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Monday, August 25, 2008

Thank you Madonna

My Dad didn't like Madonna too much, but I sang my little heart out in my car or in my room when I was in my teens and 20s to her uppity, very popular songs. I enjoy Madonna's music; I'm not afraid to admit it, either!

Someone who I cared about hurt me. So, when I practiced this past week and weekend with my ipod, and when I did yard work with my ipod, I decided to listen to Madonna's Immaculate Collection, instead of my usual pool playlists. My playlists are too tough to listen to right now. Too "raw" (which is usually a word people use to explain that not enough time has passed).

Thank you, Madonna. Your songs were upbeat, amazing, and allowed me to not think - just sing and enjoy the sounds and passion in your voice. It was much needed and it was much appreciated.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Nothing Like a Good Pair of Jeans

My fav jeans (three pair of the same brand, just slightly different fades) have been a little tight lately. Could be all those tubs of chocolate chip blue bell ice cream I have been eating for dinner? Anyway, I saw that brand at Walmart finally - they haven't had any new styles lately - and I bought a pair in my size to "try out" and I am wearing them right now and they fit and feel wonderful! Amazingly, even though it's the same size and brand, the new cut/design feels great on my dimpled bottom. :)

Sometimes the smallest things can make a woman smile. :)


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Mom and Dad's Anniversary

Today, August 6th, is my Mom's Birthday. She hates Birthdays! She hates getting older, and everything that comes along with it and what it means to her.

It is also my Mom and Dad's 26th wedding anniversary.

I thought I would celebrate it by writing down something I found when I moved my Mom from San Antonio to Fort Worth after my Dad passed.

In his computer room, he had a Birthday card taped up to the wall that I had given him for his 52nd Birthday (4 1/2 years before he passed). I didn't think anything of it, until I opened it. On the left side of the card, he wrote me a note!! How thoughtful and what a wonderful, completely moving find! It has moved me to this day, and I am glad he thought of this amazing gesture that he may not have fully known how much it would mean to me.

He wrote:

Smallperson,

Thank you for this sweet card that reminds me of the times that are constant joy for me. Life at it's best is always bittersweet. Your Mom and I are forever worrying about you being happy. I know that you found those things that make you happiest.

I Love You, Dad. And I miss you. I'm trying to take care of Mom for us. I love her for both of us.
Melinda (aka, Smallperson Bailey the 1st)



Here's a photo from December, 2006:

Friday, August 1, 2008

My Cat is Sick... :(

My lovely, sweet cat, Miss Q, is sick. She wasn't acting herself Thursday evening and by Friday afternoon, I rushed home from work to take her to the vet, frantically. Long story short, my 16-year-old cat might have kidney disease or kidney failure and has to stay at the Vet hospital ALL weekend hooked up to an IV and have blood work done. She hasn't ate, throws up when she does eat, and can't go potty, either. She is dehydrated and not moving around a lot.

Here are some recent pics I took of us just a couple of weeks ago while we were snuggling. I was playing with my new camera phone - now it doesn't seem so silly. I miss her around me already, and hope she's not in pain right now.








Thursday, July 24, 2008

Life

Life is...
funny but meaningful
interesting yet hard
weird and convoluted
hard but fulfilling
fun and tough

Emotions are...
real and fake
true yet tough
mindnumbing yet free
heartbreaking but thankful

Love is....
difficult but joyous
invisible yet blinding
hurtful yet fulfilling
real but fake
hard but easy
meaningful yet painful
true and also disappointment

Memories are...
joyous and sad
rollercoasters yet pleasurable
tearjerkers and smilemakers
warm yet cold
grateful and meaningful
fun but scary
learning experiences and forgetful

Life is a strange, powerful, learning experience of speed bump emotions in a vast space of air filled with feelings of roller coaster thoughts.

Regrets, fright, depression, anger.... the sun needs to shine more, warm my face, as I turn to the sky, forcing my eyes to squint as I soak in life and thoughts and learning experiences, as I try so hard to leave the past behind me, only looking back so I can grow and learn. I don't look forward, I honestly live in the moment; and that doesn't bother me at all - it's M E. I don't think of the future, I care about what is going on today. But I don't like to stay in the past of ugly thoughts, standing in hills of despair, I can't move or climb out because I'm stuck thinking of stupid crap instead of climbing out of the shadow darkness and seeing that beautiful sun that warms not only my face, but my heart and soul.

I want to be better than this. Why don't I live it more? Why can't I? Am I controlled? No, not in my sun-frame of mind! I'm letting the world of emotional crap and untamed thoughts and quick anger of negative overtones from my mouth get me down (and those around me) as it drags my big arse across the floor of disappointment.

And you know what? I don't like it.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Colored Contacts - Choices

Which colored contact do you like best on me? :

http://www.melindaswindow.com/colored%5Fcontacts/index.html

[Damn, I should have at least put on some makeup! LOL]

(btw, I didn't like one over another and decided to stay with my "own" eye color)

-Melinda

Needed Book Shelves

(To go straight to the photo gallery and bypass the background info, click HERE.)
.....................................................................

Well, where do I start?

Hmmm....

Okay.... I know:

My Mom and Dad had a lot of books. In addition, they had a lot of "items" throughout the house and in my Dad's computer room --> trinket-type things, desk-type things, memorabilia, etc.

We brought my Mom's oak desk with us from San Antonio (from her house) to our new house in Fort Worth. We decided the Dining Room would be a great place to use as a Study (i.e., computer room).

I wanted some nice shelves to put all the books and trinkets in, mostly because at this point, we had nothing for everything to go in/on.... we only had mismatched pieces and not enough mismatched book shelves anyway. And, about 20 boxes were still sitting around the house, with no home for their contents.

I've always wanted a nice built-in book shelf, so I got an estimate from a recommended cabinet guy. Well, after giving me discount after discount and adjusting the shelving units to bring the price down, we finally went from $5,000 to $3,000. We shook hands and he was to bring a contract over for us to sign the following week. I couldn't sleep that night, though, tossing and turning about having to spend that much on book shelves, even though they would be top notch, well constructed, and fabulous looking. I called him two days later and told him, "Thanks, but no thanks."

I then decided I would just buy two hutch-type pieces of furniture - they have shelves on top and cabinets on the bottom! Perfect! Well, after looking around a little, I couldn't find the perfect pieces of furniture that my Mom and I wanted.

Amanda suggested I look at IKEA. "IKEA? They are expensive! " I say out loud, not knowing what I'm talking about, just assuming that they are. Amanda replies, "I don't think so." My misconception is shot down even more (thankfully!) when also Shayla and Sherry confirm later via phone and chat that they are NOT that expensive when I bring up to them I might go to IKEA. (Yes, us females bounce everything off each other!)

So... I go to their website and look around and they have a section where you can design bookcases! I was hooked and excited - I wanted to go immediately! IKEA had EXACTLY what I was looking for! But, I had to work and it was too far from me for an evening jaunt during the week. :(

This is what I designed from their website.

Shayla warns me to get ready for a full day there. Whatever! So what? - it's a big store, whip-D-do.

Well, IKEA is an hour away and I drag Amanda with me the following Saturday afternoon because she lives close to IKEA. Four hours later, we slowly drag our tired asses and sore feet out the door. OMG! That place is huge! We didn't even see all of it! But, I bought some Billy bookshelves and they come in pieces that I would have to put together. Big Deal - I have put together many of pieces of furniture and entertainment centers in my life. The only thing left to do was have the pieces delivered because some of the boxes were WAY to heavy and because they wouldn't fit in my SUV. :(

The boxes in the study, unopened.

They are delivered when I am out of town for work, but I was so excited when I came home! I started to put the pieces together that night - I just couldn't wait! I finally got tired two hours later but the next day I finished putting all the units together by the afternoon, including adding the cabinet doors, and putting in the shelves.

The bookshelves, all put-together!

Then came time to FILL the shelves and cabinets! Twenty boxes later, this is what I can show for it:

VOILA!

To see even more photos, click HERE.

Am I happy? Yes. Is my Mom happy? I think so. At first maybe not, but now that's it's finished and full and kind of organized, I think she is happy with it. Of course, she may be more happy that it's DONE - i.e., no more holding the ladder while I drill pieces to the wall, or holding the doors up while I put them on, etc. We had fun putting them together!

:)

Monday, June 9, 2008

My Crooked Tooth - Update

As you may recall, I tried to get my crooked tooth fixed with a veneer. As you may also recall, I was very unhappy with the first veneer.

Here is my (crooked) tooth before:


Here is my temporary that I loved (and had them put back on after the "final" veneer was put on and I didn't like it (and cried I was so upset because it looked so horrible!)):


And here is the new veneer!!! :


I think it's not as good as the temp, but still hard to tell which one is the veneer (of course, YOU can tell, because I showed the "before" photo above - cheater!) :)

Saturday, June 7, 2008

The Bucket List

I guess I'm at that age where some things mean more to me than others. I appreciate life experiences more and want to experience more meaningful things.

This reminds me of the movie, The Bucket List. One of my friends has a list like this and she has experienced a lot more things because of her list. Maybe this will help you create your own special bucket List. If not, one of my friends has her own list and here are some examples from her list that might help you with some experiences life has to offer:

Go skydiving
Take a golf lesson
Take a wine tasting class
Get a Phd
Visit every US state
Go scubadiving

Here are some things I would like to someday do:
  • Bungee Jump
  • Ride one of the rides on top of the Stratosphere
  • Sit in a 'Live Studio Audience' - would LOVE it to be to see Oprah!
  • Go to a high-priced, recommended psychic, to see what they say about me and my life.

Here are some things I have already had the amazing pleasure of experienced (as I remember more, I will add them to the list). Some of these things I didn't know at the time I would cherish so much:
  • Got my eyebrows shaped (Nov 2006)
  • Skydiving! (Nov 2004)
  • Visited the U.S. Virgin Islands - one of the most beautiful places I've seen! (June 2007)
  • Laughed so hard, I cried! (June 2008)
  • Planned a beautiful wedding! (Feb 2005)
  • Ate at a movie theatre where you can order food and eat one a table and watch a movie at the same time (not snacks on your lap!) (May 2008, movie was Sex In the City)

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Confused

I am confused... my Mom is living with me. She's right down stairs - I can help her if she needs anything, literally in seconds. I am SO relieved we live together. But for some reason, I am SO emotional, stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, busy.

I thought I would be happy, instead I am depressed and stressed and I cry a lot. I don't understand it.

I know from experience to do things for me so I can be strong and be there for her, but I have too much to do. Find new doctors, unpack a two-story house, work on websites, try and keep up at work, potty train a new puppy, try and get some sleep, go see my own doctors for my back, taming my frustrations so I don't show them to my Mom, stop raising my voice because I'm so stressed, etc., etc.

If you see me - give me a hug. I am not hardly talking or responding to anyone, or reaching out to friends.

I love my Mom so much.

Monday, April 14, 2008

New house, new home

Well, I haven't written in a while. Been B U S Y! I packed my Mom's house for almost three weeks, packed my apartment back up, closed on my Mom's house, closed on a new house for us, and moved us both into the new house on Tuesday, April 8th.

Here is the floorplan:
My Mom has the Master bedroom on the first floor and I have the rooms (and a game room) upstairs.

I have been overwhelmed. I found myself crying, realizing how overwhelmed, tired, exhausted and busy I am. These last couple of months have been tougher on my than I ever realized.

I have wondered before and since the move if I really did the right thing. Is it the right house? The right neighborhood? The right price? Etc., etc.

After driving around Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning looking for places to grab some food, and driving to the pool room (FINALLY was able to get some practice in) and after driving to and from work a couple of times, and now that the kitchen is almost "put up," I can honestly say I finally feel at ease; at home; relieved. I DO love where I live and I more so LOVE that my Mom and I are together!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Court

I went to court and stood before the judge this morning. I grabbed a tissue while I walked up to his "throne." I cried and could barely speak as I had to read my testimony out loud to him. Tears were falling on the paper and my blue sweater as I tried so hard to read through my blurred vision from the tears dripping off my face. There were many people around (I didn't know any of them), but I still stood there and cried in front of them.

The judge granted the divorce.

I went alone; Tony signed a waiver that he agreed to the divorce so he didn't have to be there, but he still tried to change shifts so he could at least drop me off or go in with me, but he couldn't find anyone to trade shifts with him.

I am sad. It doesn't matter if it's the right thing to, it's still depressing as hell. I feel like a failure and I feel like a piece of my life has been altered forever. It's such a tragic ending to a relationship. Breaking up is hard enough - to have to make a break up "official" is much more damming to the soul. No wonder I have been so weepy lately.

No, I don't change my mind and yes, I know it's what I need to do to be happy, but it has been hard...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

My Crooked Tooth

I have this crooked tooth - top, right in the front. I took a photo of it a few months ago:So, you can see on the left (even tho it's my right - this is looking in a mirror) that my tooth next to the my front two teeth is crooked and there is a lot of space between the top and bottom teeth in that area.

While I never thought it look terrible, I did sometimes not smile as long because I was a "little" self conscious.

Well, I decided to get a veneer! This high-cost fake tooth has several steps before it's added to my mouth. I first have a temporary put on that is made of hard plastic while the "real" veneer is being carved to perfection based on all the impressions they made of my teeth the day they added the temporary.

I went to the dentist about 4 weeks after I got my temp tooth and was SO excited. I was told it would look like a mirror image of the other tooth on the other side. I was psyched. My Mom was also excited -she paid for my braces and always wanted my teeth to be straight.... but I didn't wear my retainer enough and that particular tooth got crooked on me. I went to an orthodontist to see if the veneer would be okay - if he thought the teeth would be moving too much, I wouldn't be able to get the veneer, but he told me and my dentist it would be fine. :)

So, I sit there for 20 minutes before the tech comes in and then she can't get the temp out - they need to numb me to pull it out (she put it on good!). The dentist comments (while he's numbing my gums with a needle) that the temp looks good. "yeah, I know," I think to myself. :) I LOVE it! I noticed after I got the temp that I would keep smiling when talking to people, and not hide my smile or be self conscious about it. I was aware of my smile, but realized I wanted to keep smiling now, because I did not feel weird about that crooked tooth.

Ironically, no one probably ever noticed it, but the night I got the temp I asked Tony what he thought and he didn't even know I had a crooked tooth! So, it could just be me... but as I look at this photo of my temp, I think it looks better than the photo above:


See how the gap is missing from the bottom and top teeth? See how it no longer looks so crooked? Yeah, my front two teeth aren't perfect, but the temp looks fantastic (IMO!).

Here they are side by side:



So... she finally gets the temp out and she puts the brand new veneer in and the tech hands me a mirror. My chin starts to quiver and I immediately cry. The tooth looks terrible! It doesn't even look like a tooth - straight on the bottom (not curved) and flat instead of beveled, and there was this huge gap still! Tears are flowing down my cheeks and the tech is trying to calm me down and she shoots off to find the dentist.

As he arrives (with tissues) I tell him through my numb mouth and crying voice what I "thought" it would look like. He said he completely understood and they would send it back to the lab that forms the veneers. He told me it's my smile and wants me to be happy, as I apologize and am embarrassed at the same time shocked.

The tears that came out immediately and the feeling of crying in an instant was a shock to me. It was a very weird, emotional feeling. On top of all that, as I sat there and cried, I also thought how stupid it was for me to even be in this situation - if I would have worn my retainer all those years, or was more persistent in trying to get it fixed those 5 times I went to the orthodontist, I wouldn't be in this situation.

The tech put the temp back on and I told her I wasn't coming back for the veneer because hers was much better. She laughed at me, but I was sorta serious. ;) But, she made an impression of the temp and will be sending that to the lab along with the "not-melinda-approved" veneer. She told me to stop apologizing, but I was still so upset but also felt bad for not being happy with it, but for how much I paid for it AND for what I was expecting (mirror image of the other tooth and because I LOVED the look of the temp so much), I was highly disappointed.

I guess I felt if I kept that veneer, I'd be going back to hiding my smile... and I just didn't want that. It felt great to smile... it makes me cry to even write those words.

I got in the car, called my Mom and simply balled my eyes out.

I hope at the end of February I have a nice ending to this self-important (and expensive) story. LOL.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Oh, Heath Baby

I was so saddened to hear of Heath Ledger's passing yesterday afternoon. I was so moved about his death, I immediately called my Mom and share my extreme disbelief and utter shock. I loved him in Casanova (especially!) and 10 Things I Hate About You. Although he was very good in Brokeback Mountain, I didn't care for the movie all that much.

You will be missed, Heath.

Here are some photos from Casanova:




Monday, January 21, 2008

Recent purchases

I am going crazy lately with recent purchases online! What is wrong with me? Is it because my monthly rent went down because I'm not in the house? Is it because I'm getting a small raise? Is it because I'm getting divorced? Why oh why? Doesn't matter... I'm enjoying it - see what I've bought below!!! :



I am going to be driving so much this year, I have decided to buy the TodayShow- recommended Stiletto 2 Portable Satellite Radio! (see it to the right!) I think I might even buy the lifetime subscription. eek!












Mighty Putty! Haven't got it in the mail yet, but I need to fix some things at my Mom's house so I am looking forward to getting it!


Bought some black pants from KMART. All my others are still too large (right now, lol), so I bought some new ones online. Cross your fingers for me that I like them a lot! (I've already searched Kohls, Walmart, and OldNavy to no avail).







Wen Hair Shampoo! I get it in a few weeks - I'll tell you if it really is awesome or not like their infomercial says!








Heelys! I hope to buy a pair of these soon and then when I walk to work from my new apartment, I can skate at times! I'm gonna look like a dork - but i don't care. :)


I bought this lip plumper - Celebrity Sexy Lips - according to a review, it's the best one. I don't know why I bought it - I love my lipstick and don't normally leave home without. :) Especially since my lips look more defined with lipstick (yes, I feel sexier) and also because I learned how to keep my lipstick on all day (I promise I'll write a blog about that later and share the secrets!)





My Mom and I also recently bought this Nebulizer for her - but we had to send it back because it didn't work. :( We are asking for a replacement.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Movies Beginning of 2008


The Other Boleyn Girl. I liked the first part, but toward the end I was disappointed. I should have listened to the critics for once!









The Spiderwick Chronicles was good. I liked it and recommend it! I hadn't seen a movie in many weeks and I made a good choice. :)









27 Dresses. I'm a HUGE James Marsden fan, so I see all his new movies and he was a dream in this movie and again acted very well (I am SO impressed by his acting skills!!). I overheard a lady next to me in the theater say at one point to her friend, "he's so good looking." I hope he becomes a well-known actor sooner rather than later in his lifetime. Oh, about the movie! I liked it - not too bad, actually. :)



First one of 2008:

Atonement. What a disappointment. I liked the newer version of Pride and Prejudice so much better. I guess I expected to really see them in love, but didn't get that yearning like in P and P.


End of 2007:

I really enjoyed Bee Movie, The Golden Compass, and I am Legend.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

I Moved

Well, I moved yesterday (Friday, January 11th) into my new apartment.

I used to live in downtown Fort Worth (where I happen to also work!) from August 2000 to Oct 2003. In October of 2003, Tony and I moved into our newly built, first-time home in Mansfield, Texas, which is about 30 minutes from my work. It's located southeast of Fort Worth. January of 2008, I move from Mansfield back to downtown Fort Worth. I was in FireStone apartments and this time I am just two blocks down on the same street as before, and now live at a place called AMLI UpperWestside. Here is my floor plan. I actually really like it!


As I picked up the keys the evening before, I saw some condos being built right across the street. It was one of the few places that advertise their prices, "From the 160s." I zoomed just across the street at 555pm, wondering to myself if they closed at 6pm. I skip in, up the steps to a temporary trailer and the guy says they close at 7pm. Wow - lucky me. :)

He shows me a one bedroom, finished condo on the first floor. It's okay, but the bathroom is too small for me. Then I saw a one bedroom, one and one half bath with a study. It's really nice! But, it doesn't have a garage like the one-bedroom. We go back to the trailer and we talk money. I tell him I would like something with a larger bathroom like the second one, but with a garage like the first one. He says, "well, I have a two bedroom, but it's $20,000 more. I have them on the second and third floors, but the third floor are the only ones with a garage." I hem and haw and finally say, "okay, let's go see it real quick." I know we only have about ten minutes left but we rushed across the street and walked up the flights. Let's just say I left with my eyes wide open, my mouth wide open, and my head spinning. I LOVED it! OMG! The bathroom is to die for... the kitchen has an island... and it has a garage. The only problem is, besides that I am moving to an apartment in the morning and would have to break my lease (if that isn't enough), is that if my Mom was to really come up here to live with me, she wouldn't be able to stay with me because it's three flights and she can't get up the stairs with her emphysema.

I call her and I'm so excited, but I can tell I'm also upsetting her, even while she says she may not move anyway. I don't know what to do, really, but it's expensive, but at the same time the perfect location for me. The one he showed me is ready now for $20,ooo off, but the view is toward an apartment. The ones that will be ready in March are facing downtown - somewhat nice view. The ones ready in August will be facing (partially) some other apartments, but will also be facing have some other nice buildings and more open areas and therefore has an even more pleasant view. I am going to think about this some more... but I haven't been this excited in a long time about a potential place, but I need to consider my Mom right now.

I then went home and Tony and I got some pizza and then I tried to finish packing. The movers would be there in the morning. We packed and packed and packed. It was 2am before I finally crawled my tired ass into bed. I couldn't sleep, with images of that condo in my mind. I got up about 7am and I could tell Tony was awake (we have been sleeping in the same bed, but no funny stuff) and after I went pee-pee, I stood by his side of the bed and he opened his comforter and I climbed in and we just held each other. It's such a tough time, even though we aren't yelling or fighting like most couples, it doesn't mean it's easy; it's depressing and difficult.

But, I did get upset with him the night before, as he's trying to move shelves and boxes from rooms into the living room. He doesn't want the guys to 'accidentally' hit the walls. He's so anal about that stuff.

I finally am able to leave his side and get out of bed... and then I finish a few things I wanted to pack and then started cleaning while we waited for the movers. I just can't not clean behind me - my Mom taught me well!

The movers finally get there there were three guys and they moved all my crap out in 30 minutes! Tony wouldn't let them park on the drive way so they had to park in the street and walk farther, but the still got done very quickly.

I leave Miss Q with Tony and would come back later as I drove to my new apartment with the movers following behind me. Their truck wont fit inside the parking garage, so they have to park outside and walk farther, so that kind of sucks. :( I walk to the apartment with them at first to show them where it is and the carpet guys are still there! This means my hours will be extended and when it's all said and done my $225 cost would be raised to $300 (I tipped them $50). I wasn't happy the carpet guys had this impact on the movers... delaying them and costing me more money.

I move my car into the parking garage and I'm sitting in my car talking on the phone with Monica and all of a sudden I see this guy riding a bike, caring a silver three-tier shelf. Hey! That's my bike and shelf! I wish I had a camera with me - it was the weirdest thing you ever saw - this little hispanic guy (one of the movers), riding my bike up the hill in a garage (I'm on the second floor), trying to steer with one hand while he's holding the shelves in the other. I catch him out of the corner of my eye while I'm on the phone - I totally wasn't expecting one of the movers riding my bike.... for one because isn't that something they shouldn't do? and two... because they hadn't started moving my things yet. But, I was completely smitten with myself for getting to witness such a crazy thing!

I finally have to go help them direct what boxes and what furniture to which room/area of the apartment. At one point, one of the guys is in the bathroom. After he's done, I think to myself, "eeeeywwoooo.... there's not toilet paper in there!" I go in the bathroom about 15 minutes later... the lid is down on the toilet, but there is water in the sink, so at least he washed his hands. Until I'm TOTALLY grossed out when I lift the lid and there is poop residue in my toilet! He went number two without toilet paper! eeeeywwooooo! And in my new bathroom! eeeeywwoooooo!

While I'm in the new apartment, I notice Tony has taken off the key to the house. I check the car and he's taken the garage door opener out, too. I was MORE than ticked off he already did this.

They finish and I go back to Mansfield and Tony and I meet up at Chilli's for some lunch/dinner. We chat about nothing in particular and then we go back to the house. He had finished using my vacuum cleaner while I was gone and I helped him put up his new table in the dining room and then I put together a new shelf for him. It was one of those that has like ten pages of instructions and is a bitch to do, but I am better at it than Tony because I have more experience. So, we put it together and then I put Miss Q's litter box in the car and I make a final walk through.

Before I could even finish looking around, Tony and I were hugging and crying. I kept apologizing and he was too. We hugged for a long time and then I finally said, "well, we are gonna see each other in two weeks, so I better go and take Miss Q," as I kept wiping my tears. (We have a dental appointment on the same day in Mansfield in two weeks.)

I got in the car and he waved while I had Miss Q on my lap and tears in my eyes.

Miss Q handled herself so well in the car and I was very proud of her. I unpacked mostly hanging clothes and put the sheets on the bed and was in bed before 9pm that night. I was exhausted from not getting sleep the night before. As I slept, the outside lights through the blinds were too bright and I knew the first thing I would do in the morning would be to go buy some black-out curtains and figure out a way to hang them on my bay window in my room - it has three windows. It was so bright, my body and eyes felt like it was "during the day" all night.

I found some curtains (eventually) and hung them up in a curve and just love the way it looks, actually. Then called and tried to get my Internet service up and by that time, it was nap time! I then got up a little while later and unpacked the kitchen and some other boxes, all the while thinking about that condo (lol). I still have a lot to do to finish unpacking, but I am actually VERY pleased and happy with my new, cute little apartment. I will try and take photos to show the curtains... I am proud what I did. :)

It's quiet here and Tony isn't in the other room like he always was in the house. Miss Q is still exploring and being very timid and shy in the apartment and mostly hiding (although I did catch her laying in the sun this afternoon in front of the french doors in the sunroom (I have a sunroom instead of a patio).

Until Next time,
Melinda

Thursday, January 10, 2008

My Wishes

I have some wishes - maybe I should describe them as something else, but right now that's what I will call them. Oh, maybe 'desires' is better explanation?! I am not sure.

I have long term and short term, and some that may not have resolutions.

I wish I would:
  • ... get more massages.
  • ... get my nails done.
  • ... watch and appreciate more sunrises and sunsets.
  • ... take advantage of the places I travel to for work.
  • ... have pierced my tongue at some point in my life.
  • ... floss more often.
  • ... read more.
  • ... wash my face every night or even every other night).
  • ... have taken typing. So, I would like to take a typing class or work through a typing program. (update - I found an online program!)
  • ... take some online courses/classes.
  • ... stretch more (either yoga or Pilate's).
  • ... take the stairs at work EVERY day.
  • ... keep up with my to-do lists (they should really be called, "wants" list or "if-I-had-more-time-in-a-day" list).
  • ... make time to email my friends/relatives.
  • ... send cards more often through snail mail.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Why Can’t They Be JUST Words?

Why do we constantly, really, care about words. They are just words. What is a word?

By definition,

“Word” is: Something said; an utterance, remark, or comment.

A word is something that the human race attaches emotion to. Why do words hurt so badly? And, how can we stop worrying, thinking, caring what words mean. Words are important and so necessary when we need them - words can be very comforting and help us through amazing, extremely tough situations in our life, but what about when we don’t need hurtful words? What about words that hurt us so much they consume our minds down a terrible road of ugly, stupid thoughts - what can we do to stop hurting from this little thing called, "words."

Most of the time, we don’t realize this, but we take on the responsibility of words. It’s ourselves that are reacting/overreacting to words. Let’s be honest, most people do not INTENTIONALLY say things to hurt others, especially friends. Sometimes people do, but therapists say that only enemies truly say things that are intentional to cause us fret, hurt, harm, etc. It's our interpretation of the words that is hurting us.

It’s very difficult to go through life thinking (if we can consciously do this when someone says something that we take as hurtful) “well, they didn’t mean to hurt me – they are a friend and would not intentionally try to hurt me; plus, it’s the way I am taking their words.”

I took one of those one-day seminars – you know… the ones our coworkers should be going to, not us. Hehe. In this seminar I attended, Managing Emotions Under Pressure, I took away one thing that was very impactful that I wanted to share.

There are four parts to any experience:

  1. Event
  2. Meaning/Interpretation
  3. Feeling/Emotion
  4. Behavioral Response

Let’s look at this in detail.

  1. Event - The event happens.
  2. Meaning/Interpretation - What do they mean?
  3. Feeling/Emotion - Based on interpretation, we get a feeling.
  4. Behavior Response - Based on feeling, we have an outward behavior.

Let’s look at two examples.

Example ONE:

  1. My friend at work, Dianna, gets roses from her husband. (Event)
  2. She wonders, “What did he do now?” (Interpretation)
  3. Based on her interpretation, she is now upset, thinking about what he could have done that he felt the need to send her roses. (Emotion)
  4. When she gets home, she’s upset and she won’t even hug him. (Behavioral Response)

Example Number TWO:

  1. My friend at work, Dianna, gets roses from her husband. (Event)
  2. She thinks to herself, “Ahhh, he loves me!” (Interpretation)
  3. Based on her interpretation, she is very happy and smiling, thinking about how wonderful he is to send her roses. (Emotion)
  4. When she gets home, she’s so happy, she runs into his arms and gives him a big hug and kiss. (Behavioral Response)

Emotions drive our behavior. The KEY is: no matter if the interpretation may be flawed, the EMOTION attached to it is REAL. I’m gonna repeat that again: No matter if the interpretation may be flawed, the emotion associated with the event is real.

In example one, let’s say he didn’t do anything wrong, it doesn’t matter. She interprets the roses a certain way (that he did something wrong) and that leads her to being upset – whether the interpretation is true or false... in her mind, it is very real to her. Her reaction to not hug him is based on this feeling, relating back to her interpretation.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could view/perceive events in a more positive light? Just accept words as they are: Something said; an utterance, remark, or comment. Why do we have to dwell on what was said, or consume our minds with crap and nonsense and wasted energy? Why can't I interpret events in a better light?

I go through my own ups and downs. Many people say I am a strong, positive woman. But, I, too, consume my mind about stupid shit I can’t control; focus sometimes on the negative aspects of thought; do not live in the present. I honestly have to remind myself of the way I want to live: Live Today. Life is a journey of learning. I love taking learning steps all day long – I love learning and being a happier person when I learn something new, exciting, and wonderful that affects my life and the world around me and the way I react to others. I am thankful for my life; know I am truly blessed; appreciate the little things in life; love my job; appreciate the people that cross my path. Yes, I need to keep in touch more; yes I’d like to write more letters/emails; yes I’d like to show my friends how much they mean to me; yes I wish I had more time in a day…

So, when I falter and think negative, or presume to think what others are thinking, or my mind loses control and I create crazy situations in my mind that may or may not be true, it frustrates me because for someone that is positive and strong, I still have so many things to learn to tame that part of my mind/life. That’s why life is so amazing and wonderful – learning, living, and breathing experiences that help us grow into the person you see before you. That's why the above explanation of EVENTS is so key to helping us.

Do you look in the mirror and see someone you like, love, don’t like? Do you see a friend? Be friends with yourself… and the sun will be brighter, you will smile more, live more, and be a happy person. Your best friend is yourself; take care of her.

Why Can’t They Be JUST Words?

Why do we constantly, really, care about words. They are just words. What is a word?

By definition,

“Word” is: Something said; an utterance, remark, or comment.

A word is something that the human race attaches emotion to. Why do words hurt so badly? And, how can we stop worrying, thinking, caring what words mean. Words are important and so necessary when we need them - words can be very comforting and help us through amazing, extremely tough situations in our life, but what about when we don’t need hurtful words? What about words that hurt us so much they consume our minds down a terrible road of ugly, stupid thoughts - what can we do to stop hurting from this little thing called, "words."

Most of the time, we don’t realize this, but we take on the responsibility of words. It’s ourselves that are reacting/overreacting to words. Let’s be honest, most people do not INTENTIONALLY say things to hurt others, especially friends. Sometimes people do, but therapists say that only enemies truly say things that are intentional to cause us fret, hurt, harm, etc. It's our interpretation of the words that is hurting us.

It’s very difficult to go through life thinking (if we can consciously do this when someone says something that we take as hurtful) “well, they didn’t mean to hurt me – they are a friend and would not intentionally try to hurt me; plus, it’s the way I am taking their words.”

I took one of those one-day seminars – you know… the ones our coworkers should be going to, not us. Hehe. In this seminar I attended, Managing Emotions Under Pressure, I took away one thing that was very impactful that I wanted to share.

There are four parts to any experience:

  1. Event
  2. Meaning/Interpretation
  3. Feeling/Emotion
  4. Behavioral Response

Let’s look at this in detail.

  1. Event - The event happens.
  2. Meaning/Interpretation - What do they mean?
  3. Feeling/Emotion - Based on interpretation, we get a feeling.
  4. Behavior Response - Based on feeling, we have an outward behavior.

Let’s look at two examples.

Example ONE:

  1. My friend at work, Dianna, gets roses from her husband. (Event)
  2. She wonders, “What did he do now?” (Interpretation)
  3. Based on her interpretation, she is now upset, thinking about what he could have done that he felt the need to send her roses. (Emotion)
  4. When she gets home, she’s upset and she won’t even hug him. (Behavioral Response)

Example Number TWO:

  1. My friend at work, Dianna, gets roses from her husband. (Event)
  2. She thinks to herself, “Ahhh, he loves me!” (Interpretation)
  3. Based on her interpretation, she is very happy and smiling, thinking about how wonderful he is to send her roses. (Emotion)
  4. When she gets home, she’s so happy, she runs into his arms and gives him a big hug and kiss. (Behavioral Response)

Emotions drive our behavior. The KEY is: no matter if the interpretation may be flawed, the EMOTION attached to it is REAL. I’m gonna repeat that again: No matter if the interpretation may be flawed, the emotion associated with the event is real.

In example one, let’s say he didn’t do anything wrong, it doesn’t matter. She interprets the roses a certain way (that he did something wrong) and that leads her to being upset – whether the interpretation is true or false... in her mind, it is very real to her. Her reaction to not hug him is based on this feeling, relating back to her interpretation.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could view/perceive events in a more positive light? Just accept words as they are: Something said; an utterance, remark, or comment. Why do we have to dwell on what was said, or consume our minds with crap and nonsense and wasted energy? Why can't I interpret events in a better light?

I go through my own ups and downs. Many people say I am a strong, positive woman. But, I, too, consume my mind about stupid shit I can’t control; focus sometimes on the negative aspects of thought; do not live in the present. I honestly have to remind myself of the way I want to live: Live Today. Life is a journey of learning. I love taking learning steps all day long – I love learning and being a happier person when I learn something new, exciting, and wonderful that affects my life and the world around me and the way I react to others. I am thankful for my life; know I am truly blessed; appreciate the little things in life; love my job; appreciate the people that cross my path. Yes, I need to keep in touch more; yes I’d like to write more letters/emails; yes I’d like to show my friends how much they mean to me; yes I wish I had more time in a day…

So, when I falter and think negative, or presume to think what others are thinking, or my mind loses control and I create crazy situations in my mind that may or may not be true, it frustrates me because for someone that is positive and strong, I still have so many things to learn to tame that part of my mind/life. That’s why life is so amazing and wonderful – learning, living, and breathing experiences that help us grow into the person you see before you. That's why the above explanation of EVENTS is so key to helping us.

Do you look in the mirror and see someone you like, love, don’t like? Do you see a friend? Be friends with yourself… and the sun will be brighter, you will smile more, live more, and be a happy person. Your best friend is yourself; take care of her.