messed up.  either way, still not HSS.  sorry.  :(   ---)

Goals Versus Resolutions

Every year so many people list resolutions for the next year. I am of the opinion that resolutions aren't usually successful.  I, instead, feel strongly that Goals are the proper way to go.

Resolutions are generally habits that people will try to do every day, or habits they will try to avoid for as long as they can. Unfortunately, many resolutions are forgotten in just a couple of months (or less). 

While resolution shows a wonderful sense of positive intent, a truly believe a better alternative is to develop new goals for the future.

Even the definition between the two are pretty distinct, imo:

Resolution:

a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

Goal:

the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.

I love goals. I started to enjoy them even more after reading Dare to Win many years ago (by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen).

The key with goals is to make them realistic. I remember one year I had a goal to get Most Improved Player on a tour in the 90s. Boy, I learned my lesson! I had no control over that - someone else decided that "title" (and no, I did not win it, even though I came close).

Goals are important because they give you that something extra to strive for, to look forward to, to plan for, etc.

An important key for goals is to ensure you are specific about how to reach your goals. I don't always do this well, but as an example, if someone says, "my goal is to lose weight," the person will be more successful if they list specifically how to achieve that goal.

Goals are a better plan than resolutions for a few key reasons that I found searching the Internet:

Rigid vs. Fluid:

Resolutions seem to have the same flavor every year, like: “I will go to bed by 10pm.” “I will stop eating junk food.” “I will go to the gym five times a week.” If these are somewhat big changes, it may feel like a huge change with no buildup. Goals, however, can be tackled in steps, beginning with baby steps and increasing in difficulty as you become more accustomed to the change. This makes goals more realistic for lasting change.

Sense of Accomplishment vs. Sense of Failure:

Goals give you a direction to aspire to, but with the baby steps you may be taking toward your goal, you can still feel like you’ve accomplished something and are on the right track. Once you’ve broken a rigid resolution, however, it’s easier to feel like a failure and give up.

The Scope of the Change:

Resolutions are usually a means to a goal, but if you find a resolution too difficult to stick to, it’s usually dropped and forgotten. With goals, if you find a change too difficult to carry out, you can drop that plan, but pick a different new behavior to try that will still lead to the same end result. For example, imagine you want to get in the habit of exercising to be in better shape. You might make a resolution to go to the gym five times a week. But if you find that you just hate the gym, you probably won’t stick to your resolution, and you’ll be no closer to your goal. However, if you make ‘getting more exercise’ the goal, you may drop the gym, but switch to walking through your neighborhood each morning, and still meet your goal.

Now that you've read some of why resolutions could fail and why goals are a more realistic route, here are some tips I found for setting goals:

Think in terms of broad changes rather than specific behaviors.

For instance, resolving to “Develop A Stress Management Practice” gives more room for growth and change than “Do Yoga Every Morning”. While you’ll want to put your broad goals into specific behaviors, deciding to Develop a Stress Management Practice gives you room to experiment, and allows you to change course if you find that Yoga isn’t working for you.

Think in terms of what you’d like to add to your life, rather than what you’d like to take away.

For example, instead of making the goal to “Eat Less Unhealthy Food”, focus on trying to “Eat More Healthy Food”. You may subconsciously feel more deprived if you think of taking something away rather than adding something good, and if you replace unhealthy food in your diet with healthy food, the same goal is accomplished. Also, it’s usually easier to add a behavior than to stop a behavior.

Keep goals in the forefront of your mind. 

Keep them listed in your day-planner, have them as part of your screen saver, or post-it them in prominent places around your house for a while.

Rewards.
Reward yourself with something small for continuing to stick with it, until you make enough progress toward your goals that the progress becomes its own reward.

And remember that change doesn’t come overnight, but as you work toward developing what is important to you, the change will come, and it will be lasting. Remember this, and enjoy building the life you were meant to live!

(excerpts from About.com)

If A Man Wants You - link

This article (If a Man Wants You) was posted on FaceBook by a few friends.  The author says:  This advice was passed along to me from a counselor; it was great to hear so I wanted to share it.

I liked this so much, I'm sharing it, also.  :)  You can check out the entire article (it's not very long), but here are a few lines I like best:

• If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
• If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
• Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
• Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
• The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
• If something bothers you, speak up.
• Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
• You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within
• Never let a man define who you are.
• A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

Birds Frolicking!

These birds were frolicking one day in a little puddle they found.  They were so cute trying to bathe themselves with friends, even with cars driving by.

This intersection was located two blocks from the Heart Hospital that my Mom was in at the time.  I love the outdoors because of my Mom!

People In Our Lives to Become Who We Are Meant to Be

God doesn't give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Forgiveness

I'm learning a lot lately.

One thing I'm learning about is Forgiveness.

I honestly don't think I realized how powerful this word was, what it does, how it helps.

Sometimes I think, "How can I forgive when it hurts so much?"

But what I've recently learned is this:  In the end, we are the ones who suffer most when we choose not to forgive. 

Seriously. 

A lot of time is spent crying over being hurt, huh?  While mourning over hurt is necessary and healing in itself, I've learned that forgiveness helps:

There may well be memories we are unable to put out of our minds, but we choose not to allow them to control our attitudes and behavior in the future, even toward those who may be responsible for those memories.

Forgiveness is not excusing!

Forgiveness is not denying that the one who has caused the hurt is responsible for their actions. There is a place for making allowances for people’s behavior.

I now truly and faithfully believe in this from Mahatma Gandhi: 

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

Forgiving is not easy.  But when it can be accomplished, it really does make us stronger.  WE are taking control.  We aren't letting emotions or others ruin our spirit. 

And forgiveness HAS allowed me to grow.

I have also recently learned to forgive myself.  And it was hard!   In order to forgive oneself, it means you did something wrong.  It means I didn't like who I saw in the mirror and what I did.  I hurt for days, but then I finally forgave myself.  It was hard; difficult; it hurt.

But to forgive others means we can stop obsessing over things.  We can move on.  Take acceptance to what happened and that helps OURSELVES.  Forgiveness, while sometimes difficult to to, allows us to stop consuming ourselves with paralyzing thoughts and raw emotions that drag through our minds endlessly all the time; keep us awake all night, ruin our sleep, deprive us of having a good day.

I am actually liking forgiveness.  For whatever reason, it allows me to move past the hurt faster (which I for one will easily take!).

Wish I would have known about it sooner in life.  I probably did, just didn't realize how powerful it truly was until recently because of some things I have gone through.  Talking about forgiveness has really opened my eyes. 

Apologies

Why do people think saying "I'm Sorry" is a magic pill to stop pain and hurt?

Although saying "I'm Sorry" means more than never saying it, it still takes time to get over being hurt.

And what about when people say "I didn't mean to hurt you" or "It wasn't intentional."

While I might appreciate the reminder that no one intended to hurt me, the bottom line is I still am hurt and that doesn't go away so easily.

I don't think I've ever in my life told someone, "I didn't meant to hurt you."

The point is, I hurt them (no matter intentionally or not) and I would apologize and then feel very badly along with them, in hopes for fogiveness.

It seems to me people use that as an excuse.  "I didn't mean to hurt you, so move on."  It doesn't work that way.  It's still pain, no matter if you meant it or not. 

Others think the words "I'm sorry" means it's an indication you should be feeling better now that they've apologized. "Okay, move on now.  I've apologized, we're cool right?"

I can't judge when the pain will leave.  The words are not a magic pill.  It takes time to get over being hurt.

And every time I get hurt, it seems it takes longer to get over.