Delicate Mushroom

This huge mushroom was one of many splattered in my back yard.

I love how it's legs can't even be seen because it's growing beautifully and strong towards the sun.

The crisp blades of green grass seem to hold up the head, or are they caressing it gently like holding a baby carefully, not allowing it to touch the ground?

Although the sun has caused some damage to it's skin where you can see peeling, just like on a human:  the scars create a unique design and make this mushroom one-of-a-kind.

The mushroom is a palette of whites and browns, blended perfectly by God.

The goosebumps on the edges are scattered like small hairs on an arm.

One would never realize even studying the photo that it's actually a spongey-feeling if one was to risk interrupting the beauty to touch it.

The very top of the mushroom is like a separate mountain peaking out to say hello and thrive.  "Let me see, too!" it's suggesting.... as it also faces the warmth of the sun's rays.

Social Media Creates Pain

I am really seeing and deeply feeling how social media has helped develop non-personal connections.

No longer do we pick up the phone, call, or text someone when they are in need.  Instead, we just post on Facebook and think it's great and enough.

For those who have no one, you'd think FB would actually allow more connections.  However, all it really does is make one realize just how alone we really are in this big world.

August 2017 - It's Different

I normally abhor and try to avoid the month of August. It's the month of my Mom's Birthday and also her Deathversary. She was my everything, and I hers. This is the first time in 6 years (yes, seriously) that I am not dreading the month. I am finally in a decent place with my heart and soul that has peace and happiness. It doesn't mean I don't think of her or don't miss her, it means I have finally moved over the very tall, tough grief mountain. Often the last few months people have mentioned they haven't seen me this happy in a very long time. Makes me smile that it's noticeable. :) Because... I do finally feel it again; and it feels good. You see, when one is depressed and sad and grieving for so long, it's actually kinda scary and uncomfortable to be happy again. It feels so weird to even smile or laugh because we aren't used to that - because we've been depressed for so long, showing happiness is actually out of our comfort zone. So, to finally feel peace and be able to express through my life the blessings upon me, I am very grateful for.

I Love You, Mom!

Dallas Arboretum Visit

After living in DFW for 17 years, I finally visited the Dallas Arboretum!  I already can't wait to go back in the winter for their highly-recommended holiday light displays!

My friend Amanda and I went and I have to say I'm so glad I went with a friend who loved the scenery as much as I did!  And she would see things I didn't even notice, which was a joy to view her perspectives.

Here we are - took us about 1 minute to pose for a selfie as soon as we walked through the gates, because the row of amazingly beautiful pink flowers stopped us in our tracks:

Needed many collages from the Dallas Arboretum, WOW!   I couldn't possibly choose just 6 photos for one collage, because there were a TON of great shots from the beautiful gardens.   I'm speechless honestly.  But, here is a fun one first, that makes me smile and laugh! "Selfie with a frog!"

I could have done these themed collages, EASILY:  Single flowers, plants, statues, flower beds, colors, insects, waterfalls, ponds, benches, etc.

Instead, here are two collages I created among the 100 photos I prolly took with my camera, lol:

Seriously stunning!!

Going to the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens this year, too, with Amanda.  Can't wait for another amazing memory-maker of beautiful colors and flowers and scenery!


(click any photo to enlarge)

Just in Time Versus Just in Case

I found myself less interested in Dr. Oz's magazines for some reason lately but I like to read helpful articles, so I went to my stash of Oprah Winfrey magazines I hadn't yet touched, and just, well, grabbed one out the fifty or so on the shelf.

(Oh the funny irony of finding this article among hoarding these magazines lol)

One of the first articles I read in that magazine from 2004 had to do with this:

There are two ways of going through life: Gather everything in sight, just in case you need it. Or, trust that you'll find exactly what you need, just in time. Guess which one lets you really stop and smell the roses?

I wasn't that intrigued by the preface, but as I read along, it turns out Martha Beck learned a lot from Toyota.

Just after the first paragraph....

"Shortly after World War II, executives at Japan's Toyota Motor Company made a decision from which, I believe, we all can benefit. They decided to make cars the way they'd make, say, sushi. Unlike most manufacturers, which bought and stored massive stockpiles of supplies, Toyota began ordering just enough parts to keep their lines moving, just when those parts were needed. This made them spectacularly productive, and turned the phrase "just in time" into business legend."

...I was intrigued and couldn't wait to read more.

And I'm glad I didn't stop!

Just in Time versus Just in Case can be applied to businesses, home life, eating, love life (or like life), money, etc.

About so many aspects of our lives!

And, just in time personally for me.

I got a lot out of it.  Hope others will, also.

Read the entire article here: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/martha-becks-strategy-to-lower-stress-and-improve-your-life

Throw Back Thursday - Gift from My Mom

You would think the best gift my Mom gave me was life.  But in reality, it was about death.

I hope this blog post from August 2012 helps at least one person:

Gift from My Mom

Did You See?

Been walking at a lot of new parks this year.  I set a goal to walk in a new park at least once a month and I have way surpassed that! 

Well, received some feedback about my last poem, so wrote this yesterday about my walks:


Did You See?

Did you see the intricate spider web?
Or just the normal, pretty flower bed?

Did you see the small white flower catch your eye?
Or did the larger purple one push it aside?

Did you hear the bird trying to sing for your attention?
Or did you not even notice the distinction?

Did you see the clouds staring down at you?
Or only when the sun broke through?

Did you see the beautiful shades of blue in the sky?
Or did you not look up, your mind was occupied?

Did you see the path?  Dirt, gravel, or grass?
Or did you just walk by and simply pass?

Did you see the complex shape of that rock?
Or did you not stop and just kept your walk?

Did you not see all the amazing different colors?
Or did you not even realize your heart flutters?

Did you feel the breeze on your face? 
Or just not realize its’ grace?

Did you see the colors, the beauty?
Or did you just not really study?

Did you See. Look. Watch. Feel. Hear?
All that nature was trying to really reveal?

It’s more than colors.  More than things.
Nature is a feeling, riding high on our wings.
Beautiful flowers that it brings.
Animals that explore like kings.
Pretty colorful birds that sing.
Lovely tree branches that swing.
Crisp and clear meandering springs.
Filling our heart and mind with nature’s everything’s.

How You Were Raised

I beleive one of the reasons why I'm so responsible is because of how I was raised.

Yes, going back to that all-important philosophy how you were raised impacts you as an adult.

Growing up on Saturday mornings, if my parents and I were not out camping, I was helping them do yard work or things around the house.  It has helped me become the person I am today.  And I really like this person! 

I love doing yard work. I love getting things done around the house. I can do a lot of things on my own.  All because that's what my parents taught me.  I can put together a bookcase, install a new light fixture, do all the yard work myself, work on things around the house.  Etc.

The difference is I like to do it all.

A friend of mine dated a guy who didn't do anything unless asked.  He didn't do the laundry on his own, he didn't do the dishes if he saw them piling up, he wouldn't put things away.  He wouldn't even help her bring in the groceries when he saw her walking into the house with her arms full of bags.  And in my opinion, this is just the way he was raised.  I would find out later that all his brothers are the exact same non-assertive way.

I remember the days as a teenager kicking and screaming being dragged to Home Depot by my Dad.  Now, I'm thankful, tho, as I can find just about anything on any aisle because of all those tantrum Saturdays.  lol.

Even in my lower 20s, I had an ex that didn't understand why I couldn't tell my parents no, and instead go to a movie with him one Saturday morning.  Little did he know, why I became so much more responsible than him.

Being independent and self-sufficient is one thing, but truly enjoying being productive is a pretty cool character to have.

For instance, a couple of months ago I met up with a friend who works on homes and we talked about things I wanted done around the house.  As we walked through the house together, he asked me about things and we would add them to the list.  Like, new light fixtures, installing a new back door, adding window film art, replacing rotting wooden fence posts with metal posts, fixing some of the cracks on the back patio, etc.

We didn't set a deadline, so I noticed on my open Saturdays I started to do some of the things on my own, lol, that was on the list for him to work on.  Sure, I let him install the new back door and easily let him put in new metal fence posts, but I just wasn't the type of person to sit around and not do some of the things on the list myself.

For instance, I removed the large and obtuse florescent lights and their containers from my living room ceiling, then added a new, cool light fixture:

My friends were like, really?  Yea, really.  And the handy man was just as confused as he was impressed I was doing things on my own.

I also installed the window film art, and I am going to paint the walls myself.

Some people seem to be shocked when I do things on my own.  But to me it's a direct attribution to how I was raised and how grateful I am of the woman I've grown into. 

Beautiful upbringing and blessed for sure.

Village Creek Historical Park

Hopefully you all aren't getting tired of these collages.  Because today's quite amazing walk is brought to you by me, "The Nature Whisperer."  :)  The armadillo didn't run away, the absolutely​ beautiful and friendly butterfly who said hello to me for awhile, the turtles and squirrels who aren't even in the pics, and the stunning scenery under God's beautiful sky.  Another new park, another wonderful memory-making walk.

It's so cool there are so many sweet parks to walk in just in the Dallas Fort Worth area.  And I've barely even started!

Tandy Hills Natural Area

Another new walking spot!  Got a tad lost, lol, as trails aren't marked.  But got back to my car, right as the large rain drops started to fall on Wednesday.  Perfect timing!

To be honest, I was nervous I had to park on a residential street to walk in this area.  No parking area at all.  Too bad, too - this place has great trails and is pretty, even though I really did get lost because the trails aren't marked well at all.

I hope to go back some day.  Maybe on a weekend when more people are out.  This day I was the sole hiker - a tad intimidating because at that point you *hope* you really are alone so no one messes with you.

Tandy Hills Natural Area, Fort Worth, Texas.  Nestled between Interstate 30 and a residential area.  Hidden.  Good spot!

Throw Back Thursday - Life Through My Eyes

I like re-reading some of my past blog posts because they help my current thoughts and feelings.

I had an idea to start to share some of them every once in while via the "Throw Back Thursday" (TBT) theme that is utilized a lot on social media.

Today I'd like to share an uplifting piece I wrote about back in 2012:

Life Through My Eyes

I've been through some really tough times, but I don't view them as "bad" things.

Not Even Interested in Looking

Life has many different paths...
Some come with aftermaths

The memories at times stored...
Because too hurtful i was ignored.

Holidays i fear...
No warm words do i hear

You might think it was your body or eyes...
Instead it was how you are so wise

I know this much to be true...
No eyes for anyone but you

Still adore you too much...
It's almost like a crutch

I don't seek, look, or care...
About anyone else out there

Heart still thinks about you...
So no one else will do

They say the next...
Should be better than the ex

That's going to be tough to beat...
You're too much of a treat

Intelligent, deep soul, artist, funny...
Mentor, best friend, gambler, sexy

Your words, that deep voice...
Fluttered my heart, no choice

I learned so much...
My mind was touched

Like no one ever before...
Influenced me to the core

Your advice, words, and thoughts...
Those are missed... lots

Just know you're​ missed, and why...
And that's why sometimes I still cry.

Vivid Nightmare

I can't recall if I've ever woken up from a nightmare wailing before.

I've had nightmares.  Woken up scared.  Woken up shaken.  Maybe cried a little bit from the nightmare?

But not wailing like last night.

My dog (Lily) immediately woke up and came to my rescue.  She didn't leave my side for the rest of the night.

I remember I kept saying in my nightmare, "please let me wake up, don't let this be real!"

Took a while, but finally did wake up.  Upset and wailing.

Brutal.

So glad Lily was there to help calm me down.

That Time I Said No

There are things we may reflect on in our past that make us wonder sometimes, how would my life be different if....?  

Because I am am alcoholic, I presume I have an addictive personality.  Whether that is incorrect thinking or not, I can tell by the way I shop, sometimes hoard, my routines, etc that I personally think I do have somewhat of an addictive personality.

Flash back 30+ years ago, sitting in class in middle school.

The boy I had a crush on sat behind me in an afternoon class.  I don't remember what the class was, but it was held in the typing classroom and so we all had a typewriter on our desk.

One day, he gets my attention and asks me if I want to try something.  I turned around without making eye contact, shy, giggling, and blushing that he was even talking to me.  He stuck out his tongue slowly and I saw a thin pink sliver of something on his tongue.  I told him, "no," and quickly turned away because my social skills towards a crush had not yet developed into smoothness lol.

I said "no" even though I did not know what it was, even though it looked like candy, and even though I had a crush on him.

I truly believe that the ramifications had I said "yes" to my crush would have propelled me on a different path in life.  Especially since I have an addictive personality.

I have yet to do drugs.  And I think had I tried that pink strip of acid (I would find out years later that's what it prolly was), I wouldn't be sitting here even typing these words out.  I may not even be alive, truth be told.

Collage Twist

When I go to a new place, I like to make a collage of the best photos I took along my venture (usually walking in parks).

I do this because a friend of mine went somewhere and made a collage of his fave photos and it was so much MORE awesome to see ONE photo that captured his fave photos.  Much better than when people post on Facebook all 20-50 photos they took.  Ugh.  I don't even have enough signal to look through all their pics, lol.  So, I learned from my friend that a collage is a great way for me to showcase a few photos and still get the flavor across, instead of posting an entire album lol.

I have been visiting a few of the same parks lately only because some are close to home.  I want to visit more and more new ones, but sometimes I can't do that adventuring during the week after work due to time constraints. 

I still find really awesome things to take pics of, tho!  But, instead of posting the same river, or same trail, I noticed the other day that sometimes themes show themselves.

Here are two:

Beautiful flowers I came across while walking at Rocky Creek Park and the different humans I saw being busy in the great weather along the Trinity River (both located in Fort Worth, Texas):

Made Fun of as a Child

I think sometimes, only very fleeting I admit, about the times I was made fun of as a child.  I wasn't bullied, but I was made fun of about certain things on my body.

The shape of my nose was one thing.  "Who would ever go out with her, have you seen her nose?"  I overheard a girl say about me in elementary school.

I didn't wear dresses and was a Tomboy and many people thought I was a boy, not a girl.  It didn't bother me too much - I wasn't a frilly little girl anyway.

My hair was another thing.  The neighborhood kids made fun of my hair because I didn't comb it that often during my elementary school years, and it had tangles in it.

As a female, though, it was very detrimental to my self esteem, and caused me to not understand a lot of my decisions growing up, when boys would comment about my chest size.  I used to be a very, very small A - I couldn't even fill a size A teen bra.   

I heard more than I cared to about it, how small chested I was.  I was made fun of.  The "Hope Chest" jokes were their favorite.  But the, "did you hear about the joke where the girls tits falling off?  Oh, I see you already know about that...."  I can remember exactly where I was standing in middle school when I felt sickened to my stomach when some kid told me that.

I was told wading in a pool looking over at my crush (I was a YMCA Camp Counselor) that he didn't like me because I didn't have boobs.

Continuous blow to my self esteem.

Children can be cruel.  But even as adults, a b/f in my lower 20s told me he wished I could move of my tummy to my chest.  I was mortified.  Who says such hurtful things?  I weighed prolly 120 pounds and I didn't even have a tummy back then, lol.  I, of course, realize even in our 20s we are all very immature, but still.  Incomprehensible.

It was already so difficult to find things to wear that looked decent or I felt comfy in because I was so small on top.  And because I became so self conscious, I always, ALWAYS hid myself with big shirts covering any bathing suit I might actually wear.

But, I didn't really think about the cruel words too much, luckily, after my 20s.  My self esteem is through the roof now and even in my mid 40s, I really love how I look (how many woman can say that?). 

But it's amazing that some kids ARE bullied so much they want to harm themselves.  While the hurtful things were tough and affected my self esteem, it's absolutely NOTHING compared to some of the abuse kids do to others.

I actually feel rather lucky.  I can't imagine what some kids go through. 

My abuse was a blip on the path of life.  Some kids are bullied so much they don't want to live.  :(

Accept Your Uniqueness

I had a very eye opening moment with one of my doctors last Fall.

As a matter of fact, it's help me accept my scars or things we may not like about ourselves.  What he said had a huge impact on the way I think about things I fretted about myself.

I was trying to express to my doctor I didn't like something on my eyelid; and how much it bothered me.

He chuckled to himself and then looked right at me and said, "Do you see the indention on my nose?"

I said, "no."

He said, "Look again."

My eyes then ventured to the tip of his nose.  And sure enough there's a little indention at the end of his nose.  As I looked at it longer, it looked as though a small chunk had been cut out.

It was currently staring right me, yet I hadn't seen it the last 4 times I had visited him in his office, lol.

And he shares. "It's funny what people actually see.  And what we think people are looking at or not."

It was a huge help for my little scars/imperfections that prolly no one else even notices.  As a matter of fact, after his wisdom, I didn't even have my eyelid "worked" on.

As a matter of fact, it reminded me that my scars and imperfections are actually a reflection of who I am, and what makes me very unique  :)

Z Bonz Dog Park

My new fave place!  Such beautiful surroundings!  And hills, great hills for a great, tough walk!

Took Lily today, on Father's Day.

Her and I walked along the trails first, then I took her to the dog park part.  It was too humid and she got too tired to care about the dog park after the walk lol.

The hills are amazing here, and it's so pretty and soothing.  With the weather getting warmer, gonna have to come without Lily, so I can walk longer, further, explore more of the park.  (Sorry Lily!)

Treatment

Even if it feels like it....

Rich Colors

I find it very intriguing how my thoughts about colors have transitioned through my lifetime.

For instance, even as late as my mid 30s, I thought a champagne-colored car was the best looking car out there!  I thought it felt and looked and implied a rich look or feel.  You know, gold or champagne even implies rich.  Now course, I would never buy a champagne-colored car.

I also find it interesting that in my low to mid twenties, I always yearned for dark wood furniture and thought it was the bomb. I thought it had that "rich" look to it.

I think I forked over about $1,000 on my credit card in my late 20s to buy this really pretty, large credenza with lots of shelves and drawers.  Yep, all because it was dark cherry.  It didn't match one single thing in any room (of course) of my rent house back then in Florida, so I put it in one of the spare bedrooms.  I pretty much just used it as a bookshelf, not really what it was probably intended for.

But it was pretty useful and clever as it had lots of nooks and crannies and shelves and drawers. I actually really adored it.  Until I noticed all the dust.  I didn't even think about how the dark wood would advertise dust so much easier, lol.  How would I know?  I never owned cherry-wood furniture before in my life.

I noticed my light-colored furniture, you could not see the dust as much. And I didn't have to clean it as often; even though I probably should have, lol.  Hey I was young!

In my current house (of a woman in her mid 40s), all my furniture is light-colored.  And I'm even transitioning over to white-colored wood furniture when I have the opportunity.  Those colors seem to open the house up more, like rays of sunshine.  To me, light-colored wood and white colors have a very calming, pretty, open, peaceful "feel" to it.  Which is the exact definition of rich to me now.  Ironic, huh?

Peace is now my definition of "rich."  Not rich with money, but rich in life.

Still, it's pretty interesting how the colors in our lives change as we grow up.

(and yes, I currently own a white car!)