My Successful Mom

It always disappointed me when my Mom would be sad about her life, because she thought she hadn't accomplished anything.

I would look at her dismayed and in shock, and ask her, "Well what the hell am I?"

I really feel like I was a blessing in her life.  I turned out to be one hell of a woman, caring friend, loving daughter, successful, didn't get into (too much) trouble, was a great kid, went to college, etc. Yet she still wasn't proud of anything in her life.  Even when I stood in front of her, pointing to myself as proof of her own success.

Maybe she really was talking about her marriages or her work or something like that.  But she never went into detail, she was just sad about her life.

But I know she was a very successful mother who created the woman I see in the mirror every morning.

When I would ask her, "What about me?"  She would just shake your head and tell me,"Oh, you brought yourself up" in a very snappy, determined voice.

I sometimes think she really believed I somehow raised myself.

She was my world; she was my everything; and the love between us was unimaginable (still is, even after her death).

I think she felt bad that I didn't have a better upbringing.  But we don't really think about the bad times as a child in our upbringing, do we?  We just think of the good/fun times.   I loved my childhood.  I don't know why she was so worried about it for me.

My Mom was an alcoholic, but she became 20+ years sober, and should have been VERY proud of that fact, too!

She was ashamed that she got divorced in the mid '70s.  Back then, divorce was looked down upon, so that's why when she got married a second time, she stayed with my stepdad and never got out of that situation because of the shame of "another divorce" she would lament.  And although he was verbally abusive, I know that she did still love him and he loved her with all his might.

My Mom was successful in life not by the definitions of society; but by the definition of her daughter.

Fort Worth Nature Center & Refuge

Finally got to visit the Fort Worth Nature Center & Refuge!

I expected more walking trails, but I only took one trail before Lily got tired.  There are more to take in the "prairie" areas, that I will do some day without Lily, so I'm not slowed down and can explore even more!

We walked along the marsh and parts of the Trinity and it was so cool to walk the ENTIRE time with water next to us!

Here is the traditional collage:

UnGrateful Presents

I don't understand how people can share why they don't like gifts.  Well, to be fair, they didn't show non-appreciation, but they explained why they aren't going to use it or returned it to me.

While I did learn from those instances (zipper on wrong side, allergic reaction to jewelry), it still hurts me a little to hear.

And I know exactly why.

My Dad didn't hide his feelings if he didn't like gifts.  One time during Christmas he opened a box of slippers I had bought him, saw the size, got angry they wouldn't fit, and then promptly THREW them across the room!  They hit the wall, fell to the floor all abandoned.  Kinda like my heart.

If any little thing was wrong with a gift or not what he exactly wanted, he showed it, yelled about it, or whatever.  Never just said "thank you" with a smile to show appreciation.  It was all about his hurt feelings and the crappy gift he thought I gave him, even though they were all bought with thought and love.

When I receive a gift I'll never use or don't like, I don't dare say a word as I know how it feels to be on the receiving end.  I can't even fathom ever saying anything but "thank you," even if I don't understand it lol.

And I know it's all because of the way my Dad negatively reacted when he didn't "love" his gifts.

Tattoo Identification

When I turned 21-years-old I thought:  I'm old enough now, mature and smart, and I'm going to be super cool and get a tattoo!

I thought I was cool, but was actually scared to death, really.  I got a very, very small tattoo of a cloud with some rain and lightning coming out of it because I was getting a meteorology degree and was about to become a meteorologist.  That was my passion at the time and that's what I wanted inked into my skin.

I had to keep it from my Dad, as I knew he would explode.  I told my Mom - she was cool and knew everything about my anyway.

It's maybe a tad larger than the size of a quarter and I placed it in a spot on my body no one could see, even if I was a bikini.

I had it for a couple of years and I was visiting my parents and I decided to mention it to my Dad.  I was more scare of his verbal reaction than the physical pain of the tattoo.

But he surprised me.

He wanted to see it and was genuinely interested!

It was refreshing to not get bitched out, instead he was curious.  Maybe it was because he didn't have any tattoos?  Not sure, but it was cool.

After he saw it he said to me, "Glad I know now, in case I ever need to identify your body.  Or else I would have said it wasn't you."

OMG.............. lol

Weight and Happiness (article)

Hated to read she had trolls and mean people criticizing her weight/looks, but LOVE how she responds!  

Her responses could help a lot of woman/friends who are depressed over their stupid weight.  

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/blogger-had-best-response-body-205500253.html

Here are a few snips of the article:

'Wait so you just decided to RUIN your body?'
Nah, I just stopped torturing myself every day for not fitting an image I was never supposed to be.

'But you look so much healthier to me before.'
That's funny, you looked so much more intelligent to me before you equated health with weight and forgot that mental health is health too.

'You could have stayed the same and loved your body, you didn't need to get fat.'
I could have stayed the same and spiraled back into the eating disorder that almost killed me when I was 15. I could have kept starving myself and obsessively working out for hours everyday but it never would have lead me to self love. No matter how much weight I lost there was always still something to hate. And sure, people don't NEED to gain weight to find their self love, this is just what my body needed to do to match up to my mental freedom. THIS IS MY HAPPY BODY.

'But surely you can't be happy looking like that now, I could never be happy in that body.'
I didn't think I could either, but as it turns out, happiness isn't a size. And I wasted far too many years believing that it was. Now I'm not going to stop letting people know that they deserve happiness exactly as they are. They deserve to live now, not 10 pounds from now. They deserve that mental freedom. So to every person reading this: I hope you get your freedom too, however it might look. I'll be cheering you on every step of the way."

Crabbe, who has long been an advocate for both mental and overall health, said that she wrote the responses to address certain negative comments she received on her photos. She also told BuzzFeed that she was inspired to write the post to highlight how important it is to include mental health in discussions of overall health.

"Most people would see the 'before' me — thinner, more toned — and assume that I was far healthier, when in reality I was utterly obsessed with losing weight and slipping back into an eating disorder that nearly killed me when I was 15," she said. "That level of obsession and self-hatred could never be healthy, no matter how it looks."

Most of all, she said, she wanted to combat the idea that "thin equals happy." While negative comments like the ones she addressed are proof that we still have a ways to go when it comes to fighting body-shaming, it's activists like her who are leading the way for us all.

Warren Buffett Documentary

This documentary on HBO about Warren Buffett was truly awe-inspiring.   I want to watch it a couple of more times to gather all the great wisdom he shared, to keep some of those quotes around me.  Plus, he's a gem and one many can learn from.

http://www.hbo.com/documentaries/becoming-warren-buffett/synopsis/about.html

I Hate Cruel Meme's

People think these things are funny and post them all the time on Facebook and other places.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/woman-speaks-becoming-meme-180355929.html

In the article above, the woman explains why she was using a cart and why she fell, and then also recalls seeing a flash and hearing girls laughing at her.

I am appalled by these things.

You see me, this could be a photo of my Dad.  My Dad was a big man and he used a cart, too.  He wasn't ashamed of either one of those things btw, and neither was I.  I would walk beside him - he was my Dad!

My Mom had to use a cart also because she was frail and weak and had to be on oxygen,

I think making fun of people like this is a horrible thing.  We all have friends or relatives how aren't fit and healthy.  They are human and have feelings, too.

Here's another article about the person in the meme feels:   :(

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/12/14/woman-mocked-rare-condition-cruel-meme-facebook-speaks-online/

Bicentennial Park, Jan 2017

After checking the forecast last weekend I noticed that Wednesday would be the best day for me to take a great walk with my lovely dog, Lily.

I left work a little early and even though I was going to take her to the Trinity River Trails, my car veered towards Bicentennial Park instead. And I was glad I did.

Because it was so windy out I thought it would be a good chance to check out the Frisbee Golf Course that's at Bicentennial Park. I haven't had a chance to check it out yet because there's usually too many people out there playing frisbee golf. So today I thought was our day to see just how far back the course went.

However there were many other people out there with their dogs as well and so instead of going along the course, I decided to check out the dirt road again.

And boy is it a dirt road!  Last time I was here in December I even saw a guy on a dirt bike in this particular area, like a motocross bike.  

This time there was no one around though and Lily and I were able to walk further and further and further. There was some muddy areas, but it was all along a beautiful flowing creek.  And it was also a great, sunny day.  Even for January the temperature was hovering around 80 degrees.

Here's my traditional collage of this great, beautiful, just what I needed, walk in nature.

Article on Getting Rich in 2017

5 things to do in 2017 if you want to get rich, from a man who studies millionaires.

From this article:  http://finance.yahoo.com/news/5-things-2017-want-rich-165310375.html

1. Have more money automatically transferred into savings (been doing this for over 20 years)
2. Build a relationship with one successful person (completed)
3. Devote 20 minutes a day to developing a new skill (a day??  I can barely do this a couple of times a year)
4. Adopt a "frugal mindset" (been doing this more and more)
5. Track every penny you spend for 30 days (hmmm..... )

Gives me a couple of things to think about and consider.

I wonder if millionaires do all the above?

What a Clean House Means to Me

I've noticed the last few months my personality has changed.  It's due to several things, so can't really pinpoint it to one reason.

But here is one part I've noticed a major change (which I like):

Although I live alone and hardly have any visitors, it's very easy for me to never pick up around the house until I /do/ get a visitor.

But lately I have noticed I want my house looking better all the time.  I don't want crap on the counters or table until someone comes to visit.  I prefer to even have my closet cleaned up right away.

It seems my procrastination part of my personality has definitely changed along with this.  Instead of putting off picking up, I actually WANT to clean up and have my house looking less cluttered and "spacious" all the time.

I recall reading this article a while back about how when we are depressed we tend to be "messier" and when we aren't depressed we tend to clean more and keep things nice around the house.  The article is spot on.

Hell, even with ourselves.  Depressed people barely shower and put off washing our hair, doing laundry, etc for as long as we can.

I do wonder if part of me wanting the house less cluttered is because I have more time on my hands.  I am not spending time out drinking, not spending time hungover, and so I honestly have more free time.

Also, when coming home drunk, you kinda spew your clothes everywhere in your room and closet.  Shoes are in one area, sock another, shirt and jeans lay on the floor from some weird path you wobbled along.  And then the next day or later that day you feel too badly to even think of bending over and picking things up.

Several days in a week or a couple of weeks and the areas on the floors just get piled up with things.

I hate to even write this out, but I know I'm not the only one.

So, I am thinking that the cleaner, less cluttered, picked-up house is my visual progress of my changing ways.  I have more energy and time and I love having the house not just visitor-ready, but ME ready.  I definitely feel happier and even more at peace looking around at a less-cluttered house I adore living in.

Verbal Abuse Memory Trigger

Tough watching "Evil Lives Here" last night on the ID channel.  A guy was explaining when he would get beat by his Dad as a child - usually over very small, miniscule infractions.

Reminded me very strongly all the times my Dad would lay into me.  My Mom and I were verbally abused so much and so loudly, that my neighbors could hear the damage to our souls all the way from our house to theirs.  My neighbor told me once she thought that one day they would eventually hear no noise or sounds... and would need to call the cops.

Luckily that never happened.

One time my Dad laid into me because a fork wasn't completely dry when I put it in the silverware drawer after drying the dishes.  I used a towel to dry it, but it was still a little wet and he didn't like that at all.

I remember arriving to high school in tears one morning. My teacher asked me what was going on as she hugged me.  She was older with white hair, and a limp prolly from a hip injury.  I bawled telling her I get yelled at all the time and forced to stay awake at all hours because I had to listen to my Dad yelling at me for hours on end.

She told me to just hang in there - I only had about a year and a half left of high school and then I'd be on my way to college.

Little did I know this yelling and verbal abuse would continue off and on until my mid 30s.

I survived, though, and so did my Mom.  The wounds and words and memories are still fresh sometimes though.  As in the case of the reminder from the tv show, or in some nightmares about 3 times a year.

Loving Your Job (or not)

One morning about ten years ago, I was driving to work and talking to a friend on my cell phone.

I told her, "Man, I can't wait to get to work.  I have a lot of great things I'm working on and really love my job."

She replied, "Hmmm.... you know what?  I need to get a new job.  Here you are can't wait to get to work, and I am over here trying to come up another excuse I can use to call in sick."

It was a defining moment for both of us.

I realized just how much I am blessed to love my job (how many people can say that, really?) and it made her realize she needed to do something about her job situation.

And she did.

Within 3 months she found herself a work-from-home job that she adored so much more!  She had freedom and still got paid well for what she enjoyed doing.

I know I am one of the few lucky ones in life to love their job.  That's why I don't take for granted to recognize how blessed I truly am to have a job (I still to this day) love to come in to work to.

New Life Motto?

I always thought life was a journey... I beautiful journey, actually.

I heard a day or so ago, "life is an adventure."

I like that even better!

Adventurous journey!

#newmotto

‘Shark Tank’ investor Daymond John reveals the book he's read 20 times

Another short read.  Recommended book by Shark Tank investor.  He's read it over 20 times.

Here is the link:

http://www.cnbc.com/2016/11/03/shark-tank-investor-daymond-john-reveals-the-book-hes-read-20-times.html

Here is the copy and paste in case the link goes away down the road:

Daymond John, the founder of the $6 billion hip-hop culture clothing line Fubu and star in the hit ABC show "Shark Tank," grew up in Hollis, Queens, where there weren't lots of models of entrepreneurs for him to look up to. 

"We never got to see the heroes. We saw pimps and drug dealers," says John, speaking at Forefront, the first large-scale live event of the I Will Teach You to Be Rich community in New York City.

And those who did get ahead were those who got an education, got a job in a company or factory, and worked hard for somebody else, day in and day out.

"You weren't supposed to work on your dream, you were supposed to work on [your employer's] dream. And hopefully if they succeeded in their dream they would then reward you," says John.

The first individual John saw that broke that mold was Russell Simmons, who was traveling the world selling hip-hop. "How could you actually make money doing something you love?"

Inspired, John educated himself. He read the classic guide to business Think and Grow Rich, written in 1937 by Napoleon Hill. 

"The first book I ever read in my life: Think and Grow Rich. I have read it 20 times since then," says John.

Hill was inspired to write the book by a challenge set forth by the business magnate Andrew Carnegie to analyze the paths to fortune by more than 500 wealthy businessmen, including the Henry Ford and John D. Rockefeller, and document their paths to success. 

The secret is fearless, all-consuming determination and faith in yourself, a message that would sound hopeful to a kid from Queens with low funds and big dreams. 

"If the thing you wish to do is right, and you believe in it, go ahead and do it! Put your dream across, and never mind what 'they' say if you meet with temporary defeat, for 'they,' perhaps, do not know that EVERY FAILURE BRINGS WITH IT THE SEED OF AN EQUIVALENT SUCCESS," writes Hill.

Not only did John take this advice, he now distributes it widely and with his own brand of inspiration.

"You either think like a shark or you don't. There is no difference with you or I. You have to understand that. Think about it," says John. 

"If you think that anything can hold you back, well, I am dyslexic. Some people would [say] that being African American is a challenge. I am short. I got left back in school. I didn't go to college. I don't know anybody with a famous last name. I am not a relic of anybody with a famous last name. I could call Elton John and tell him I am his son, but he probably wouldn't believe me. ... I can't sing rap, I can't shoot a basketball, can't play basketball, or whatever you do with a basketball," says John. All the same: "I am here with you." basketball," says John. All the same: "I am here with you."

What Gum in the Trash Taught Me

When I was in my mid 20s I was at work one day and I had a piece of gum in my mouth.  It got old and needed to be rid of. 

I looked around try to find something to put it in - piece of paper or tissue.  I finally found a little piece paper, lifted it up towards my mouth, put the gun into the paper, and quietly threw it into the trash can.

I didn't know it, but a coworker was watching me.

After I disposed of the gum in the trash can folded up in the paper, she says to me very seriously, "I sure wish my kids knew to do that."  

I thought for a moment and then explained, "well, I know to do this because I live on my own now."

I had learned the hard way having to throw away my own trash now from my cute little apartment (at the time) that it's much easier to throw away your trash without gum being stuck to the bottom of a trash can.   And, it made sense why my Mom always stressed for me to do that, lol.

So I told her that it's really real-life experience why I do this.  Her kids will get "it" about the gum (and other things) when they move out of their own as well.  

PepsiCo CEO says this one skill was crucial to her success

I love leadership articles, especially short and effective ones.

Here is what the CEO of PepsiCo says of this one skill that was crucial to her success: http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/23/pepsico-ceo-says-this-one-skill-was-crucial-to-her-success.html

It will take one whole minute to read the article - I loved what she said, and it made me think about my "hip pocket skill."

Oh, and, in case the link breaks a year down the road, let me paste it here:

Indra Nooyi, CEO at PepsiCo, has a reputation. And it's helped her become one of the most powerful women in business.

"Interestingly, over my entire career what I've been known for is making simple the complex, whatever the issue is," Nooyi tells LinkedIn Executive Editor Daniel Roth.

As Nooyi's colleagues always say, "If you give it to Indra, it will get addressed."

To get ahead, it helps to have a "hip-pocket skill," something you're known for being great at and can develop even further, according to the CEO. Something akin to what CEO John Nesheim dubbed your "unfair advantage."

For example, when PepsiCo was working with Quaker Oats, the company had to go through a complicated process with the Federal Trade Commission. The company's lawyers were handling it, but Pepsico's leadership team wanted to better understand what was going on. So they put Nooyi on the job.

"I went to school on the FTC process," she says. "I became a student, and now I could explain, in very simple terms, what needed to be done."

The CEO recommends professionals find a specific talent they have and hone it.

Your "hip-pocket" skill could be excellent communication,an ability to be a team player or a facility for learning new things. As long as it's truly useful and relatively rare, it will serve you well.

Caring for the Caregiver

I wanted to write about this, then came across this article that is too true.  Instead of reinventing the wheel, paying it forward and pasting it here:

Bottom line is, in order to take care of others, you must take care of yourself, too.  We often forget that.  DON'T.

I was blessed my Mom knew this.    

Caring for the Caregiver

Caring for an ailing spouse or elder can be satisfying but difficult work. It involves not only the task of doing, but the task of coping, figuring out creative solutions and working to keep your head above water. The needs of the caregiver often get neglected. But the more neglected the caregiver feels, the less effective he or she may be.

How Can You Help Yourself?

Recognize your feelings.

At some point, most caregivers feel helpless, angry, resentful and then guilty for having these negative feelings. Caregivers may feel angry that other members of the family don't help out enough, don't visit or are critical. While it's natural to have these feelings, it's also important not to keep them bottled up inside. Talk about these feelings with others in your family and support network.

Use support services.

Start looking into support services before you need help. If you can develop a plan before your situation becomes a crisis, you'll have a clearer head to evaluate your options. Investigate adult day care programs, which often include therapy, activities, meals and health care. Use in-home help services, including nursing care and personal care services. Most communities have meals-on-wheels programs for older and ill individuals. Call social service agencies, home health agencies, home care agencies and transportation systems for referrals.

Accept help from others.

Considering the time commitment involved in taking care of an ailing partner, parent or relative, it's easy to see why many caregivers feel isolated. Not only is it difficult to carve out time to continue pursuing hobbies and activities, but friends and families tend to shy away, either out of fear of being asked to help or simply from a lack of understanding about the disease. Take the time to explain your situation and needs to those close to you. They will be more receptive to helping, if they can. If friends or family members want to help, accept their offers. Join a support group where you can share experiences with other caregivers.

Nourish yourself.

You don't have to leave your house to do something for yourself. Read a book or watch a favorite video or DVD. Ask a friend or neighbor to come to your house so you can get out for a while, not just to do errands but to go window shopping or to take a walk in the park. Ask yourself what you need in order to take care of yourself. Do you need a support group? In-home help? Respite care? A counselor to help you sort out and understand your situation? Remember, one of the best things you can do for the person you care for is to take good care of yourself.

Hoarder Reasons

I'm not really that much of a hoarder any more, but I used to be.

Don't worry, I'm not even close to needing the inspection police to be called on me NOR to be showcased on the tv show, Hoarders.  lol

But I do tend to over-buy on certain things.

I have a tone of the same hair cream/mousse, a small army of those small bottles of baby powder, a whole drawer filled with the same style socks, a whole row of the same hair clips, several of the same types of slippers, numerous styles of a certain sweater (just dif colors), boatloads of my favorite flavor of tictacs, half dozen boxes of the same chili mix, etc.

I wondered the other day, WHY?  Why am I like this?

It all bowls down to three instances in my life.

When I was a child (yep, a child story), I recall vividly going to the BX (that was the grocery store for people of military families), and my Mom put about 20 boxes of Kraft mac and cheese into the cart.

I asked her in my child, loud, inquisitive voice, "Mom, what are you doing, why are we getting so many?"  And she grabbed my arm and told me to "SHHHHhhhh!"  I embarrassed her.  I didn't realize at the time because of the impending divorce, we would never be able to buy cheap mac and cheese again.  She looked around the aisle at the other wives/mothers and was so embarrassed I asked such a question.

Then in my lower 20s, I had these pair of sandals that I loved.  One of the few pairs of sandals that didn't give me blisters.  And they were cute too!  People I didn't know would literally stop me in stores to talk about my sandals.

Well, after a couple of years the strap broke and I went to buy another pair of the same sandals at the same store.

WHAT?  I had no idea that eventually the brand would stop making them.  I was very naive.  I was also very shocked.  I LOVED those sandals.

And I have yet, to this day, found a pair of sandals that do not give my blisters or fit perfect or look as adorable.

The third effect on my hoarding has to do with kitty litter.

One day while at Sam'sClub (bulk store), they ran out of my normal cat litter and so I grabbed a different that was only available.  It was made by Sam'sClub/Walmart actually, Members Mark.  Well shit (pardon the pun) if it didn't turn out to be THE best cat litter I had ever bought in my life!  You couldn't smell the litter or the cat droppings.  It clumped well and had a decent smell to it, all the while you could not even smell/tell I had a cat in the house.  It was truly the best cat litter I had ever bought and I had tried many dif kinds.

So one day Sam's is out of the litter.  Being the person I am, I go to another Sam's.  They have it; I bought 2.

A few months later, go to that Sam's.  They are out now.  WTF...

You can see where this is going....  THEY DISCONTINUED MAKING IT.

OMG... I called other Sam's stores to see who had any left in stock (none anymore).  I also called and wrote emails to Sam's to beg them to bring it back.  No such luck.

So, those instances have led me to actually be very afraid of things going away, discontinued, no longer available... so it makes me hoard things I adore and/or think I could never live without again. Tough habit to break, actually, lol.

Southwest Social Media Learning Exp (article)

Best quote of the article:

“Customer service is a spectator sport now. The key here is the hundreds of thousands of people who saw how (Southwest) interacted on social media,” he said. “There are definitely some customers who are lost causes and social can't fix everything. But for those who are on the fence, it’s a huge impact.”

What businesses can learn from Southwest's social media response during its tech outage:

>http://www.dallasnews.com/business/southwest-airlines/2016/08/05/businesses-can-learn-southwests-social-media-response-tech-outage

Speaking of Sounds

I just wrote about sounds, and speaking of sounds...

Lately I've been video taping my dog Lily doing silly stuff.  And when I play back the video to check her out, I can sometimes hear my Mom's laugh on the video!

I guess at times when I laugh a certain way, my laugh sounds just like her laugh.

I had no idea :)

Here she is being funny! (even under the circumstances of no rooms available and they gave us a spot in the hallway of the hospital)

Oh how I miss her.  (love and smiles)